It’s Here! It’s Here! Your Very First DFO Playoff Game Open Thread

A cynic (myself) might say that this game doesn’t look very good but we’re in “PLAYOFF MODE” now. LOSER GOES HOME…JUST LIKE THE WINNER! Okay, I’m sure you know what I mean because we all type English here. We’ve endured some weird crap over the course of the season and now it’s win or you’re gone time.

KC @ HOU: Does anyone remember the 1-5 Chiefs? They were without not only hope but also J.C. and were looking at the likes of Spencer “Who?” Ware and Charcandrick “Huh?” West to right the ship running game-wise. And umm, WOW! they did it. That actually happened. The even more surprising occurrence was the transformation of QB Smith from a “Spaghetti-Armed Game Manager” into a “Spaghetti-Armed Slight Difference-Maker”! Wonders will simply not cease to exist no matter how much I want them to… This has to be HC Reid’s best coaching job, don’t you think? Speaking of thinking, methinks the only way for the Texans to get out of this with a win is for their two most dominant players to go nuts, right? If DE Watt collapses his side of the line on an on-going basis and WR Hopkins catches 12+ balls things have a chance of going Houston’s way. If either becomes a non-factor the odds of a W drop to very close to nil. DE Clowney was held out of practice, was in on Thursday and was out again on Friday. He and his willingness to play hard on every down are listed as questionable.

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Gratliff

This game was bad enough to make me buy lottery tickets

fleshwound_NPG

The worst thing that could have happened to Hoyer’s ass today, one happened four times today…

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Spur

Mallet would’ve only thrown 2 picks this game.

– That one Texan fan

entropy

On the plus side, that shutout is looking good.

...

Hoyer Country is now little more than a rump state.

Senor Weaselo

HOYERCEPTION 4: THE VOYAGE HOME

It’s not very far.

Doktor Zymm

If I was a hooker in 1906 NYC, I would pretend to be an ice cream vendor. It would explain why I was carrying a sign that said “25 cents for a lick.”

ballsofsteelandfury

$6 in today’s money? Shit, that’s a bargain!

Doktor Zymm

Not really, it adds up fast.

ballsofsteelandfury

$6 per stroke? OK, in that case, yeah.

WCS

Does this qualify as funny anymore?

Sill Bimmons

BILL O’BRIEN–FIRED!!!!!!!!!

King Hippo

serious

ballsofsteelandfury

YES!!! #4!!

entropy

You have got to be kidding.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

QUADCEPTION!!!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Commercial break… shit I missed it. Posting anyways

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Doktor Zymm

They’re saying nice things about punts now. You know a game is over when…

entropy

That obnoxious “field position” just kinda pissed me off.

Spanky Datass

…when the repeatedly show the visiting owners box.

fleshwound_NPG

Brad Maynard-approved punt.

Doktor Zymm

So…if you were Whitney Mercilus….you would change your first name to Ming, yes?

ballsofsteelandfury

Mingdy

John Difool

Or Whitney Houston….I mean that is the city he plays in.

Bloody Lethal

So if this game could end already so we can re-appropriate funds… that would be great.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wonder what the 49ers are thinking right now…
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Sill Bimmons
Doktor Zymm

He checks his ego at the door? So it’s all superego and id?

ThePirateSloth

What kind of hanger does an ego go on?

Kungjitsu

Did Mike Tirico just call Alex Smith black?

Bortleback

Mike would know all about controversial race assignments

hippofant

Didn’t “arm talent” used to say “arm strength”??

fleshwound_NPG

I honestly believe Bill Belichick has his assistants get jobs so they can purposely fuck up teams throughout the league. Only explanation.

Doktor Zymm

Is there a parasitic tree? Cause that would be Belichick’s coaching tree.

fleshwound_NPG

The Ditka Coaching Tree is better. DITKA.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

The kind from Evil Dead, I guess?

Doktor Zymm

I wince at that scene every time.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

It’s brutal. Both versions.

...

The Longest Con

Doktor Zymm

This game is the football equivalent of a heroin addict that just can’t find a vein.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I would more compare it to a bad high. Never touched that stuff but I am drunk for a game I give zero shits about and it fucking sucks

Kungjitsu

We firing Arm & Hammer, Bubs. It’s baking soda.

ballsofsteelandfury

$800 for a belt buckle? Jesus fuck!

Doktor Zymm

You can buy Belty, a self-tightening and loosening smart belt, for less than that.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Just because it is a commercial

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Kungjitsu

She ain’t got no booty at all.

ballsofsteelandfury

Or titties, but you’ve got to love the wardrobe choice.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

As a white guy. I love skinny white girl butt. But I also love everything in between that and girls with hips that never stop.

Kungjitsu

Please do not get me wrong. I’m complaining about the stereo on the Millennium Falcon.

Wakezilla
Spur

This shit would have been much better with the Jets instead of the Texans.

Sill Bimmons

GRUDEN GOES FULL CHUCKY

fleshwound_NPG

THAT IS WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT PUTTING IN THE DOOP

Sill Bimmons

This is just astonishing.

John Difool

Hoyer’s receivers trying catch the ball like Hoyer has an incurable communicable disease or something.

Wakezilla

At this point, O’Brien has Hoyer out there and not Doopy Pants because of a contract situation, right?

Sill Bimmons

This game is Rembrandt of bad football.

ThePirateSloth

I feel that if you have to lobby hard to all 7 people at your table, including your husband who is trying to pay the tab, to get fireball shots at 3:45 in the afternoon… you shouldn’t be allowed to drink in public anymore.

Spur
Kungjitsu

Donde esta su tarjeta verde, Paco?

Senor Weaselo

I think with how rare they call OPI it should be a reverse-spot foul. Like, if it was 28 yards downfield it should be a 28-yard penalty on the offense. It’s only fair.

Kungjitsu

That would be fucking awesome!

fleshwound_NPG
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

I can’t tell if Lilly would be horrified or flattered here today.

Doktor Zymm

Those aren’t mutually exclusive.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

She may be flatterfied.

Doktor Zymm

That would have been an awesome interception.
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Doktor Zymm

I care less now that I don’t have Hopkins on my fantasy team. Still think he’s awesome though.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

This is shit quality @bloody leathal. Watch it in HD if you have a chance. Omg the next game doesn’t start for an hour.

http://cdn.fansided.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/276/files/2014/01/Skye1.gif

Wakezilla

MMM, Chloe Bennet. As amazing as she is, she still wasn’t enough for me to stop watching AoS

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

It got so good once they started ignoring the Marvel Universe. Would I say it is anyway perfect? no. Great/good show now

Col. Duke LaCross

That was a memorable episode.

ballsofsteelandfury

Hola!

Bloody Lethal

I could definitely watch this for an hour.

Doktor Zymm

Who’s this other guy who can catch Hoyer shittiness?

Sill Bimmons

Pitt almost pissed away a 16-point lead but managed to close out Notre Dame 86-82 in the JV basketing ball.

Senor Weaselo

HAIL BEERGH!

Doktor Zymm

OPI? Not just a brand of nail polish, also a hilarious thing that can happen!

Doktor Zymm

For the record, I don’t think that was OPI.

Spur

Hoyer going down with the ship….he scuttled.

entropy

They never should have called the playbook “operation Lila.”

fleshwound_NPG
Doktor Zymm

I don’t usually vote for the Pro Bowl, but next year, I think I’m gonna go on and vote for all people with sorta Middle Eastern names.

Sill Bimmons

Technically they’re not Middle Eastern, they’re Islamic.

Doktor Zymm

I would have gone with Muslim, but really, they’re hereditary names from the Mid-East which have become associated with one of the religions that originated there.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I haven’t seen a J.J. this distraught since that episode of Good Times where his ex-girlfriend told him he gave her herpes.

Wakezilla

I haven’t seen a JJ this impotent on defense since JJ Daigneault!

Holy shit that guy was terrible

Doktor Zymm

I mean, I may not be all that, but I’ve never been benched in a playoff game.

fleshwound_NPG

WE WERE PROMISED DOOP WHAT THE HELL

ballsofsteelandfury

BURN THEM!

ThursdaySkyGoddess
Doktor Zymm

A WITCH!