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Your Playoff Prelude-What’s On Before The Game? Open Thread

scotchnaut

/

,

For those of you not bothering to be productive before 4:20 (420!) let’s go over the offerings, shall we?

Man U/Sheffield: What happens here is that fit dudes try to advance the ball towards the opponents net. You wanted details? Uh, Hippo?

NBA: Cha/Clippers-What happens here is that the regular season is not very interesting.

NHL: NYI/Phi is on but Was/NYR features Ovie looking for his 500th tally (he’s three goals away).

CBC Radio: Quirks and Quarks is on at noon but The Debaters is good stuff at 1pm.

College Ball: Tons of games today to make up for the dross of last night. Ranked teams playing in the early afternoon include Duke, TAMU, WVU, MD, UVA, Dayton, SCAR and ISU.

Football: So maybe you’re desperate to watch something, ANYTHING football-related. Well, the FCS (Field Competence Series?) Championship features North Dakota State vs. Jacksonville State. I know that many of our commenters from the Dakotas will be annoying in the comments but what are you going to do?

So there you have it-a complete summary of EVERYTHING that might be somewhat entertaining this afternoon. HAVE AT IT, TIGERS!

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Brick Meathook

If there are any readers in the area of North Platte, Nebraska: run outside right now and look up. See that Delta Airlines 757-200? Yep that’s me in seat 1A. Dewars neat and a cold salmon salad in front of me.

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ThePirateSloth

Can we have a banner gif? Because this should be our banner gif.

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Senor Weaselo

5.7 seconds? Driiiiiink.

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Senor Weaselo

Unfortunately I only have unopened wine. And I don’t even drink red.

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Senor Weaselo

And then Ovechin wins it in overtime.

http://img01.deviantart.net/3658/i/2015/256/4/6/fuck_everything_by_skreenname-d2ihv9u.png

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WCS

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WCS

Dear Lord, there’s a lot of SPROTS today. WVU already routed the OSU Cowboys, akin to the latter’s Sugar Bowl performance last week.

Pens and Stillers play at the same time.

Even Penn gets to be embarrassed on national television, playing Princeton [Sideshow Bob shudder] on FS1 in an hour.

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Senor Weaselo

Hey, the Ice Giants are pulling a potential victory until another inevitable last-second goal from the jaws of defeat against the Ice Redacteds. So that’s something.

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scotchnaut

Did Ovechkin score?

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Senor Weaselo

Only once. On a power-play. With 2 seconds left in the 1st. I would have drank but the only alcohol at the barber shop is aftershave.

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ballsofsteelandfury

If Ice Giants = Rangers
and Ice Jets = Islanders

what are the Devils?

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King Hippo

Ice Generals?

That was the USFL side, yes?

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litre_cola

I like it.

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ThePirateSloth

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For whatever stupid reason, I decided to stop by the Steam forums for Rise of The Tomb Raider to gauge reactions to it. There are multiple threads and comments about the size of Laura’s boobs and why is a bikini not an unlockable outfit.

This is why the rest of the world hates us.

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ballsofsteelandfury

So, I’m at a Starbucks (don’t judge me, their breakfast sandwiches are awesome) and there is a group of kids, each with a hoverboard.

Is it wrong that I want a massive fire to break out?

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John Difool

They call it a hoverboard although it has wheels and you can basically walk faster than the thing goes…. unless you’re 80.
Todays human race is on the threshold of the movie Idiocracy irl

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Senor Weaselo

I saw a kid on an it’s-not-a-hoverboard-god-dammit-it-neither-hovers-nor-is-it-a-board the other day. On his cell phone. Crossing the street. I decided against vehicular assault.

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Croooow

I see the NDSU Bison (Or as they pronounce it: “Bizon”) is going to win yet another FCS title.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is that Richard Dreyfuss as Madoff? They should just call that movie Let It Ride 2!

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Gratliff

On the bright side, at least I get to watch Coughlin die on the Eagles sideline next year.

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litre_cola

I believe we will hire a battery collector to use if his pacemaker dies.

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Doktor Zymm

If I were to take a weekend trip to Canada, where should I go visit? I’ve been to Toronto and Montreal, which are probably the closest cities to me…Vancouver would probably be a bit far for a weekend trip…hmmm

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ballsofsteelandfury

I just went to Vancouver this summer and I absolutely adored it. I think you would like it.

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John Difool

I hear Chilliwack is nice this time of year.

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...

Quebec City maybe? I’ve heard positive things about it.

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litre_cola

Zymm, if you can’t make it out west (Stampede in Calgary is nuts) then hit Quebec City, it is like a little European city in North America.

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scotchnaut

Newfoundland is interesting. The folks there are the friendliest you could ever imagine. If you’re absolutely desperate, I could give you a guided tour of Sudbury, Ontario.

/don’t go to Sudbury

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litre_cola

Sudbury? The big nickel?

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scotchnaut

Yes.

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Doktor Zymm

I’m kind of tempted to go out and watch the games, but I’m going out tomorrow, and y’all are way more fun to drink with than random-ass people at some bar. Also it’s snow raining and there’s the whole pants thing to consider.

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ThePirateSloth

I have the same dilemma.

No pants, drink with internets dick joke makers, and annoy the roommates with loud sounds of football… OR … Pants, possibly drink with fans of [insert teams] who may or may not enjoy witty commentary on the state of their teams, and no annoying the roommate with loud sounds of football.

Mainly, it all boils down to: do I want to cook awesome food to sober up? Or have a bartender make fried food to sober up?

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entropy

Afternoon, folks. After three days laid up because my buddy’s pug took me down three stairs (I keep forgetting how far away the ground is these days), I am back. I’ve read Moose’s request for his drawing, and his rather touching statement that my drawing will be enough that he’s foregoing his $200 prize toward a DFO get-together of some sort, so I’m feeling some pressure but hey, that’s what whiskey’s for, right?

Anyway. How’s things round here?

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ballsofsteelandfury

If you can pull off the Debbie Harry/Lynda Carter / Moose combo he requested, that drawing will be worth way more than $200.

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entropy

I have an idea, and I spent some of the morning sketching it out. I think I can get it somewhat the way he wants (my original idea was to do the Frazetta Death Dealer with an armored moose and Wonder Woman, but that would have left out Debbie Harry, so back to the drawing board I went).

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Wait, wait, wait….
You got beat up by a pug?
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mag6m2HaN51raz9d6o1_500.jpg

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entropy

Little fucker ran down the stairs behind me, I stepped on him, he moved, off in the distance, I heard a plaintive, “TIMBER,” and that was my Wednesday night.

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litre_cola

I own a pug, and he is quicker than he looks.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Come on, come on, come on!

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...

It’s a shame we see the “Bloodbath and Beyond” sign for only a second.

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

After seeing the forecast for Sunday in Minny, is Beef Moe the world’s smartest man?

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ballsofsteelandfury

Yes. Yes, he is.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Wow, who on earth would have forecast that Minny would be frigid this weekend? Me, that’s who.”

– Mickey

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ThePirateSloth

That’s only because she’s fucking Goofy.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Oh, that’s good.

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Brick Meathook

I’m actually sitting in Minneapolis airport right now. It’s 7 degrees F outside. I am not outside. I am in the bar by the gate.

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ballsofsteelandfury

What was it like standing, just standing, outside?

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laserguru

I was there a couple of years ago for a Vikings game and it was 5 when we landed. Granted I did live in the Midwest when I was younger so I’ve got some experience but it’s different when you get older. It basically takes your breath away. I was a smoker at the time so I had to go outside to smoke. When the wind blows you can feel your kind start to freeze when you breathe in. The corners of your eyes freeze and the inside of your nose too.
Motherfuckers can die in that shit.

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Horatio Cornblower

http://treehousebrew.com/

So one of my friends went here over New Years. And then went back because he liked the beer so much. Calls me today because I had helped him with some legal stuff and he’s tapping a growler down at my other friend’s workshop. Who also drinks beer.

The problem with sampling beers at 1:00 pm is that you want more of them and now I’m off the the gym with a pretty decent buzz, (my wife’s driving), and then I’m going back to the workshop with more beer to watch the games and ooh boy am I in bourble today.

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scotchnaut

BOURBLE ALERT! BOURBLE ALERT! BOURBLE ALERT!

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ballsofsteelandfury

This picture may be better.

http://getrealweird.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/dasfasdf.jpg

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scotchnaut

I don’t have to see her nipples to know that they’re erect.

/it’s like a sixth sense

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Wait…what’s erect?

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scotchnaut

[peers behind monitor]

You, silly!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

You DO have a sixth sense!!!!

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...

I know I’m supposed to enjoy this photo, but all I can think about is how painful a frostbitten vulva must be.

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laserguru

Clinically that’s called an “ice box”.

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...

HEYOOOOO!

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Brick Meathook

I used to work with a guy who loved to tell the story about he went “skinny-skiing” in the Sierra Nevadas on a beautiful clear and crisp winter day with a bright sun illuminating the white snow beneath a deep blue cloudless sky.

That evening, he started feel itching, pain, and discomfort in his crotch.

The reflection of the bright sun off of the snow had sunburned the bottom of his balls.

He said the next 3 or 4 days were a living hell.

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...

The Eagles aren’t so much “interviewing” Coughlin as much as they are just playing along with his senile ramblings until the retirement home people arrive and give him a big bowl of calming applesauce.

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scotchnaut

Does AARP have a “Senior’s Wish” program?

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...

Not sure. But I can say the Eagles front office was exasperated when Coughlin insisted next year’s Christmas party end no later than 5:30 p.m.

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scotchnaut

Athletically-Average White Guy/Life Ain’t Fair Lament/Rant-

Who does this Ben Simmons think he is? He’s a preternaturally-gifted basketball player from goddamn Australia of all places? I was still working hard at my skills at the age of 36 (jump shot, jump hook, wrong hand, free throws, running, lifting weights, etc.) just so I could play pick up and rec league to the best of my ability against dumbass kids. Talent-wise I don’t deserve to be within a thousand miles of that fella and I think I squeezed every last bit of talent out of my body. Kids, if you were ever told you can be anything you want to be, just know that it’s a bald-faced lie.

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King Hippo

Athletically average? Way to make about 97% of Glorious Commentist Party resentful.

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laserguru

One of the big story lines coming into today was all four home teams were underdogs. The lines have adjusted and now Cincy, Washington and at some books even Houston are favorites.
What I’m saying is give me K.C. and the under.

I’m sure there is no way I would regret that.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I’ll take the under on the Minnesota game. Even if it’s single digits.

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King Hippo

I wish that was the Saturday night fixture. Fuckers would die. Especially the belly painters.

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laserguru

Imagine that you are a linebacker or safety and your job is to tackle Peterson after he breaks loose in that weather.
I’m looking for a new job at that point.

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laserguru

That’s a good call.
Blair Walsh for MVP.

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King Hippo

I thought about picking him or Hauschka, but it will be like kicking a fucking cinder block out there.

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Redshirt

Going to watch the games with friends. Will check in from time to time to gloat or cry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMSryJWCLxE

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Kind of a dick move to gloat about having friends.

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scotchnaut

I had a friend once…good times.

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King Hippo

Our anthem!

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ballsofsteelandfury

Good luck! As a Steelers fan, I obviously hope your team loses, but I will gladly congratulate you and wish you luck if the Bengals win. May we get a good game and no one hurt for the next round!

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King Hippo

Morrissey would be a Bengals fan, wouldn’t he??

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litre_cola

Factory of Sadness I would think. From a shithole in the UK, same same with Cleveland no? Dreary, no jobs, pollution.

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Sill Bimmons

Curses!

Dagenham & Redfern have let me down again!

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King Hippo

TV options are so bad, and I am rationing my opiates…I am thinking about doing some fucking work instead (since I had a shitty migraine and brain was more useless than normal yesterday).

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I bet you were pissed at me for blowing up your phone with blow by blow Americans/Deadwood commentary then.
Too fucking bad!!!!!

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King Hippo

no way man, gave me a good chuckle when I woke up from my extended release muscle relaxer Friday night old man coma sleep

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ThePirateSloth

But but but…. I don’t want an antidote from Batgirl!!! She can infect me anytime, if you know what I’m sayin

/raises eyebrows

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King Hippo

This is FA Cup, not Prem smh. So I didn’t preview it.

Everton beat some pub side I never heard of, and yes I listened to BBC Radio Merseyside (once I finally found a stream that would work for the Ugly American listener).

2-nil, rested almost all starters WOO

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Aw dammit. Drank more last night than I thought.
Gotta hit the booze store it looks like.
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/Might as well buy some food while I’m out

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Love the warning…

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Available in any size, shape, color, or FLAVOR!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

It will inevitably taste like fish.
/probably

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Doktor Zymm

Sandpaper?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not recommended, no matter how much you like it.

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...

I saw a giant version of this hanging inside a brewpub in Seattle. I didn’t notice the Cool Whip part though.

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ThePirateSloth

Tigers? We already covered that in the mail bag.

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