The “Oh No, Katherine Webb Has to Wear a Parka” Late Playoff Game Open Thread

They’re predicting freezing rain for the annual Cincinnati first round disappointment this year, adding to the suspense.  How will it happen?  Will AJ McCarron throw a back-breaking interception?  Will Marvin Lewis waste his last challenge early?  Will Antonio Brown catch 25 passes?  Will THE BEN harf his way into the Divisional round?  As anyone who read the DFO -Money Comes In this week can attest, I only care about these outcomes for my one remaining fantasy team.  The Hank Scorpios need Antonio Brown and THE BEN to lay out a clobberin’ on the Ben-Gals.  Sorry, Vontaze Me Bro!

The fun starts at 7:15 DFO time on CBS, take it away boys!

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
DTZM escaped his dark timeline through a wormhole created by Lord Screech, after he destroyed Bayside for never allowing him to mate with Lisa Turtle. Zach now lives a quiet life in St. Louis with his wife, Darkest Timeline Kelly Kapowski. They have no children, but do have the world's cutest dogs.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Horatio Cornblower

That camera bag was asking for it; totally wearing skimpy clothes and all black too!

tundrajim

Huh, I seem to remember another team featuring a terrible quarterback leading a comeback win against the visiting Steelers in a wild card game. What was the name of that guy?

Kungjitsu

Aaron Rodgers

Kungjitsu

Didn’t read the whole “wild card” thing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Rodgers a “terrible quarterback”? Jesus, I shouldn’t even look at these.

Doktor Zymm

Are yoga pants, pants? Also, why did I put on a good bra if I was just going to wear a hoodie over it the whole time anyway?

King Hippo

CONFIDENCE!

Horatio Cornblower

Because if you got lucky you’d be taking that hoodie off and who wants to see a shitty bra then?

Not you dammit, not you!

Romonobyl

Bill Belichick asks himself that every Sunday.

ballsofsteelandfury

Nice!

Kungjitsu

Pacman almost took that to tha schkrip club.

Wakezilla

Pacman making it rain, baby! CHOO CHOO!

Hide yo strippahs!

fleshwound_NPG

O HE GON GIT DAT RETURN CROSS MIDFIELD BELIEEEEEE DAT CHUH CHUH

Horatio Cornblower

The Bengals could literally take out a scimitar and stab the Steelers WR in the kidneys and the “referees” would not throw a flag at this point.

The NFL. It’s FANTASTIC!

King Hippo

It morphed into pro wrestling so gradually, I hardly noticed!

Senor Weaselo

OH PACMAN GON RETURN PUNTS, CHUH CHUH.

Brocky

Day 432, several of the men have reported to hallucinations of a small Hispanic girl and a monkey around the camp.
Disregarding the compromised mentality of the party, it has been an unneeded look into the groups psyche, as some of the crew expressed their desire to consume said girl, others were more vague in their desires. If we ever do make it to civilization again, I fear how difficult their readjustment to society will be.

makeitsnowondem

+1

Horatio Cornblower

Whatever dude, she said she was the map and I fucked the map. That ain’t illegal.

Wakezilla

Ben steps in, goes back to throw, he Theismans his arm.

Doktor Zymm

I learned things about the different Yinzer fight songs. The polka one is only for touchdowns, but they play the other one for field goals. Lame.

Horatio Cornblower

Ben is back on the sidelines.

“Well you know Tracy, dislocated shoulder or not Ben does not take no for an answer.”

ballsofsteelandfury

Banner quote.

theeWeeBabySeamus

seconded

Spur

Ben got Choco Taco?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Spur

Boos Todd looking good!

fleshwound_NPG

I EAT THE MAGIC HEAL CHOCO TACO HARF HARF

Wakezilla

So, Cincy is banking on Landry Jones to be Landry Jones to give them great field advantage. That way they can march down the field and kick a field goal to win the game. Brilliant!

What’s that? They need to score a touchdown?

It’s a good thing Brown is cheap, Marvin Lewis.

WCS

Oh, great, THE BEN is back from the locker room after an injury. NO WAY does he throw an ill-advised interception on the next drive!

Doktor Zymm

Went to Yinzer bar. Didn’t unzip jacket. Met dude who listened to Chris Cooley on Radio? Also met nice ladies who I was going to drink wine with. None of this will happen cause I walked home. Am home now. I probably won’t remember this in the morning. Wooo I’m responsible. woo.

Doktor Zymm

I gave him a hug cause he knew football. It’s for the best I didn’t stick around.

Horatio Cornblower

Pants or no?

Senor Weaselo

Damn random number generator for quick pick…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GB7mHxdHlRY

King Hippo

OF COURSE Marvin kicks the FG. Fucking moron

Spur

Wouldn’t you want to hurry more?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ballsofsteelandfury

Beautiful.

Wakezilla

Must’ve talked to Andy Reid during the week.

Brocky

Cincinnati is so close to Kentucky, that I sometimes forget its technically in the Midwest. So can we make an eifert white TE joke?

Brocky

Damn, I feel like I made this joke ten minutes ago

JustStopDude

Wish we had this on the carrier….

http://i.imgur.com/Guf4z7V.gifv

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Heartburn just looking at that. I MUST HAVE IT.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed.
Then porn.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Leaving you guys to watch a TV show.

Croooow

Welp, I’m not a $900 Millionaire.

Recovery Whiskey

We aren’t looking til tomorrow. Gonna go to sleep still living the dream

Horatio Cornblower

Nor I. Dammit.

makeitsnowondem

I didn’t even get one number.

King Hippo

It is still amazing how this shitdick refs ever got assigned a playoff game.

Horatio Cornblower

This is the NFL. It’s not even remotely amazing.

Senor Weaselo

It’s expected.

Recovery Whiskey

McCarron is so bad

Spur

I can’t believe it’s up for discussion, it’s the most normal sack. Romo takes one once a game with no flag.

hippofant

Well, and he breaks his clavicle.

makeitsnowondem

It is the way of things.

makeitsnowondem

We put our faith in Burk Rexhead.

fleshwound_NPG

BLAST HARDCHEESE

WCS

Splint Chesthair!

Horatio Cornblower

That’s not a rough tackle at all. Seriously, what the fuck are they even talking about?

ballsofsteelandfury

They’re morons.

King Hippo

THAT is what they replay over and over, NOT the Gio bludgeoning. Remember, that was totally fine and jim dandy by Jeeem and Pheeeel.

Senor Weaselo

Because he’s one of THOSE people. You know, running backs.

Horatio Cornblower

Narrative bitches.

Romonobyl

Looked like any other sack to me. If that was Brady getting hit though, Burfict would have gotten sniped.

Brocky

Well you see, when the qb is playing for a certain team, the network has to give them special treatment

Spur
ballsofsteelandfury

I’m surprised Nantz hasn’t mentioned how this helps his Patriots.

Horatio Cornblower

Give him a minute. He’s masturbating.

JustStopDude

comment image

Wakezilla

Big Ben: NOW can we make an o-lineman a priority in the draft, coach?

Tomlin: We COULD do that, Ben, or, I could give you another Choco-tacco.

Big Ben: Choco-tacco! Choco-tacco!

Romonobyl

Considering his history, you’d think THE BEN would be more into Jello Pudding Pops…

Wakezilla

I thought about that, but, I’d rather pay tribute to KSK.

King Hippo

Does Tomlin still let Boss Todd call plays? For reals?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did you just type that for reals?

I shouldn’t read these.

Romonobyl

Can we go back to the playing card factory please?

Spur

“Initial reports is that Ben Roethlisberger has a right shoulder injury”
Thanks, we couldn’t figure that much out on our own.

King Hippo

yeah I don;t think Landry throws again

WCS

Then you don’t know BOSS TODD.

Horatio Cornblower

/cut to Camaro crashing into telephone pole

King Hippo

By fuck, you called it.

JustStopDude
Wakezilla

With a mustache like that and you’re a Pittsburgh Steeler, shouldn’t your name be Lance?

#Workhardplayhard

WCS
Senor Weaselo
Col. Duke LaCross

We’re playing divorced guys.

Moonbatting Average

If the Bengals pull off a win, the Pats will have won the day without doing anything.

King Hippo

SERIOUSLY

ballsofsteelandfury

So true.

Senor Weaselo

And THAT was the true NFL angle.

King Hippo

always with the long game ,, smh

Horatio Cornblower

Agreed. God DAMN I hate football.

Gratliff

Nope. Not buying in this game being close. Time for AGDQ16’s finale: Final Fantasy IV speedrun!

theeWeeBabySeamus

/willing to settle for above average/disease free

makeitsnowondem

I’m choosing to see this as a Carson Palmer revenge storyline.

ballsofsteelandfury

Tracy, you are a waste of skin. OF COURSE IT’S A RIGHT SHOULDER INJURY!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

I went to brush my teeth and missed them throw trash at THE BEN? Any direct hits?

Horatio Cornblower

Looked like at least one glancing hit.

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