Your “I Wish Coughlin Was Coaching One Of These Teams” Wild Card Game Open Thread

csb/ When I was at university I would go back home for holidays, spring break and the summer and sling milk for my dad so that I could have spending money. Pere had the expectation that when I was finished schooling I would join him in the business. One morning during Xmas break I was on my way to make a delivery at a grocery store and the announcer on the radio said, “Congratulations folks, today [insert hometown] is the coldest place in Canada!” Shortly thereafter I decided that the cow liquid business was not for me…

Sea @ Min: TAKE THE UNDER! The Weather Network tells me that by game time it’ll be 1 degree but will feel like -11. This would be a good spot for Peyton because he’s accustomed to not having any feelings in his fingers. But this is the NFL and we can’t have nice things. Sigh. Pundits (that have completely forgotten that Minny has been a dome team for 32 of the last 34 years) think that this will give the Vikes an advantage. Coping with the weather? No. Given these D’s I wouldn’t think that this was going to be a high-scoring game under any circumstance. Seattle did blow the Vikes balls off in wk. 13 but the former was cracking on all 24 cylinders and the latter was missing a couple of safeties, LB Barr and DT Joseph. I give Minny a puncher’s chance here-they’ve got to win the turnover and special teams games. That said, I’m making Seahawks Tyler Lockett my game MVP. Now, START YOUR TYPING FINGERS!

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Brocky

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JustStopDude
Bortleback

Is that the North Korean ICBM program?

King Hippo

Damn it, I had to jinx Zimmer.

Recovery Whiskey

GANG TACKLED

Gratliff

I need either AP to have 2 fumbles or Pete Carroll getting blown up by an overzealous safety.

...

I would really enjoy him taking a swing at a player and incurring a 15 yard penalty.

entropy

Seahawks going for the “cover none” defense so beloved of all the other non-playoff teams this year.

Doktor Zymm

The wood frog can survive being frozen by raising its blood sugar to prevent the blood from crystallizing. Some people think that diabetes may be caused by a similar mechanism in humans that are poorly adapted to colder temperatures. Clearly, EVERYONE WILL HAVE DIABETES AFTER THIS GAME!!!

Romonobyl

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Recovery Whiskey

The Minnesota Wood Frogs was actually second in the original newpaper poll. People forget this.

litre_cola

Shouldn’t those be on the back of a huntin truck in Minnesota?

packpowerfan

The Vikings aren’t even doing bad right now, but it is still painful to watch.

JustStopDude

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King Hippo

I think Zimmer might know what the fuck he’s doing.

entropy

We’ve replaced Mike Zimmer’s head with an overripe tomato; let’s see if anyone notices.

Romonobyl

I doubt Mike would.

litre_cola

In Ice football news, I am torn as Evander Kane is back in Winnipeg to play the Ice Bombers and it is tracksuit day at the game. My buddies are all dressed up in tracksuits bringing money phones with them. This is one of the times I wish I was back in that arctic wasteland. It will be glorious.

bourb0nblues

This is pretty awesome.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Thank you for not blocking!!!

Romonobyl

“Jeremy Lane…KinderCare”

fleshwound_NPG

Pre-snap…looks like everybody chain smokin Marlboros

Sharkbait

Old school football

Recovery Whiskey

Weather not a factor so far

Romonobyl

Today’s drinking game:
Every time they mention the cold…stop drinking.

Recovery Whiskey

NAWT FAIR

...

You dick.

entropy

I respectfully return the ticket.

fleshwound_NPG

Mike Wallace signals first down, two yards short.

aaaand we’re off

bourb0nblues

Mike Wallace makes a catch? What what?!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Say whaaaaaat!?

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

As a Vikes fan, I don’t think the Vikes are gonna do great today BUT if I have one solace it’s that Russel Wilson’s “hot streak” was against Cleveland, Baltimore, and a Cardinal’s team that didn’t give the slightest fuck about winning. So… maybe I can have hope?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

don’t

Shogun Marcus

No shit? An outdoor stadium in a northern clime has coils in it? Wow.

Moon pie! What a time to be alive.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No opening kickoff return for touchdown or boneheaded penalty? I’m bored.

Doktor Zymm

I know, right? Also no catastrophic injury to a key player!

...

Every time I see a fan in a Vikings Jared Allen jersey, I say, “Minnesota Nice.”

ThePirateSloth

I’m just gonna apologize now for TheBuccaneerGrizzly and TheCorsairKoala.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO SEAHAWKS

Redshirt

I don’t think I can handle another joke, NBC.

laserguru

I’ve put on my 1975 Alan Page throwback jersey, I’m heading out to make a beer run and I will be back to watch the game on the DVR because I hate commercials so fucking much.
See you all after the game.
SKOL VIKINGS.

fleshwound_NPG

Bud fucking Grant

King Hippo

61 and sunny in North Cakalaky. My living room windows are open. SUCK IT, COSTAS.

packpowerfan

And then you realize we play Wake today, and you wish you would freeze to death.

King Hippo

I may just take a muscle relaxer and pass the fuck out instead.

packpowerfan

The gf and I did a handful of distillery tours here in Derm yesterday, so I’m getting blasted before I watch Cat dribble into four defenders while the rest of those ass hats stand around.

Sill Bimmons

hey guys

entropy

Yo.

Doktor Zymm

I think this is a good morning for kombucha mimosas.

Recovery Whiskey

Those are nice. We’re Irish Coffee and bacon sliders here. Kind of a brunch side of things

Doktor Zymm

Brunch is a genius meal invention.

litre_cola

Baileys and coffee here

entropy

I’m drinking my Jameson and beer kick-off combo. This will slide nicely into some Vodka and Iced Tea by halftime.

King Hippo

Is the booth feed cutting out intermittently for everyone? Wonder if that’s a cold effect.

Sharkbait

I DIDNT DO IT!

/Has amazing self control

JustStopDude
Recovery Whiskey

Teknoviking is ready!

John Difool

Ice Station Zebra reference…..I was gonna wait till halftime to start drinking bit that does it.

Redshirt

“No, its not the Pro Bowl…”

I hope not, because if Honolulu is freezing, then we’re in the middle of a Ice Age and we’re all dead.”

Doktor Zymm

Are sportscasters not allowed to wear ear warmers?

King Hippo

or fucking gloves??

...

It might not feel comfortable with their earpieces in.

However, a producer in Chicago got a ton of shit for telling his female reporters they couldn’t wear hats during outside live shots on supercold days.

King Hippo

what percentage vodka is Al Michaels today? Perhaps he will tell us how he REALLY feels about Obama?

Recovery Whiskey

How the hell are you fine people.

West coast means breakfast shots. GO HAWKS. SKOL VIKINGS.

bourb0nblues

Coldplay… see, it works on so many levels!

/hangs self

Gratliff

I believe that’s the level it works on the most.

litre_cola

First order of business this morning is to read your guys posts from the Pacman Big Ben debacle. I was slinginging drinks and dying that I couldn’t be in the chat last night.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

I don’t know why, but Teddy Bridgewater’s season reminds me of Drew Brees’ 2003 season. It’s crazy, but hear me out:
Overrated expensive WR (David Boston/Mike Wallace)
Hall of Fame RB (LaDainian Tomlinson/Adrian Peterson)
Physically gifted draft bust at WR (Reche Caldwell/Cordarrelle Patterson)
Unknown Rookie Phenom (Antonio Gates/Stefon Diggs)
Offensive Line ravaged by injuries
Young Qb with average arm strength and mobility

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

(Checks the Likes button)
Get off the Internet, Teddy, and go play football!

Redshirt

“Its up another notch to -4°. At this rate, it will be at freezing by Spring.”

http://www.quickmeme.com/img/14/14e6731f9f27a479eb682108ae9aae762aab4aa20f7405e78ef9307ae9fb13fc.jpg

...

The only benefit of that joke is the rage I felt hearing it generated enough heat to keep me warm.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

But what is it in Celsius?

Redshirt

-20°C

litre_cola

I just had to look this up as well.

Recovery Whiskey

I was worried Costas’ face or hair was going to crack in the cold

John Difool

He’s wearing mittens instead of gloves….. not an ounce of testosterone in that guy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Shogun Marcus

ICEBOWL REFERENCE! BLEACH!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Get to spend the early part of the afternoon applying for federal aid for college.

Yay.

Everyone give me money so I don’t have to.

...

That woman REALLY likes her back getting scratched.

JustStopDude

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Dear god I got to clean up my apartment…

entropy

After the dipshittery of the NFL yesterday, and before what we’re sure to see today, I propose a little reminder humanity can do good, even wonderful things. People’s exhibit A, the ultra-violet images from NASA’s STEREO-A, a satellite designed to stare at the sun, constantly. Here is one of the first images returned, back in July:

http://www.nasa.gov/sites/default/files/thumbnails/image/20150715_062759_n7eua_171.jpg

Bortleback

Counterpoint: The people who think NASA is a waste of money

entropy

And complain about it on the things we got thanks to the space program, like better computers, advanced software, and satellite-provided internet?

GOD DAMN IT NOW I HATE PEOPLE AGAIN THANKS BORTLE

Gratliff

And your reminder of how stupid people can really be when it comes to anything regarding space: https://twitter.com/TakeThatEarth

Redshirt

JUST START THE BUCKING GAME SO I CAN MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE!