Your “This Game’s Gonna Be Great!…Hopefully” Wild Card Tilt Open Thread

GB @ Was: The weather in Washington, UK is 41 degrees but it feels like 34. However I don’t think that it’s going to be an issue for this game. It’s been quite some time since the Slurs hosted a playoff game. This’ll give you an idea:

-Bread was only .25 but you had to slice it yourself.

-Women holding mics on the sidelines were called ‘assistants to someone that matters’ or ‘wanton hussies’.

-The NFL called concussions ‘a figment of everyone’s fevered imaginations’.

-Dan Snyder was in grade school, mixing Lysol and tap water together, labeling it as ‘lemonade’ and selling it for a buck a glass to his classmates.

-speaking of school, Tom Coughlin was walking uphill thru 4 feet of snow to a one-room schoolhouse.

-bananas hadn’t been invented in a Monsanto hothouse yet.

Those were the days, huh? Contrary to what every Packers backer thinks/the expectation of the casual NFL fan/common sense/all that is good and right in the world, Wash has an enormous advantage at the QB spot. Over the last 10 games Rodgers has a 57% completion rate and a 16TD/6INT ratio. Over that same span Cousins’ passes have found their mark 72 percent of the time and his TD/INT ratio is a “am I reading this right?” 23-3! But wait! The Slurs didn’t win a single game against a team that was over .500. Also, of Cousins 11 picks, 7 came against the blitz. There is a team playing today that blitzed the 5th-most this year. I’ll give you a second or two to figure out which one it is. Hint-for this game only the Pack D has named themselves “The Cousins Fuckers”. Now that you’ve got every single relevant bit of data related to this game, well, start with the typing!

 

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The Maestro

RED ALERT: THE BILLS JUST HIRED ROB RYAN!!!!! AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sharkbait

All that shag carpeting in the van will keep the hookers warm at least.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
ThursdaySkyGoddess
makeitsnowondem

my favorite thing about #CooperBarrett is it’s yet another Colin Cowherd vehicle

JustStopDude
Sharkbait

This is what you get when you nuke a country twice.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Boobs and fries. I fail to see the problem.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s hilarious.

Doktor Zymm

I’m not gonna ask why, We can’t have nice things. Jersey off. I’m gonna go read in bed. With NICE FUCKING THINGS WHY CAN’T YOU BE GOOD GODDAMN [*Redacted] S.

JustStopDude

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Doktor Zymm

Anger. That’s okay. Sadness. Gonna curl up like you wouldn’t believe. It’s early, I’m not gonna go to sleep, but spending the night in bed doesn’t sound horrible. The Best of Nights to you glorious fuckers.

Bloody Lethal

Hey this always helps me drift on off:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NN_xvE79iXE

JustStopDude
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That fucking dipsit and the dipshits running that show.

Sharkbait

I just googled the Bedjet that Zymm is raving about.

Holy shit that looks amazing.

Doktor Zymm

Yuuup. Imma gonna be comfy as shit in my FUCK EVERYTHING.

JustStopDude

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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Wakezilla

Woomp, there it is!

Ovechkin scores his 500th

Sharkbait

As much as I hate the Caps, he’s scary good and consistent.

Bloody Lethal

Phew Craig Anderson didn’t start this game.

JustStopDude

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WCS

Does anyone know the schedule for the Divisional Round? Who plays when?

Sharkbait

KC@NE Saturday at 4, GB@AZ 8:15

SEA@CAR Sunday 1, PIT@DEN 4

WCS

Appreciated, good sir.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

All the point spreads out yet?

Sharkbait

1/16 4:35 ET At New England -5 Kansas City 43.5
1/16 8:15 ET At Arizona -7 Green Bay 49.5
1/17 1:05 ET At Carolina -3 Seattle 43.5
1/17 4:40 ET At Denver -7 Pittsburgh 40.5

via footballlocks.com, so make of that what you will.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I have been trying for 20 min to find Zymm a pic. I suck at finding half naked guys. I got 2

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/08/08/03/2B316CAA00000578-3190043-image-a-16_1438999982574.jpg

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Somehow, Fargo didn’t win Best Limited series. The world is a strange place.

Wakezilla

Grubauer needs to let one in late in the 3rd so Ottawa will pull their goalie, giving Ovechkin a shot with the empty net

JustStopDude

Hmmmmmm….

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So many questions…

Doktor Zymm

It’s not late. But. sad. [*Redacted] s suck. I’m gonna go hug my own boobs and be sad.

Doktor Zymm

NO! I WON’T BE SAD! I WILL REREAD SOME AWESOME TERRY PRATCHETT BOOK AND I WILL BE NAKED AND EXACTLY THE RIGHT TEMPERATURE AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OK!

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Good Omens always puts me in a good mood.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude
...

A pair of 1000+ post threads.

Well done, Commentists.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

To be fair. I probably posted 100 in each because I refused to shut up. So slightly less impressive

Wakezilla

And the best part is, nothing on that other site comes close to getting a thousand comments anymore

WCS

What the hell am I supposed to do now? Spend time with my family?

Sharkbait

There HAS to be something we can make fun of open thread style…

ballsofsteelandfury

Aren’t the Golden Globes on tonight?

Sharkbait

I may have sat through some really, REALLY bad football, but I’m not that much of a masochist.

Bloody Lethal

Knicks are playing the Bucks.

King Hippo

you could watch NC State/Wake Forest on ESPNU!

WCS

I could. I could also stick my foot in the garbage disposal. It’d be about the same.

Doktor Zymm

I’m gonna drink more and be disappointed.

ballsofsteelandfury

– the next girl I pick up at a bar.

Doktor Zymm

That’s almost funny enough to cheer me up.

King Hippo

It’s always nice to be a speed bump on the way to someone’s rock bottom!

JustStopDude
Sharkbait

Hey at leas there’s the late ga–

Oh. Shit.

...

I know! Such a let down.

ballsofsteelandfury

There’s tomorrow night, I suppose.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Really got nothing going on tonight. Simpsons commercial break

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makeitsnowondem

LAGUNITAS SUCKS

JustStopDude

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JustStopDude
makeitsnowondem

BRONCOS ADVANCE TO DIVISIONAL ROUND

JustStopDude

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Doktor Zymm

I should probably take my hat and jersey off. Still pissed that my pants removal made no difference.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, but you were doomed as soon as you put them on.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

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entropy

How is Julia Louis Dreyfuss getting so much hotter with age?!

makeitsnowondem

She’s aging?

entropy

Apparently not,

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I can’t remember where this joke is from, know I am stealing it

“Seinfeld Money”

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

The women I think that about are Tina Fey and Amy Poehler

entropy

I’m a big fan of Tina Fey, and an ex looks a lot like Amy Poehler, but seriously…. Julia Louis Dreyfus is ridiculous.

King Hippo

Brad Hall is the luckiest motherfucker on the planet.

entropy

—every girl I ever dated

ballsofsteelandfury

Me too.

makeitsnowondem

Holy shit guys the Simpsons couch gag

Shogun Marcus

I’d actually watch that!

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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JustStopDude

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

One more for Zymm and her blue friend. (really have no idea what you like, watched Creed yesterday)

http://cdn29.elitedaily.com/content/uploads/2015/07/30150408/jordancreed.jpg

hippofant

Smurfs, obv.

Doktor Zymm

Is good, really just all the nice shoulders is good.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Well, I did not see that coming, but I’ll take it I guess. How did Dok take…oh.

Doktor Zymm

I won’t kill you, but I might touch myself while thinking of nasty things happening to you. Just Sayin.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Dok touches herself while thinking of me. You heard it here first.

Shogun Marcus

We may need to lay low for a bit. At least there’s solace in knowing our demise next week will be so very epic.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ThePirateSloth

Latest episode of RWBY, then a nap, then delicious dinner. See you people tomorrow!

entropy

That show is awesome.

Doktor Zymm

Expected. But damn. Good thing I have a fun new Bedjet toy to play with. I’m gonna be exactly the right temperature when I hate masturbate myself to sleep!

JustStopDude
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Also one more for @Balls

http://i.imgur.com/dEQ0JvL.gif

ballsofsteelandfury

You are THE MAN and I greatly appreciate them.

makeitsnowondem

Wait, wait. Are you into Yvonne Strahovski or sharp objects?

ballsofsteelandfury

Both?