Your “This Game’s Gonna Be Great!…Hopefully” Wild Card Tilt Open Thread

GB @ Was: The weather in Washington, UK is 41 degrees but it feels like 34. However I don’t think that it’s going to be an issue for this game. It’s been quite some time since the Slurs hosted a playoff game. This’ll give you an idea:

-Bread was only .25 but you had to slice it yourself.

-Women holding mics on the sidelines were called ‘assistants to someone that matters’ or ‘wanton hussies’.

-The NFL called concussions ‘a figment of everyone’s fevered imaginations’.

-Dan Snyder was in grade school, mixing Lysol and tap water together, labeling it as ‘lemonade’ and selling it for a buck a glass to his classmates.

-speaking of school, Tom Coughlin was walking uphill thru 4 feet of snow to a one-room schoolhouse.

-bananas hadn’t been invented in a Monsanto hothouse yet.

Those were the days, huh? Contrary to what every Packers backer thinks/the expectation of the casual NFL fan/common sense/all that is good and right in the world, Wash has an enormous advantage at the QB spot. Over the last 10 games Rodgers has a 57% completion rate and a 16TD/6INT ratio. Over that same span Cousins’ passes have found their mark 72 percent of the time and his TD/INT ratio is a “am I reading this right?” 23-3! But wait! The Slurs didn’t win a single game against a team that was over .500. Also, of Cousins 11 picks, 7 came against the blitz. There is a team playing today that blitzed the 5th-most this year. I’ll give you a second or two to figure out which one it is. Hint-for this game only the Pack D has named themselves “The Cousins Fuckers”. Now that you’ve got every single relevant bit of data related to this game, well, start with the typing!

 

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
ballsofsteelandfury

You are a good man.

Nay, a GREAT man.

Kungjitsu

Just using me for a greencard. 2/10 would not bang.

Romonobyl

New Orleans would like a word with you.

Romonobyl

Totally wrong reply there.

Doktor Zymm

Okay, my attention has shifted. No more dead baby jokes. I HATE YOUR SUBTLY GLITTERY HELMETS GB.

Recovery Whiskey

They look like a kids bike seat

Recovery Whiskey

Is there a Director of Turf Science working to ensure Fed Ex Field always has the weirdest, worst looking surface imaginable?

Doktor Zymm

It’s a biological weapons lab for the CIA and UMD

WhyEaglesWhy

They water it with Gatorade because of this documentary that Snyder saw called “Idiocracy”.

ThePirateSloth

All sorts of yes is happening in my mouth right now.

http://winecentersnj.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/263470.jpg

Recovery Whiskey

This is a favorite at the Recovery Whiskey bar. Good choice

bourb0nblues

Lucky man.

Sharkbait

This is my jealous face

Doktor Zymm

What’s worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What’s worse than a pile of dead babies?
One in the middle is still alive. And he’s eating his way out.

entropy

My people call him “Conan.”

:/ not a Cimmeraen.

Gratliff

Sumerian 🙁

entropy

WRONG. Read your Robert E Howard.

Gratliff

I always assumed they were referencing back to Sumeria. Apparently, there were also Cimmerians who pronounced it with a hard K sound.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*Cimmeraen; ancient tribe that did a lot of cooking with cinnamon and invented the cinnamon bun.

JustStopDude

What’s different between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls?

I can unload the dead babies with a pitchfork.

King Hippo

This could be a Factory promotion next season.

WhyEaglesWhy

I may have to break out my stash of “guys with no arms and legs” jokes.

WhyEaglesWhy

It’s 11-10. This game would be over except you have to win by 2.

ThePirateSloth

McNabb: You mean football is like Ping Pong?

entropy
indieguy

The best thing about not having a dog un the fight is watching the glorious anarchy and chaos brought on by BLEERGH and not having to Sacrifice my sanity in the name of derp

ThePirateSloth
Sharkbait

So did the Packers start playing OK or did the Slurs start derping?

Glorious Chairman Dan

Both

Doktor Zymm

I’m going to tell dead baby jokes and open another bottle of cava.
What’s the difference between a truckload of babies and a truckload of bowling balls?

Moonbatting Average

I dunno, what?

Doktor Zymm

You can only unload one with a pitchfork.

blaxabbath

Can’t unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Kungjitsu

I don’t know Doc. What’s the difference between a truckload of babies and a truckload of bowling balls?

Kungjitsu

I loved the 80’s when the NFC Championship game was the real title game and the Super Bowl was just watching the Broncos get their shit pushed in.

Dunstan

“Tell me more about these Broncos,” A.R., Green Bay

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

How is a close playoff game this boring?

...

You aren’t drunk enough.

I recommend drinking.

/considers going back to liquor store to buy four-pack of Backwoods Bastard

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I really am drunk enough. I drank a shit ton of whiskey

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Second half is gonna be a pic spam, sneaking out of a cig, send me theme requests if you want or it will just be based on whatever show I think of first

ballsofsteelandfury

I vote for Yvonne from Chuck.

entropy

Bryan Christ is an asshole

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t think he does it on purpose; it’s just so close.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

So he just puts water in the refrigerator?

Gratliff

That exact line is in that song. Who ripped off who?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He didn’t have a picture of Craig, so to give his friend shit he used Bryan’s photo.

rockingdog

i bet he doesn’t like salt on his pretzels….

WhyEaglesWhy

I liked his work in Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Doktor Zymm

WAS does still have a lead….but I’m pretty sure they’re fucked. I know how this sort of thing works. DO BETTER YOU GLORIOUS ASSHOLES!!

ballsofsteelandfury

Things got testy in Chatsworth last Tuesday…

WCS

Doktor Zymm: Master of Motivation

Doktor Zymm

You should see my brochure…and speaking fees!

Romonobyl

Well, this is clearly the most watchable post-season game thus far.

...

Jay Gruden angers me. He’s not a good coach and his stupid face always has a stupid look whenever his team does something stupid.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

…………you……………….seem…………. bitter………

Doktor Zymm

He has resting stupid face.

laserguru
ThePirateSloth

That cup fails to pour liquid in your mouth from more than 3″ away.

entropy

I WILL POUR MOAR

rockingdog

da cheeesssee burgaaaaa

ThePirateSloth

I promise OSZ is alive. I saw him in person. He talked and moved his limbs. I did not murder him.

Doktor Zymm

That’s exactly what a murderer WOULD say!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Someone is setting up his alibi

...

MY NAMESAKE!

/drinks

Doktor Zymm

I miss the first 10 minutes of this game.

entropy

I have vague memories of near-sobriety, too.

Romonobyl

Can I get that as a vegan option?

WCS

Andy Reid’s heart.

WhyEaglesWhy

I want to go to there.

ballsofsteelandfury

LA Times Travel section had a whole thing on your neck of the woods today!

WhyEaglesWhy

Oh cool! I know Adelaide was in the NYT 50 places to go in 2016 or something. I guess I made it cool. *drops shades*

ballsofsteelandfury

Yup!

ThePirateSloth

Andy Reid is having a busy fucking day, flying to Minny then DC to totally fuck up clock management.

Bortleback

Those timeouts aren’t going to waste themselves

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
entropy

Smashing Pumpkins, Drown, God DAMN this is good shit

Recovery Whiskey

Pumpkinhead had his moments

...

Still in your own territory is never “outstanding” field position.

synapticmisfires

The [*Redacted] s: Slump-Busters.

Doktor Zymm

YOU’RE FROM UTAH? THERE BEST BE A GREAT SALT LAKE OF YOUR TEARS REGRETTING THAT FUCK UP.

Doktor Zymm

I realize no one is from Utah. Just…great salt lake…

entropy

That city smells like ass

nomonkeyfun

I plan to introduce my sister to DFO forthe Superbbowl. I think she will be will very confused/offended.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I promise I will not get wasted and post a million pics because the game is shit. The previous sentence is a blatant lie, but I will be nice.

John Difool

Is she the type that gets offended easily by tits or gtfo, or sharpie in pooper?

entropy

You should hear some of the questions I’ve gotten regarding my Boltman illustrations. People are so lost.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

That’s our specialty.

Doktor Zymm

but confused/offended in a good way?

nomonkeyfun

I think you guys and gals are cool. It’s the incest jokes that I make that will cause issues, onlybcause she’s much better looking than me.

Glorious Chairman Dan

FUCK YOU KIRK YOU FUMBLEFINGERED FUCKUP

...

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Kungjitsu

The church’s money is on the ground.

Doktor Zymm

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHY CAN’T I THINK OF A BETTER CURSE WORD THAN FUCK. ASSHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

laserguru

Because there is no better curse word than fuck.

Shit is a distant second and cumbubble barely enters the equation.

Doktor Zymm

It should. I have a new week resolution…work “cumbubble” into as many conversations as possible.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Bad Kirk!

Doktor Zymm

Yeah! Thompson! He’s actually kinda a little guy, relatively speaking. It’s weird seeing football players in person, there’s a YUUUUUUGE size discrepancy between the big uns and the little uns.

Gratliff

One day, the Packers D won’t be terrible.

ThePirateSloth

I’ve been saying that to my dates for years.

entropy

SLAINTE my people!

blaxabbath

Cheeseheads vs Government Cheeseheads

Doktor Zymm

GARCON! MORE BOOZE ALL AROUND!

blaxabbath

Is WAS really good at running the ball?

laserguru

Garcon means boy.

entropy

I have poured shots. Who is joining me?

bourb0nblues

BOOM

Kungjitsu

I’m in! #WildTurkey #BadIdeaJeans

ThePirateSloth
Doktor Zymm

Hiya!

rockingdog

me too. A shot of jack is what ive got.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Already took one but if everyone is in I will join

rockingdog

fumble!!! everyone does a shot!!!

laserguru

Sticking with the Maker’s 46.

SHOTTTSSS!!!!

Doktor Zymm

I quote that more than you might think.

rockingdog

an old man once told me that the FedEx Field is built on top of an old Indian Burial ground. really?

synapticmisfires

Only metaphorically.

Bortleback

Dan Snyder charges the tribes rental for the plots – there’s money to be made, you know

Doktor Zymm

My fancy LED lights are set in Skins colors. It’s dumb, but I like it.

...

I like that you like this.

ThePirateSloth

I like that you like that she likes that.

Shogun Marcus

YOU LIKE THAT! I LIKE THAT! HE LIKE THAT! SHE LIKE THAT! ALL LIKE THAT!

ThePirateSloth

whooooooooo I’m home! Time for scotch!

Brocky

okay guys i’m going to do an impression, see if you can guess who:

♩ losing feeling ♩ in my neck ♩

♩ Holy shit does ♩ my foot hurt ♩

ballsofsteelandfury

Ashley?

ThePirateSloth

LaDainien Tomlinson

/bikebikebikebikebike

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My grandma or Peyton Manning. How do you know my grandma?

Kungjitsu

HGH I* love you so

*My wife, not me. Why would an ancient, broken down professional athlete need HGH? That stuff is for millionaire housewives.

Shogun Marcus

Al Del Greco?

Doktor Zymm

Hah! You can’t get the ball to stay on the tee! *spite spite spite*

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