Your “This Game’s Gonna Be Great!…Hopefully” Wild Card Tilt Open Thread

GB @ Was: The weather in Washington, UK is 41 degrees but it feels like 34. However I don’t think that it’s going to be an issue for this game. It’s been quite some time since the Slurs hosted a playoff game. This’ll give you an idea:

-Bread was only .25 but you had to slice it yourself.

-Women holding mics on the sidelines were called ‘assistants to someone that matters’ or ‘wanton hussies’.

-The NFL called concussions ‘a figment of everyone’s fevered imaginations’.

-Dan Snyder was in grade school, mixing Lysol and tap water together, labeling it as ‘lemonade’ and selling it for a buck a glass to his classmates.

-speaking of school, Tom Coughlin was walking uphill thru 4 feet of snow to a one-room schoolhouse.

-bananas hadn’t been invented in a Monsanto hothouse yet.

Those were the days, huh? Contrary to what every Packers backer thinks/the expectation of the casual NFL fan/common sense/all that is good and right in the world, Wash has an enormous advantage at the QB spot. Over the last 10 games Rodgers has a 57% completion rate and a 16TD/6INT ratio. Over that same span Cousins’ passes have found their mark 72 percent of the time and his TD/INT ratio is a “am I reading this right?” 23-3! But wait! The Slurs didn’t win a single game against a team that was over .500. Also, of Cousins 11 picks, 7 came against the blitz. There is a team playing today that blitzed the 5th-most this year. I’ll give you a second or two to figure out which one it is. Hint-for this game only the Pack D has named themselves “The Cousins Fuckers”. Now that you’ve got every single relevant bit of data related to this game, well, start with the typing!

 

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Doktor Zymm

Seriously though, I fixed the pants thing, can’t do shit about the rest.

Shogun Marcus

Baby steps.

Sharkbait

At least you took care of that.

entropy

Journey of a thousand steps, etc

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I’m posting too much. I know. One more Rachel Bilson before I take a break

http://img.pandawhale.com/112694-rachel-bilson-hot-dancing-gif-Xer8.gif

entropy

Who the hell said you were posting too much?!

WhyEaglesWhy

I have occasional problems with bad breath. I have to admit, I’ve never considered trying a vibrator.

Doktor Zymm

Was halftime always this long? Also, why am I wearing pants, AND BLACK HELICOPTERS AND FLOURIDE IN THE WATER AND SOMEONE HIT PETE CARROLL REALLY HARD IN THE HEAD AND I BLAME THE MAN FOR THIS HERE SHITTY PLAYOFF PERFORMANCE.

ballsofsteelandfury

The [*Redacted] s are losing because you are wearing pants

litre_cola

If I knew how to imbed a pic, I would have the american gymnast face and say at least your team is in the playoffs.

Doktor Zymm

I’m not totally sure I’m happy about this. It’s just the NFC East being shitty. They need another year or two to build up.

litre_cola

Can I interest you in a used Chip Kelly?

Doktor Zymm

No. God no.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Doktor Zymm

At least the rest of my life is awesome. DO BETTER THE DMV DESERVES MORE GODDAMMIT PROPERTY VALUES ARE SUPER HIGH HOW CAN YOU NOT DO BETTER?!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I was looking up Mekenna Melvin (plays John Caseys daughter) got this

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0gc3aI7Wc1qg3eoho1_500.gif

ThePirateSloth

Soooooooooooooooo Superman is going to have his own private militia? Who captures Batman?

Doktor Zymm

Dear Jordan Reed. I already told you how awesome you are. Now I tell you, KILL THEM ALL AND SMASH THEIR STUPID FACES WITH ALL YOUR TOUCHDOWNS.
Love,
Zymm

indieguy

Im forming a habit of keeping the bottles of booze after I finish them. As habits go its not that bad. But I am running out of space

Doktor Zymm

Maybe make them into lamps?

litre_cola

Are you open to change?

A series of hooks, hooks everywhere! Hooks for you pants, hooks for your shirts, hooks for your bottles.

ThePirateSloth

Turn them into bongs.

Spanky Datass

I save the corked ones I finish. Bulleit labels are a bitch to get off cleanly. *heh get off*

litre_cola

People, there are 7 footbawww games left, and a JV one tomorrow. The end is nigh.

entropy

Always somebody gotta piss in the cornflakes.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

One more Rachel Bilson

comment image?w=391&h=218

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m not sure if I prefer blonde Rachel or brunette Rachel. Must do more research…

MikeWallaceAndGromit

The first quarter went pretty much exactly as I expected. This second quarter has me scratching my head. The Packers are…doing good things?

makeitsnowondem

Goddamn. Why hasn’t anyone else thought of this?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Doktor Zymm

Oh Cheers. The Sapphire is a fine gin.

laserguru

Noice!

entropy

So help me, before I manage to kill this body with drink, drugs, and women, I will see a show at Red Rocks.

Doktor Zymm

Do it. You will, I believe.
I bet I could have a film career if I tried to kill myself with drink, drugs and women.

entropy

It’s easily attainable, I just have very low give a shit levels any more,

And if any of us really put our minds to it, we could set the world afire, shit I might do it because I get bored one day.

Doktor Zymm

Probably the easiest way to set the world afire would be to increase the level of flammable gasses in the atmosphere.

entropy

I’m a large mammal, I can do this.

King Hippo

I think I am the only one who thinks the Zach Galiakinakis clown show will be good.

entropy

You exist in a republic of one, there.

King Hippo

I also really fucking loved the stand-alone show version of “TV Funhouse” so I’m an odd demographic.

WhyEaglesWhy

I’ll give anything he’s in a watch.

ThePirateSloth

No clowns. No no no no no no no

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ll give it a try.

WhyEaglesWhy

It’s not even 10am here yet, but I’m sitting home recovering from the snip, so before long I will be breaking this out:

comment image?ss=2.0

ballsofsteelandfury

“recovering from the snip “?

Isn’t that a March Madness thing?

Kungjitsu

I think it’s a Jewish thing.

WhyEaglesWhy

Yes, but thankfully neither a 19 year old nor John Calipari did mine.

Kungjitsu

Is it made out of rice? Are there other grains in Japan?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They have ships now days.

laserguru

Please elaborate on this “snip” that you speak of.

laserguru

I got snipped back in 2003.

Had to sit on a bag of frozen peas for days.

WhyEaglesWhy

It wasn’t as bad as I expected, but I got it Friday and I still can’t sit on a proper chair. I don’t want to go to work on Tuesday and have to bring an airplane pillow to sit on!

laserguru

Best decision I ever made by the way.

I had two daughters. I procreated enough.

laserguru

It was amusing since the Doctor was a Yankees fan and I’m a Cubs fan we discussed baseball while I’m smelling the soldering iron sear my testicles.

Not my favorite olfactory memory.

WhyEaglesWhy

We discussed king cake and Christmas traditions. I didn’t smell the soldering iron, but I heard the beep every time so that I was reminded exactly when my balls were being melted.

Condolences on the game today, btw. That was a gut punch.

entropy

I a so happy I’m naturally sterile, I have terrible taste in women

Glorious Chairman Dan

And we’re done. Kirk will make bad passes and get picks and we’ll die like we always do when people believe in them.

Doktor Zymm

At least there are fewer high profile injuries. Though I hope we still got a center.

ballsofsteelandfury

FWIW, I really like your name.

...
WCS

Boot whoot oof Super Sundee, cooch?

Brocky

Wow, its almost like green bay was actually a pretty good team, they just continuously play underneath their ability and the media likes to make excuses for them

Doktor Zymm

This is not going well. As expected. At least I have an awesome way to control the climate of my bed. Dear football, go die in a fire.

Romonobyl

Does that have a little air conditioner in it, or just a fan and heater?

Doktor Zymm

Not really sure. I suspect it’s just a fan, but I probably won’t be using the cooling mode until around May.

Gratliff

Bawgame.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

TD

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

Excuse me, I’ll see you guys after halftime…

rockingdog

packers do a good football thing.

Sharkbait

Do we need to send the police to do a check on the Doktor?

Doktor Zymm

I’m okay. I like my condo too much to smash shit up. Also, I have a projector, so I can’t do too much damage throwing things at the screen. And, try as I might, none of my voodoo dolls have worked yet.

King Hippo

ruh roh

Doktor Zymm

HHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEE

entropy

You need the YouTube channel

Doktor Zymm

I’m not watching this. I want my liver to live.

Gratliff

It was good while it lasted, slurs.

WCS

Why does this game feel like it started at noon?

ballsofsteelandfury

London time.

Doktor Zymm

Big Guy Down. Not. Cool.

Doktor Zymm

That’s good shit.

ThePirateSloth

You ever smoked a Makers cigar? Tast-fucking-ty, let me tell you.

Kungjitsu

Maker’s Mark makes great whiskey, but I hate that stupid wax shit.

Recovery Whiskey

Its like child-proof cap for grown ups

laserguru

Yeah I’ve got little red wax bits all over my bar top as we speak.

entropy

ACTUAL AMERICAN WHISKEY

makeitsnowondem

Love me some Makers.

Doktor Zymm

When this game turns me evil, do you think my eyes will glow like this?
http://img10.deviantart.net/e004/i/2009/260/1/7/kirye_has_glowing_eyes_by_blackgeese.jpg

ballsofsteelandfury

I was thinking burgundy.

...

Pete Carroll thinks so.

ThePirateSloth

No I’m pretty sure you’ll be shooting lasers out of your eyes.

Doktor Zymm

Actually, my nick name in high school was “Zymm who shoots green lasers out of her eyes”

ThePirateSloth

That’s a mouthful

King Hippo

can you call in evil to work?

Doktor Zymm

They made another Friday movie?

ballsofsteelandfury

Sigh. No.

entropy

Well, they are making one, it’s just not out yet.

Seriously.

ballsofsteelandfury

Seriously?!?

That would be awesome. I loved the last one.

entropy

F’real.

evilbeaver8

Kevin Hart is pretty much miniature Chris Tucker.

ThePirateSloth

Does Batman repeat that bleed line to Wonder Woman?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
ballsofsteelandfury

Gorgeous

King Hippo

would be lucky to get a 2 second warning

entropy

Heaven on my back, and the Angels built my throne only yesterday….

Houses, A Quiet Darkness

Kungjitsu

How much cocaine was involved in choosing Norm MacDonald as Col. Sanders?

LeggoMyRiggo

a bucket’s worth.

...

Norm has this specific type of humor that’s either completely unfunny or hilarious. No one else I’ve ever encountered can generate that sort of range in response.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Bill Murray way back in the day. Watch his first interview with Letterman

Doktor Zymm

One thing about Big Dumb Sex Idiot, he’s quite distinctive. You aren’t going to mistake someone else for Big Dumb Sex Idiot.

entropy

Big People: we may not have a lot going for us, but we’re fuckin memorable.

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