Your “City of Charlotte Shuts Down For The Game And Nobody Notices” Open Thread

After watching Arizony blurp their way to victory yesterday I’m saying that the winner of this game is the NFC champ. It looks like RB Lynch is back on the field today. The usual fart-makers that must talk about things are wondering if he’ll be ‘ready’. Hmm, do you think that a Pro Bowl back with fresh legs might possibly be an upgrade over something called a, and I quote, “Christine Michael”? I do. Just looking at the both of these teams I must say, THERE’S A SHIT-TON OF TALENT HERE. DO YOU HEAR THAT JERRY REESE? IT CAN’T BE THAT HARD TO DRAFT WELL. [upends table that has nothing on it] Sorry. Where was I? Right. You’d think that mega-CB Norman would be matched up against WR Baldwin (he of the 13 TD’s in the last 9 games) but the former is a baby that only rarely plays the slot receiver. (don’t tell him I typed that) Speaking of tough assignments S Chancellor gets to be roasted on a spit with an apple in his mouth by TE Olsen. “Fat Chance” is great in run support but if Seattle wants to blitz he’s gonna be on an island that features quite a few balls whizzing overhead. CB Sherman does follow the opposing #1 WR all over the field and that spells bad news for Ted Ginn. Years from now when you hear the phrase “a rising tide lifts all shitty receivers to career years” you’ll think of the Ginner and have yourself a nice martini. (may apply to myself only). One guy that might be under your radar is Kawaan Short. The Seahawks have struggled against dominant DT’s (just like everyone else, duh) like Donald (Rams) and Atkins (Bengals) and short led the league at his position with 11 sacks and 16 tackles for a loss. The man tasked with going after QB Newton has sacked him 7 times in 4 games-OLB Irvin it’s time to do what you do. HAVE AT IT YOU RAPSCALLIONS!

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evilbeaver8

Pete Carroll is obviously a sleeper agent unveiling his master strategy to bring down Wilson/Christendom from the inside.

ThePirateSloth

Can we just kneel down from here on out?

tundrajim

Nope, God has abandoned Wilson.

Sill Bimmons
makeitsnowondem

We’ve replaced Russell Wilson with Wilson from Castaway. Let’s see if anyone notices.

bourb0nblues

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You guys, how is Seattle so shitty?

makeitsnowondem

I’m guessing it’s a strength of schedule thing, but I’m still drunk.

Sharkbait

Come on pick 6 or safety!

Doktor Zymm

This is my favorite game of the playoffs so far.

John Difool

“I’m not asking you guys to go to the moon or anything, just go out there and make it look like you went there…. like you filmed it or something.”

-Pete Carroll

Sill Bimmons
blaxabbath

“Whose suffering children are these? These are Russell Wilson’s suffering children. Whose boils are these? These — these are Russell Willson boils.”

Romonobyl

I haven’t see a bed-shitting this bad since the last time I had a late lunch at Chipotle.

blaxabbath

It’s a conspiracy. GMOs. Look it up.

Gratliff

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Doktor Zymm

So….will Russell Wilson be switching religions after the game?

JustStopDude

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Don T

Is O Brother Where Art Though any good?

King Hippo

DEAR GOD YES

The Maestro

It’s my favourite movie of all time. I absolutely love it.

Sill Bimmons

Skinny Jonah Hill lasted for what? A long weekend?

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Until he remembered PIZZA

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

“Be calm, everyone- God is just building drama for My divinely-ordained comeback.” – Russ

Senor Weaselo

So, one Seahawk maybe showed up. Good for you I guess, Richard Sherman.

ballsofsteelandfury

Can’t jack it yet, but I’m getting some breakfast.

ThePirateSloth

/inb4 Seattle talking heads claim time zone change and distanced traveled for loss.

blaxabbath

No one is harder when down 0-21 than Richard Sherman.

Brick Meathook

I GO TO BURGER KING FOR THE COOKIE

Doktor Zymm

I DID IT ALL FOR THE COOKIE

Sill Bimmons

THE WHAT

evilbeaver8

In response to Wendy’s 4 for $4 and Burger King’s 5 for $4, Hardee’s is introducing its 69 for $67 deal.

Sill Bimmons

STILL NAWT ENOUGH

makeitsnowondem

[extremely Nationwide voice] ♫ Seahawks leave at halftime please ♫

ThePirateSloth

That’s generous of you, considering they never showed up.

Romonobyl

I’ll bet this game isn’t really happening, it’s all being faked on a government-owned sound stage in the Nevada desert.

Senor Weaselo

So when do they start showing the Shark infomercials again?

Sharkbait

I thought Wilson was celibate? He’s sure fucking the Seahawks right now

ballsofsteelandfury

Banner quote?

One more INT and I say yes.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is a comprehensive butt-kicking. If this goes 28-0, I’m taking a break.
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The Maestro

HAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA

ThePirateSloth

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that’s where we can say this game is done now Joe Buck.

Dick E. Phuck
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

I own that same shirt, but mine’s green.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yours are not football announcers tho.

Sill Bimmons

Sure you do, Trev.

Quit messing with the lonely old men.

John Difool

“That’s Russell Wilson’s turd…”

-Macklemore

blaxabbath

Is Russell Wilson the new Colin Kaepernick?

blaxabbath

I recommend myself for banner quote.

Don T

I ran everybody off the house for this? Now I gotta apologize and I actually feel really sorry.
/looks fornlornly at thawing pizza bix

JustStopDude

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Sill Bimmons

Are we witnessing the RGIIIing of DangeRuss?

King Hippo

THIS IS RUSSELL WILSON’S BEDSHITTING!!

Doktor Zymm

No horrific injury yet.

Sill Bimmons

Patience…

Doktor Zymm

BACON/RICOTTA PIZZA WITH A SIDE OF CHARMCEPTION IS DELICIOUS

Gratliff

…Ricotta has no place on pizza. It barely has a place in lasagna.

bourb0nblues

Would the Vikes have been this shitty?

Smithchez

SOFUCKINGCHARMING

Sharkbait

Welp.

JustStopDude

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ballsofsteelandfury

Did everyone give up on imgur or did the problem resolve itself?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Kungjitsu

Bill Parcells is jerkin’ it to this drive – lube, buttplug, plastic bag, everything.

tundrajim

Not surprised to see Cam Newton has taught a generation of Carolina kids to expect a handout, SMH.

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Excellent.

The Maestro

GREGGGGGGGG can’t believe he’s pulling out his notebook this early in the game.

Senor Weaselo

Every child in Charlotte will have a football at this rate!