Your “OY! WHO’S UP FOR A HATE-WATCH, THEN?” AFC Championship Open Thread

Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.

Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.

Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!

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litre_cola

Fuck this narrative this week was almost enough for me to just throw my tv, radio, interwebs off my balcony.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s the matchup everyone wanted to see. The TV peepuhl said so.

blackroseMD1

Why is it that I find Peyton Manning commercials insufferable, but actually enjoy Aaron Rodgers commercials? Weird.

litre_cola

Anti-robot, pro LGBT

Doktor Zymm

Oh look! More commercials!

Bortleback

You yanks sure love like seeing your national anthem be butchered before sporting events

laserguru

Well folks, sorry to be all counter culture on everyone but I have a great big “Wad-o-dough” on these New England bastards.

Maybe the reverse jinx will work.

Col. Duke LaCross

That was borderline treasonous.

Smithchez

Was Gronkowski just mouthing the wrong lyrics?

American Pie Story

I don’t think he knows the words

King Hippo

Who knows which passage from the Satanic Bible Belicheat had them recite ,, smh

Doktor Zymm

He was probably mouthing “This vocalist is frickin horrible”

ballsofsteelandfury

He knows what a vocalist is?

WCS

What is Andy Grammar, and why is it utterly ruining the national anthem on my television?

Fronkenshteen

Purple Kush, deployed.

laserguru

Nice! I’m breaking into a “Limon” and little later on.
Pure sativa goodness.

Col. Duke LaCross

Howdy howdy little buckaroos and fellow meteor fans!

blackroseMD1

Go meteor!

The Maestro

Apologies in advance for my insufferable Pats fandom on full display this afternoon.

With that out of the way, HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’, BOYS??

Spur

Why did they just let Nantz talk over the coin toss?

ballsofsteelandfury

Cue the Kelsey Grammer gifs.

Doktor Zymm

I WANT INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Hey internet peoples!

Spur

Go Mountain Donkeys!

Sill Bimmons
Doktor Zymm

Beartato!

American Pie Story

Good god I forgot it was JEEM AND PHEEL today

King Hippo

truly the worstest

King Hippo

sorry, but I can’t watch your OT, Nova/Gross Scalp Guy

Spur

Why does CBS HD look worse than NBC and FOX?

litre_cola

Ooooh do I watch the footbawww or provincial curling championship?

Moonbatting Average

GUYS MY ANUS IS NOT PREPARED

ballsofsteelandfury

Lube

King Hippo

This is the Donks’ last rodeo for awhile, so you don’t have to worry about the bandwagon stink lingering.

Moonbatting Average

I’m okay with some time in The Wilderness

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m watching the game with RTD. We’ll be live-blogging from the RTD house. Beers and food are ready.

laserguru

It’s like a blogoteria!

Smithchez

Please Mann-droid. I need a Patriots Schadenfreude day. I’m in serious withdrawal.

Doktor Zymm

Enough of this pregame crap. This thing : let’s do it already.

Redshirt

Can someone explain why they are starting these playoff games later in the day?

ballsofsteelandfury

Roger Goodell is a National Disgrace

blackroseMD1

Stupid cheap beer hangovers…

Doktor Zymm

Mmm nougat

Sill Bimmons

hey guys

litre_cola

Hello internet friend. How are we today?

Spanky Datass

sup

still snowing?

Sill Bimmons

yo

nope its melting like crazy

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Greetings all!

litre_cola

Does peypey have any magic left in his cyborg body?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think he runs off of Protoculture now.

Redshirt

My dad had a heart attack last week. He’s fine and out of the hospital, but I will definitely be watching the games with him tonight.

Doktor Zymm

Oof, glad to hear he’s okay.

laserguru

Yeah, same. Glad Dad’s OK. Give him a big hug from us.

laserguru

I will sometimes add ground beef to my marinara sauce, sometimes I use veal but it was beef today.
I opened a package of 85-15% ground beef and the label said it was ground beef “with natural flavors”.
What the effervescent fuck is that?
I read the ingredients on the back and they were “ground beef and natural flavors.”

Who put natural flavors in my meat goddammit!?!

Spanky Datass

Thanks for re-posting the Mother Sauce recipe below. I went looking for it a few weeks ago but got distracted by the interwebs. (SHINY!) It’s now in my bookmarks.

No idea what the added ‘natural flavors’ would be in store bought ground beef but my local abattoir will add, upon request, pork trimmings (FAT!) if the hamburger is overly lean. It’s delicious.

laserguru

Now see? I can get behind some added pig fat.

Glad you like the recipe. It’s one of my all-timers.

Sill Bimmons

Grind your own.

It’s cheaper, you know exactly what’s in your grind and all you need is a hand crank.

You can use bacon to fatten up cheap cuts like chuck.

laserguru

That’s a great idea. There is a grinder attachment that fits with my bad ass Kitchenaid, stand mixer. I have the pasta roller and cutter attachments but not the grinder.
I may be looking in to that.

Sill Bimmons

Rock and roll.

Get the sausage attachment and lose your mind.

Spanky Datass

Great minds.

I really need a bad ass Kitchenaid.

laserguru

Truly you do.

This here is mine. Same red color and everything. She’s a goddamn beauty.
http://www.pineappleandcoconut.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/81Qpugh4riS._SL1500_.jpg

CBQUE

HOW THE FUCK WE DOIN BOYS???? Greetings to all of you. Our first championship Sunday without the website that shall not be named. Finally dug out of the snow. Funny It wasn’t as much as I thought, but when you spend four years in upstate NY no amount of snow is too great. Enjoy the games. I will try to check in during the NFC Title game. Fuck New England. The thought of this Ugg wearing, Trump supporting asshole and his curmudgeon coach being mentioned in the same sentence as Noll-Bradshaw, Lombardi-Starr or Montana-Walsh makes us real fans sick. I’m rooting for Peyton for no other reason than the act of kindness he performed for Demaryius Thomas last week. Also fuck Gronk. All he does is run into people. Give me Kellen Winslow. Rant over people, god bless

Spur

These late start times suck. I want my football at 10am!

ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah, what is this shit? I’m ready for a nap and now the stupid game is going to start soon!

laserguru

I agree. I don’t know whether to drink or wind my wrist watch.

litre_cola

I just woke up from a nap while Ms. Cola was at the gym. Hate these late starts

Spur

Good Morning Ladies and Dick-slappers.

ballsofsteelandfury

The best ladies are also dick-slappers.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m heading to a bar shortly that features a burger made up of a half pound of cow and the usual fixings, and instead of regular buns, your burger is sandwiched between two full bacon grilled cheeses. Going to be a willpower battle not to order it after a few beers.

King Hippo

If you want a reason to feel good about rooting for PeyPey ‘n’ Palz…he gave the game ball after the Stillers win to Demaryius Thomas’ mother, who saw her son play live for the first time ever (after Obama commuted her prison sentence).

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THANKS OBAMA

WCS

Today, we are all Donks fans.

King Hippo

PeyPey WOO!!!!!!!

laserguru

Getting the sauce started now.
If any of you masochists want to follow along here you go:

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2015/06/14/sunday-gravy-with-yeah-right-the-mother-sauce/
You should be finished sometime around midnight.

litre_cola

I feel like Homer Simpson waiting for his gun right now. HURRY UP AND FOOTBAWWW!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
BrettFavresColonoscopy

“That’s tough to swallow? Pshaw”
–Linda Lovelace

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

So I got around to typing that Ride Along 2 review. It’s only a 3-paragraphed first draft that I farted out in a few hours, so don’t be too shock that it sucks.
http://mudisleblues.blogspot.com/

ballsofsteelandfury

Well done! Is it rated R or PG13? Any nekkid boobies?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

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comment image

This is as good as it gets, pal.

rockingdog

lets check in on OneManThrillRide and see what he has to say about this game shall we?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8N7iqIOyAZc

well ok then.

Lothar of the Hill People

I just realized the Super Bowl is on CBS, and that meens Phil and Jeeem are going to be doing the call. Someone shoot me. No, not you, Mr. Trump.

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