The best players in the NFL who aren’t playing in the Super Bowl, aren’t injured or at least aren’t pretending to be injured because they’ve already been to Hawaii and don’t feel like playing a 17th game of football this season, are at the Aloha Bowl in Hawaii tonight at 7 pm EST. ESPN will show the game because they are contractually obligated to. Michael Irvin and Deion Sanders picked teams who will try to play professional football without hurting anyone. It will not work and the most entertaining aspect of the game will be checking out what uniform abominations we have this year and seeing if maybe Irvin will have a cocaine relapse on the sideline.
Your other options this evening are literally anything else. Take the family out and set a foundation of goodwill for next Sunday, when you ignore them all day while watching the Superb Owl.
THIS PRO BOWL I CALL IT A ‘TIJUANA DONKEY SHOW’ BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW ANYONE WHO’S WATCHED AN ENTIRE GAME AND I DON’T WANT TO KNOW ANYONE WHO HAS!
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Even the Head Coach bailed out of the Pro Bowl?! Just shut it down.
They didn’t show the introductions? The one thing that people might be interested it they didn’t show?!
I don’t think that Lei is part of U.S. Marine Dress Code, Captain.
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The Jagura makes me think – what if you took one shitty (but cohesive) team, and pitted it against an all-star patchwork unit in this Pro Bowl thingy?
So never the Browns because you said cohesive…
Cocaine and butt stuff.
What a show! What a world!
Is blow making a comeback? Even if it’s hipsters just doing it ironically for El Chapo, it deserves another day in the sun.
I’ve heard heroin is the big suburban drug these days.
yeah, that will NEVAR go outta style
Ah yes, the suburbs: Where you go to raise your kids to be safe and do drugs around other white people instead of non-white people.
THIS PRO BOWL, I CALL IT A CINEMAX ADULT MOVIE BECAUSE THERE WILL BE PEOPLE SCORING BUT NO ONE WILL REALLY BE TRYING TO SCORE FOR REAL!!!!
Banner quote
Come on John Scott hat trick…
We’re all rooting for it now!
Here we go it’s wide open.
That’s what she said.
I’m going to watch You’re the Worst because it seems like the dark sort of humor I like.
It’s a wonderful show, I hope you like it.
I guarantee you will love it.
I have no idea why I haven’t watched it. Now I think I’m just being deliberately obstinate.
John Scott 2: Electric Boogaloo!
Terrific.
Turns out I need to make a cat food run. I’ll be back with you shortly, folks.
you suck Detroit
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This is appropriate even without the news of johnson
Black Sheep.
WHOOOO X-FILES BINGE WATCH WITH NO PANTS ON
/back to napping, sans pants
//good thing I have flannel sheets
Oof I missed the Scott goal.
NSFW.
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(sigh) (unzip) . jpg
One of my oldest friends has this as my ringtone when I call him:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jItz-uNjoZA
Once I discovered that, I purposely began calling him when I knew hit would be embarrassing.
Fuck him up, John Scott!
Love too watch the third-through-eighth best players at every position
or in most cases, the 6th-12th
RE: Calvin Johnson’s retirement.
(frantically checks Internet)
Thank God. The Bengals did sign AJ Green to an extension. That could’ve been bad.
He could still just forfeit the remaining money and walk away if he wanted to.
Yes, but he won’t be going to Steelers or Ravens just to spite Cincy.
Pekka Renne is an all-star? How the shit did that happen?
Tyler Seguin is mic’d in this game. Apparently the person who made that decision on CBC isn’t familiar with Tyler Seguin.
Seguin’s second shift mic’d up: “Sorry for swearing Canada.”
Because the game is in Nashville.
Calvin will find a team, he’ll get paid. Let us all hope that it’s not the Browns or the [*Redacted] s.
Megatron to New England confirmed.
you can joke about rape but some things just go too goddamned far, even here
Please excuse me while I vomit discreetly in a corner.
And here I was wondering what to do with all that radium I’ve been scraping off watchfaces for 20 years….
Darkest Timeline confirmed.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/ce2ff8a93df633778840f8f382edea03/tumblr_o0wh3rJzwD1r1r7rjo1_1280.jpg
FUTURE BREAKING NEWS: A clash action lawsuit might be occurring at Bristol Motor Speedway this September.
http://www.cbssports.com/collegefootball/eye-on-college-football/25468205/look-a-giant-video-board-will-hang-over-the-field-for-ut-vt-at-bristol
VOODOO GLOW SKULLS YOU KNOW YOU LOVE.
lKnH6cbn8W8
take 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKnH6cbn8W8
PUT JOHN SCOTT ON THE POWER PLAY. DO IT.
“These Detroit Lions right here I call em Britney Spears because Oops! They Did It Again!”
Meaning They made another great retire prematurely. I thought it was funny
So regarding Calvin Johnson:
“These Detroit Lions right here I call em Britney Spears because O! They Did It Again!”
Oh good. Megatron just retired.
Pulling a Sanders, eh? I was kind of hoping he’s join a team an take em the Superbowl just to make Lions fans feel extra bad about themselves.
Has any other team in any sport been so pathetic that it’s driven multiple Hall of Famers into retirement early?
He played his entire career for Georgia Tech and the fucking Lions. Bet nobody in his family plays football again for at least 3 generations.
It’s early! I can be annoying until 10 pm!
Holy fuck Glen Healy is the worst.
“John Scott scores and it was ugly. He looked ugly almost going offside, score an ugly goal and does an ugly celebration.”
Go fuck yourself you CTE hack of a “hockey analyst.”
“HELLO MRS RICHARD IS PAUL HOME?”
PAULS NOT HOME
The ol’ sleeeeeper.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/96bd8453614a44491ecb76edfc190a20/tumblr_o1ays0NqkK1t95h1uo1_400.gif
JOHN SCOTT SCORES! JOHN SCOTT SCORES! JOHN SCOTT SCORES!
John Scott: All Star MVP.
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Win or lose, he already is.
And James Neal, from Bill Cosby’s favorite team, the Predators, has made it 1-0 Central Division
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Yup, BAILE FUNK IN THE HOUSE
Don’t forget some Earth Wind and Fire
I know he has gotten faster over the past couple of years, but, if Daniel Sedin is paired with John Scott, we’re probably witnessing the slowest pairing in all-star history
These are some damn fine speakers. I liked JBL when I did theater shit, and I like em in their bookcase version. Congrats, JBL! You can piss of a horrible person!
I have no idea how I missed this (yes I do, and it’s called “alcohol”) but my asshole neighbors have moved the fuck out today. No more random overheard fights. No more parking space wars between all the neighbors. No more cigarette butts flung carelessly from their 3rd storey window onto my goddamn deck nearly burning my house down.
TODAY IS A GOOD DAY, although I would have prefered a reason to use an AK.
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http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Jack-Donaghy-Pouring-Alcohol-Loop-30-Rock.gif
oooh! Tank Girl Sound Trak…Ripper Soul.
That movie is criminally underrated.
so agreed.
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What the hell is wrong with you ? What the hell you gonna do? You gonna do?
So is Vice a joke or kind of ok to like? I see both sides of it. It’s gets hokey at moments but has moments of decent docu- journalism you wouldn’t see on US news outlets.
It’s like Playboy doing legit journo. Might actually be good, but might be tainted by source.
Obligatory: http://www.nytimes.com/video/business/100000003509105/page-one-david-carr-confronts-vice.html
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my gif won’t post
Atlantic beats the Metro, 4-3. Which means I can root for John Scott without thinking “Hmm, but team I root for still has players in this.”
You want your team’s players to lose in the first game. The second game is where the injury magic will happen.
This is a fair point. But what if the injury magic happened to the rest of t–oh right, that’s not how that works, it’s always your team’s guy.
…Hooray, Mac’s still alive!
Koko Taylor! Born Under a Bad Sign!
(WIth Buddy Guy)
Holy shit CBC! A guy is on a breakaway and switch to the camera the furthest from the play. Someone send the in game producer home for being drunk
THANKS (Canadian, white) OBAMA!!!1111
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