Your “Finally!” And “It’s All Over After This?!” Super Bowl Open Thread

Well, somehow we made it. I’m so glad that we didn’t have to turn the car around due to bad behavior. Does everyone know which teams are playing? That’s what I thought. Between that and Hippo’s excellent breakdown of the game I’ve nothing to say about that end of things but I would like to share with you some “behind the scenes” tidbits about this very site that I think you might be interested in. I’m not going to name names…just yet.

Way back in 2007 the founder of this site, a grizzled, PTSD-wracked veteran of 3 tours of the second invasion of Iraq (anyone that has a beef with this version of events can take it up with me in the boardroom tomorrow morning) decided that there should be a new-ish football site. With a ton of moxy and just one good arm he created “Abandon Hope All Ye Football Fans That Enter”. That site was a disaster. I mean, it was right there in the title. Who the hell would want to join? Years later, after his extended recuperation at the St. Tunison Sanitarium For The Hopeless he decided to give it one more go.

It was a super-tough haul, putting this site together with nothing more than used scotch tape and pigeon feathers but he got the damn thing to work. But would Door Flies Open fly? A number of lawyers flocked to the site but it was immediately apparent that as a result, the site lacked “any sense of a moral compass”, according to internet pundits. At that point the site was opened up to almost everyone. Normal people came to the site in the dozens-including yours truly.

What followed was a ton of hard work. Night after night, huddled together in a dumpster underneath a single street lamp, we batted around the questions. “How can we take this site to the next level?” and “Is no one going to throw some pizza crusts in here?-I’m hungry!” and “Could you please not urinate on my pizza crust?”. We learned a lot about each other. Who knew that someone could be triggered by two exclamation marks but not one or three? And the hygiene, OH, THE PERSONAL HYGIENE!

So here we are now. We’ve morphed into a mid-major behemoth of a football-specific website that is bound to knock off a #2 or #3 ranked site as soon as we’re allowed back into the tourney. “Ongoing Pattern of Irregular Prescriptions”, my ass. The Internet is clearly out to get “The Little Site That Could”. We’ll survive and thrive…and maybe, just maybe, I can finally get that $12 Toys R Us coupon I was promised at the outset…

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WCS

Finally here. Sup, bitches.

Doktor Zymm

Decker it is. I didn’t even include Tebow as an option…because urgh.
http://rainydays.com.br/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Eric-Decker-sem-camisa-NFL.jpg.webp

Spur

Marlee Matlin is suffocating those puppies

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

this ain’t my day

Redshirt

Okay, watching the Super Bowl with family. Sick. Without beer.

Pray for me.

Senor Weaselo

PRAY FOR REDSHIRT

Moonbatting Average

FSM KEEP REDSHIRT SAFE

WCS

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JustStopDude

STOP HONORING THINGS AND START THE FUCKING GAME ALREADY!

Doktor Zymm

Huh…harder to find good shirtless Broncos pics. Y’all want Eric Decker or Brady Quinn?

ballsofsteelandfury

Ugh. Decker I suppose.

Romonobyl

Papa John?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Decker, I loathe Brady Quinn.

Spanky Datass
Dick E. Phuck

Sexy

Sill Bimmons

LET’S GO 1 — 3 WOO

Romonobyl

So when this is over, what will be my excuse for day-drinking? Sure as hell won’t be based-balls…

ballsofsteelandfury

You’re a Cowboys fan?

The Maestro

If you’re a Dallas sports guy, then hopefully the Stars and/or Mavs make a good long playoff run.

Romonobyl

Spurs baby…all the way!! And no, not a band-wagoner, been a fan since Dave Robinson.

Doktor Zymm

Excuse? Don’t excuse your day drinking! Be proud! EMBRACE your day drinking!

Spur

Those Carolina cheerleaders are thick.

Romonobyl

Carolina gets pretty cold.

Spur

I’m rooting for Ron Rivera. Go Hispanics!

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m still not sure he can speak Spanish. If I hear him speak in Spanish, then he gets the seal of approval.

Senor Weaselo

Someone has to talk to ESPN Deportes.

Kungjitsu

VIVA LA RAZA!!!!111UNO!!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Edward James Olmos’ face is somehow looking worse in this new role as coach of the Panthers

JustStopDude

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Dick E. Phuck

You know why I watch football? It’s so that I can see commercials for shitty network TV shows, like Rush Hour.

Senor Weaselo

Steph really taking some swings there.

Moonbatting Average

Yeah but he has wierd ears

JustStopDude

Did I just witness a “Rush Hour” show promo?

At this point, I am fairly confident we could collectively write a successful show.

ballsofsteelandfury

Hard Ride To Nowhere. Coming this fall to FXX!

Senor Weaselo

Why is there a TV show based on Rush Hour?

Gratliff

Cancel that shit right now.

Sill Bimmons

I’d go gay for Jonny Lee Miller.

Doktor Zymm

The one thing I’ve learned as an adult is that most people are actually pretty close to incompetent at their jobs, and somehow things still work reasonably well. This is reflected in the fact that most of those guys payed through the nose for their suits, and probably a stylist as well, yet they look worse than guys who are just getting drafted and are yet to be paid.

Sill Bimmons

If there’s no metric for what you do it’s even easier to suck.

Also, there’s only so much a good tailor can do to disguise the ravages of football age.

JustStopDude

Its the “Peter Principle” I think you are hinting at. Its where folks are promoted to a position in an organization until they suck at their job and can no longer advance. The problem is that they never get demoted back to the last position they had success at. So eventually an organization becomes functionally locked, with no movement, and everyone is stuck at a position they are least qualified at performing.

For example, see the Cleveland Browns.

Brick Meathook

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ballsofsteelandfury

It worked!

Brick Meathook

Tumblr. Imgur is fucked here.

ballsofsteelandfury

Figures.

Gratliff

Almost anthem time and I’m now over-full. I am not good at game time food.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

I appreciate shirtless Cam Newton.

Moonbatting Average

So, Broncos crowd, yes?

Spur

No Bills or Bengals?…oh right…sorry.

Redshirt

The Bengals fanbase may not make it to the 2016 NFL Season

Redshirt

I forgot to post this

http://i.imgur.com/AwxzP.jpg

ThursdaySkyGoddess

There’s another Col. Sanders? Is he supposed to be a Time Lord now?

Senor Weaselo

So seriously, which one of us is going to be Col. Sanders next?

The Maestro

FRIED CHICKEN COMN’

ballsofsteelandfury

FLACCO SAYS FUCK THE YELLOW SPOT TOO!!

JustStopDude

But is he elite?!?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Why won’t this tribute ever end? Ok, fine, they drove me to this

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Doktor Zymm

Dear God Drew, who dressed you?!

Doktor Zymm

And you too Joe!

Spur

jesus

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Where did they find Santonio Holmes? He fell right off the map.

ballsofsteelandfury

Next to Jim Tomsula on the train.

Sill Bimmons
John Difool

A WILD STABBY APPEARS

Spur

and FUCK Hines Ward too

Senor Weaselo

Hy-dra-ting be-fore the game.

Spur

Gator-ade you taste so good

ThursdaySkyGoddess

SMIRRE!

ballsofsteelandfury

Brady says FUCK YOUR YELLOW SPOT!

Spur

Fuck brady.

laserguru

Stabby!

Doktor Zymm

Holy Shit! There are boos! For realz guys!

Spur

TD was a beast.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

I’m always so happy that Desmond Howard and not BrittFar won that SB MVP.

ballsofsteelandfury

Fucking El Nino. YOU HAD ONE JOB!

Doktor Zymm

Hey, don’t you go talking bad about El Nino. I love El Nino.

Spur

Troy boy, he’s my man.

Doktor Zymm

Hey guys, remember when the NFC East dominated the NFL?

Gratliff

As an Eagles fan, no.

JustStopDude

How is it the brain damaged MVP’s can handle an entrance but the GOP candidates fucked this up royally on the last debate???

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Oh God, honoring Phil Simms. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Doktor Zymm

WOOOO DOUG

Moonbatting Average

GENLTLEPERSONS! Let’s break WordPress. More. Let’s break WordPress more than it already is.

Senor Weaselo

Wooo let’s tear this mother down accidentally!