Oscars 2016: Best Picture and Best Open Thread

They’ll start handing out the awards in an hour or so, and I still have a personal Best Picture to anoint. But before I do, let’s take a moment to remember that Straight Outta Compton was not nominated, and neither was Beasts of No Nation, and neither was The Danish Girl, and neither was Carol. Beasts of No Nation‘s Cary Fukunaga was not nominated for Best Director, or for Best Adapted Screenplay. Creed‘s Ryan Coogler was not nominated for Best Director. Carol‘s Todd Haynes was not nominated for Best Director. Tangerine was not nominated for anything.

The actual contenders, if you need a refresher, are:

Tooth-grindingly infuriating educomedy The Big Short

Highly competent historical drama Bridge of Spies

Homesickness simulator Brooklyn

Impeccably crafted excuse for reviewers to say “two-hour car chase” Mad Max: Fury Road

Ensemble nerd orgy The Martian

Torture porn/scenery porn/filmmaking porn/bear porn The Revenant

Shed escapeproofing tutorial Room

Boston Globe highlight reel Spotlight

And the Academy Award for Best Picture goes to…

Will Win/Should Win: Carol. You probably all saw this coming, as I’ve made no secret of the fact that I think Carol’s a first-rate work of art…

Carol‘s Not Nominated: Go fuck yourself.

No, I’m Serious, Pick A Real Nominee: God dammit. You’re the worst. Fine.

Will Win: Spotlight. I’m having a hard time with the idea of the Academy voters giving this prize to The Revenant, a beautiful and powerful movie that (EDIT: I can’t remember how I was going to complete this thought. Spotlight was good though!)

Should Win: Mad Max: Fury Road. This wasn’t an easy choice; in the last few days I’ve been going back and forth between this, Spotlight, and The Big Short. But in the end, I think we’ll all still be talking about Mad Max long after all the admittedly excellent films also nominated for Best Picture have passed entirely out of our cultural consciousness.

Upset Special: Room would be a big surprise here, but I can’t completely rule it out the way I can Brooklyn and Bridge of Spies.

So that’s that, then. I’ll leave links at the bottom to all my previous posts in case anyone wants to look back at them. Enjoy the show!

Costumes/Makeup & Hair | Sound Editing/Sound Mixing/Visual Effects | Film Editing/Production Design | Original Song/Original Score | Best Actor/Best Supporting Actor | Adapted Screenplay/Original Screenplay | Best Actress/Best Supporting Actress | Short Films | Documentary Feature/Animated Picture | Cinematography/Director | Foreign Language Film