They’ll start handing out the awards in an hour or so, and I still have a personal Best Picture to anoint. But before I do, let’s take a moment to remember that Straight Outta Compton was not nominated, and neither was Beasts of No Nation, and neither was The Danish Girl, and neither was Carol. Beasts of No Nation‘s Cary Fukunaga was not nominated for Best Director, or for Best Adapted Screenplay. Creed‘s Ryan Coogler was not nominated for Best Director. Carol‘s Todd Haynes was not nominated for Best Director. Tangerine was not nominated for anything.
The actual contenders, if you need a refresher, are:
Tooth-grindingly infuriating educomedy The Big Short
Highly competent historical drama Bridge of Spies
Homesickness simulator Brooklyn
Impeccably crafted excuse for reviewers to say “two-hour car chase” Mad Max: Fury Road
Ensemble nerd orgy The Martian
Torture porn/scenery porn/filmmaking porn/bear porn The Revenant
Shed escapeproofing tutorial Room
Boston Globe highlight reel Spotlight
And the Academy Award for Best Picture goes to…
Will Win/Should Win: Carol. You probably all saw this coming, as I’ve made no secret of the fact that I think Carol’s a first-rate work of art…
Carol‘s Not Nominated: Go fuck yourself.
No, I’m Serious, Pick A Real Nominee: God dammit. You’re the worst. Fine.
Will Win: Spotlight. I’m having a hard time with the idea of the Academy voters giving this prize to The Revenant, a beautiful and powerful movie that (EDIT: I can’t remember how I was going to complete this thought. Spotlight was good though!)
Should Win: Mad Max: Fury Road. This wasn’t an easy choice; in the last few days I’ve been going back and forth between this, Spotlight, and The Big Short. But in the end, I think we’ll all still be talking about Mad Max long after all the admittedly excellent films also nominated for Best Picture have passed entirely out of our cultural consciousness.
Upset Special: Room would be a big surprise here, but I can’t completely rule it out the way I can Brooklyn and Bridge of Spies.
So that’s that, then. I’ll leave links at the bottom to all my previous posts in case anyone wants to look back at them. Enjoy the show!
Costumes/Makeup & Hair | Sound Editing/Sound Mixing/Visual Effects | Film Editing/Production Design | Original Song/Original Score | Best Actor/Best Supporting Actor | Adapted Screenplay/Original Screenplay | Best Actress/Best Supporting Actress | Short Films | Documentary Feature/Animated Picture | Cinematography/Director | Foreign Language Film
I can’t not watch Chris Rock’s weird-ass hands/fingers. #distracting
Good news: Plex works on all my movies.
Bad news: watching this porn movie to check made me sad for multiple reasons.
Did it shoot itself in the leg?
That’s a good-ass cinematography gag.
Oscar spelled backwards is Racso-makes you not think, doesn’t it?
Already bored to shit. I love movies, but I really hate awards shows in general.
Oh wait, here comes the only black guy in the zip code.
This might be OK after all.
Now showing: All the movies we didn’t nominate for an oscar
I almost choked on my drink when I saw Beasts of No Nation.
Mark Ruffalo was great in Zodiac.
Actually that was Ted Cruz.
I love that that’s a thing.
Hoping Chris Rock does a 30 minute set to get me to Zombie hour.
But he won’t.
I hope JK Simmons yells at his co-presenter for speaking too quickly.
Wait, Mark Ruffalo’s wife’s name is Sunrise?
Things suddenly make sense, don’t they?
IT’S ALL FALLING INTO PLACE
How long to the preseason? I can’t handle that combine stuff, guess I don’t have enough grit.
Gosling is going to have flashbacks if Strahan asks him about mortgage bonds.
Whoopi Gossett Jr. has aged beautifully.
When did she join the Yakuza?
http://imoviequotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/4-So-I-Married-an-Axe-Murderer-quotes.jpg
My name is John Johnson but everyone here calls me Vicki.
That movie is criminally underrated.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogsiQ0DWaEw
I want Strahan to swipe the cases and take off running.
Michael Strahan is going home with an Oscar. Who there could stop him?
I wouldn’t want to fuck with Ryan Seacrest
Shhh! The accountants are talking.
Kevin Hart is at tit-level!
Is he presenting? If so, he must feel five feet tall.
He was on the red carpet and some blonde chick in a blue dress was interviewing him.
Kevin Hart must be at vagina-level on Brigitte Nielsen.
It taint what it used to be.
– Flavor Flav
Leo’s face is listing to port.
My wife thinks he has a dip in.
TEH FOARSE AWAKENS FOAR ALL TEH OSCARS BECAUSE MONEY TALKS AND BULLSHIT WALKS
“They” in this case is Neil DeGrasse Tyson.
Is Leo dipping? He looks like he’s talking out of the side of his mouth.
“Here I am, representing a movie I feel such great Stockholm Syndrome about.”
– Leo DiCaprio
Since the only one of the nominated movies that I saw was Mad Max, I have no thoughts on the nominees. DTKK and I are watching So, I Married an Axe Murderer, after finishing Brewster’s Millions earlier. A real Oscar-caliber day here.
So I Married an Axe Murderer is one of my favorite movies. Are you watching a DVD or is it actually playing on TV somewhere?
It’s on Encore! I DVR’d it last week and somehow, the wife had never seen it!
I’m picturing balls frantically mashing buttons on his remote trying to find So, I Married an Axe Murderer.
/please let this be so
I am, but unfortunately I don’t get Encore!
Sad Balls is sad.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/df475a29f1c584ad2c3dac0a9b3b370b/tumblr_n532061HkE1rxgb1so2_250.gif
They must be using a stronger chemical these days because I crave it nightlynightly.
The Nashville spicy chicken is on another planet.
I’d like to give a shout out to the real heroes of this evening-Greater Los Angeles’ coke dealers. They’ve worked so hard all week long to make tonight a success. You know, we think it’s all about getting high and snorting shit off escort’s nipples but behind the scenes there’s tons of sketchy men and women of all religions and nationalities (there’s your diversity right there) worried about supply, logistics and quality control. Good work, folks!
Hear hear! Although quality control is probably not as high on the list of priorities, you are spot on.
Ain’t no baby laxative to be found in the greater LA area for the next two weeks.
Jesus, Liev Schreiber, went from looking fairly intimidating in Goon to, well, waifish.
Can a dude be waifish?
Damn that was a glorious eating.
Something about meat and fire that brings out the primal male.
Now let’s drink!
MEAT AND FIRE
DERP AND MEAT AND FIRE
http://lifespa.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/lifespa-image-steak-on-grill-on-fire.jpg
You’ve done an excellent job of previewing all of these! If I had actually gone to the Oscars party I was invited to (yes, I live in LA, of course I was invited to an Oscars watching party), I would have been fully prepared and wowed all the film school graduates, assorted “actresses”, and gay men there!
“I’m having a hard time with the idea of the Academy voters giving this prize to The Revenant, a beautiful and powerful movie that”
This seems like an incomplete thought.
God fucking dammit, I got so far without having one of these. I really thought I’d made it.
It’s OK, we all that that you’re
shit…fucked up the joke with a typo.
I thought that WAS the joke.
Yeah…it was. Let’s go with that.
(the joke was just cutting the sentence short…should have been “know that you’re”
With all the time and effort you must put into the banner art I’m shocked that it hasn’t happened before.
Can’t wait for the Walking Dead under the Oscar’s radar rivebrog.
DAMN!!!!!
/just practicing
hey guys
All I know is Leo Dicaprio knows zero about global warming as he shot Revenant here and made a real ass of himself with his comments.
It’ll be such a shame if Blanchett doesn’t win for Carol now, because that dress fucking rules.
Did they pour Tina Fey into that dress?
Does Jimmy Kimmel have a tapeworm?
Anyone else far more interested in zombies than Hollywood’s biggest circlejerk?
Big fan of the band!
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/91hlzE75xbL._SL1500_.jpg
The Hollywood award show not so much.
The commercial breaks remind me of all the programs I don’t watch.
From just watching the promos am sure Caitlyn/Bruce Jenner will commit suicide within the year.
Oooooo! That’ll bring in the ratings…
Eddie Redmayne was nominated for Jupiter Ascending right?
Checked the archives and this is definitely right.
You’re confusing his role in “The Danish Girl” with the producers of “Jupiter Ascending”
I’m pulling for Revenant because that was my favourite original art. rawr!
http://assceneonscreen.weebly.com/uploads/3/7/4/9/37497713/2222578_orig.gif
Totally agree.
Robin Forget-Her-Last-Name has some big guns.
http://www.fairfaxunderground.com/forum/file.php?40,file=154098,filename=biguns.jpg
Is this our first “true” rivebrog since the Donks won?
Memories! WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/fuck_off_jack_nicholson.gif
I’ve been holding my take back but of the nominated movies, that I’ve seen, I thought Spotlight was the best film. Quick pace, great ensemble cast, gripping story telling, just a good film.
Yes, I fucking loved Mad Max but I can’t see the Academy voting for it, although that would be fucking epic.
Spotlight was great. I’d recommend it to anyone.
http://static.tumblr.com/474bfcdad5afb84a06b0721738afd63a/wficnyq/Ekunp7c4r/tumblr_static_2zja0il3zo2s880wos4s4s0ws.gif
TONIGHT YOU’LL SEE SO MANY STARS YOU”LL THINK YOU’RE ON A DATE WITH CHRIS BROWN!
Now we’re in business.
Oh, that is just some serious GOOD HUSTLE. All the HARD ass slaps for you, sir.
My wife states as follows: “If Mad Max can be nominated for Best Picture, Deadpool had damn well be nominated for all the things next year OR I WILL BURN THE ACADEMY DOWN!”
/she has taken a severe liking to the character
//she will fight you and win academy
Your wife is a keeper.
I’m boycotting the Oscars because they didn’t award The Raid 2 with anything last year.
If World of Tomorrow doesn’t win I’m counting on your help burning shit down.
My guzzoline can is full.
If Leo doesn’t win tonight, he’ll get married by Thanksgiving. He’ll win an Oscar in two years of being married.
Howdy folks!
Now we’re talking.
I think make it snow should have a gallery viewing.