They’ll start handing out the awards in an hour or so, and I still have a personal Best Picture to anoint. But before I do, let’s take a moment to remember that Straight Outta Compton was not nominated, and neither was Beasts of No Nation, and neither was The Danish Girl, and neither was Carol. Beasts of No Nation‘s Cary Fukunaga was not nominated for Best Director, or for Best Adapted Screenplay. Creed‘s Ryan Coogler was not nominated for Best Director. Carol‘s Todd Haynes was not nominated for Best Director. Tangerine was not nominated for anything.
The actual contenders, if you need a refresher, are:
Tooth-grindingly infuriating educomedy The Big Short
Highly competent historical drama Bridge of Spies
Homesickness simulator Brooklyn
Impeccably crafted excuse for reviewers to say “two-hour car chase” Mad Max: Fury Road
Ensemble nerd orgy The Martian
Torture porn/scenery porn/filmmaking porn/bear porn The Revenant
Shed escapeproofing tutorial Room
Boston Globe highlight reel Spotlight
And the Academy Award for Best Picture goes to…
Will Win/Should Win: Carol. You probably all saw this coming, as I’ve made no secret of the fact that I think Carol’s a first-rate work of art…
Carol‘s Not Nominated: Go fuck yourself.
No, I’m Serious, Pick A Real Nominee: God dammit. You’re the worst. Fine.
Will Win: Spotlight. I’m having a hard time with the idea of the Academy voters giving this prize to The Revenant, a beautiful and powerful movie that (EDIT: I can’t remember how I was going to complete this thought. Spotlight was good though!)
Should Win: Mad Max: Fury Road. This wasn’t an easy choice; in the last few days I’ve been going back and forth between this, Spotlight, and The Big Short. But in the end, I think we’ll all still be talking about Mad Max long after all the admittedly excellent films also nominated for Best Picture have passed entirely out of our cultural consciousness.
Upset Special: Room would be a big surprise here, but I can’t completely rule it out the way I can Brooklyn and Bridge of Spies.
So that’s that, then. I’ll leave links at the bottom to all my previous posts in case anyone wants to look back at them. Enjoy the show!
Costumes/Makeup & Hair | Sound Editing/Sound Mixing/Visual Effects | Film Editing/Production Design | Original Song/Original Score | Best Actor/Best Supporting Actor | Adapted Screenplay/Original Screenplay | Best Actress/Best Supporting Actress | Short Films | Documentary Feature/Animated Picture | Cinematography/Director | Foreign Language Film
DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK!
Sleeve tattoo girl doesn’t make it onstage?
DAS RAYCESS!
Oh wow, Ex Machina is an insane upset.
OH SHIT andy
Jack Black’s best role was in The Jackal. No one denies this!
I don’t watch Black films.
FLAWLESS VICTORY
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/2751256/roman-candle-headshot-o.gif
We’re officially on Mad Max Best Picture watch, guys. The Film Editing win is huge.
It’s also my first miss.
You suck.
If he’s sharing it with Leo, does that mean Leo finally has an Oscar and we can all stop caring?
Is there going to be a summary post of makeitsnow predictions compared to racist final picks?
I’m 7/7 so far. I may do a post-mortem tomorrow.
You guys had any “I hate all this white bashing they’re doing” posts on your FB feed yet? I’ve had two. It’s kinda funny/pathetic.
I’m staying off social media for at least two days.
Ducks and Kings look as though they will brawl at least 50 times today.
I like this a whole lot. GO KINGS GO.
/off topic news
http://vikingsterritory.com/2016/general-news/report-vikings-to-talk-about-a-mike-wallace-pay-cut-in-indianapolis
Thanks to the Vikings stupidity, my name stays relevant! Huzzah!!!
NOT MEDIOCRE!
Tina sounds like I wish I felt.
Tina looks like I wish I felt. Her.
wooooooooo
WITNESS
Holy shit, Mad Max won something.
There’s more where that came from.
Well, folks, enjoy the Oscars. Haven’t seen any of the movies aside from Star Wars & The Big Short so not really much point in watching for me.
Instead, I’m watching hockey and women’s curling. And yes, actually I’m very happy about it.
This bumper music is nonsensical and fucking atrocious.
What are we all drinking? I just busted out the Lagunitas Undercover Investigation Shut-Down Ale.
Mead, about to switch to beer.
Still recovering from the wine this afternoon and making lesson plans, so nothing.
Nothing yet, but will get into the Eagle Rare later.
Bourble countdown
A nice French red.
Cotes du Rhone in fact but I’m thinking about a shot of Bulleit.
Enough with the thinking.
SHOTS!!!
My first ever Ballast Point Pineapple Sculpin. But not my last.
vikander pls
YUS
BURN THE WITCH!
Tracey Morgan should do remakes of all of Eddie Redmayne roles.
Wait wuh? Why is superman talking English? THIS MURICA DAGDAMMIT! DID WE LOSE A WAR? That’s not America, that’s not even Mexico!
Sam Smith’s popularity makes me reconsider my stance on the end of the world.
Sam Smith looks like a defective Justin Timberlake clone.
http://files.explosm.net/comics/Rob/circlejerk.png
Tracy Morgan as the Danish Girl. Oh my god…
#DanishGirlSoWhite
Well, I’m out.
All right kids, I’m off to the zombocalypse. Smell ya later.
http://www.starwarsreport.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Wedge-03.jpg
Right with ya, boss.
Ditto
Starting next week, I’m putting up a Walking Dead live blog Sunday nights.
@TheDailyShow 29m
To think, on the same night, we’re honoring best Lead Performance and worst lead performance. #Oscars #JusticeForFlint
That reminds me. Jon Stewart wasn’t that funny. His entire career was making stupid reaction faces, which pretty well explains why he was so popular on the idiot tubes of Facebook and Twitter.
Evening lads and ladies, just got home from my friend’s wedding. What am I missing?
The Hollywood circlejerk is progressing as expected. Zombies start in a few minutes.
Chris Rock was funny and the Step Brothers guy won an Oscar.
http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk218/Archammer_ds/You-boys-know-what-a-circle-jerk-is.jpg
Jesus. William H. Macy looks like Harry Dean Stanton melted.
I was told there would be fireworks and half-naked dancing girls. #totalripoff
Thank you, Mr. Adapted Screenplay winner, for warning us not to vote for candidates who are beholden to millionaires and banks.
I’m sure Joe Six Pack feels enlightened and will vote for Bernie now.
GODDAMNED LIBTARDS IN HOLLWOOD TRYIN TO KEEP THEYRE LIBRARD VEEWS ON US REEL MURICKASN IMPEECH!!!!!11
Wait, that wasn’t a Trump endorsement?
Oh sweet Jesus, #MURIKCA #2A #TCOT is going to light up for that speech.
FUCK YEAH ACADEMY AWARD WINNER ADAM MCKAY
Jay Roach is next
Oh please oh please. Trumbo was kind of a mess, but if he can build on it…
Speaking of award shows, the voice actor who does Bobby Hill (Pamela Adlon) won an Emmy for this episode:
It probably would have won Outstanding Animated Program but it was up against Futurama (winner), South Park, and The Simpsons before it really started going downhill.
That was like the Golden Age of Animated Network TV.
Seriously.
FOX Animated Sunday was the best night of TV EVAH
Never not funny.
Can Russell Crowe narrate my life?
I’ve nearly been killed by a gas fireball. It didn’t fling my ten feet back like that.
Did you casually walk away from the explosion?
No. I just kept cooking.
WHY ARE THE OSCARS TRYING TO MAKE ME READ?
I see that putting winners’ thank you lists at the bottom of the screen has changed nothing when it comes to acceptance speeches.
Rusell Crowe’s transformation into Santa Claus is coming along nicely.
In real life, he woulda thrown his phone at Gosling.
And I would have cheered.
Just got home from band practice. The Oscar for best Oscar preview goes to makeitsnow for his laborious efforts to bring us not just amazing art but also legitimate insight into the nominees. If only news and sports reporters could do this for us.
THE GRITTIEST SCREENPLAY
Aren’t these the GRITTIEST Oscars?
OWAH AWAHHDS AHH BETTAH THAHN YOUAH AWAHHDS
Spotlight is going to clean up this year.
Ex Machina please
Well-played.
Emily and Charlize….I’d be the meat in that sandwich.
That shot just ruined Emily Blunt for me. It’s official, anyone standing next to Charlize Theron looks like a flaming garbage pile.
LOL
Also, I’m told she’s pregnant.
Holy shit, we’re doing screenplays first?
No joke about Charlize Theron being (South) African?
I was looking for that, yeah.
Twitter is going nuts about the monologue. I’m not near a tv. What’s going on?
It’s really good.
He was flat out destroying out there.
Mostly about Hollywood being racist….but NICE racist.
Shockingly, Chris Rock delivered a killer monologue. Who would have thought?
Eh, he should have hammered home that Jamie Foxx joke. But I just pictured Chris Rock as Chakah from Jay and Silent Bob the whole time, which made the monologue a lot better.