Boy, do I need weekend liquor something fierce.
Free agency: not much to report or follow after today. But:
- In an attempt to prove Bleacher Report correct, the Browns released Karlos Dansby and Dwayne Bowe.
- Chris Long chose the darkness over the light, and signed with the Patriots.
- Casey Hayward left the Packers to go jackin’ it in San Diego
Politics:
- Rubio is out; his delegates are free to follow whomever. As my grandpappy might’ve said if he wasn’t so Canadian, “Don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!”
- I didn’t realize until last night he’s also not running for re-election as Senator. Oof; that’s a terrible sound chamber he lived in.
- Kasich won Ohio, strengthening his bona fides as a VP pick.
- I got the feeling Hillary wanted to tell Bernie in her speech, “Okay Grandpa, that’s enough. Go home.” But she was too busy trying to get people to forget her AIDS/Reagan snafu to be bothered starting another war.
- On the same day Trump says he won’t debate in SLC on FOX next Monday, he openly postulates about riots in Cleveland if the GOP establishment tries to force a brokered convention. It would have been the 13th debate, but they stopped being fun once his main punching bags dropped out. With pequeno Marco gone, he figured, ‘why bother?’
The games that aren’t lames! (All times eastern)
NCAA: Play-in day #2
- Holy Cross vs Southern – 6:40
- Tulsa vs Michigan – 9:10 (or 30 minutes after the end of the first game)
I enjoyed TruTV’s twitter feed making fun of the people making fun of their network. SENTIENCE!
NHL: (6 games total)
- Flyers @ Blackhawks – 8:00
- Rangers @ Ducks – 10:30
NBA: (9 games total)
- Thunder @ Celtics – 7:00
- Mavs @ Cavs – 7:00
- Clippers @ Rockets – 9:30
- Knicks @ Warriors – 10:30
Remember, ONE MORE SLEEP!
British actors are uglier than sin and it’s not fair they get to act opposite women like this. http://gfycat.com/ShyImpassionedGossamerwingedbutterfly
http://56.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_me3eaxlQRw1qc1sduo1_500.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PkcfQtibmU
Love the whole “Falling Down” theme of this one.
Fuhrer Drumpf or Cruz would have these guys immediately arrested for “anti-American activities” without realizing they’d been disbanded for years.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mejrk4w8nw1qbklpto1_500.png
Apparently the ostomy pouching system is a Danish invention. I am actually pretty stunned that wasn’t invented by a German.
http://images.halloweencostumes.com/products/1539/1-1/bavarian-bar-maid-costume.jpg
Thigh high stockings uneven…would steal beer, and then probably bang anyway.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdugixyPZm1qaqx8xo1_500.jpg
This seems both appropriate and accurate.
/not complaining
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0OVpyvey4U
Someone moderate me already!!!!!!
http://56.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdrzu70EiE1qg996lo1_1280.jpg
OK, I’ll conform and get back to teh sexay.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/fb429a43b0d61f48f7d1cc7dabdd0bd0/tumblr_mfzf0h4lD61qcwgxao1_500.jpg
One last Danish girl before I close that tab…
http://advicefromatwentysomething.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/blonde-girl.jpg
I’d like to play with her Lego bricks, if you know what I mean
http://56.media.tumblr.com/69a5200eb297a553877ce15a29ee57e2/tumblr_mftfv5ioBy1qzoglfo1_1280.png
Do miss RATM.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/6bf3adb1cdb49055a8260f599a24ab2d/tumblr_mg0ortu8Hw1qkygjro1_1280.jpg
It’s seemingly getting really fucking weird tonight. Woooo!!!!!!
Not exactly sure what you mean.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0k7c5pux61rrrbquo1_1280.jpg
No really, how so?
http://56.media.tumblr.com/98699b0a17cf85e05e7f3ce0e4d60675/tumblr_mgb4cwTmOr1r0hgato1_1280.jpg
Metaphorically:
http://56.media.tumblr.com/f91afcbbef3041bbca6ae352bd26addf/tumblr_mgkvbqaLW61r0hgato1_1280.png
http://56.media.tumblr.com/7d409616f223dfb8c897a7cdb38dac0d/tumblr_mexhmtTCdz1qedblno1_1280.jpg
http://56.media.tumblr.com/9a2868340b6aec65ad176434828a20be/tumblr_mgl0x9nQe41r7dgeuo1_1280.jpg
http://56.media.tumblr.com/a5497a7f662b0e3e4026971cf38d078f/tumblr_mgm8kjfum11qc1sduo1_500.jpg
Ummm…Fester? You’ve got a mild head wound.
No…the other side.
CTE!!!!!!
Yinz can thank yeah right for this.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mej4bqmLnm1rs7eaxo1_1280.jpg
Say what again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker. Say what one more goddamned time.
But you’re only a cat.
Do I look a bitch?
What?
Scratch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://56.media.tumblr.com/8547928744405d5a26e7b034ae5bec52/tumblr_mgfexfXttn1r7dgeuo1_500.jpg
http://56.media.tumblr.com/86a500bed23f4b254e8f1471e14314ad/tumblr_mg5qwacfVI1qzzsdjo1_1280.jpg
http://images.mentalfloss.com/sites/default/files/styles/insert_main_wide_image/public/948584698463.png
Ugh, I have to come up with a power point presentation/speech for a Conference I’m speaking at this Saturday. It’s such a pain in the ass. Not because it’s entirely hard, but because I’m only doing this stupid conference to pad my CV. That’s the only thing I get out of it. So I’m not exactly motivated to write my speech or create a power point.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/401e4705ad04ecc5256bb9556d4d45af/tumblr_mf3esy2pUN1rse1ipo1_500.jpg
PowerPoint; put LOTS of text in very small font on every slide. Read these slides verbatim during presentation. Make sure it last over two hours.
I debated doing this. Either way, it’ll be a little bit of a train wreck because I’ll have no time to rehearse or practice.
Do what my brother does and use memes to get key points across.
Oh, and teach them about BLEERGH!
I am out for the night. I think I will try to get a solid 6 hours of sleep after being awake for 2 days… You will probably see me later
Yeah, see ya in an hour.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lys99agZS41qckam6o1_1280.jpg
This, by the way, is Erna Gunnthorsdottir.
She purty.
http://asset2.modelmanagement.com/mm-eyJ0Ijp7InIiOiIyNTAi/fSwiaWQiOiJpOTU4MDI1/IiwiZiI6ImpwZyJ9.jpg
http://56.media.tumblr.com/cfb1bbb860db5ff9ea27a3802dc761cd/tumblr_mgjnsxCMg81qabm4no1_1280.jpg
http://57.media.tumblr.com/60a290c169a9f13313491a62c8a94eef/tumblr_mg6ceazcml1qm6sfao1_500.gif
WTF??? He’s shooting armpit farts and his head is two slices of bread.
I reeeepeeeet….WTF?????
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_The_Ren_%26_Stimpy_Show_characters#Powdered_Toast_Man
He’s polling higher than Rubio!
Iceland’s parliament, The Alþingi, is the world’s oldest, dating to 930 CE.
http://asset2.modelmanagement.com/mm-eyJ0Ijp7ImMiOnsieCI6/IjAiLCJ5IjoiMzciLCJs/IjoiMjk5IiwiaCI6IjM5/OCJ9LCJyIjp7ImwiOiIy/NTIiLCJoIjoiMzM2In19/LCJpZCI6Imk5NTgwMjMi/LCJmIjoianBnIn0;.jpg
Yes…I’d like to introduce some….”legislation”.
Fuck Iceland and Swedend.
DENMARK!!!!!!
http://galeri12.uludagsozluk.com/587/danimarkali-kizlar_686177.jpg
Swedend???? GODAMMIT!!!!
I see you’re being openly American with your Swedened comment.
#Trump2016
Swedened once, hurt like a motherfucker.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/b674609e1263a5acb8ff5a2eb2764739/tumblr_mhs0xe3IsB1qaisygo1_500.png
10 days until the Flash/Supergirl crossover!
Supergirl is getting better, which is nice. It’s nowhere near as good as the Flash, but I like it more than Arrow and Legends of Tomorrow.
?w=700
I love how more people in that room know Barry’s identity than Patty and Wally West.
Iceland only has 320,000 people in the whole place.
Entities in the US that are larger than that include the UAW, the University of Phoenix, and Wichita.
fondles self backwards….would not bang.
Fondles counter-clockwise and she’s not Australian? Definitely 2.5/10. Would not bang.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lJ6REagW1Rs/UNptA_t6hAI/AAAAAAAABZo/uzrVajfc8LY/s1600/29506348.jpg
http://41.media.tumblr.com/c9dbb50d81d78426ac97797ffdbd4758/tumblr_o3pm86OWxP1rsss50o1_500.png
If I was wearing pants, they woulda just got a little tighter.
/note to self: become sperm donor in Iceland
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_TZJKzeJr5dU/TNGk935Fh5I/AAAAAAAAEso/ac41nr-Ch90/s1600/Scando-Wine.jpg
SONOFABITCH!!!!!
dvr cut off last 10 minutes of The Americans premiere.
Tecknowluhgy sucks.
I understood nothing of what Sill said, but
http://40.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyceodQ3J41r7k6a4o1_r1_500.png
SOSHULIZM IZ TEH EEEEEEEVUL AND SKANAD…SCRANDER…VIKINGLAND IZ TEH STOOOOOOPID
“The 10 Happiest Countries:
10. Sweden
9. Australia
8. New Zealand
7. Netherlands
6. Canada
5. Finland
4. Norway
3. Iceland
2. Switzerland
1. Denmark”
Denmark, bitches!!!!
http://www.worldstoplists.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Denmark-girls.jpg
http://blogs.denmark.dk/ekaterina/files/2014/01/great_feelings_with_nina_agdal_by_massivegts-d52v49r.jpg
Sweden gets it.
I don’t know. Maybe the whole royalty thing isn’t so bad.
Warriors: 61-6. Curry scores 34 with eight 3-pointers.
DAMMIT!!!!
I hate when they speak Russian with subtitles and I gotta read.
FX, you fucktards….I watch TV to avoid reading!!!!! How hard is that to comprehend????
Good news, Ice Giants win! Bad news, McDonagh takes a puck to the head at the end. Reassuring news, not the face.
SMOOTHIES FOR ALL
Raanta played because Hank’s playing tomorrow night in LA, so smoothies for some, miniature American flags for others.
Yay!!!! Pedophile Time….errrr….Pastor Tim is under surveillance. Part on of my prediction comes to fruition.
Hippos is my witness….assuming he read my email on the subject.
Part *one.
Dammit…why don’t I proofread???????????
Impromptu night out (SPRING BREAK MUTHAFUCKAS) began as the idea of going to the mall down the street for a couple of things, that became a possible trip to Dave & Buster’s across town (HALF-PRICED WEDNESDAYS COCKSTAINS), became a dinner with friends, and NCAA Tournament watching/paying games/beers at D&B. Not a bad NCAA Tournament Thursday Eve.
What’d I miss?
Not a goddamned thing other than the usual stupidity.
You made the right choice.
‘sup, shitsnacks?
Sorry, I’m currently in the process of setting the World’s Record for LONGEST GODDAMN TIME TAKEN TO WATCH A ONE HOUR SHOW!!!!!
http://cdn1.theodysseyonline.com/files/2014/11/10/635512516234480736-240406608_excit4ed%20forml.gif
Hi
http://media1.giphy.com/media/2AilMg2L8rTAA/giphy.gif
Oh Tatiana you bitch….I KNEW you were bad news.
Kill that bitch Arkady. I mean it. The motherland depends on it!!!!!
To be clear, I want Arkady to kill Tatiana.
/realizes no one cares
//shows self out
http://56.media.tumblr.com/7c33c75640deb13c008e3bb095b118e3/tumblr_mhcyxnhjhh1ruq2zuo1_1280.jpg
YOU PEEPUHL ARE A BAD INFOOONCE. I’M TRYNNA WATCH KGB OPERUHTIVES AND RUSSHUHN HOTNESS. STOP DISTRACTING MEEEEEEEE!!!!!
http://56.media.tumblr.com/55116fe76ca69faa4150c4401cd94ee9/tumblr_mrxnvpu77c1qzr8nao1_500.jpg
http://57.media.tumblr.com/248b795bd1c171c5fb43f57cdf5dc7be/tumblr_mj0l5i0Kd71rqzrgho1_500.gif
I know the Hawks failure brings many people joy on here. And they are bringing that failure nightly. What do you think the odds are as they end up as a wildcard?
http://56.media.tumblr.com/bb8f27971e9599de366d106e1c18ed83/tumblr_mjato15Mfd1r0hgato1_500.jpg
Went to Ice Stamps v Ice Blue Bombers tonight, left after 2 periods as the beer served is shit and the ice football was excruciatingly boring. Pity the Mrs bought me the tix in Oct when the game could have had merit.
Just remember she likes you enough to give you sports.
/Calls Mrs Litre
“Is he gone yet?”
Well played Seamus, well played.
That is why she has a rock on her finger and will take my last name in October!
I have been slacking and not hitting the “This is great”‘s again. If you made a witty or even half assed comment assume I hit the button while doing this
http://38.media.tumblr.com/d0abcb038d633436fd1c33b840b2518c/tumblr_inline_ncs429uMKy1r2es7n.gif
That is what I am wearing as pajamas so a really close representation.
So today we learned two things:
1. There definitely is no god. No god would allow Bill Simmons the amount of good fortune he’s already had PLUS today’s play-in result.
:(] Southern is the worst program in the history of the NCAA tournament. Holy Cross was set to be the worst, with their stunning 5-13 conference record and 13-point loss to Lafayette. But no, Southern had to go and fuck everything up.
So congratulations, Southern.
You’re the Jaguras of the NCAA.
http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/194ir1q1pxppmgif/original.gif
With all due respect….
The Wolpfack[sic] are the Jaguras of the NCAA.
http://cdn0.sbnation.com/imported_assets/804407/wolpfack_JPG.jpg
The defense has nothing further, your honor.
I always thought that “First in Flight” slogan made it sound like North Carolinans were the first to run away at times of trouble.
They’ve changed it to “First in Freedom”…which to me makes no fucking sense.
But….North Carolina.
What’re ya gonna do?
Don’t flatter yourselves.
You’re like the Trent Dilfer of The NCAA.
One fluke championship a long time ago preceded and followed by infinite mediocrity.
I wish we could aspire to that currently.
But for the record, that “fluke” championship (and admittedly, it could be viewed that way….sometimes I do myself FWIW), was preceded by decades of making the ACC our bitch.
74 was no fluke. 73 wouldn’t have been either if we hadn’t been on proby for a bullshit MINOR violation (David Thompson played a pickup game on campus…an asst coach happened to play in it a few minutes…seriously, post season ban for that).
Don’t believe the ESPN hype….UNC/Duke have not always been the Tobacco Road darlings they are now. Dean Smiff can rot in hell, dirty fucking cunt.
OH WAIT…I got a better one….
Fluke championship followed by mediocrity? Are talking about NCSU Basketball or Pitt Football?
Shit….now I’m even more derpresseded[sic].
Pitt has 1918 and 1937, so…
http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/epicrapbattlesofhistory/images/d/d2/You-Lose-Short.gif/revision/latest?cb=20130812013015
Hehehehe…
Holy Cross won? Woo hoo! Twisted Teas and Marlboro Reds for everyone!
I think Simmons remarked smoking Marlboro Lights, which are only out-douched by Benson & Hedges Gold.
Was referring to this: http://uproxx.com/ksk/the-single-most-douchetastic-email-youll-ever-read/
WTF. I couldn’t even read it. The masked it in UPforwhateverROXX clothing. Just anger seeing it presented that way.
I know, I know. But you can never pass up a chance to shit talk cigarette smokers’ brand preferences. Even unionized lepers get more chances to explore scab humor in comparison.
Parliament Lights are the doucheist cigs by far. I get a pass because I smoked Full flavor not Lights
I could never get that pressed-on filter thing in Parliaments. Oh yeah, this will really keep the emphysema at bay.
It actually does the opposite, allows you to power smoke a cig on a 2 minute break in the middle of lunch hour at your shitty job
Lunch rush* would be a better descriptor
Yeah, sometimes you just gotta smoke ’em and let the wind take are of the ash.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/84cf21f80d1b9f462a563f660fd44e6b/tumblr_mjtk9qyRfK1qzichyo1_1280.jpg
Philip oversharing at EST.
Aaaaaannnnddd silver lining….probably gonna bang Stan’s ex.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/c8140d079edc9f13fefd89552068f676/tumblr_n2r6mbrgE41r855nqo1_500.jpg
This is Stan’s ex…
http://56.media.tumblr.com/46dd05c4931a57b4c012b17778f6014d/tumblr_n56e1u71SB1rmi7aao1_500.jpg
WOULD PROBABLY BANG PENDING THE RESULTS OF OUR CONVERSATION ABOUT LED ZEPPELIN.
I presume you mean Stan’s ex….and not Orson Wells.
Meh, which ever…….
Balls is in DA HOUSE!
http://56.media.tumblr.com/8a97ffc7bb8201d2259c7213050f8f7c/tumblr_myw24aHiiK1r4sqyeo1_1280.jpg
So to speak.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/69315bf4c14527428eedd9c0dd1a7e02/tumblr_mmulsaAc851rt4xnho1_r1_1280.jpg
The Knicks are losing by many after 3.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/d1ccb96d4f962be5c7e361e3973a2f7d/tumblr_mitryrgbPt1qbogk6o1_500.jpg
http://blogdailyherald.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/halftime.png
http://56.media.tumblr.com/abd81ef678fb261ba832de182a15c206/tumblr_mxidt8dgR71r0hgato1_1280.jpg
GIT!
Woooo!!!! Bioweapons storyline and untested vaccinations.
Dammit Gabriel…get that air out of that syringe.
Goddamn amateurs.
http://57.media.tumblr.com/560a014c890aaaa10847e23bf8437cea/tumblr_mzfbvmj9Zl1s2wio8o1_500.gif
Gawd, that’s hypnotic.
Is this PC?
http://57.media.tumblr.com/1400a46683c53db4a764d8cf826600f0/tumblr_mn25cdr9981qb6v2ao7_250.gif
No?
http://56.media.tumblr.com/bd8408710fec4dbf4dd6eca16f8bf6ee/tumblr_mlh9ajSO3j1r0hgato1_500.jpg
OK, that’s fine.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/520d81467796b51eb3920975995d5771/tumblr_ml6a63GQz21r6mdwlo1_500.jpg
Not even remotely PC.
Which is why I like you so much.
Which probably doesn’t help I guess.