Balls’ Bedtime Stories – Chapter 13

Chapter 12

Who was that gorgeous blonde Russian track girl?  Who slipped that picture under the door?  It seemed that Balls had friends but the picture did not have any of the tell-tale codes that M would have ordered to be included.  Balls’ mind was whirring with the possibilities.

Balls had friends in many places, both high and low.  Some knew his predilection for blondes in good shape, but did that have anything to do with it?  What about the number on the racing bib?  That must mean surely something!  She was also looking to the right of the picture, to the left of her.  Did that have a secret meaning too?

After a while, though, there was too little information and the puzzle became too difficult to solve.  Balls decided to take a break and go over the plan one more time, this time, with the knowledge that there may be someone (or more?) that could provide assistance at the crucial hour.  Which was now a little over 25 hours away.

The meeting between Blatter and the Russians was scheduled to start at 12:53 AM (Blatter loved picking odd times for covert operations) and they would be seated at the secret conference room inside the vault located on the basement of the building.  All security systems were scheduled to be disabled between 12:45 AM and 1:45 AM and no Credit Suisse personnel were allowed to be present.

At precisely 1 AM, the entourage of Goodell, PK, Balls, and the ex-football players would arrive at the building in six different cars, one for Goodell and one for each of the five team owners.  The owners had been shrewd in picking their bag men.  Balls went over the list.

Detroit Lions

 Ford had slim pickings.  Her best athletes had retired early with their faculties intact.  They had been smart.  Ford was nothing if not resourceful, though, and placed a phone call to a Mr. Green.  After reminding him that he played his entire career with the Detroit Lions, Trent was in.

 Trent brought along his old coach Jim, who would support him through thick and thin and would do anything for a buck.

Dallas Cowboys

Jerry Jones had an embarrassment of riches to choose from. He finally settled on the star running back from the Super Bowl years of the 70s, Tony Dorsett.

Of course, being a cheap bastard, Jones had arranged for Dorsett to drive the car to the rendezvous point, carry the bags to and from the vault, and drive the car away to the house in the countryside all by himself.

New York GIants

Mara had an easy choice.  The bagmen were to be Harry Carson

and Leonard Marshall

Pittsburgh Steelers

Most of the Steelers from the 70s were either dead or had disappeared, so Rooney chose two relatively young men to do his bidding.  Apparently, those who had played “special teams” were good candidates.

Sean Morey
Antwaan Randle-El

New England Patriots

 Robert Kraft, like his team’s fans did not know nor care about the players who had played on the Patriots prior to his becoming the owner and turning them into a successful franchise at the turn of the century.  Lucky for him, he had no shortage of men willing to help him.  He originally had wanted his old “tight end”, but that man had been careless and was “unavailable”.  He settled on the two players he could trust the most.  Interestingly, neither man was known to have mental issues, well, at least none related to the game of football.

Rob Gronkowski

and

Tom Brady

Balls had wondered many times if Brady was behind the picture of the girl.  It would make sense since it had been Brady that had reached out to him what seemed like ages ago to confront Goodell on the cheating at cards. Yet Goodell had not said anything.  In fact, he praised the choice.  Maybe this was Goodell’s way of putting Tom back in his pocket?  Balls didn’t quite trust Brady either.  Men like him only looked out for themselves.  There would be no reason for Brady to align himself with Balls yet again.

Balls was tired and he needed all his energy for the day ahead.  As his eyes closed, he focused on the blonde, pictured her naked next to him, and fell into a deep sleep.

To Be Continued…

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Covalent Blonde

So, I realize this is not exactly the right post for this, but you are exactly the right crowd for this. Amidst the global tragedies today, another casualty rings out. Rob Ford died today. From cancer, as it turns out, not a heart attack following a swan dive into a ball pit of coke. I can’t decide what I find more surprising at this. If it is that we lost Rob Ford, or that he was ONLY 46.

That is all. Carry on with your regularly scheduled program.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Both cancer and humanity are fucking assholes.

Sill Bimmons

Dark Wonder Woman is an idea that makes Dark Superman vs. Dark Batman look like discovering cold fusion that makes time travel possible and cures cancer.

Covalent Blonde

Rob Ford could’ve used Dark Wonder Woman.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Antwaan Randle-El always did have that sexy, over-the-shoulder pose.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Three boobs and a large butt; WOULD FLY.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Airplane needs nipples.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s funny, at about the time this posted I was drinking a variation of a Vesper martini. Mine consist of:

3 parts Gin (Bombay Sapphire)
1 part Vodka (Ketel One)
(slightly less than) 1/2 part Lillet Blanc
(slightly less than) 1/2 part lemon juice

Shaken, strained, and served in a chilled martini glass, with a twist of lemon.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh wait, I see that it was posted at 6 a.m. So never mind about that martini; by that time I’d already switched over to beer.

This didn’t work, so here’s just the link to all of them.

http://imgur.com/gallery/i0Wt7

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…with a twist of lemon.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Curiously, this movie was released almost exactly 25 years ago (February 8, 1991).

Sill Bimmons

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WAIT, WUUUUUUUUUUUUT?

[must forget I saw this]

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, Balls, Rob Ford died. Early reports indicate he was not eaten by lions.

blaxabbath

Crunkin’ it up in Brussels again?

montythisseemsstrangetome

Gronk with pussy hanging off him? It’s as natural as the fact that his brackets involve screwing.