Somehow, at the bottom of a particularly strange rabbit hole this morning, I found this in my browser:

WIP-FM IS SEEKING A PART-TIME ANNOUNCER

Go on…

Candidates must have at least 3 years radio experience and success in a medium to large market, or equivalent experience in a related sports profession.

I’ve sold beer at sporting events for 23 years. I think that makes me overqualified. But – please continue.

Must exude personality and not be afraid to have strong opinions as well as possess the ability to entertain in person.

Exude…like an odour? Of cheesesteak? Of disappointment? Clearly, not of success. What else?

This unique individual should possess a strong radio background and have an interest in sports, and be prepared to handle the most passionate sports fans in the world.

“The most passionate sports fans in the world” But not The Best Fans In Baseball?

What type of peasant must I converse with? Surely they’re not hooligans?! Way to put that dress on the pig.

There’s so much that could be said about the masochist that would apply for such an opening.  The burnout rate for these new hires must be about Week 2 of the Eagles season, due to all the ‘interaction’. No wonder they advertise at the start of baseball season – it’s so they can sucker people in with the relative passivity of Phillies fans and the absence of Sixers playoffs. Those batteries are only going to get larger and more plentiful through the summer. Best to get that Faustian contract signed now.

The NFL has decided to keep its May owners meeting in North Carolina. It makes sense, given their aggressive stance on concussions and cheerleader hygiene. If you don’t care about your own employees, then why bother worrying about random strangers? It doesn’t take much for Jerry Richardson to go from giving 3/5^ths of a shit to none whatsoever. Someone better make sure Mark Davis knows where to go because my guess is that, without direction, he’ll piss in the plant pots.

Going from out of his mind to simply out of options:

“I commend Marvin’s achievements,” Bengals owner Mike Brown said last month. “He’s done remarkably well with our football team here, in recent years especially. I respect him. I like him personally. He’s going to be our coach this year. That’s in the bank. Where it goes, we’ll see how it plays out.” _(si.com)

Just who in the hell does Mike Brown think he could get to come in and coach that mess? The guys who keep Pacman out of the strip club buffets have a better chance of controlling that team. Anyway, I guess we’ll find out in January 2017, when the 10:35 from San Francisco arrives.

Well, that’s enough of that – it looks like the midnight train has arrived. UNLOAD THE GAMES!

NHL: (13 games total)

• Red Wings @ Bruins – 7:00
• Islanders @ Rangers – 7:00
• Penguins @ Capitals – 7:00
• Blues @ Blackhawks – 8:30
• Ducks @ Kings – 10:30

NCAA Hockey: the Frozen Four! Semi-final action from Tampa Bay!

• Boston College vs Quinnipiac – 5:30
• Denver vs North Dakota – 8:30

NBA: (5 games total)

• Raptors @ Hawks – 8:00
• Spurs @ Warriors – 10:30

RIP Merle Haggard. Only Willie Nelson is left – THE ONE WHO SMOKED THE MOST WEED WON!