Your “FINALLY! Games That Matter!” Wednesday Open Thread

I don’t believe there’s a person in North America – nay; the world – that feels any sympathy for Gary Bettman. But it does suck that, on the opening night of the NHL’s two-month journey towards winning the best trophy in sports (come at me!), the vast majority of interest is focused on basketball LA and Oakland. At least the league was helped by the Kings finishing ahead of the Sharks, so they didn’t try something stupid like having San Jose play tonight before a half-empty Tank.

Speaking of dancing around, Lynn Swann was named the new USC athletic director today. I’m sure George Atkinson can be found for a word or two about that. Maybe it’s me, but after the 1972 Dolphins, the group of old men I also don’t need to hear from are the 1970s Raiders. If they were that damn good or tough, they could give me the finger and show me a second ring. None of those windbags they show on NFL Network were around in January 1981, when Jim Plunkett showed Jaws how to play in the big game.

In the first hint of the upcoming adpocalypse, the NBA is voting this week on allowing jersey advertising, which would become effective for the 2017/18 season. The union strike about revenue sharing would follow soon after, I imagine. It might be enough to drag Peyton and Brett out of retirement in 2020 when it comes to the NFL.

While we’re on the subject of the NBA, don’t expect me to participate in the hagiography around Kobe Bryant. Good player; awful person. The pregame ceremony will probably make me vomit. Besides, I’ll be rooting for the Blues about that time.

Before I go, have fun doing math over the weekend! Luckily, Big Daddy Drew has some tax pointers for you over at Deadspin.

Tonight’s entertainment:

NHL Playoffs:

  • Detroit @ Tampa Bay – 7:00
  • NY Rangers @ Pittsburgh – 8:00
  • Chicago @ St. Louis – 9:30

NBA: (14 games total)

  • Kings @ Rockets – 8:00 (if Houston loses, then Utah is win & in)
  • Jazz @ Lakers – 10:30
  • Grizzlies @ Warriors – 10:30

Finally, if you recall, last week I mentioned that I was going to see Iron Maiden on Sunday night. Loud? YOU BET! A limited edition tour shirt that sold out in 5 minutes? NATURALLY! Fifteen songs like usual? OF COURSE! But a nice mix of old & new:

  1. If Eternity Should Fail
  2. Speed of Light
  3. Children of the Damned
  4. Tears of a Clown
  5. The Red and the Black
  6. The Trooper
  7. Powerslave
  8. Death or Glory
  9. The Book of Souls
  10. Hallowed Be Thy Name
  11. Fear of the Dark
  12. Iron Maiden

Encore:

  1. The Number of the Beast
  2. Blood Brothers
  3. Wasted Years

Here’s “The Trooper”

VANCOUVER DID SCREAM FOR YOU, BRUCE!

 

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Brocky

Because St. Louis: http://i.imgur.com/PcZZpjb.png

WCS
Senor Weaselo

So I guess picking up the sister was for the best.

http://ih0.redbubble.net/image.104772225.2654/fc,800×800,asphalt.u2.jpg

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Warriors dominating, Kobe laying bricks. This NBA season in a nutshell.

SonOfSpam

Not just this season.

And holy crap, 20 points already for Steph. He just might be good someday.

WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Damn you.

SonOfSpam

They just showed the Kobe high school announcement – he used the “take my talents to the NBA” thing years before LeBron and Miami. Is that trope really that old?

Doktor Zymm

First game of the playoffs is no reason to stay up late. Alexa will tell me who won in the morning. Maybe next game I’ll go to a bar and I’ll be able to chant something in a group. That’s always fun.

Brocky

I can’t find a gif that adequately conveys my disappointment at the lack of scoring in the Blackhawks/blues game

litre_cola

Jordan Spieth putting the jacket on the limey. That farce.

Sill Bimmons

Rangers studio team unhappy with tonight’s result, claim the Rangers looked like the better team.

http://contenidos.educarex.es/mci/2007/33/imagenes/imag_ud1/delta_nilo.jpg

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, I was told no jokes about Aunt Flo

Doktor Zymm

What does the Nile river delta have to do with anything? Are we going scuba diving?

Sill Bimmons

Archaeologizing.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

I think Steph Curry crashed Twitter.

WCS

Is that why it’s being so bitchy right now?

litre_cola

I was wondering

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Isn’t bitchiness the natural state of twitter.

bourb0nblues

Also… the fucking odds of Steve Kerr being involved in two 72 win teams. I will think about this for days and never be content.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

COULDA BEEN YOU, JUD BUECHLER

BrettFavresColonoscopy

7 TVs at this bar. Not one is showing hockey.

Sill Bimmons

Resist the urge to kill the bartender with a taphandle.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Everyone here is watching the Rockies game or basketball, so I can’t actually blame him.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
bourb0nblues

To the staff at that bar

http://i.imgur.com/nvLg68i.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

You should ask them to change one to Adult Swim.
KOTH is starting.
Woooooooo!!!!!!!!
http://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw3o7jv5Wh1r80217o1_r2_500.gif

Sill Bimmons

Name five more underrated shows. You can’t.

WCS

Also:

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WCS

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SonOfSpam

Tirico just said, “The Kobe Farewell Tour is the deodorant on this Lakers season.”

I mean, it’s true and all, but I didn’t know Tirico had that kind of venom.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I HATE Kobe, but I hate the Lakers more for indulging this farewell bullshit. DIAF

He’s never been one to disguise his contempt.

Doktor Zymm

I hope they’re still using actual deodorant. Figurative deodorant….probably not too effective.

Sill Bimmons
theeWeeBabySeamus

Soooo…No Smoothies?
I guess I’ll just keep drinking vodka and Monster.

SonOfSpam

Ok, fine, I’m just a little emotional. Kobe’s been playing for MY team (NO ONE DENIES THIS) for just about as long as I’ve been married. And that’s a LONG fucking time (ask my wife).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
SonOfSpam

Hey, you might understand if you had a basketball team in Denver.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Do I have to?

Are rapists cool in LA?

Yeah, I went there.

SonOfSpam

Colorado girls think “GOD YES FUCK ME IN THE ASS” means “no.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Stop digging.

SonOfSpam

She should’ve said that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Shoulda put a knife in his gut.

SonOfSpam

Po-tay-to, po-tah-to

litre_cola

Rapists are cool in Tallahassee. People forget that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And out of nowhere! A sick Tallahassee BURN.

ALXMAC

So are St. Louis the Ice Cardinals now? Not that anyone did, but they shouldn’t be called the Ice Rams anymore right?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Ice Rams isn’t any less accurate, their real name already has no relation to the city they are from

Sill Bimmons

Ice Vagabonds?

ALXMAC

Maybe they could steal LA’s XFL team name – Ice Xtreme.

WCS

EVERY IS HORNY

Sill Bimmons

YES IS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

HORNY HATTY WOO

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Commercial break (yeah, I know I was late and the game is back)

http://i.imgur.com/sRxEmvF.jpg

SonOfSpam

Huh. I guess it’s Kobe’s last game or something. Woulda been nice if someone had mentioned this before now.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I met Gary Bettman once. I hate to admit it, but I kinda liked him.

bourb0nblues

Flea with the…unconventional… national anthem from Staples

WCS

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SonOfSpam

I loved it. Because why the fuck not.

WCS

Elway is multifaceted.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehe…well played.

Sill Bimmons

schmerf

WCS

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theeWeeBabySeamus

This should be the standard reaction whenever Aziz Ansari arrives anywhere.

Gratliff

I always wonder if I’m the only person who hasn’t been able to stand Azis Ansari since the late seasons of scrubs when that seemed like a character instead of his awful personality.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You are not.

Doktor Zymm

FACE OFF!

Gratliff
Sill Bimmons

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Doktor Zymm

Doktor Zymm

Bah, they cut off the proper end. “She must have crab and fucking shrimp in her teeth”

Sill Bimmons

The guy on the right looks like Malkin.

Sill Bimmons
bourb0nblues

If only Kobe’s last game was in Colorado

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Did Las Vegas show a nationally televised ad about how they have internationally smuggled prostitutes coming in all the time so you can get fresh ones if you visit Vegas?

King Hippo

ppl forget that

theeWeeBabySeamus

Plus, human trafficking keeps costs down.
Double bonus.

Gratliff
Sill Bimmons

That was his dad’s nickname.

Best hockey player in German history:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erich_K%C3%BChnhackl

King Hippo

1-goal apiece during this 12-minute power play

Sill Bimmons

Hippos are seriously fucking awesome:

http://www.metmuseum.org/toah/images/h5/h5_17.9.1_av2.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

Perfection Lost.
http://misterirrelevant.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Mixed-Up-Baseball-Fan-e1305573121432.jpg
(then again I’d have been willing to give my left nut for a 7-1 start soooooo….yeah)
((sadly, a 10 game losing streak could easily now ensue))

King Hippo

THERE IS A LIGHT AND IT NEVAR GOES OUT

/cuts furiously

litre_cola

Have you ever seen the Bonino run down in the gulf?

It’s breathtaking.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I knew I smelled fish.

Sill Bimmons

shorty muthafucka woo

King Hippo

well, that was nifty

WCS

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litre_cola

The patience of the Rags there was impressive. Brassard especially.

Sill Bimmons

fuck