On the heels of Anaheim coach Bruce Boudreau being fired on Friday morning, comes the draft-delayed second round preview of the Stanley Cup playoffs that I in no way amended after Friday night’s results. I went 6-8 with my opening round predictions, so let’s see if I can keep the toonies rolling here.
Now, most Canadians at this point have abandoned watching the playoffs in favour of thawing out the barbecue equipment in advance of the May 2-4 weekend.
That’s expected. What’s surprising is that the NHL has tried to appeal to Canadians by having four series that, on paper look the equivalent of tan, taupe, beige and maple syrup. Our national flavours! So, let’s dig in.
Eastern Conference: (* – if necessary)
Pittsburgh vs. Washington (Th, Sat, M, W, Sat*, Tu*, Th*)
- This series should be the best of the four, much like maple syrup is the best of the brown colour spectrum. High powered offence; semi-competent defence; and tacticians for coaches. The dividing factor is going to be in net. Braden Holtby for Washington is a known commodity. Pittsburgh is still waiting for Marc-Andre Fleury to stop seeing visions of Bonhomme every time he closes his eyes. If Murray and the other kid can’t keep up, it’s going to go Washington’s way pretty quickly. Washington in 6
NY Islanders vs. Tampa Bay (W, Sat, Tu, F, Sun*, Tu*, Th*)
- Well, now we enter the bland colour wheel. This is the series Gary Bettman is hoping goes his way. He’s already lost the Rangers, Blackhawks and Kings; at least the Isles can claim to be a New York market for TV purposes. If he loses them, there’ll be pretty much no East Coast interest outside of DC. That’ll do wonders for ad revenue and the salary cap next year. If Tampa were to get Stamkos back, they might’ve had a chance, but they don’t have enough lines, and Griess is having one of those playoff years NHL legends get written about. Islanders in 6
Western Conference:
St. Louis vs. Dallas (F, Sun, Tu, Th, Sat*, M*, W*)
- This could be a good series, but could also be boring as hell. It all depends on which Dallas team shows up. If it’s the hurt, hit, and slow-down-the-game Stars, then prepare for a lot of 1-0 or 2-1 games. But if it’s the run & gun Stars, then it’s going to be fantastic, because that’s the only gear the Blues have. GOALS FOR EVERYONE! Deciding factor: Brian Elliot. The Moose is hot right now, and I think – like the Canucks in 2011 – once the Blues got the Hawks monkey off their back, they could be in for a magical run. Blues in 7
Nashville vs. San Jose (F, Sun, Tu, Th, Sat*, M*, Th*)
- I see no redeeming value in watching this series, other than the fact that I will be in Nashville in time for Game 6, so you bet your ass I’ll be looking for a ticket if it gets that far. But, it won’t, much to Covalent Blonde’s relief. Sharks in 5
At this point, Gary Bettman’s best hope for ratings is a Blues – Islanders or Blues – Capitals final. However, what would kill him would be Tampa – Nashville. Decisions, decisions…
Oh – the NHL Draft Lottery is Saturday night. All 7 Canadian teams are in it, looking to draft a Swiss kid from America – Auston Matthews – number 1. Toronto has a 20% chance of getting the first pick, which means they will probably won’t because God and Canada (outside the 416) hates the Leafs – that’s the only national sport we have left at this point.
what a dead crowd. DC is a shiiiiittttt sports town
Yup
say what you will re Balmer…they’d be making noise of some varietal
We’d be throwing shit.
Like literally…throwing shit.
And they think they can convince Kevin Durant to sign up for that.
I think not.
Keep that kind of talk up, and Chairman Dan is gonna sue your ass.
Larry Wilmore closed the dinner with “Yo, Barry…you did it, my n___er.”
CNN is trying to determine how to react. It’s uncomfortable. And awesome.
DEE-LIGHT-FUL
http://41.media.tumblr.com/d210d01e673b5f508e7c01712e84f1f3/tumblr_o3yk2dYUVC1tuqkmto1_1280.jpg
Hot taek time!
I don’t like pancakes.
They do nothing for me.
Give me biscuits and gravy anytime.
So there!
Is there a reason that every single Caps player seems completely adverse to shooting the fucking puck?
Seeing Kessel’s fat fucking head throws perspective off. Like refraction in water.
da Fuq…I get home, turn on the TV and see THAT bullshit goal?
Not to mention that the O’s fucked themselves in the ass apparently while I was away.
/heads to freezer fo’ the freezer vodka
It’s a great game…. except for the Caps score deficit
Ice Steelers go top shelf
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
HOW IN THE BLOODY FUCK DID THAT GO IN?!?!?
THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATS WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!!!!!!!
ONLY difficult goals. NEVAR the open netters. Have you not been charting teh pattern?
http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m91tpqDVPc1qca6mzo1_r1_500.gif
Larry Wilmore is murdering CNN and msnbc right now, and the crowd is groaning like crazy. It’s fantastic. Wolf Blitzer and Alleged Journalist, Don Lemon, deserve all the shade. Everything bad about the media is sitting in that audience right now.
Yeah, he’s fantastic and no one in the crowd appreciates it.
DVRing it.
I guess Gratliff and I are the only ones who saw Obama in full IDGAF mode. It was pretty glorious.
I am intrigued to read about it tomorrow. I am sure “GOP Reacts Reasonably” will be delicious as well, because they have always underestimated the President’s mad trolling game.
And here is where I will make a small sales pitch to you folks FOAR HillyBob. They are gonna work together like ninjas between now and November. It’s gonna be BRUTAL. They competed against one another like true heavyweight champions, and earned each other’s respect and admiration. And once they worked together…they truly developed a friendship and trust bond.
Obama wouldn’t trust his legacy to just anyone. And you are about to watch a masterclass in politics like nobody has seen since LBJ was nut-cuttin’ on the floor of the Senate.
I fully expect them to begin the murking process here shortly with Sanders basically officially dead.
Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/fc7b1370a21cdfd37f161917db9886bb/tumblr_o4e1jwzoVz1uei62xo1_500.jpg
his headache is gone ,, but he wants to ride on
I can’t see anything other than “irritate the bowels of the consumer viewing this” in the marketing brainstorm going into that Stella Artois Cirde commercial
The Dirt Giants need to learn how to hit the dirt football better especially when they have a chance to score dirt points. What I’m saying is if Horatio and I take a drink every time the Yankees fuck up with RISP or at all, we should both be dead of cirrhosis by *does math* Memorial Day.
/Holy shit I spelled “cirrhosis” right first try!
THAT’S GOOD ALCOHOLISM HUSTLE!
The good alcoholism hustle’s been over the last two weeks. I’m pretty sure this would be bad alcoholism hustle.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/ec2ab75f3100ac0dcc2865addba8b7c8/tumblr_o3q7bpIS5s1ul0mdxo1_1280.jpg
Quebec?
That sounds about right actually.
“FUCK you, Chuck Todd” – Barack Obama, 2016
It’ll just be him and Diamond Joe Biden, getting shitfaced and eating ribs.
Well, I’m in agreement with the President on that one.
You fuck up too many empty nets, Ice Stillers. JEEBUS
foja;ofjsvnnveirujgobl ndo u’plbn ,ori 430r9p
And you can quote me.
well, ain’t that a kick in the scrotum
Huzzah! Caps did a good!
Meanwhile, the Spurs are flame broiling the Thunder 105-66. Can we just put them and the Warriors into the WCF already?
Basketball season ended like 3 weeks ago, silly!
YOLO Obama coming about 7 years too late for my tastes
well, he ain’t running for anything no mo, and his chosen successor gets to face Donald Trump…so…changes the calculus a wee bit.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/edfc558c7ea1a929cd9b092cef56a673/tumblr_nnya78GtSu1rh844qo1_400.gif
Hot Taek TIME!!!!
Ali today, would get crucified for his pre and post match comments/behavior.
AND HE SHOULD!
He was at the time.
Oh I realize that. One of the things that bug the shit out of me about Ali is how the history about him has been sort of whitewashed into him being recognized right away as being fantastic and was instantly a fan favorite.
I’ve always wanted to write an opera about Ali, just so some 50-year old elegant white lady has to recite his line about the Vietcong.
“no Vietcong ever called me Niagara Falls”
Get to work on that libretto, Hippo, and I’ll see what I can do.
A lot of people hated him, especially white people.
Lots of white people can’t stand a black man telling the unvarnished truth.
Yep, funny that my dad liked him in a lot of ways. Reminds me that we used to watch boxing on Friday nights. Him and Smokin’ Joe; that was a rivalry that caused them both CTE.
Obama’s miles better during his set tonight, but nothing short of transforming into Chris Rock halfway through is going to make me forget that fucking spilt milk joke.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/4709fb854f9fbfaf2c5c45b35a2462a8/tumblr_o444c5JGVb1qbhetko1_1280.jpg
Did he tell the GOP to suck his giant black dick yet? I keep waiting for that and being all disappoint.
Does it make me a bad person for enjoying every time I see the B’s listed on the draft pick ticker?
Nope.
NAWT FAYEH!!!
Mathematically, the best possible 2-minute power play is with 2:03 left in the period, eh?
http://67.media.tumblr.com/5189f3e9a8895d25b1faea315247175d/tumblr_o4lzdacCrK1toamj8o1_400.gif
THIS CAT I CALL HIM ZAMBONI CAUSE … … wait, do zambonis have headlights?
Or… or… :03 left in the 3rd period?
http://41.media.tumblr.com/51db1a11ec84576fc026968239b32e57/tumblr_mvxbn1wbDN1qzcj1mo1_500.jpg
Shit yes, you magnificent punching bag, Holtby!
Hey Kitty cat!
How the are yez?
Poor Caps.
Now, now. Since when was an ass suplex interference?
http://49.media.tumblr.com/340b639cc7d528f4f514e9453d365d42/tumblr_o4r0ysBHeF1tlb56zo1_400.gif
Is that live-action Krieger?
That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.
Nice stick to the face by Crosby on Holby.
Right? I believe that will go down as “missed opportunities” and by ‘opportunities’ they mean decapitation
WBS is at the State/Dook el beisbol fixture, at least.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/76505a3d5c007a33f9b1ed047bf83506/tumblr_o4s1ai1MsK1s7j9gio1_500.jpg
Woo! Go Pack!
So this is where Washington does their yearly implosion in the playoffs right?
Let’s fucking hope so!!
Does this make sense?: Washington Capitals = 1990s Atlanta Braves
without the 1 happy fun time
http://i.imgur.com/t1voNwo.gif
you ever have one of those nights when, no matter what you do, you just can’t seem to get your glasses 100% clean?
FUCK DO I FUCKING GODDAMNED HATE THAT
/not ready FOAR zombie apocalypse
I’ve had it where I went all the way to the kitchen sink, to run water into my eyes, because I couldn’t blink away the blur…only to realize that I need to clean my fucking glasses.
As a fellow glasses-wearer, I know exactly how you feel.
Who keeps putting dick prints on them?!?!?
time FOAR ICE STILLER HAPPY TIMES WINE
http://41.media.tumblr.com/2e9b8c10d5af2b3aeb69c8e0e357af27/tumblr_o4eicoBuXi1qewacoo6_1280.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/6a75138b1b474a8eb8233f3a462962cd/tumblr_o4emv7nKbw1r8brruo1_540.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/7b846a9afceddf56e2e90989caf02d21/tumblr_o4et44OhHj1r83d7lo2_500.gif
Moose, you such an engineer
/this is a compliment
http://mic.com/articles/138525/comedian-nails-the-one-simple-thing-adults-can-do-to-connect-with-young-people?utm_source=policymicTBLR&utm_medium=main&utm_campaign=social#.wkamTdx62
yep, everyone likes to be listened to and valued. Universally, since the dawn of time.
Get off my lawn in ancient Greek times:
http://45.media.tumblr.com/a84d9c4314a6ef14815224743debc3bf/tumblr_o4et44OhHj1r83d7lo5_540.gif
It’s pretty good.
good shit man
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mO3jzoqIeTg
Just to get in the mood for the Foxes tomorrow…
http://65.media.tumblr.com/c585a7f39237cd3201faa10634e25b8b/tumblr_o0g213HItq1rwn2euo1_1280.jpg
http://41.media.tumblr.com/c80f60973e3de6422b0a4b9169aa7f52/tumblr_nd74w5Kbex1r4litgo1_500.jpg
Is this where we talk pucks n’at?
http://45.media.tumblr.com/dcf72984053d61d9b45e1ee35776e10f/tumblr_o3e5l5C83k1tpmgf1o1_400.gif
Working my uber, lyft, and airbnb shift….
It appears so but watch out, Moose has released a lot of wildlife on this thread.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/7b07e2010caf6fa233ab7e0c78c5b151/tumblr_o1tposBhys1uhyibpo1_500.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/af79dc78ee0731b7855dcc836bbd9253/tumblr_nyol4xGmE41sbxxazo9_1280.png
Brought to you by the good folks at Mutual of OMAHA! OMAHA! OMAHA!
http://65.media.tumblr.com/a0efae2b352cfc72717b818595af9e13/tumblr_o2b6i0ZHOY1r8vrhxo1_1280.png
http://www.bioexpedition.com/tree-kangaroo/
http://36.media.tumblr.com/daad75804e0bf7956197dae310afa14d/tumblr_nsnn096Rvh1rhavdko1_500.png
http://41.media.tumblr.com/5d3375c13ae9f9ca16c27ed3cf3553f7/tumblr_nsnn096Rvh1rhavdko2_1280.jpg
“SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR BROCCOLI!”
Daawwww!
Evening folks. Spent the day in the Veterans hospital in Baltimore, hacking up bloody shit. Decided that god was telling me to get the fuck out of dodge and stop spending time with my insane family. So I ducked out and drove back home.
TIME FOR SOME HOCKEY!!!!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/2d05d33019484305fd384c4fbd46701a/tumblr_o5pd0fKdo21rwlhrfo1_r1_400.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/633c6850d3d061f930d1061a00250b4f/tumblr_o5pd0fKdo21rwlhrfo4_r1_400.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/865381d71aa8615fbd3eec5009d470e9/tumblr_nphjufH5jZ1s2yegdo1_400.gif
Boring interview is boring. CHRIST, NBC.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/9b9f624ce1fa1bf2e55cca7239ea4dc0/tumblr_n8ezsi8fy21rp3kcho1_1280.jpg
I need a cooler banking option ,, smgdh
GO CANADIA!!! Squander another #1 pick!!!
Fuck it; hardcore porn!
http://41.media.tumblr.com/c0b9a2d008dba97199152a691da3f8f8/tumblr_o5ssuw5xfY1rt05ero1_500.jpg
Fuck the police.
http://65.media.tumblr.com/faba44c3add9c15543d020c181ccf6e0/tumblr_o4ocjwYtNQ1rt05ero1_500.jpg
Unless they’re hungry.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/d1f90745414a821cb0e10bf5c21ef262/tumblr_o6amsngfXw1t5vt2xo1_500.png
http://40.media.tumblr.com/f6c700e313451eb1adf6e1b4543704ab/tumblr_o6giebpjJA1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
http://41.media.tumblr.com/077db7ed15a1344efa5e42b5a13dd3d3/tumblr_o6guz1WwyU1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
Usually I don’t like wicker, too noisy.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/3e340838fdc70a1a10b306a0da0f29b8/tumblr_o6gq6kNW7x1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
http://persephonemagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/wicker-man-1973.gif
http://media.giphy.com/media/RiOy38CrvtpLi/giphy.gif
http://40.media.tumblr.com/9bdc9ac6558bdae2dbf45627de486a7d/tumblr_nxej02tZs61uhyibpo1_500.jpg
Now that the draft is over shall we begin defiling this spot a our open thread?
Asking for a friend …
http://40.media.tumblr.com/7287aa294de62bc071d58e81bf486637/tumblr_nzcu6oADt71uhyibpo1_500.jpg
I fucked that one up anyway.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/dc6b2f052015a76e3a422201466a72bb/tumblr_nn2avmnJ5J1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/8b517e3cba32b3aa56e24e172d166f01/tumblr_o5ye83PEqm1unmtsfo1_1280.jpg
Chris Isaak – Speak of the Devil
https://youtu.be/LjjQmxGNd4I
Lets see:
Wash in 7
Tampa in 6
Dallas in 6
Preds in 7. . . TBH, this is just wishful thinking. The Sharks look like they aren’t going to choke this year
I’m seriously hoping for a Preds/Lightning Cup finals, just so I can imagine being a fly on the wall when Bettmen talks to the CEO of Rogers after the ratings are at an all-time low.
Also, the small tin foil hat on my head says the Blue Jackets or Oilers are going to win the draft this year. Oilers because Bettman wants draft rules changed. Blue Jackets because they aren’t Canadian.
It’s annoying to see a league with regional appeal try to push big markets to succeed thinking that makes them less of a regional sport.
You want to be a national sport like the NFL? Fix that problem. Don’t shit on more than half your fans because they live outside predetermined preferred markets.
Adressed here smartly by David Castillo:
http://www.defendingbigd.com/2016/4/29/11533440/newborn-hockey-fan-tony-x-understands-what-veteran-hockey-mind-steve-simmons-fails-to
You never mentioned your adventures in acting.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/cba982c53186dcecd42c5c9f4cd12b2d/tumblr_nwzfk6cY5q1uhyibpo1_500.jpg
DUDE! Pretty sure he just took the cruise …..SMH.
EDIT: Stars in 7
WEEEEEEEE!
http://41.media.tumblr.com/37a7dcb60dae7b973a49cba4fc88abb8/tumblr_o6b0qz6SDc1qzhjh2o1_1280.jpg
LICK THAT TOAD! LICK THAT TOAD!
You will always have the Blue Jays.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/7091e1e450b48b8fd72ea0d20207a9d4/tumblr_myr53bg8T31s1v3r1o8_250.gif