Big news this week, as Fox Sports has announced how they’ll be deploying friend of the site Jason Whitlock. He and fellow esteemed sportstalker Colin Cowherd will be spending AN HOUR every day yelling at each other on FS1 in a show called Speak For Yourself, a show that I’m sure we’ll all be watching rapturously every afternoon.
This news is, all kidding aside, actually GOOD news. We are living in the waning days of the EMBRACE DEBATE era. It will hopefully be remembered for the disgust from viewers and commenters, and not the ratings that it pulled in for ESPN. It always amazed me that people were willing to watch uninformed yabbos like Mike Wilbon, Woody Hayes, Skip Bayless, Cowherd, Whitlock, Mike & Mike, Tony Kornheiser, Jay Mariotti, Steven A. Smith, Bill Plaschke, Tim Cowlishaw, and the rest debate old man topics like respecting the game.
This CONFOUNDS me. I love sports. That’s why I built this site: because I love sports (and all of you, of course) and I cannot tolerate the format of modern sports talk. Who is entertained by morons screaming at each other? YouTube commenters? People using AltaVista? Whoever is buying whole chicken in a can? These are the lowest goddamned denominator of people, being pandered to by both morons and very smart people who PRETEND to be morons. I think Skip Bayless is probably very smart. He plays a shithead on TV for money. I get it, really. But I fucking hate it. I hate that I can’t just leave ESPN on in the background during the day without getting annoyed at the awful goddamned banter between people I can’t stand.
Anyhoo, the era seems to be ending. ESPN has figured out that the toxic environment they’ve fostered over the last several years with expensive talent and annoying content is costing them viewers. In an age where the “Most Outrageous” clips quickly go up on YouTube or are dissected by Deadspin and Awful Announcing minutes after they happen, they don’t seem to be in the market to provide awful TV anymore. As sports increasingly becomes a watch on the go proposition, we don’t need to listen to these guys’ opinions any more. We all have our own viable opinions now. Hopefully, these shows disappear, and thoughtful sports talkers like Dan Patrick (Sandler obsession aside), Rich Eisen, and Scott Van Pelt can help show that we don’t need the garbage to attract eyeballs.
Anyhoo, sorry about the rant. I have VERY few pet peeves. Sports yelling and taking sports too seriously in general is one, so if you read all of this, I appreciate it. Enjoy the evening. We have…uh… the Caps trying to keep their President’s Cup season alive against the Penguins on NBC Sports, the Thunder and Spurs in Game 5 on TNT, and a buncha baseball, including the Cardinals traveling to Anaheim to see old pal Albert Pujols flail weakly, which is what I’ll be watching.
So, as some of you know, Happy Gilmore was filmed in Vancouver, Canadia. Well, Surrey, BC to be exact. During the opening montage, Happy takes a team hockey photo wearing a Surrey Minor Hockey rep jersey with Surrey Minor Hockey rep team players. I THINK it’s the Bantam AAA team he’s posing with. Given when the movie was made, that would have been around the time former NHLer and World Cup of Hockey Gold Medalist, Scott Hannan would have been playing for them.
What I’ve always wanted to know is, is Scott Hannan in that scene. Luckily enough, the movie can on tonight so I decided to investigate. And when the scene came on, I did a quick scan and what did I see?
Someone who might be Scott Hannan. So, Scott Hannan may or may not be in Happy Gilmore.
To be continued.
I didn’t get to fly the plane. 🙁
Should’ve tried this method:
EXACTLY!
And on the trip home, they wouldn’t let me fly the train, either!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/179bb1b59b7414e2b71e02cae4615c46/tumblr_o69j6ykoTX1uxticxo1_540.gif
Of course the Flash shows stupid shit for no reason after the alternative to make sense for once this season
/Posts open thread
//Still doesn’t respond to my message
Goddammit.
In your defense I just sent you 50 dick pics for no reason. This is probably on me
http://66.media.tumblr.com/fc346afbdf8157c2428bf54e1c681586/tumblr_o4rqo0sLoa1uxticxo1_540.gif
I need the biggest seed bell you have! No, that’s too big.
Go on…?
/seriously, what did I miss?
No word about how I can post my Hot Sauce Expo writeup from a couple weeks ago/if anyone cares.
I say absolutely, but, I’m not sure how to do that, either. If it’s the same as just setting up a regular post, I’ll do for ye. However, best ask our Overlord DTZM. I know he’s set some up for others. Someone else did the same for Fozz a week ago, but, I forget who.
Drop a line to DTZM and see how to proceed.
I did that already. Two weeks ago. Hence the grumbling.
Gotcha. Probably just an oversight. DM him using the “Ask DFO” tab up top.
Jay, from Jay and Silent Bob fame is guest starring in this ep of the Flash. Ok I am in for the 42 minutes even if you fuck it up
http://data.whicdn.com/images/52090640/tumblr_mhnmy9eUQZ1r7oky3o1_500_large.gif
Snoogins.
I am starting The Flash from earlier tonight. I apologize in advance if I rant about it. Especially if it stays like it is and everyone is gone
http://66.media.tumblr.com/67c9bf9bdc5253b381c7285cf9e79164/tumblr_njq5n7CofY1qbysf3o1_250.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/ddd8fd73cae8b6f80352b3ee69f6082b/tumblr_njq5n7CofY1qbysf3o2_250.gif
I mentioned off-handed last week to wifey that I’m pissed I can’t find Tool’s “box set”, Salival anywhere for less than $85. It’s another of those long-lost, most-likely-never-to-be-recovered discs, and one of my favorites. It’s also pretty rare, with only 500,000 pressings released, back in 2000.
Today, the DVD version shows up in the mail, and she tells me she got a used copy for $65. Didn’t tell me she was doing this, wasn’t even sure it was the right thing. She’s a good woman.
She’s totes awesome.
Your wife found my boxed set of tools if you know what I mean.
What I mean is that I need my ratchet set back. That sink has to be fixed by now.
You found a woman that remember absolutely random shit, then buys it for you as a surprise and dresses up as Archer characters with you for Halloween? You married a lovely woman.
Day 3 in Nashville is going swimmingly. Am charming my wife’s co-workers, and my BAC is under 0.1, so I can remember names. Hopefully, I can use tomorrow’s free day to go explore a bourbon distillery and/or visit Vanderbilt to examine the mysteries behind Jay Cutler’s apathy.
How long are you there? I might have to be there for a work down and back Thursday.
Crap. We are here until Thursday. Not sure what time we head out, but the conference ends at noon.
Still, you will have a good time if you get the chance to hit Broadway, even for just a couple of hours. It’s always on the go, and Thursday is game day for the Preds.
Sounds like it’s time to float the idea of a 3 way.
And if it fails miserably…you still got the distillery.
We all float down here…especially when we suggest a three way to our significant others.
Shhhhh….it’s funnier this way.
How is it that you can have and not have my best interests at heart at the same time?
BAD MAN!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/3d8af0e54a7e60ad12c0d40060139199/tumblr_o4ieu1TPO41uxticxo4_540.gif
Cubs woo!
That’s 8 in a row.
Laws yes.
I want to root for the Cubs now that they are doing ok, but I have openly grown to hate baseball over the years. I still love growing up going to Wrigley is the cheap seats in the outfield 3 times or more a year back when it was bench seats and obnoxious drunks. I feel I would be a bandwagon fan now, and I would have to watch baseball again. I mean still Go Cubs.
Gorrilaz – Clint Eastwood because I grabbed my old Gorillaz tshirt out of my sewing pile today to wear
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UclCCFNG9q4
I am so tickled that you have a sewing pile! (heart!)
http://66.media.tumblr.com/c759e65afbd7c084e2a56e5920981604/tumblr_o6eq1wy6IJ1qa70eyo3_540.gif
or your anus.
Prepare to dye your anus?
http://www.ozsticker.com/190-441-thickbox/i-heart-uranus.jpg
Does bleaching count?
You tell us.
Just don’t bleach your thumb.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/1dc1f2f38e8b2f59f559d934e537f092/tumblr_o3fk8ufzvq1qa70eyo3_400.gif
So given that the penguins have advanced in the playoffs, the only appropriate reaction is to call them lucky and overrated, right?
http://66.media.tumblr.com/5af5c89cbb2be7f62cf8aba882836d47/tumblr_o0a903vsIZ1td2pdjo3_250.gif
That’s Mike Milbury’s thoughts, and he’s sticking to them, dammit.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/f226bc67bffc48154236a77a4958e309/tumblr_o5nihlrB8u1qa70eyo2_540.gif
Congrats Pens, you assholes.
Now try not to fuck shit up vs TB…eh?
http://66.media.tumblr.com/bf11f31733e3284af9d8d0a9479913fa/tumblr_o440shOot51qa70eyo2_540.gif
Oh man, old school Terri Garr.
hngggggghh
http://66.media.tumblr.com/ffc4ab6a47482ca48291a9c40531bbef/tumblr_mx3ymbHe9N1qa70eyo5_250.gif
RIP Washington.
Also Lemmy and all of the R.A.M.O.N.E.S.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyKlvVPpxo8
The Legacy of Ovechkin Continues
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eWKc1kCNzjo/T2p8rWuKcBI/AAAAAAAAJhE/xtVtxRgy0Ds/s1600/IMG_1151+-+banners.JPG
Metropolitan Division Finalist?
I’m not even that excited, just nervously drained.
I am genuinely happy your team won, only because I like you and want you to be happy. Still rooting for meteor to take them out when they shake hands
http://67.media.tumblr.com/0e59e88ff62c6ebbb23030b20465e924/tumblr_o43p8tjCjh1sovi3mo1_r1_250.gif
Well at least Sill’s happy right?
I have never known Sill to be happy ever. Stop making shit up
That is the most ridiculous save I’ve ever seen and I spent years watching the Whalers D abandon Mike Liut like he was a ginger orphan left on the servants entrance stairs.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/520861df0ab3d1425d545d9fb2009a61/tumblr_o5hnoc3eoG1uxticxo4_400.gif
That’s good hockeyin’ there
http://67.media.tumblr.com/d9d35dbbc22bdf87ac5abe456e38bd39/tumblr_o43y0wxcjy1qa70eyo1_400.gif
I see we’re continuing the NHL tradition of putting away the whistle for anything that doesn’t involve an actual ax to the spine during OT play-off hockey.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/d3bb8b56de36c2b3a241d431085960aa/tumblr_o4oc4njpSm1qa70eyo2_r1_540.gif
BLUCHER!
If the guy can walk after the ax to the spine should have been a non-call
MTWV is clearly an old school Flyers fan.
http://s32.postimg.org/xbsvwfj51/vy2_S0.jpg
Which Silent Hill is that? 3?
Resident Evil 1
http://67.media.tumblr.com/53a8d2f2a2b27270e0c3559870cb489b/tumblr_o4cqmxLlmo1teygvgo5_400.gif
I DEMAND TEARS
http://67.media.tumblr.com/8b7bb85ccdb6654c394a2ef6289b4319/tumblr_o4n0uemSui1saaip8o8_250.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/215d64995eb56311b9997b41924b497a/tumblr_o5qphwLCWA1qa70eyo1_540.gif
OT! Time to freshen that beer!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/c3eb5ab3c45d97caac7590c3fe39ec1b/tumblr_o4zau7vxrt1u8c3rfo2_400.gif
Treehouse Sap: Much Better Than A Severed Eyeball To Your Screaming Mouth!
So fun story. My son has a new “friend” who is a girl. Apparently they won’t make it official because she’s going south for college and he’s going north. Very mature of them. Naturally her family is loaded so my son is continuing the family tradition of being in the right place at the wrong time. Dumbass.
Anyhoo the wife and I are both “working from home” early this afternoon when he decides now would be a perfect time to show her our house and new puppy.
No, your truly was not actually wearing pants when they pulled in and yes, I realize you degenerates are all absurdly proud of me for that.
Suffice it to say there was a mad scramble for pants. Afterwards I told my wife that the new girl seemed nice, to which she replied “Yeah. (pause) If she hurts my baby I’ll kill her.”
Mothers are scary.
Mothers ARE scary.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/164492c6cc1ef954649e6cb007eb9bec/tumblr_o4xapvDASP1uxticxo2_250.gif
Harsh truth to admit… I wear pants around the house. Well just gym shorts that I immediately get into the second I get into the house. I do leave them at my room door or apartment door so I can shed other clothes the second I get to a place where I don’t have to give a fuck
/ Missed point of your story
I really do hope your son ends up happy. Sounds like a shitty situation
Not a shitty situation. They’re both cool with it.
Shocking as it may be based on your knowledge of me my son is a pretty smart kid and much more mature than most of his age.
He also doesn’t drink. At all.
I’m so ashamed.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/1e88baf16b6a386fff54c3ade0a8c78b/tumblr_o3wm9htlp71qa70eyo4_r1_540.gif
Some call me….
Tim.
Neither did I at that age. Don’t count your livers before they’re pickled
You raised a responsible child who doesn’t do stupid shit and can handle terrible relationship stuff with aplomb
http://media4.popsugar-assets.com/files/2015/09/14/875/n/1922398/ff7934d941fbecef_aea06075bbcd4dc17553e2459babbb88/i/Shame-Bell-Lady-From-Game-Thrones.gif
http://i.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/psycho-norman-bates.gif
Damnit!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/5fc0ef239762ef4668f4f08437b494b3/tumblr_o5lncmiTlB1teygvgo3_540.gif
But, but, but…they both HAVE Uzis!
You need to study up on your guns, you fucking commie.
‘Murica!
The Ingram MAC-11 (Military Armament Corporation Model 11) is a subcompact machine pistol developed by American gun designer Gordon Ingram at the Military Armament Corporation (MAC) during the 1970s. The weapon is a sub-compact version of the Model 10 (MAC-10), and is chambered to fire the smaller .380 ACP round.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lPJ9J-6vDw
I was hoping that was ‘the more you know’ theme.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/435de56854a73764cd5764284fd5158e/tumblr_mn8fbloOp11qa70eyo1_1280.jpg
Who committed that stupid penalty?
http://25.media.tumblr.com/443c348a0e73126bc3fa15e4e0a37157/tumblr_n0m0hbqdxd1rkqofno2_r1_500.gif
It’s almost like the Caps are a dirty team
That was supposed to be Pens. I stand by either.
It works for both. I’m rooting for Washington strictly because they’ve never won a Cup but both of these teams can eat a bag of dicks.
GO BLUES!
Another dipshit penalty? SOUNDS GOOD!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/18bd40600227baab3d59be263038a6c9/tumblr_o4vesacskq1qa70eyo3_r1_400.gif
“Your comment is awaiting moderation.” in the “older comments” means comment oblivion.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/3ba0418dcbfd08b928b9ce91e34cdbaf/tumblr_o4qikqK1er1saaip8o6_250.gif
Also tried an oak-aged version of Old Brown Dog cleverly named Really Old Brown Dog. That one was pretty damn tasty. Finding that I like oak aging much better than I like most bourbon aging.
http://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/141/35653/
This is what you get for bathing in Flint water.
I can’t imagine this has ever happened before.
Probably never happen again, either.
What the puck??
I am back to rooting for the Pens that have just given this game away. I still am rooting for meteor, but leaning Pens
http://45.media.tumblr.com/e82e0acf117ed2ba6076c1f0dcf34041/tumblr_nyxsew0RxF1s2wio8o1_500.gif
This is where the Caps erase all those years of frustration in the playoffs. This is the sequence.
I have no such faith.
No! I have to use my queued up regular season champion banner pics!
Yeah, baby.
Anuses puckering.
Should be taken out of context.
Caps are drunk again.
And the Pens kill a yinzer in the process. Jesus.
STOP SHOOTING OVER THE GLASS YOU FUCKHEADS
AHAHAHAHAHAHA
http://66.media.tumblr.com/b663df36a0463ce5e4287027222ea95a/tumblr_o5ws901oyD1qa70eyo6_r1_540.gif
Is there a worse penalty in hockey than the errant puck going over the glass?
Probably is, but I can’t think of one at the moment. Too busy getting ready to puke blood.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/a8b3416f0aafcd5c19dde8b8a017fdf4/tumblr_o69x5s6d9P1qc3ju8o4_540.gif
I retired that Samichlaus when I was sober. Good, but really, really sweet. No way I’d be able to drink more than one.
*Retried