Your “Thus Begins Another Shift in the Factory Of Sadness” Thursday Open Thread

Not much on the NFL front today, as emphasized by:

  • “Aaron Rodgers: Tom Brady inspiring my eating habits”
    • I’m sure Olivia Munn thanks him too
  • Mike Florio taking professional shots at Stephen A. Smith
    • If only they could be locked in a windowless room.
  • Brock Osweiler is skipping the Bronco’s Monday visit to the White House. If JJ Watt can never go, then why should anyone else? I’m surprised he didn’t force the kid to return the ring and win one “the right way”. From robot to MODOK; Brock’s got no chance.
  • Akiem Nicks – last of the Saints; now of the Bears – backs the Wolfman’s claims he’d been kneecapped by Sean Payton the last two years.
    • too bad they don’t play this year
      • BTW, looking at the Bills schedule, there’s a real chance they go 2-14 this year; their non-division opponents are the NFC West & AFC North, plus Jax & the Raiders. MAYBE they beat the Browns & Jags, but I don’t see much else here.
Pedobear’s older brother. He went to college.

The big football story of the day is Baylor bleeding recruits in the wake of Art Briles being let go. Seven recruits have asked to be released from their Letters of Intent since last Thursday.

  • If they withdrew before the May 31 start of classes, they would be able to go to another school immediately; after that date, Baylor has 30 days to either hold or release them from that commitment.
    • one of those 7 – Devin Duvernay – may be eligible immediately, because Baylor never got around to filing his Letter of Intent with the national database. According to reports, Baylor forgot to submit his letter, but did submit his twin brother Donovan’s, meaning that Devin can go anywhere, but Donovan has to wait 14 days before he can be approached. They seem to be a package deal, so possible schools will require two available scholarships.
    • If Baylor jerks them, they lose a year of eligibility when they transfer. No word on whether any active roster students have requested transfers yet, but that has to be coming, especially among the sophomores.
  • Rumours are already about that Texas is swirling the lagoon looking to pick off what it can. Locals are fearing a return to Baylor being a traditional weak sister in its conference.

Random news & notes:

  • So, they’ve officially declared Prince’s death an “opioid overdose”, specifically fentanyl. Goddammit.
  • The murder-suicide at UCLA only came about after the gunman killed a woman in Minnesota and then drove to LA, looking to kill the profs who “stole” his intellectual property. I wonder if he wore astronaut diapers?
  • Germany declared the 1915 Armenian massacre a “genocide”, to the anger of Turkey. Well, if anyone ‘s an expert on genocide…
  • The PGA has moved the 2017 World Golf Championships from Trump’s Doral course in Florida to a course outside Mexico City, citing a lack of willing US sponsors. Trump’s reaction was expected: “I hope they have kidnapping insurance”.

Tonight’s Game 1 Playoff Action: Cleveland @ Golden State – 9:00 (ABC)

Well, the juggernaut has landed in Oakland. I read a lot of basketball sites today, so I feel fairly confident in this statement, which will be presented by Jay Cutler:

About 75% of the “experts” have picked Golden State to win, and the average number of games it’ll take is 6. The only site I’ll believe – Nate Silver’s fivethirtyeight.com – gives the Warriors a 69% (hee hee) chance to repeat. What most likely matters to followers of a football site is, “How will this affect the Browns?” Because, if the Cavs fail, and the Indians Indian, then the prospects for people dumping more false belief onto the Browns becomes a real & apparent fact.

The Circle of Life in a Factory of Sadness.

Looking at their schedule, I’m going to say the best-case Browns scenario is 6-10, which means – if he stays with the Cavs next year – even more pressure falls on LeBron to win it all next year. (That – “Next Year” – should really be on the Cleveland city flag, because “Progress & Prosperity” seems like a goddamned lie at this point.) That might just break him.

LIFE GOES ON!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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blaxabbath

So the NBA champ will have just one less playoff win than the Lakers had the entire season. Obviously this is not a new development but, holy shit, you should never have a professional league (outside of the NFL where the season is so short and so many things can go wrong….like being located in Detroit) where you have ANY teams below .300. That’s just fucking atrocious.

Okay — you all can tell me how this regularly occurs in baseball/hockey but….that’s just a garbage produce deserving of relegation.

Senor Weaselo

Last MLB to have a winning percentage under .300 was… Detroit actually! Back in 2003.

Senor Weaselo

Also the two teams in the finals AND the team that lost in the WCF have more playoffs wins than the Sixers had the entire season. The team that lost in the ECF only had the same number.

blaxabbath

It’s too bad basketball is as high scoring as it is. It’d be fun to find someone with more points than them.

Maybe ESPN Stats and Info needs to get on this. They like to do the, “Did you know Tony Romo hasn’t won a game in 37 WEEKS!?” bait.

WCS

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Unsurprised

Thanks Kobe

WCS

I is back.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Alternate version that hopefully WILL be visible.
(up yours, interwebz)
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Unsurprised

Fuck

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just had to explain to a stranger how this urinal works. It is time to leave the bar.

Unsurprised

In Cleveland, urinal pees on you

JerBear50

I feel like there’s a trans-bathroom joke to be made here.

blaxabbath

Like a car that turns into a urinal?

JerBear50

I think that’s just any car parked at a dive bar at 2 AM.

Unsurprised

I’d piss on any car that a drunk rolls up to the bar in at 2AM as well.

Redshirt

I don’t know. You found a urinal that has a bar. That’s like the mecca of drinking there.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Banner quote nominee, fwiw.

blaxabbath

Have had 4 contractors over to look at remodeling our [dated af] kitchen and two baths. So far, three quotes that are all over the fucking place. #4 will probably come in with just a notecard that reads, “$1, Bob.”

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s not good. Usually you want a tight spread.

.
.
.
Phrasing.

Redshirt

Avoid going cheap, you get what you pay for.

Get references, see what the contractor has done before he does it to you.

Get everything in writing. Don’t give him everything at once.

Unsurprised

My clinical program was doing consumer protection focused on unfair construction practices. That industry is shady as fuck. In a perfect world I’d basically have them submit an SF86 before hiring a contractor.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey balls….I just did a Monster spit take that was totally not your fault…
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Redshirt

If that 3 hit, we would’ve reach Peak Factory before halftime.

Sill Bimmons

Anybody else here have no tattoos?

I was going to tattoo this image of the Eye Of Horus onto my right forearm,

http://img01.alkislarlayasiyorum.com/images/members/50_50/214/214543_1.jpg

but when I learned that this piece of bodywork was going to cost $200 in 1998 I decided against the procedure.

Unsurprised

Good idea. That would’ve been insane/

Unsurprised

I don’t. My older stepbrother is a tattoo artist, and that was powerful dissuasion.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No ink, no piercings.
I don’t bumper stickers on the paint of my cars, either.
Now get off my lawn.

ballsofsteelandfury

Same here.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Me three

theeWeeBabySeamus

In all seriousness, I did once consider getting one of an ouroboros serpent, but never could justify it.

Unsurprised

Sadness circle

blaxabbath

You should get it. The Egyptians — now there’s some people who knew how to empire!

blaxabbath

Cuz the aliens.

Sill Bimmons

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blaxabbath

I WILL WIN YOU BACK MY DEAR FRIEND!

Fronkenshteen

Jesus, that was my FF team’s avatar last season.
/many losing, much bad

Redshirt

I don’t, but my slightly chubby body wouldn’t really work with tattoos.

Senor Weaselo

I don’t, I’d probably freak out while I was getting it.

JerBear50

None here. Considered it when I was a kid, but now I don’t really give it any thought.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Full color or just black fill? I’d say that should be $100 tops for single color, depending on the size, but colors run up the time and cost.

I’ve only got one on my left shoulder. Essentially this:

http://rs559.pbsrc.com/albums/ss37/Phsyco700/Yin-Yang.jpg?w=480&h=480&fit=clip

Redshirt

Defensive 3 seconds?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defensive_three-second_violation

Wow. Even the rules are designed to promote scoring.

Redshirt

Ah, I see reality is ensuing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Reality is an illusion.

blaxabbath

I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again; I hope LeBron never wins a title in CLE just to show that no amount of greatness, team building, or luxury tax expenditures can overcome the overwhelming curse that is Cleveland sports.

Also the Cubs but that’s more because I find their “fans” wholly insufferable.

Senor Weaselo

I picked the Cubs in 2031, due to what I call the Rule of 86.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I just loathe LeBron in general, but I can get behind this.

...

We try. 🙂

Unsurprised

Hey there, folks.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Howdy.

/Also just arrived

Sill Bimmons

I think we need some asynchronous bass, drums, guitar, and vocals STAT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0edhxDsTE4

Sill Bimmons

/pssssssssssst WCS

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Nice try Kobe, but Leslie Jones already ruined the Ghostbusters.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Jesus fuck, Cleveland…

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Great defense, Cavs.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wife: Did you happen to catch the weather report?
Hubby: Yes.
Wife: Well….what’d they say?
Hubby: Not a goddamned clue.
http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.2270796.1435244926!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_635/yanet-garcia.jpg

scotchnaut

“Uh, you can expect shapely figure first thing in the morning with increasing breasts in the afternoon.”

...

22, 28, and 29? More like 36, 24, 36, AMIRITE BRUH?

Unsurprised

It’s HOT! DAMN HOT!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

It’s not his 40ft shots that are devastating, but the in your face “Fuck you!” shots.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma80n46W2I1r8ru56o1_500.gif

Senor Weaselo

Oh god no why.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep, the apocalypse can’t be far off now.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’m just glad Pitbull has finally been reduced to ruining sports I don’t care about.

scotchnaut

I’m at the “WELCOME TO THE PARTY, PAL!” point of ye olde Die Hard.

Spur
ballsofsteelandfury

Are you going to mash it with Pretty In Pink?

scotchnaut

This line has always bothered me. You see, McClane was never a part of the actual Christmas party. So, he wasn’t actually inviting anyone to that Xmas party that had been hijacked by the pretend terrorists. When he invites unknown person (at that point) to the “party” it isn’t actually a party that is taking place. It’s really a “hostage situation with an curious variable” scenario.

Sure-I understand that he may have been stressed at that point by the circumstances but that’s not a rock-solid excuse for getting the nomenclature incorrect.

/that said, the movie stands up quite well despite that glaring flaw

theeWeeBabySeamus

Why the fuck did Argyle stay in the damned long?
Soon as shit started blowing up Idda got my ass outta there pronto.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit, I can’t type for shit tonight and not even drinking yet.
I might have had a stroke.

* stay in the gargage so damned long

theeWeeBabySeamus

DAMMIT!!!!!! da ROYAL FUQ????!??!?!?!??!

JerBear50

I’m at the Welcome To My Party point of Rusted Root’s discography, which is to say I should have stopped a couple albums previously.

Spur

I would pay ABC $20 in order to never see a fat Robbie commercial during the finals.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

New movie.
New actor.
Same old Kevin Hart.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yx041Z2JLrU

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nevar. Gets. Old.
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Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

INSTRUMENTAL ANT-Hey that’s not half bad, John.

Spur

Rooting for lebron, I feel so dirty

Spur
Spur

That Ghostbusters Promo is probably going to be better than the actual movie itself

herodotus450

Oh!? oh. ProMo.

Sill Bimmons

The idea that a script could emulate the genius of Bill Murray’s ad lib performance in that film is akin to Icarus shooting himself directly into the Sun and saying, “See you on the other side!”

Senor Weaselo

Holy shit PFTC has a voice! (Yes, I’ve listened once or twice to Rappoccio’s and RFD’s podcast.)

https://soundcloud.com/david-rappoccio-950910196/podcast8-pft

herodotus450

He has a whole podcast too, ppl forget that.
http://www.podcastone.com/pardon-my-take

Sill Bimmons

This is particularly evident when listening to the audio.

blaxabbath

I don’t want to hear the voice. Some things are better left unknown.

Spur

Go Spurs Go.

So…….Cowboys game on August 14? NICE

Sill Bimmons

Tottenham’s Spurs consist of about half of the England squad for the upcoming Euro 2016.

Perhaps a change in allegiance is in order?

Spur

Silly Sill. these Spurs
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Sill Bimmons

But…they’re out of the playoffs, right?

blaxabbath

Yeah. The Finals started tonight and it is the Warriors and the Cavs.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, lookie there. Ubaldo Jimenez spotted to a 4-0 lead, promptly retire NO ONE the following inning while give up (at least) 5 runs.

Welcome back Ubaldo. I missed ya, my man.
http://i.makeagif.com/media/8-27-2015/xuf9_2.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, I really fouled up my verb conjugation there.
And that’s not a euphemism, either.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, which one of you is responsible for the ticker?
I’m guessing I know who since ONCE AGAIN Monster Energy has found its way out of my nose.

ballsofsteelandfury

Guilty.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

The fact that Ed O’neill can be funny despite the mere presence of Sofía Vergara, is downright brilliant.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I was looking for the clip where he’s in the Santa suit and the kid say “Santa, you smell like beer”.
“Gimme five minutes kid, and I’ll smell like hard liquor”

Still might be single favorite one liner in a sitcom in EVAR.
But youtube apparently disagrees.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

http://www.basketball-reference.com/boxscores/201506070GSW.html

I’m probably the only human on Earth who sincerely likes Matt “Wacky” Dellavedova. For one game, he irritated the fuck out of Steph Curry. He’s Johnny 2×4 come to life.

https://youtu.be/t1pcdE98QTE?t=5m34s

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Crap! That wasn’t suppose to be a reply!

Sill Bimmons

Was curious…

scotchnaut

Defensive Back Mike Wallace!!!

/that is all

scotchnaut

I tried to watch the This Football Life version of Terrell Owens on NFLN-I made it through 27 minutes.

-no matter how you ‘perspectivize’ it, the guy is a dipshit. An unrepentant one at that.

Redshirt

He was on my favorite team, and for the life of me I don’t remember a damn thing he did.

http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/images/photos/001/035/230/terrell-owens-bengals1-thumb-400xauto-11786_original.jpg?1285391073

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

When you find a way to piss of Donavan McNabb, you’ve fucked up.
http://a.espncdn.com/media/nfl/2005/1215/photo/owens_mcnabb_195.jpg

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What is a tie, Alex?

ballsofsteelandfury

So, are you telling me that Tom Brady sucks Gisele’s dick?

King Hippo

hey, it ain’t gonna suck itself…

King Hippo

I appreciated how the “Believeland” 30 FOAR 30 saved all the stupid LeBron shit for the last 20 minutes so I could just stop and delete “the best part.”

Sill Bimmons

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Redshirt
Sill Bimmons

And kids, if you really want to take no chances, fire the pistol through the roof of your open mouth while you’re bent over at the waist.

Ain’t no necessary structure gonna survive that!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Plus it makes for easy cleanup.
No brains on teh ceiling.

Sill Bimmons

Ehhh…kinda makes for brains everywhere.

Particularly the ceiling.

Sill Bimmons

Saints are owned by the heiress to the Liebherr heavy machinery fortune.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liebherr_Group

http://www.liebherr.com/shared/media/products/images/mining/general/stage/liebherr-stage-mining-2.jpg

You’d think they might be able to splash out for a few extra pounds to keep the man around.

WCS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BTW, this was an excellent open thread lead in. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not worth the zero dollars we pay you for this.

ballsofsteelandfury

If I ever make it back to Vancouver, and I really should soon considering the exchange rate, I will buy Beerguyrob a, wait for it, beer.

Sill Bimmons

Best fuckin’ value on teh internets!

WCS

Sill Bimmons

/psssssssst
// vvvvv

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening, gents and 0-3 ladies. It was a gorgeous day in DC today, so I had a few Jailbreak Feed the Monkey Hefeweizens before trying an Otter Creek Citra Mantra. Shifting to the Ommegang Shadow next.

scotchnaut

Soooo…you’re drunk as funk?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not yet, but stay tuned!

Sill Bimmons

The Cleveland Browns 2000-2015: A Thing That Happened

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6qrW1mdRmQ

WCS

Sill Bimmons

kthx2

Sill Bimmons

2015 Cleveland Browns Season Review:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Rz9FKh8ZjM

WCS

Sill Bimmons

kthx

Sill Bimmons

2016 Cleveland Browns Season Ticket Advertisement:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYBmzPUI-Qs

/pssst…WCS…

WCS

COMPLETE SEASON

I’ve watched this at least three dozen times, and it gets better each time.

Sill Bimmons

BECAUSE WE ARE THE WORST AT THINGS

Sill Bimmons

How many pieces do you think Stephen A. would leave Florio in if they were to engage in a physical altercation?

I like to think it would be more of a coarse dust with a few chunks in it, like after a cremation.

herodotus450

At this point I genuinely can’t tell if the quote above from Trump in regards to the US Open is real or just a joke.

WCS

Elaborate…

herodotus450

Real as in Trump actually said it, in seriousness, in front of a camera or witnesses or some audio recording device vs just a joke as in made up by the author of this open thread article.
Apparently it is the former; I’m actually becoming more and more of a big T fan every day. His campaign must be a Kaufman-esque performance ruse on the state of American politics. The exciting part will be to see if he can keep up the charade for the rest of his life or not.

WCS

Oh, it’s not the US Open, it’s a World Golf Championship; two different events. The US Open is a major, WGCs are like the NIT to the majors’ NCAA Tournament.

Anyway, not shocked at his response. Glad the PGA Tour made the move. What’s better is the R&A, which runs the British Open, already took Drumpf Turnberry out of their rotation as a host site for that event months ago.

herodotus450

Ah I guess I didn’t read the article as good as I thought. You can just call me the Greg Norman of reading, I shit the bed 3/4 of the way through each sentence.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Donald Trump: I will fuck over every last one of you for a dollar, and you’ll vote for me anyway

WCS

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rockingdog

Just found Dan Soders stand up special from earlier this year. He has a good bit on thinking that he is possessed by the devil when he was 8yrs old….
Gonna make some dinner then watch. should be fun.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRQVMTcwkW8

WCS

WCS

Bad, BeerguyRob, bad!

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scotchnaut

[kicks dirt]

Where is nobody?

scotchnaut

I’m sure when you typed “windowless” you meant “airless”-otherwise, great post!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Not enough Zyklon-B on the planet….
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Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

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