Your “Relatively Brief Friday Open Thread

Beerguyrob -
378

Ooh, thatsa spicy hangover. Hope my vision clears before the drive to school to drop off my grades.

His mom probably gets nothing.

NFL News:

  • It’s all about the Benjamins in Charlotte:
    • Michael Oher – 3 years; $21.6 million
    • Riverboat Ron – 3 years; $19.5 million
  • Good news; great news from the mind that is Pete Carroll:
    • Thomas Rawls & Jimmy Graham will be ready for Week 1
    • Russell Wilson has gotten even better. Once he gets laid, thought, he’s fucked.
  • RGIII may not be as good as advertised. So – perfect for the Browns.
    • No one from The Factory will care if Bron Bron wins Game 7

Meanwhile, the Russians are having a great time in international sports:

  • in danger of being eliminated at the Euro
  • the IAAF upheld the ban of Russian athletes at the Rio Olympics
Still suspended.

Expect sabre-rattling soon, and a Trump speech about his good friend Vladdy.

Tonight’s sports:

Given the rain yesterday, they’ll probably be finishing Round 2 of the US Open in twilight.

Copa: Peru vs Colombia – 8:00 – Met Life Stadium

Nice work by the USMNT last night. They’ve got a good chance to make the finals, unless Ayesha Curry thinks those are rigged as well. BRAZIL BELIEVES IT TOO!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Subscribe
Notify of
378 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Sill Bimmons

SOMEBODY HAS TO WIN THIS THING

http://33.media.tumblr.com/1c9d3b34125776aa0f81fc23eb6c5c8b/tumblr_nxcnr02MEn1sqkjcto1_400.gif

0
King Hippo

What bores and/or annoys me MOAR? Most Glorious el beisbol Cardinals (down 1-nil to W’s team), or teh Copa nil-nil snoozer??

Totes indecisive.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Incidentally, today marks the halfway point of my month sans alkyhaul.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://65.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1q7inObeI1qfrrv2o1_1280.png

0
King Hippo

Come on #TeamDrugsAndAsses!!! Dingleberry Murrika fans MUST BE STOPPED!!!!

0
King Hippo

This might be the bestest of the series. Huzzah!

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Scruffy and sullen. Scary likeness. If you managed to get sunburned at the beach….

0
King Hippo

or if I’m in a Communist mood, comrade…

0
Redshirt

Pete Rose is in Houston for the Reds game. I didn’t know Houston got a casino or a race track.

0
Sill Bimmons

Cockfight.

0
Sill Bimmons

FEELIN TEH JEEBUS

comment image

0
scotchnaut

“Much like a moth to a bright light, Low Commander is inexorably drawn to gifs of Philip Rivers. I’m not sure why this occurs but to be honest, I don’t really care.”

-Sir David Attenborough

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

And also, Fuck Toronto.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Aside from watching the Blue Jays beat the ever loving dog shit out of the Orioles tonight, I’m really damned bored.
http://comediva.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/KristinWiigDancingGif4.gif

0
Redshirt

It suckst that drugs and alcohol got to her. She could’ve had a hell of a career.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed.

0
Redshirt

Dear TV,

I get it. Finding Dory is in theaters now and Female Ghostbusters is coming next month. I understand. Please cease and desist all reminders.

Love,
Redshirt

0
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“NO! REVEL IN OUR UNORIGINAL CONTENT AND LIKE IT, CONSUMER!”

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

And please be sure to visit your local retailer for our entire bullshit merchandising line of crap.
http://hodiskcdsfilmworks.com/images/buy-now-GIF.gif

0
herodotus450

1) Tell Trump that the Russians are banned because of this:
comment image
D) Kill yourself for caring about and/or giving any attention to Trump.

0
herodotus450

Picture showing they are (probably) Russian, but not as good at kissing as originally thought.
http://d13beo3f7vpmvd.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/russian-kiss.jpg

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

We need to get us a piece of the Russia hairpin business.
Just saying.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When asked what the general feelings were towards the Russian athletes being banned from the Rio Olympics, Australian team spokeswoman Michelle Jenneke provided the following statement.

comment image

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

I second that (e)motion.

0
Unsurprised

I’m still amazed they got this shot on the air. https://gfycat.com/MeekQuickHellbender

comment image

0
Unsurprised

Wrong link. I meant to post this. https://gfycat.com/GratefulHalfBongo

comment image

0
herodotus450

She is also invited to my tennis tournament, I guess we can squeeze in a bit of doubles.

0
scotchnaut

SMALL BUMS STILL RULE!

0
Unsurprised

https://gfycat.com/MeekQuickHellbender

comment image

0
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Heading downtown to watch the Padres lose to the Nats. I missed the earlier train because of some complete bullshit construction/closed road that was only noted as a Detour. THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP CALTRANS!

Whatever. Portable Jack and Coke engaged!

0
Unsurprised

Hooray for Jack and Coke!

Also, you’re in San Diego. I’m so jealous.

0
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Hey, any Commentist is welcome on my couch, anytime.

Except OSZ. HE KNOWS WHAT HE DID!

0
Sill Bimmons

How’s your dad?

0
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Great actually. He’s taking this whole thong extremely seriously. Cut down on beer, changed his diet and is getting tons of excersize. He’s lost a good 25 lbs because of it and might be in his best shape ever. His symptoms are all but halted currently, except for occasionally as he is falling asleep.

He did not get into the program that you recommended due to timing.

0
Sill Bimmons

So genuinely happy to hear about his improvement through lifestyle changes!

It’s by far the best way forward!

0
scotchnaut

I just thought of a product that would drive masochists wild-Toilet “Pepper”! Toilet paper infused with peppercorns…this is a winner!

0
Sill Bimmons

TRADEMARK YOUR VALUABLE INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY NAOW

0
Unsurprised

Allison Brie video https://gfycat.com/ShamelessPhonyGossamerwingedbutterfly

0
scotchnaut

SMALL BUMS RULE!!!

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Big, small, medium, muscular…….

0
King Hippo

Ever since Putin, Rooskies are the Massholes of teh planet, no?

Has there been a “The Blind Side” porno??

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m guessing “The Hind Side” had been done long before “The Blind Side” was a thing.

0
herodotus450

“The Blind Slide”?

0
Sill Bimmons

No, but to unravel the extent that the US and NATO squeeze on the Russian Federation far outweighs the actual threat the Russian Federation poses to the rest of the world would take volumes.

A Convenient Enemy.

0
Sill Bimmons

YES WCS AGREES WITH ME ON POST-SOVIET POLITICS WOO

comment image

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Elsa Pataky.

http://65.media.tumblr.com/c1fd866452ff0b02eaaabbc187934c58/tumblr_npl3gqHYSg1ss4dkfo1_1280.jpg

0
Sill Bimmons

There’s a woman in that photo?

I couldn’t tell because i was looking at the GT-R.

http://www.blogcdn.com/www.autoblog.com/media/2013/07/lead19-2014-nissan-gt-r-review.jpg

0
Sill Bimmons

I couldn’t find that in non-imgur form!

comment image

0
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Awww, you guys knew I was on my way.

0
herodotus450

Wait, Russians are banned from the Olympics? All of them? Like a reverse 1980 Moscow? And Sharapova banned from tennis still…
In unrelated news, I’m announcing the first annual Women’s Summer Tennis Classic Invitational featuring Maria Sharapova (invitation pending), to be held in my pants.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think it’s just track and field.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

I thought that as well.

0
Sill Bimmons

Athletes” is what they call “Track And Field Competitors” in other countries because they all call the sport “Athletics” instead of “Track And Field.”

0
herodotus450

Ah, interesting. Back in my day we just called it the runny-jumpy-throw team.
comment image

0
Wakezilla

Question for you dads out there. Are Father’s Day gifts as terrible as commercials let on? Was I a good son this entire time?

0
Sill Bimmons

Philip Rivers has all these answers and more at the beginning of the thread!

http://boltbeat.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/13/files/2013/09/p0ZRwYf.gif

0
laserguru

Yep,

They can be pretty shitty. The usual “World’s Best Dad” t-shirt or coffee cup or a fucking tie.

I finally told my ex and my daughters to not buy me anything, just let me watch sports all day on Father’s Day and stop counting my goddamn beers.

Now THAT’S a present.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Gonna need a little of each to give an accurate review.

0
scotchnaut

Not sure how it happened but our dog somehow got past a locked cabinet and ate a cooked chicken carcass. Needless to say, I’m never buying a pup from “Andy Reid’s Super Kennels” again.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I would suggest keeping a close eye on her because of the bones.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did you mean to post this in reference to the gif two comments down?

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is a good one.

http://66.media.tumblr.com/b83582cf2b5e1013b92525b002baf06b/tumblr_nqm4oiLctg1qf9csoo1_400.gif

0
scotchnaut

She’s barfed a few times already. I guess that’s good news.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What kind of dog? A lot of bigger dogs don’t usually have a problem (should’t give them fracturing type bones anyway). Her getting rid of them is a good sign.

0
scotchnaut

It’s called a “moyen” poodle apparently. It’s mid-sized-not small and yappy nor large and weird-looking.

0
Sill Bimmons

I was going to go to this but then l read Litre_cola’s field report from France and realized how pathetic a similar report from East Rutherford would be.

0
Unsurprised

Fuck

0
Redshirt

comment image

0
Sill Bimmons

Good. You finally lyed them.

No Prints + No Teeth = No Body

0
Wakezilla

I’m on Team Upton, but, Charlotte has better leaked pics…. or so I’ve heard.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Do you fucking mind!?!”

-Lower Frog

http://66.media.tumblr.com/e0eff73b93a27fd2475222482c7dbfb2/tumblr_o17i7pP9RC1qf47bgo1_1280.jpg

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bamboozled by Charlotte McKinney

http://67.media.tumblr.com/759abae50ad1bcf1e96e43f06cdacc8f/tumblr_o8rzcxIBHW1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“What’s up my knitta?”

-Ava Sambora

http://66.media.tumblr.com/81e716d00e6c9854bd79d702cda37290/tumblr_o8s0fh9t9F1ric2iqo2_1280.jpg

0
Redshirt

What I said today at work: “I sent an email last week explaining the problem and what I need to fix the issue.”

What I thought: “If you would’ve check your email instead of your Facebook page, you would’ve seen I sent an email last week explaining the problem and what I need to fix the issue. So get your head out of your ass and read your fucking emails!”

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Triple Jump
comment image

0
scotchnaut

He’ll be dead before his 17th birthday.

0
Redshirt

I choose you, Machoke!

0
Senor Weaselo

Well dam.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NICE!!

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Love the well jokes!

0
SonOfSpam

Artwork done by the same guy who designed the PeeChee.

0
scotchnaut

Advice Time-

If you’ve read Robert Caro’s Master of the Senate, is it worthwhile to watch HBO’s “All The Way”?

0
scotchnaut

Not sure if your response is a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’…

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s on the top shelf.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*Has no idea.

http://67.media.tumblr.com/b277ef28223659b69a0f0fa0dceff635/tumblr_o7vb3aplsf1qdezf9o1_500.gif

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Is it:

Foggy down south?
Severe queef?
SI blurring something that doesn’t show anything in the unblurred version just to get page views?

http://67.media.tumblr.com/741375c44eb18b6e9e1cc5adc45ab594/tumblr_o69aq2FPHk1tlrqi3o6_r1_250.gif

0
Sill Bimmons

Semicircular FUPA shield common on women’s swimsuits?

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She’s painted.

http://67.media.tumblr.com/55c095aae66d2a856ef15771f18ca9db/tumblr_o69aq2FPHk1tlrqi3o5_r1_250.gif

0
Sill Bimmons

I see.

Then, no.

0
WCS

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Today sucked

0
scotchnaut

No kidding! I had to wait at work until 4 o’clock (usually gone by noon) to have my new vehicle (bought by the company) delivered to me. This Friday was a right arsehole!

0
scotchnaut

[begins to think that his “empathy game” is not on point]

0
Sill Bimmons

Sorry to hear that.

comment image

0
Senor Weaselo

I guess that’s impressive?

0
Sill Bimmons

It’s owning the fail.

0
Sill Bimmons

comment image

0
Sill Bimmons

I’ve never been any good at Philip Rivers jokes, so I’m just going to leave this here:

“With Father’s Day right around the corner, Gillette is putting the spotlight back on dads with its Go Ask Dad campaign, which encourages guys, no matter where they are or what they’re doing, to go ask dad. We recently had San Diego Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers in the SiriusXM studio to discuss the importance of a father’s relationship with his children.

As a father of eight, Rivers has gotten some pretty interesting Father’s Day gifts over the years and he told us about a few of his favorites. But what really matters to him when it comes to father-son bonding is those little, one-on-one moments, like teaching his boys how to tie a tie the ‘Rivers way.'”

http://blog.siriusxm.com/2016/06/16/professional-dad-he-has-eight-kids-and-chargers-qb-philip-rivers-gives-some-fatherly-advice/

Does it surprise you that there’s a “Rivers Way” to knot a necktie? Of course it doesn’t.

0
SonOfSpam

“Under, around, over, then through. Just like what I do with my penis in your mom’s vagina to make more of you because God hates small families and wasted semen.”

0
Sill Bimmons

comment image

0
Horatio Cornblower

Hey guys, what has two thumbs and Lyme disease*?

THIS GUY!!

Antibiotics and staying out of the sun for the next 7 days. Ginger ale for all!

*pending blood tests, but one of those motherfucking ticks is behind this, I’ll tell you that.

0
Sill Bimmons

Let your physician know if you experience any changes in your vision.

http://www.imagesbuddy.com/images/51/2013/06/i-hope-you-feel-better-soon-friend-cats-graphic.gif

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s bad locker hygiene right there.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

If you get an erection lasting more than fours hours, be sure to….

Never mind. Look who I’m talking to.

0
WCS

Sorry about that, bud. Didn’t know ticks could get into lockers. Take your doctors’ advice, and don’t go all Wyatt Sexton on us:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wyatt_Sexton

0
Horatio Cornblower

Well that’s just fucking terrifying.

0
Sill Bimmons

Breathe easy, that was some serious late-stage diagnosis shit.

“The disease was deemed to be in its later stages by a Lyme disease specialist when it was diagnosed, who then recommended a treatment program of intensive antibiotic therapy for several months.”

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fuck.

http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lv1ggnUafT1qadur8o1_500.jpg

0
Senor Weaselo

Shit, that’s not fun. Hope it’s a dud.

0
1 2 3