A couple of months ago, I provided a very poorly written MLB preview. Don’t feel badly if you don’t remember it. I barely remember it either. In an almost totally unrelated matter, does anyone have a Santa Hat I can borrow this December?
Within the aforementioned preview, I proffered my very carefully thought out and well-researched predictions for the 2016 MLB season at large regarding playoffs and the post-season. I may also have talked some shit about some teams…maybe even yours. Don’t worry though, as I also talked the mostest shit about my own team. A fact that is now making me look pretty damned dumb.
So now, a little over two months into the season, it’s time to do my first round of penance. It’s time to check in, find out how stupid I really am, broadcast it to you folks, and take my medicine like the whiny little girl I am.
So here goes.
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I AM STUPID (American League)
aka….HOUSTON and BALTIMORE!?!? da Fuq man?
Houston, my pick for the ’16 World Series Champs, got off to about the worst start imaginable. I mean it wasn’t ’88 Baltimore bad, but it was bad. They managed to carry the worst record in the majors into late May, and looked even worse doing it than they actually were. Which is actually impressive if you think about it.
The ‘Stros ARE showing signs of life now, and have even managed to move out of the AL West cellar past OAK and LAA. But looking up at TEX and their current 10 game deficit to the top spot, the ‘Stros are certainly not making me look very smart yet. (and also, Seattle you can stop it now too)
**Special shout out to Carlos Correa, my AL MVP pick. .257 Carlos…TWOFITTYSEBBEN!!!!!! Not to mention that your slgpct is off by .100 points from last year? GET IT TOGETHER MAN!!!!!
Et Tu, Cleveland? It’s about time you go ahead and remember you’re from Cleveland and implode already and let KC back on top (giggity)….don’t you think? Seriously, a nice 10 game skid from the Tribe and I can move the AL Central to the “Not Stupid” pile.
And while admittedly it is a mixed blessing for me personally, my prediction of my orange birds sucking hind tit all season has thus far not yet come to fruition. After a 7-0 start, the Orioles looked primed and ready for the tumble to the cellar, which I thought they were destined for (and still kinda do). Then they didn’t again.
They did drop out of the top spot momentarily a time or two, and I was sweating the series in Beantown no doubt. But, after taking 2 of 3 in Boston this week and reclaiming sole possession of first place in the AL East, I’m happy to report that thus far, my Orioles, as usual, are still making me look really really stupid…though usually it’s for other reasons related to alcohol and stadium jail.
But ultimately, I’ll gladly trade a few IQ points for a World Series trophy that isn’t 30+ years old.
The rest of the AL East is about what I expected, but this one goes on the I am stupid pile by default because I didn’t see this coming from my own team.
I AM SORTA NOT STUPID (National League)
Sadly, the Nats and Mets will go to the wire I think in the NL East. Nats have a bit of a cushion right now, but I really don’t expect them to pull away from NYM. Hope I’m wrong. Also kinda wish they could both lose out. MIA, PHI and ATL right where I expected. Sucks for them.
Cubs are doing exactly what I expected to the NL Central…and everyone else. Dammit. STL was doing what I expected, but Hippo hath jinxed them and they very well might be toast because of it. He was even offered a free couch to sleep on in St. Loo, but opted for finishing the job of parenting his kids instead. Selfish, right? Anyway, in spite of their recent efforts at resurgence, the Cards now have a bigger hill to climb back up than expected. It won’t be easy. PIT, MIL, CIN all as expected. (I refer you back to “sucks for them”).
Giants are showing signs of making LA their bitch. Though I did/do think they have the better team, I didn’t necessarily expect that. But also won’t be sad if it happens. The Rockies deserve a shout out if only for hovering around .500 longer than anyone thought possible. ARI and SD are right where they belong.
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Don’t care so much about the actual baseball, eh? OK, maybe the rankings of EVERY MLB MASCOT will change your mind. But probably not.
These three teams do not have official mascots because they are submerged in either self-regard or rank indolence. Since they can hardly be bothered, we made a mascot for them …
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So draw your own conclusions on my levels of stupidity, both as far as baseball and in general. Everyone else does.
Feel free to tell me if you think I’m only a little stupid.
If you think I’m very stupid then keep it to yourself. I hear that enough already as it is.
An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
Egh, don’t feel bad. I thought most of your assessments were spot on.
/may watch 10 baseball games all year
As a casual Mariners fan, I had to SMDH at you during your original preview. The M’s were a significantly improved team (at least I thought) and are so far showing it.
I also thought your (and most people’s) assessment was off about the Jays. The Jays losing Price was huge. Especially since I figured there was no way Donaldson or Martin were going to repeat the seasons they had. Add in the fact that Tulo looks about as washed up as a player can get and it seemed like the Jays were going to take a step back.
Most importantly, the Jays replacing their upper management with a bunch of guy who worked for the Factory of Sadness was just the cherry on top on why they were destined to take a step back after people had high expectations for them.
TL/DR: Fuck Canadian media telling me that the Toronto Blue Jays is Canada’s team.
Sill Bimmons
June 18, 2016 1:29 pm
Dirt Stillers in full-blown tailspin.
Don’t see Jameson Taillon and a trade for (insert name of washed-up 1st baseman on basement dweller here) keeping Goose’s head from hitting the canopy when we inevitably bail out.
By the way earlier this week, I also saw Flight of the Concords, holy crap they were amazing live. They were doing a bunch of new stuff and messing it up but enjoying themselves; it was entertaining.
It’s been a hell of a ride for us Cubs fans. We’re enjoying every minute but at the same time we’re waiting for the fiery crash.
Now if we can finish off the Bucs and Cards on this homestand we will have a serious cushion built up.
Yay baseball!
So last night I went to a restaurant here in Northern Virginia Maplewood Grill. Our waiter was a tall, lanky dude that sounded and had similar mannerisms as Zach Woods/Jared from Silicon Valley. I so want to blurt out. “Holy shit this guy fucks” but doubted my GF’s parents would understand the reference.
Also, we went to the Wolf Trapp park to watch Kenny Rogers “Last Deal” tour. Holy hell, the man can barely sing and barely walk, but he was at least self-aware. It was a show where he kind of looks back on his career rather than acting like Mr. Bojangles. All his songs were cut down to 2 min chunks (leaving out the verses about rape in coward of the county). He also spent 1/3 of the show talking about Dottie West. Overall he was pretty entertaining even though he could sing nor stand anymore.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/3df4e6425e033fff8e00e3a6bc036b4c/tumblr_o8nk1rDiiZ1vx6bwlo1_500.png
Can the Yankees play the Twins all the time? Woo back at .500!
/Probably gonna stay around .500, but usually below
Did y’all know that Cubs fan talks shit without irony?
Egh, don’t feel bad. I thought most of your assessments were spot on.
/may watch 10 baseball games all year
As a casual Mariners fan, I had to SMDH at you during your original preview. The M’s were a significantly improved team (at least I thought) and are so far showing it.
I also thought your (and most people’s) assessment was off about the Jays. The Jays losing Price was huge. Especially since I figured there was no way Donaldson or Martin were going to repeat the seasons they had. Add in the fact that Tulo looks about as washed up as a player can get and it seemed like the Jays were going to take a step back.
Most importantly, the Jays replacing their upper management with a bunch of guy who worked for the Factory of Sadness was just the cherry on top on why they were destined to take a step back after people had high expectations for them.
TL/DR: Fuck Canadian media telling me that the Toronto Blue Jays is Canada’s team.
Dirt Stillers in full-blown tailspin.
Don’t see Jameson Taillon and a trade for (insert name of washed-up 1st baseman on basement dweller here) keeping Goose’s head from hitting the canopy when we inevitably bail out.
By the way earlier this week, I also saw Flight of the Concords, holy crap they were amazing live. They were doing a bunch of new stuff and messing it up but enjoying themselves; it was entertaining.
they come to North Cakalaky, but it’s an outdoor venue. IN MID-JULY.
THERE IS A LIGHT AND IT NEVAR GOES OUT (smgdh)
It’s been a hell of a ride for us Cubs fans. We’re enjoying every minute but at the same time we’re waiting for the fiery crash.
Now if we can finish off the Bucs and Cards on this homestand we will have a serious cushion built up.
Yay baseball!
Cubs games haven’t been this exciting since Sammy Sosa was giving Mac a run for his money.
http://i68.tinypic.com/5b369v.gif
Oh, you’re a Giants fan.
What’s my real first name?
Motherboy?
Hee hee….close enough.
So last night I went to a restaurant here in Northern Virginia Maplewood Grill. Our waiter was a tall, lanky dude that sounded and had similar mannerisms as Zach Woods/Jared from Silicon Valley. I so want to blurt out. “Holy shit this guy fucks” but doubted my GF’s parents would understand the reference.
Also, we went to the Wolf Trapp park to watch Kenny Rogers “Last Deal” tour. Holy hell, the man can barely sing and barely walk, but he was at least self-aware. It was a show where he kind of looks back on his career rather than acting like Mr. Bojangles. All his songs were cut down to 2 min chunks (leaving out the verses about rape in coward of the county). He also spent 1/3 of the show talking about Dottie West. Overall he was pretty entertaining even though he could sing nor stand anymore.