This is an actual headline from globeandmail.com, Canada’s “national” newspaper, in case you wanted to know why our soccer team doesn’t feel like succeeding anytime soon. It’s actually not a bad article, and makes some valid points about why the teams involved could make this game punishingly unwatchable. But it’s wrapped up in that haughty, Greggggg Easterbrook pomposity that makes one want to drive to Temecula and have it out with the person involved. Have a read, if you dare.
Me? I’m just hoping the pretty boys find a way to score more goals.
Poland has only given up one goal so far in the tourney, and seem to play a counter-attacking style designed to lull opponents into taking long shots and then running past them with the rebound. Portugal lives & dies based on which Ronaldo shows up. If they’re smart, they send a fake reporter to bug him again, so he goes off like he did versus Hungary.
Prediction: 1-0 Portugal. Goal coming in the 30 minutes of added time.
God help us all if it goes to the shootout – it might never end.
Hey, it’s Litre_Cola!
DFO’s ‘No Pants’ FINALLY got a platform to express our manifesto!
Thanks, Litre_cola!
that’s ONE WAY to get a a free flight home…
ABOUT TIME somebody did something to spice things up!!
He shoulda kissed Ronaldo…
/no homo
I’m not up on all the “overtime” rules stuff, but does the ability to dodge a wrench have any influence on the outcome?
/asking for Rip Torn
So…if both teams clearly just want to go to pens, why not skip the formalities?
You never know when a defender is going to screw up and risk getting himself shot in his native country, resulting in a goal.
True…but this is really the Lesser Footy equivalent of a 30-minute intentional walk. At least Bob Costas isn’t here to tell us how awesome the paegentry is.
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/06/25/article-1289588-0A33D4A3000005DC-816_468x380.jpg
http://www.boxofficefootball.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/ClT2sKoUgAA0FUP.jpg
well HAI indeed!!!
For efficiency, he just stacks them on top of one another and “climbs the ladder.”
Talk about nerves. There haven’t been this many trembling Portuguese since the Lisbon earthquake of 1755.
http://snl.jt.org/caps/impressions/DaCa-Dennis%20Miller.jpg
? …it ain’t just paint! ?
Show me penalties!
Woof, this game has slowed down
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/06/21/article-2162533-139C2D71000005DC-713_232x438.jpg
Ronaldo’s constant missing of the ball fails remind me of that one episode where Bart kept failing at baseball despite the other team trying to let him win to get his self-esteem back, for whatever reason.
Looks like we’re heading to Ooooooooooooooovertimmmmmmmmmmmmme!
http://sportige.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Portugal-Fan.jpg
I’d like to see her in a Lisbon video.
Me love this sly comment.
Lisbon bondage?
It’s Kaputska! This guy is awesome!
Hmmm. Ronaldo is still struggling. Me things (the) Nani is going to have to pull up his Unsung hero socks to win it for Portugal.
I can’t take that fucker seriously because we called my maternal grandmother Nanny, and she was 91 when she kicked the bucket 6 years ago.
FUCK YOU, my kinfolk wuz mountain people.
Yes, Nanny was moderately racist, but even though she was a lifetime Republican and a teetotaling Baptist, her lat vote was FOAR Obama. “I sure ain’t votin’ for that other fella.”
If Tom Brady and Cristiano Ronaldo are stuck together in a room, who tries to suck their own dick first?
They’d probably do a Polish 69 (where you beat off while sucking your thumb).
OH CHRIST, I not only laughed audibly…I fucking CACKLED. One of my 15-year olds came into the room and said “I thought you were dying”
I hope you mean you have twins, as opposed to a gaggle of 15 year olds stolen from a juvenile detention center like in all the stories I write.
this is true, though the latter makes for a much better back story…
Same here, but no cackling.
And no 15-year-olds, mine or otherwise.
still daylight, you got time to get some…
Oh, it’s absolutely Brady
“Tom, having sucked your own your dick, do you find that it has a strong citrus note at the onset, followed by a subtle vanilla aftertaste?”
-Peter King, at a later press conference
Don’t forget that Pope John Paul Ringo II was Polish. You could tell because he had consensual sex with grown women and denied reproductive rights to altar boys.
Will Ronaldo obnoxiously take off his shirt today?
If by today you mean “post match with a French prostitute” then odds are pretty good
“God, I hope so.”
-Millions of women and more than a few men
If the Poles can’t beat ’em on the field, they’re just going to beat ’em up on the field.
I like Poland’s new approach of body checking Portugal’s forwards. Still think it’s a bad idea to hit Ronaldo like that when he’s been largely ineffective so far. Why wake up and piss off a sleeping Giant and all that cliche stuff, ya know?
http://now-here-this.timeout.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/url-2.gif
Beerguy Rob, how was the Calamari sandwich? Which you chose this place over Trolls? I was planning on taking Mrs. Wakezilla to Trolls this weekend, but, a Calamari sandwich sounds heavenly.
If I was told that I was going to die in 5 minutes my last words would be, “Holy shit! I’ve never had a calamari sandwich”.
True. But Trolls is really, really, really good.
The look on your face when your stream is choppy as fuck
I know the owner, so was introducing the idea because he’s looking to expand the menu. It’s not “officially” on the menu yet.
Can’t go wrong with Troll’s, though.
So, which underachieving star do we think is scoring the game winner?
Lewandowski looks like he’s poised to finally scorekakke in this tournament. On the other hand, Ronaldo is getting frustrated with the obstruction he’s getting, which may cause him to go into that extra gear and take over the game.
Mmmmmmm. Scorkakke.
I’m really impressed that Lewandowski can work at CNN and score a goal for Poland after getting fired by Trump. I mean, that’s a real winner. Fuck up enough to get kicked off a sinking ship, yet wind up on two worldwide programs.
I don’t watch CNN because I don’t care for unironic satire, so, I have to ask, did those fucks really show a terrorist blowing himself up?
Bourdain is the only thing I watch CNN for.
I dont no. I don’t trust the lamestream media, like Rush Limbaugh or Hugh Hewitt. I only get my news from Breitbart and freerepublic. Those are the two gratest news sorces of all tiem. They Shud win all of the puletser prises every year.
I dunno man, CNN is wrong and speculative way more than a legitimate news network should ever be.
So there are these two hills. On top of the first hill is a whore house. The guy running up the first hill, well he’s a Russian. The guy in the whore house? Himalayan. The guy running down the first hill, he’s Finnish. And the guy on the wrong hill? Polish!
Jamie Vardy’s wife of 2 months: Not unattractive
I like how her expression is like “This better not end up on some loser blog.”
Also, her ass.
Good thing she’s on DFO.
See, this is why the whole “England players don’t care” narrative doesn’t work. Competitiveness aside, of course they care. If Vardy does not score, he does not score with Becky.
An Italian, a Jew, and a Pole start their first day as cops.
The sergeant asks each of them “Who killed Jesus Christ?”
The Italian guy says, “The Jews.”
The Jewish guy says, “The Romans.”
The Polish guy says, “I need to think about it.”
The sergeants says, “Okay.”
The Polish cops goes home and his wife says, “How was the first day of work?”
“Pretty good,” he says, “I’m already working on a murder case.”
Which of these teams does England hate more? #Brexit
With the hate crimes against the Poles rising since Brexit, it’s definitely the Poles.
A cab driver taking a Poland fan to the game had to pull over…
“Excuse me, sir, I fear my turn signal may be broken…could you step out of the car and let me know whether it’s working?”
“Yes…no…yes…no…yes…no…”
Excellent. The calamari sandwich has arrived.
What? What restaurant are you at? That sounds amazing!
Kypriaki, in North Vancouver.
I’m legitimately stunned that a seafood join in North Van would have beisbol on the TV over the Euros.
The female servers just didn’t know. The cooks in the kitchen have the Beeb broadcast on.
http://aquanerd.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Lets-Get-Kraken.png
Nani went down faster than The Nanny on Mr. Sheffield
She likes your joke and is apparently chilly.
http://img.informador.com.mx/biblioteca/imagen/370×277/83/82080.jpg
“Oh my god Newbomb, did you come?”
“Yeah I did. I’m glad. I’m glad I came.”
Fucking great movie.
I think C.C. would have gone down faster on Mr. Sheffield. Hell, she hooked up with queenish butler.
http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/23800000/Lauren-as-CC-laura-kay-lane-lauren-lane-23885104-1390-2184.jpg
krzyt
I like how there’s a Portuguese player whose name sounds like “Lee Carvalo”.
Renatooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool!
Sanches!
Renato with a dirty Sanches!
Goal for Jamaica!
I missed the goal due to driving home from school.
I had to convince the bar I’m now in to turn one of the TVs off the Yankees game.
Luckily, I went from arsehole to hero in about 5 seconds. I’ve got 60 minutes now to switch that back.
Saw the equalizer.
Aren’t you in Vancouver? In which bar are you in that they had the Yanks game on and not the Euros?
If Lewandowski ever wins the Ballon D’Or, he’ll take it home and have it bronzed.
The German ref decides to be efficient and skip the part where Ronaldo misses the penalty kick
Couple of Poland fans were watching the news last night, and saw the banner headline “Frenchman wanted for rape” scroll by…one turned to the other and said, “Damn, they get all the good jobs.”
So, Pepe is an undercover agent of the Arachnids, right?
/googles Polish Sausage food porn
/doesn’t realize safe search is off
/sees a picture of a guy cutting his dick
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
http://eyebleach.com/
Poland hasn’t practiced corner kicks because their soccer fields are round.
I want to see a Wales-Poland final just so every single letter in the alphabet is represented on the back of all of the shirts.
The dirty Poles are up on the dirty Portuguese? *rubs hands together* This is gonna be good!
Remember when Albania finally scored and won 1-0 against Romania?
I think I found the Albanian goal scorers bonus:
http://media.tumblr.com/9d5e167d7325d265428de628e0f042a8/tumblr_inline_mgqxoaefa21qh9y1k.gif
http://media.vanityfair.com/photos/54590bc2fe94dc8063c49752/master/w_790,c_limit/loren_mansfield_better.jpg
35M out? Stop shooting on net and try a set play. Or get Pepe to take the kick and lob it in there for a Ronaldo header. ANYTHING is better than what Ronaldo is doing right now.
Every time Pepe appears on screen, I instinctively reach for a can of ant spray.
If you have that much Pepe on the screen, you should move the TV out of the bathroom.
Ronaldo needs to be the MVP. Renato Sanches has to be the wildcard/spark.
You know who has to be the unsung hero for Portugal to win?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bMaS-Dq3Gk
That’s right, (the) Nani.
Hear about the plane that crashed in a Warsaw cemetery?
Polish officials have so far recovered 5000 bodies.
Welp – there goes my soothsayer’s membership.
Montreal doesn’t care because they’re too busy plotting to lynch Marc Bergevain
http://25.media.tumblr.com/2c21381ce0fc23035888b3b891d882c7/tumblr_mzxs89w3iJ1t5dus5o5_400.gif
I will support and will financially contribute to any kick starter campaign.
Are you kidding? They got a white 6-year CAPTAIN for an outspoken black guy. Seems like the hot taekers should be thrilled!
The media is sure as shit thrilled. They were blaming PK for the Habs poor performances the last two weeks of the season. . . . and he wasn’t even playing,
I mean, yeah I like to blame the Nutmeg baron for things too, but this is a little crazy. He doesn’t even cover hockey. Of course he couldn’t help the team.
If they played in Wichita, it’d be an 0-0 tie. MAYBE.
Beerguyrob also predicts Brexit will result in a strong Pound.
Speaking of Poland and Brexit, Poles are having a rough time in England these days:
http://fortune.com/2016/06/27/britain-hate-crimes-brexit/
I know they have difficulty screwing in light bulbs and such, but it’s no reason to vandalize their cultural center (which is a cardboard box with two holes in it).
GOALSKI
http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/sausage/images/0/0f/Precooked_polish_sausage.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130426002348
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_locvd8lUSj1qm5hblo1_500.gif
LOOK AT MY BUM! IGNORING IT WON’T MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!
This could be a really good or really bad game. There’s no inbetween. It all depends on which teams show up for both sides.
Lets hope Lewandowski and Ronaldo with help with Renato Sanches (who is finally starting!) can wake up and we get a 4-3 game. . . .
Now that’s a precisely timed post!
http://fifawallpapers.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Poland-Fan-1.jpg
Portugal’s RB is certainly doing his part!!
LET’S GO SUBMARINE SCREEN DOORS!!!
The captain of the ill-fated submarine wished to be buried at sea. Ten more Polish men died digging his grave.
Just hope the game isn’t too krzyitty.
“God help us all if it goes to the shootout – it might never end.”
THE LAST TIME I SAW THAT MANY POLES IN A SHOOTOUT WAS SEPTEMBER, 1939.