Dear St. Louis Rams Fans

I love this time of year the sun is shining; birds are chirping, and the Raiders fans have begun to practice their face paint and coordinating their outfits. Patriots and Seahawk fans have started designing their tattoos, while the Colts fans commence the yearly letting out their jerseys. The ones they didn’t wash all year, but somehow they all have shrunk! Yes, football is in the air. It’s that better than Christmas feeling. Well except in the deep dark emotional wasteland known as St. Louis. The town where the Grinch Stole Christmas and never gave it back. To help bring joy back to our friends the St Louis Rams fans hearts I have reached out to every team to give you a reason why you should root for them.

• Cardinals – “Let us not get caught up on who walked out on who, remember the good times, We know what you want let’s get back together.”
• Bears – “Half of us hate the Cubs more than you do, so we got that in common.”
• Packers – “Nobody questions our Quarterback!”
• Giants – “We got the juice boxes.”
• Lions – “Shhh the Fords vision is based on movement.”
• Redskins – “The only moving we will be doing is to a smaller stadium.”
• Eagles – “We are like the Patriots but without the winning.”
• Steelers – “Shut up we don’t need you.”
• 49ers – “49ers rebuilding since 1999”
• Browns – “Lebron just won, and the Indians have forgotten how to lose… we could be next we have RG III”
• Colts – “We’ll hold the door…hold the door, holdthedoor, holddador, hodor.”
• Cowboys – “We’re the party with Hookers and Blow.”
• Chiefs – “Our city may say Kansas but we 100% misery… er Missouri.”
• Chargers – “We may move to LA too so we got that in common.”
• Broncos – “Like mystery? We don’t know if we have a QB on on roster either.”
• Jets – “How many teams can claim people use them as a verb to describe other teams?”
• Patriots – “Honestly we don’t even know what we are going to do when Tom Brady retires.”
• Raiders – “Want to relive 2015 where the Owners hate the fans and cannot wait to get out? We have the team for you!”
• Titans – “April in Nashville is always an exciting time!”
• Bills – “Wolfman Rob and Rex Ryan. We make the Gronks look like the Partridge family.”
• Vikings – “Watch us beat the NFC North like they were a two yr old!”
• Falcons – “Do you like Pokemon Go? We got a shit load of Pokemon crawling around.”
• Dolphins – “Peyton Manning said he is cheering us on, why not you?”
• Saints – “Have you accepted Breesus into your life?”
• Bengals – “At least we get to the playoffs. We don’t win them, but we get there.”
• Seahawks – “2016 is a big year for us. Two huge miles stones this year: 40 yrs in the NFL and five years with fans”
• Buccaneers – “Our QB comes with free crab legs.”
• Panthers – “We are sorry about the dab, see we can admit our mistakes, and we are winning.”
• Jaguars – “Have you seen our owner? Our helmets are pretty much a mullet. Take us with you!”
• Ravens – “Look at all we have in common we lost a team and got a new one… race riots, Baltimore is the St. Louis of the East Coast.”
• Texans – “We’re not the Cowboys.”

• Rams – “Look we both said dumb things. Sure it was mostly you. But we will take you back when that hot chick from LA gets bored with us in 6 weeks.”