Your “THANK MERCIFUL HEAVENS!” Thursday Open Thread

NFL News You Can Use:

  • The Jets and Ryan Fitzpatrick compromised on a one-year, $12 million deal. FINALLY, the Jets problems are solved.
    • fivethirtyeight.com gave Fitzy’s numbers a value for dollar breakdown and found him to be the best the Jets have had since roughly Ken O’Brien. I’m kinda between sad and hilarious on this one.
  • After he emerged from the woods, Mike Zimmer and the Vikings agreed to a contract extension.
    • Terms weren’t announced, but if the Seahawks are willing to keep Pete Carroll through 2019, then ol’ Zim should be guaranteed until at least 2018.
  • Jimmy Garappolo is apparently “very excited” about his chance to start the season under center instead of holding a clipboard like other seasons.
    • He’s told his mom, his grandparents, and his girlfriend, who – if he’s following the Brady model – will soon be dumped for whatever Brazilian supermodel he hopes Gisele throws his way after Week 5.
  • The Cowboys had 4 of the top-5 player sales rankings during the offseason, according to the NFLPA and in stats compiled by ESPN. Meanwhile, garage sales in Dallas continue to be popular.
  • Fresh off the news that the Cowboys are being fined for having multiple players on the suspended list comes news the Steelers are one infraction shy of getting ginger-hammered themselves.
  • Today’s notable PUP list additions:
    • Muhammad Wilkerson (Jets)
    • Lorenzo Taliaferro (Ravens)
    • Josh Doctson & Derek Carrier (Redacteds)

Pick your poison – “The Cowboys will be good this season”; or “Why Your Team Sucks” – Dallas edition.

Finally, the powers that be have decided that, after 2016, the College playoff will be played either on New Year’s Day or the Saturday before January 1. That should solve the 40% ratings drop, as long as the games promise to be good. Here’s some free advice – NO FUCKING NOTRE DAME!


Can somebody explain to me how Julian Edelman got in the middle of this?

That’s Ella Rose (not pregnant at that time) on the left and Adriana Lima on the right. If you told me this was Gronk’s problem, I’d believe that. But it appears Little J is following Tommy’s pattern of dumping the one carrying a baby and settling for a Brazilian.

I guess I owe young Jimmy G an apology – he DOES have the right to expect some new tail. It’s the Patriot Way!


Well, tonight’s the night that kicks off the next three months of official campaigning for the November elections. I’m really hoping tonight’s speech builds on the momentum from last night, which was a series of escalating soliloquies aiming for the climax which will be Hillary’s speech. Everyone knows there’s only two ways to go:

  1. Nagging grandparent; or
  2. Newfound visionary.

At 69, she wants to be the latter; the worry is that the former will overtake it. She doesn’t have Bill or Barack’s gift of the gab, so if she aims for merely cromulent, it will be considered a victory. It’s her election to lose and, gosh darn it, she’s gonna try.


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLS: MLS All-Stars vs Arsenal – 8:00 (ESPN)
  • CFL: Winnipeg @ Edmonton – 9:00 – (ESPN2)

I don’t know about you, but BC gets a three-day weekend starting the minute I get off work tomorrow and going through Monday.

Hit it Mike Reno!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I really am listening to music at much to loud of a volume on Dolby 5.1 surround sound speakers, the only thing that makes me ok with it is my dad has his TV sound jacked uip too 100 across the hall and he can’t be woken up for anything if he is asleep

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am listening to music at much too loud of a volume right now instead of sleeping. Enjoy some Cake

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uwjsG0cRf0&feature=related

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Am I really that drunk or did Thick McRunsFast’s comment just disappear?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Can’t it be both?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Promised Soul Coughing vid – Circles

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-hm6Y_LdxA

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Blind Melon – Change (Acoustic)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKUJLGBKt_M

You are getting Soul Coughing acoustic next. Just warning you.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I don’t suppose this is the time to unleash new Deutsche harte on you. No? OK, didn’t think so.

Maybe sometime in the future…? No? OK, I’ll just let you think about it.

JerBear50

Deutsche Harte? Is that just Barracuda played over weird fetish porn?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

NO!

Well, maybe… I mean no! It’s not! Probably!

JerBear50

I went to a really bad comedy open mic at a brewery the other night and almost everyone bombed. All I could think was “usually when this many people eat shit, they’re speaking German.”

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I really failed at the going to sleep thing I promised like 2 hours ago

theeWeeBabySeamus

I took an early evening nap. Us old fuckers have to do that sometimes.

JerBear50

I would love to take one sometimes, but I just can’t do naps. It fucks my sleep up if I do, and it’s already bad enough from working nights.

theeWeeBabySeamus

My sleep patterns, even under the best of circumstances, are fucked.
I sleep when I can. Which is becoming more and more rare again. Meh.

JerBear50

Yeah, I get ya. Between the nights and the apnea, I’m resigned to only sleeping more than a few hours a couple days a week when I take Ambien. I try not to take them more than a couple times a week because I don’t want to get any more dependent on that shit.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Unsurprised

I may make this my new avatar
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Fuck it, it is 12:30. You get a RHCP B side. Breaking the Girl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uxPK1sgfrM

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice.
And how ’bout some new RHCP?
Dark Necessities
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnKl4AAo41c

Covalent Blonde

I am a fan!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

It is not jumping to the top of my RHCP love list. Blood Sugar Sex Magik is gonna be tops forever. However, I am enjoying it

http://37.media.tumblr.com/c66f3959d69a2a55ff563f90b85d41a3/tumblr_n4i44h4akw1qg3kpgo3_250.gif

I chose this gif as a backup. I wanted Adam Scott saying it was not the original band

theeWeeBabySeamus

Listen to it some more. It’ll grow on you.
Otherside had always been my fav RHCP track until the past few weeks.

Great driving song. I literally almost died to it in the Rocky Mountains a few days ago, so it has a special place for me now.

Covalent Blonde

That’s terrifying. I hope it wasn’t the song’s fault.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It…was not. Mostly.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The Majestic has been misused….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMyanZNdptc

Sill Bimmons

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s fucking awesome.

Brick Meathook

OH I’VE BEEN THERE

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Whip SlagCheek

Sill Bimmons

Rump Barleycorn

Brick Meathook

I tried to change my user name to “Flint IronStag” but then all my posts were “awaiting moderation” so I changed it back. “Flint IronStag” is still the best one, in my opinion.

theeWeeBabySeamus

One good thing about being home after three weeks (maybe the only good thing actually) is no more goddamned hotel internet. That shit sucked. You people listen…you don’t have to stream HD porn while traveling and suck up everyone else’s bandwidth. Fucking perverts.

Unsurprised

Dude. Why didn’t you make arrangements for offline videos?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m not even talking about streaming videos (for myself I mean). Even getting email to load was a huge pain in the backside more often than not.

And hey, midwest states…I know you’re busy being the country’s bread basket and all that shit…but when you get the time, please feel free to join the rest of us in the 21st century and PUT UP SOME FUCKING CELL TOWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unsurprised

I meant before the trip. xvideos has had a download button for its users for a month or two (Or so I hear).

Well, I’m not going to play armchair Larry Flynt. But I would recommend next time that you fill a thumb drive with videos.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I understand, I’m just saying that ME being able to view porn is not the issue. Everyone other pervert in the hotel watching porn and keeping my email from loading in a timely fashion is the issue.

Covalent Blonde

Goddamn Amish civil servants in charge of telecom

theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite?

Unsurprised

OH!

Fucking animals.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I skipped over posting my 50 RHCP’s B-sides I love too much. I failed in my restraint to not post a mainstream Green Day from Nimrod

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bTdLi0YUVM

Sill Bimmons

The kids across the hall from my hotel room are still awake and running up and down the hallway #BadParenting

theeWeeBabySeamus

I had the same deal in TN last night.
Wanted to beat them. The parents that is.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Don’t you still have most of an ounce of really good weed? Just go smoke some more and you can either sleep through it or just not care

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I really enjoy it when one of you guys says something that would fit right in with my HRTN version of you.

Unsurprised

Those that have them!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Oh, your time is coming, my friend…

Covalent Blonde

Sometimes your ability to capture DFOers true nature is fucking uncanny.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I think I generally just get lucky.*

Some of you guys, though…Sill, OSZ, Moose…YOU…I knew what those voices were going to sound like before I even started to type.

*MAYBE. Or, I might just have your houses bugged.

Sill Bimmons

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JerBear50

Or go blow it in the kids faces in the hallway. That should calm the running down.

theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus

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Unsurprised

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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Sill Bimmons

Antonio Brown’s Roller:

http://a2.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=%2Fphoto%2F2016%2F0728%2Fr107745_1296x729_16%2D9.jpg

Tastefully understated or understatedly tasteful?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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With that I think I am out. Gonna try to find something to watch or just go to bed. See you in 10 min when I fail at all of those things

Unsurprised

It seems that I will be going to the Brewers Fest tomorrow after all. Hopefully I’ll try enough beers to report back.

Unsurprised
Doktor Zymm

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Gratliff

Goddamn, that Daily Show Hillary 8.0 video package was brutal/great.

Brick Meathook

I changed my name and it is awaiting moderation. Please stand by.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I can’t “this is great” you as you await moderation. So i will just say This is great.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m so confused. I don’t know who anyone is anymore.

Brick Meathook

Goshdarnit, I still can’t find the remote!

Did I ever tell you boys about when I used to split atoms in the engine-room of a submarine?

Well, here it is. I was on watch one day ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Brick Meathook

Despite the excessive length of her speech, I think she touched upon economic issues that are important to me.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Reef BlastBody

Brick Meathook

I tried to change my user name but it didn’t work. I’ll try again.

Sill Bimmons

Hank Desperado

Doktor Zymm

I posted this before, but it was a morning post tacked on to the end of the previous night’s open thread, so maybe not so many people saw it. It is BRILLIANT.
https://medium.com/@shitHRCcantsay/let-me-remind-you-fuckers-who-i-am-e6e8b297fe47#.3d96nrrxa

FUCK YES VOTE HILLARY.

Doktor Zymm

People would probably actually like her more if she used the word “fuck” more frequently

Unsurprised

Just imagine he’s Monic….AUGGGHHHHHH

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I hadn’t seen that…thanks for posting it!

/reads it to my wife
//she says, “Fuck yeah!”

King Hippo

Commentators on MSNBC are getting it. With the “Trump as Mussolini” shitshow abandoning pride in country, it opened the door for her to Hillary to expand the tent and welcome moderate GOP folks. But at the same time, her POLICIES were demonstrably left, to make sure that the tent stays open, and keeps expanding (to the extent that Sanders brought new people to the process) leftward, too.

This is how you aggressively campaign to kick someone’s teeth in, and build a very strong governing majority. I thought maybe she was building to that (some of you read my screed) and it looks like she is…

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I’m going to say that I am very (pleasantly) surprised at her mentioning some of the leftist policies of Sanders. I think if she leans just a bit left, then she wins big.

Doktor Zymm

That’s the weekend after my birthday and I have friends in town. So…..NOOOOOPE! Unless there’s a pretty good drinking game attached….

JerBear50

“Every time your glass gets empty, fill it up again” is about as close as I come to drinking games.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I dunno…I kind of want to see HRC shred Trump…

Unsurprised

Well, the good thing is that she’s smart enough to know that normal rules do not apply. And while she can’t give a good speech, she can still burn a motherfucker down with the best.

theeWeeBabySeamus

What’s up folks?
I am centered…everything is in balance (as far as you know).
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Sill Bimmons

I take it you haven’t been watching the speechifying.

Unsurprised

It seems the drugs kicked in

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh hell no. I’m just trying to figure out how not to fuck other things up.

Sill Bimmons

Ah.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I tried to find a gif of a cat getting sprayed by a hose in an effort to subvert your calm. I couldn’t fucking find one.

Unsurprised

Fuck yes. I found the hot taeks decrying all the feminism in GoT

Doktor Zymm

Wow, so even shittons of rape can’t make up for female characters with agency? You really did find the fringe.

Sill Bimmons

Not just regular rape, sibling and snuff rape too!

GOT HAS IT ALL

Unsurprised

Just like the Bible

Unsurprised

Never underestimate MRAs to find new ways to hate women.

Doktor Zymm

“The level of property tax-backed city debt was about $9.4 billion at the end of 2015, compared with about $8.3 billion the year before, according to the city’s annual financial report made public Friday.”

Why did I buy property in Chicago again?

Unsurprised

It’s good to own land.

Sill Bimmons

She certainly is willing to sort of get them out…

http://kickingtheshiteoutofcancer.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/halfway.jpg

Spur

Live Bill Maher time

Sill Bimmons

Can’t anymore.

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

I don’t think he is. He laid into Whatsisname Kennedy a year or so back on his anti-vax stance.

Sill Bimmons

Not exactly…

“But following his anti-CDC rant, something strange happened: Maher agreed with Kennedy on his anti-vaxx stance.

“Why can’t we have a kind of grand bargain on this? It just seems like we’re calling each other kooks and liars,” said Maher. “It seems like common sense that vaccines, even thimerosal, probably don’t hurt most people—if they did, we’d all be dead, because they’re in a lot of vaccines that we all took—but some do. Obviously some minority gets hurt by this stuff. I don’t understand why this is controversial? Why we have this emotional debate about something that—there is science there. It astounds me that liberals, who are always suspicious of corporations… and defending minorities, somehow when it comes to this minority that’s hurt, it’s like, ‘You know what? Shut the fuck up and let me take every vaccine that Merck wants to shove down my throat.’”

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Sure, but as someone allergic to flu shots, I do think that you want to know what you’re getting injected if you have similar problems. That’s what I thought Maher was trying to say (clumsily), although I might be wrong.

Unsurprised

That’s why they give you a fact sheet and a questionnaire before each flu shot and why the vaccine compensation fund even exists.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Yeah, no. I didn’t get one of those. I found out the hard way and am still missing about three days of my life.

That was almost 25 years ago, granted.

Unsurprised

I’m sorry. You got fucked.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

No big. If they give out fact sheets and the like now, I think that’s great.

Sill Bimmons

The whole flu shot thing is a red herring to distract you from the real agenda of eliminating vaccination.

Are flu shots essential? Maybe not. But even a small increase in herd immunity can help to save the lives of thousands of the elderly and immunocompromised during a flu outbreak.

But by moving the attention off of particularly deadly diseases like measles and whooping cough and onto “big deal, the flu, whatevs” the antivaxxers can get their enough of their dogwhistle bullshit into mainstream discourse and poison the well against these necessary inoculations.

Sill Bimmons

“…eliminating /compulsory/ vaccination”

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Hey, no argument from me! I deride ant-vaxxers all the time. Honestly, you could tell me that all of my allergies came from being vaccinated (they weren’t, but as an example) and I would still be glad to have them. They suck, but they beat fucking whooping cough and measles.

Unsurprised

That’s an excellent point. At worst, it’s been falsely linked to autism. In effect, this means that people are willing to risk peoples’ lives because autism is worse than death. That’s fucked up.

Sill Bimmons

I didn’t think you were ant-vaxx, I just didn’t know if you knew about the Flu Shot Deception strategy they use.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I did not, so I appreciate the info!

Unsurprised

I did not. That’s a good strategy. Evil, but clever.

Unsurprised

I don’t know what information doctors give parents about childrens’ vaccines since I’m not a parent, but I would expect it’s at least as much as they give people getting the flu vaccine.