Today we’re going to talk about sandwiches. First of all we are not going to open that stupid fucking debate about whether a hot dog is a sandwich. That has been settled. The best take that shut that debate down was when you take a hot dog out of it’s bun, what do you have?

A fucking hot dog.

Settled!

Right Mr. Dancing Hot Dog?

Goddamn right!

So, Sandwiches! As fatass Americans we sure as shit can put away some fuckin’ sandwiches. According to the US Department of Agriculture, on any given day 47% of all Americans consume at least one sandwich. I’m no mathematician but that’s like almost half of us and shit. The USDA states that 52% of all men and 43% of all women had a goddamn sandwich yesterday. That’s pretty fucking incredible actually. They go on to state that 79% of all sandwiches consumed had some form of meat protein on it. This makes total sense because a sandwich without meat is basically a goddamn salad. The USDA also says that 48% of the sandwiches consumed were for lunch and 31% were eaten at dinner.

The good news? Most of us are buying our sandwich ingredients from a store (58%) rather than a sandwich restaurant. Please take note that Subway does not qualify as a sandwich restaurant. It’s a fucking Subway and that’s fucking that. They can have their own category all to themselves. Hey, if you like Subway that’s great. I know many people who basically can’t exist without them. I am NOT one of those people. In my humble opinion Subway can go fuck itself with a meat slicer, but you know what? They don’t have a meat slicer! Fuckers.

Enough with the data. See that though? Facts dropped all up in your asses!

Let’s talk about favorite sandwiches.

This may be right up there for me.

That beauty is a Jersey Shore style Italian sub (hoagie?) from The White House in Atlantic City NJ. Holy shit are these things delicious. All of the sodium, all of the fat and all of the nitrates but fuck that shit. LET ME AT IT! Love these fucking things. Sill knows what I’m talkin’ about over here.

Now what about this delightful bit of health food?

That’s a pulled pork sandwich. I can take mine with or without the slaw but jumpin’ Johnny Christ these will do you right too.

Folks down Louisiana way have this po boy thing

Or maybe you’re a fan of the bahn mi.

Fuck it I’m going full double Jersey on you.

That’s a pork roll, egg and cheese! Taylor Ham in the house!

Perhaps I could interest you in the Croque Monsieur?

Mother of fuck that looks amazing!

Or maybe you would like to sample a Langer’s Deli pastrami sandwich?

I lied, this is possibly the greatest sandwich of all time.

Maybe.

Alright I’ll stop torturing you for a minute.

This is my way of bringing up today’s meal. The Cubano or Cuban sandwich.

Yet another food item that I ran into a little later in life. I’ve only been aware of the Cuban for the last 15 years or so and once again I wish I could have stumbled upon this baby sooner.

For you poor uninitiated bastards the Cuban is made with slow roasted pork, slices of ham and Swiss cheese along with some pickles and mustard on a crusty roll then the whole thing is pressed panini-style until the cheese gets melty and the bread gets really toasty. This fucking thing right here? Easily one of my all time favorite sandwiches. Now I get to show you how to make one!

Before we get going though I’m going to give a quick shout out to these guys: The Havana Sandwich Company in my hometown of El Segundo, CA. They were kind enough to sell me some of their bread to make this today and I’m going to be forthright and honest with you, they make a better Cuban than I do. Dammit, it’s true. They are all very cool people and the food is authentic and incredible. I’ve seen people come in to this place on their way to LAX to fly back to their homes with a to-go order. If you get in the LAX area be sure to give them a try.

Let’s make a motherfucking Cubano!

First thing we’re going to do is get a rub and a marinade ready for our big ass slab of pig.

Cuban style roast pork:

(1) 3 to 4 lb pork shoulder AKA Boston butt. Bone-in please.

Juice of 1/2 orange

Juice of 1 fresh lime

3 tablespoons of olive oil

1 1/2 teaspoons of white vinegar

1 teaspoon of crushed dried oregano

5 cloves of garlic minced

2  teaspoons of salt

1 teaspoon of black pepper

1 teaspoon of cumin.

Recipe inspired by allrecipes.com

Take half of the minced garlic and put in a small bowl. Add in the salt, pepper, cumin and oregano and mash into a paste. Since I don’t have a mortar and pestle I used my bartenders muddler. This will be the “rub”

Take the other half of the garlic and combine with the lime juice, orange juice, olive oil and vinegar. This will be the marinade.

Let’s grab that big slab’o’pork and we’re going to rinse clean and pat dry. Next make several one inch slits in the fatty side of the pig. We’re going to press some of the “rub” into the slits in the pork.

Now you know what’s next. Yep, gallon freezer bag (If you can get it to fit) cover with the marinade and chill this beast overnight in the fridge. You may have to cut into a couple of chunks if it doesn’t fit or you can do the marinating in a bowl but I got lucky.

That pig barely squeezed in there. Ended up looking like Andy Reid’s khakis.

Next day take that slab of soon to be deliciousness out of the refrigerator and let it get up to room temperature say about 30 minutes. Next pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees. We’re going to use a roasting rack for this application to allow some of the fat to drain.

Tent the pan with foil and sock the porker into the preheated oven. I hope you’re not in a rush because this little piggy has some goddamn cooking to do. Three and 1/2 hours, then remove the foil and cook for another 30 minutes to get a bit of a crust. Thusly.

Let this baby rest for at least 1/2 hour maybe more. You know what? You’re still gonna burn the shit out of your fingers when you start pulling this apart. Go ahead and shred this into bits but leave a couple of golf ball sized chunks.

Let’s discuss the other elements of this sandwich; the ham, Swiss, mustard, pickles and particularly the bread. The mustard should be plain old yellow mustard. I’ve tried dijon and stone ground mustard but the vinegar from the regular old shitty yellow mustard just works here. Store bought Swiss cheese is cool but get a good Swiss, none of them Kraft fucking Singles of Swiss. You want to get that nutty Swiss flavor to shine through. Pickles? Dill! Now if you want to be a fucking masochist you can bake your own ham but you can also use some thicker cut slices from your favorite deli counter. Here’s a cool trick! Use your leftover Easter or Christmas ham up by making a Cubano! Neat!

Bread though? Bread is pretty crucial. I’m going to rant for a second here. The bread quality in California is pretty shitty. You can get sourdough that’s alright but for this sandwich to really stand out you need a crusty loaf of a good Italian bread or a good French bread and it’s really hard to find out here. You East Coast folks have that good bread everywhere. This is why I was happy that my friends at the aforementioned Havana Sandwich Company (their food really is authentic Cuban! Lechon asado and Ropa Vieja and black beans and rice…) were willing to let me buy a loaf of theirs.

Let’s assemble shall we?

Toast that bread for a couple of minutes in a 350 degree oven just to crisp it up. Slice in half, go ahead and “canoe” out some bread from the inside top and bottom to give us more room for ingredients. Coat some mustard on the bread and then add the pickles.

Top this with the sliced ham. I gave the ham a little quick fry just to get a little browning on there.

Next put some chunks of the slow roasted pork and lastly add the slices of Swiss cheese. Now the fun part, we’re going to press the sandwich flat while putting one final browning to the crust. If you don’t have a panini press and really who in the actual fuck does? Don’t panic. We just need to put some weight on the top of the sandwich while it’s toasting in a pan. Check out my ingenious solution.

That’s right! I’m a smart motherfucker! The bottom pan is toasting the bread and melting the cheese while my heavy as fuck cast iron skillet is doing the pressing. Cool! I’ve seen people use a foil wrapped brick as a press also but I’m pretty short on clean bricks around here. Once again the finished sandwich after final toasting.

Slice this on an angle to give us a sexy sexy photo op.

We are in fucking business folks!

The Cubano is a treat for all of the senses. The first thing you will notice when you take a bite is an audible “crunch” this will be followed directly by the tang of the mustard and the acidity of the pickles, the next note in our sandwich symphony of awesomeness is the salt of the ham, then here comes the roast pork just shredding it on the lead guitar. Finally the nutty melted Swiss cheese brings the entire thing together. So very, very fucking good.

This is a good meal if you find yourself with some leftover ham or roast pork but it’s more than worth the effort to roast your own swine for this bad mofo. What’s really nice is you will have some leftover pork. You can make a quick batch of black beans, some white rice and you can be Cuban all over again for an entirely different meal.

This stuff is really tasty and can easily be mastered. Give this a try along with a cold cerveza and you will be living high off the slowly roasted hog.

Let’s all live well, drink well and treat each other well.

Vaya con Dios!