Your “The Starters Are Playing For The First Half? [faints]” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Yes, it’s the beginning of the vaunted third week of the preseason, when the players that we love/hate play for a wee bit. That is, unless they’re the teensiest bit injured. I like to think of it as a teaser for what is to come. Of course, if my team doesn’t do well I can always fall back on the old, “It was just ONE half of ONE preseason game! I’m not about to get my knickers in knot”. On the other hand, if my team does well I can blurt out, “OH, WOW! This year we’re headed out of the basement/looking at .500/gonna make the playoffs/gonna win a playoff game/looking like a Super Bowl contender, etc., etc. Adjust your individual team expectations accordingly. TO THE GAMES! (both of them)

Falcons/Fins-As a fan of a team with a remarkably average backfield I envy Atlanta’s Freeman/Coleman duo. The former has a nose for the end zone and the latter just needs a bit of space to make a big play. I took me a little look at wr Julio’s game-by-game yardage numbers and this is what I saw-141, 164, 162, 137, 160, 178 and 149. Man, you know what this means? That’s right, recent signee Mohamed Sanu should have a field day on the other side of the field. In this offence he’ll be getting about 110 targets or so.

I fully expected qb Tannehill to get it done last year but it didn’t happen. After doing a wee bit of homework I discovered that he wasn’t give any freedom at all. If he didn’t like what he saw at the line of scrimmage last year’s OC (I don’t know his name-I didn’t do “that” much homework) demanded that he call the one backup play that heretofore not-mentioned OC had given him. He seems to me to be a bright guy-hopefully this year’s playcaller, HC Adam Gase will give him a bit of responsibility. With a wr triumvirate of Parker, Landry and Stills he should be able to do some damage.

‘Boys/’Hawks-Head-scratching first round pick Eezy-keel will get low double-digit carries tonight before he is shut down. The rook that everyone loves, DAK! Prescott (I can’t not include an exclamation point after his name when I type it) will be spelling Romo sometime during the second quarter or after the latter scrambles and hurts…something. I’m calling “ulna”. Dez and his concussion will be on the sidelines trying to figure how to make his absence from the game all about him.

Rb Rawls and te Graham are out. But that’s okay for a bordering-on-the-ridiculous offensively deep Seattle squad. All they have left at the skill positions are Wilson, Lockett, Baldwin, Kearse, Willson, Micheal and Prosise. There’s little doubt in my mind that Head Truther Carroll will be strutting down the sideline multiple times again this year.

 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I am a stupid person, and the proof is that I once thought that Chad Henne had a bright future in the NFL.

Gratliff

Were you unaware of his career in Michigan?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

WHAT DID I JUST SAY???

Don T

First two seconds into the preseason I get the “Oh, so it’s time for football 24/7?” Knowing the answer, I smile and keep my moith shut.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sheesh, Marcus Allen you are not, Dolphins running back.

King Hippo

Lagunitas’ Wilco Tango Foxtrot. A Malty, Robust, Jobless Recovery Ale.

anyhoo it were LARGE and on sale at me Food Lion so LET’S FIND OUT!

JustStopDude

http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/planet1051.com/files/2012/05/3164_73744419706_73743044706_1587581_7359096_n.jpg

Worse beer I ever drank. I got a case of this and I swear to god it took me weeks to finish. Like somehow, the fucking beers just never ran out.

...

I can’t believe that’s a real thing.

WCS

Oh, it exists. I, too, have entered this abyss. One is never the same afterwards. It truly is a demarcation point in one’s life.

JustStopDude

Why on earth do the Dolphins play on artificial turf?

Is it me or does it seem like the teams that should play on turf due to the winter weather conditions limiting the ability to grow grass…have grass and the teams that should have grass…have turf?

Sill Bimmons

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH BAT BOY

http://pmcmovieline.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/bat_boy_cover_wwn.jpg

Oh wait, it was just Tony Dungy.

litre_cola

Just looked at your scoring system Sill and I have 0 clue what is going to happen in that draft.

JustStopDude

Related…I have no fucking clue how to play fantasy football.

I assume you just draft kickers and defenses right?

Sharkbait

That league is going to be a beautiful disaster.

Sill Bimmons

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Gratliff

Hail Satan!

Sharkbait

SHANK!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You can’t spell Hillary without “ill”. Think about it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BIG BENGAZI!

...

I still can’t believe he’s a real human being.

WCS

The new Mortal Kombat self-fatality?

Sharkbait

GIF THAT ELI MANNING BANANA IMMEDIATELY!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

IN A DIFFERENT CONTEXT……

JustStopDude

So Matt Ryan is basically Joe Flacco’s personality with Tony Romo’s post season success…is that an accurate assessment?

Gratliff

“It was the fumbles that hurt him. Not the way he played.”

Logic, how the fuck does it work?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Usually when you see a receiver that wide open and there’s a flag, it’s offensive interference.

New Game: What words of advice did Al give Tirico?

Five dollars? Get outta here.

WCS

JustStopDude

Fuck the NFL for these commercials showing players celebrating on the field to sell their fucking pre-season video package crap.

YOU FUCKERS FINE PLAYERS FOR CELEBRATING AND THEN YOU PUT THE SHIT IN ADS!

What is next, NFL films presents the best head injuries caught on tape?

Sharkbait

They’re prepping that to make a HoF exhibit on what the NFL was like before they were so heroic and changed the game to save players.*

*work in progress.

WCS

I believe they did that already:
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They will be fined for these commercials.

I wonder how drunk Al Michaels is right now, I mean more than usual.

King Hippo

scale of 0 to “Rain Delay Harry Caray?”

Sharkbait

I think he’s a solid “Joe Namith MNF” on that scale right about now.

King Hippo

we would have also accepted Q1 Pat Summerall (pre-Jeebus edition)

Fronkenshteen

This is as drunk as it EVER got in the booth:
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WCS

…mom?

JustStopDude

Dude…hook me up with your mom!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WCS; that was fucking funny, but COMEDY is exaggeration; YOUR MOM DOES NOT SPILL BOOZE.

WCS

MATTY SHITSTORM

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sharkbait

COMMENCING THE DRINKING: What should I drink:

https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/28609/142987/

https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/43537/206341/

Or classic bulleit bourbon neat?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What I’m saying is pour a bourbal and a beer for drinking pleasure.

King Hippo

Arian Foster will have one amazeballs fantasy game before all his tofurkey ligaments ‘splode. And it will be against YOU!

Sharkbait

Stahp.

/May have kept him this year
//Definitely did

Croooow

And the one monster game will occur on your bench after reading a week of reports saying he’s questionable/limited practice.

King Hippo

In a week you had all your good options on bye already, and you rolled with one of the 4-headed Hydra on the Giants, and a shitty Redacteds backup hunch play.

Croooow

And the one you contemplated picking up off the waiver wire but decided against because he’s got a “tough match-up” has a monster game as well.
/will not confirm nor deny this happened to me one week.

Fronkenshteen

RIP DA Adam Schiff

herodotus450
Gratliff

So, Dolphins are kind of shit, eh?

Sharkbait

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King Hippo

8-8 (+/- 1) FOREVS!!!

/you deserve it, Daniel Tosh
//sorry, warthog

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hey now settle down; it’s just the preseason.

In a few weeks they will be shit in the regular season.

King Hippo

This may be blasphemy to the canon, but methinks this was the singular best delusion/hallucination of the series.

Sharkbait

That episode itself is easily top 3

King Hippo

DEE GO FOR RIDE ON CAROUSEL

litre_cola

Dear God, he is awful. He never has an ill word to say about anything. He thinks Darren Sharper is just a bad pharmacist.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

+1

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

JESUS DUDE; CUT BACK ON YOUR DRINKING!!!

AT THIS RATE IT WILL KILL YOU!!

King Hippo

Is it asking too much for TannyFanny to shit on Crissy’s head?

/also, kick everyone squa’ in the nuts. Laremy

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hattiesburg Hat >>>>> Cleveland Steamer.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
litre_cola

hello internet friends how are we doing this evening?

I am in Collinsworth rage already. Sticking up for Suh, go get fucked Chris he is overpaid.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

Looks like Lily took the offseason pretty seriously:

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

“Pey-Pey whores foar eve-ry-thing!”

Sharkbait

Is Tannehill going to yell at the safety for picking him off?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

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Croooow

Or as Gruden would say: “Tann-EEE-hill”

Sharkbait
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gratliff

What is this 2 game bullshit? This is the preseason. Give me choices.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I hope it is at least average!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Shogun Marcus

We have Toppers. Was born in Wisconsin. Is definitely NAWT the same as yours. The Mac N Cheese pie is wonderful.

Shogun Marcus

Add bacon. I also add the chopped pickles because screw you it’s mah pie!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Shogun Marcus

38 y.o., 135-140, I eat like a 12 year old whose parents are long gone and my cholesterol is only a tad over the border. Thanks grandpa foar the magic metabolism!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Careful man; that will catch up with ya.

From someone who it has caught up with.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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jjfozz

I am at soccer practice and there are no hot, sexy, bisexual Cougars in heat looking to make a Fozz sandwich.

SMDH

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Too much roast beef for my liking.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Really? I like the ones that you can put over your face like a warm washcloth in the bathtub.

SO RELAXING!

jjfozz

Well it is dry aged, so more pliant

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I prefer it desiccated.

Sill Bimmons

Really? Dammit.

/crosses “creep local soccer practices” off to-do list

YOU LIED TO ME AGAIN INTERNET

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Sill Bimmons

Hey Canadiaites…

Now that Sidney Crosby has been named captain of the 2016 World Cup team and is undeniably the most successful international hockey player in non-Soviet history, what’s the general TAEK on him up there?

http://talkhockey.ca/wp-content/uploads/Crosby-Goal8338.gif

JustStopDude

Eh there eh….

Gratliff

Ah, Team Canada. Where Flyers stars go to actually win tournaments. That and LA.

Sill Bimmons

The Carter and Richards trades remain as baffling as the day they happened.

Gratliff

They were clearly the problem, especially Jeff Carter’s inability to perform in clutch moments, unlike that guy who scored a hattrick in the clinching game for his team’s first Stanley Cup. What was his name? Oh, right. Jeff Carter.

Sharkbait

I hate that gif so god damn much.

Sill Bimmons

hey guys

Shogun Marcus

New battlebots is also on tonight. Just saying.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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