Your “Hurry Up, Baby. Daddy Needs His Fix” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Day-before Glorious NFL Returns News:

It’s kind of a light day, because most everything on every team is in a holding pattern until after the first game.

• Seantrel Henderson is (duh!) appealing his imminent 4-game suspension for violating drug policy. At this point, the only things left on Buffalo’s front lines are a few border guards and a big pile of wing bones Rob Ryan left on the field.
• Proving he’s found a new dealer and new hallucinogens, Jim Irsay says the Colts are on the verge of another “golden era”.
• Ezekiel Elliott is not being charged over an alleged incident involving an ex-girlfriend. THE COWBOYS WAY!
• Carson Palmer is looking forward, not back to the NFC title game. Because if he did, he’d still be in the fetal position at home.
• Drew Brees got his extension – 2 years; $44.25 million. Fully guaranteed.

Finally, I just want to pass along some plaudits for all of the Team Previews the members of the Commentist Party have put together. Although lacking the genial bile of Drew’s “Why Your Team Sucks” posts over at Deadspin, they greatly benefit from a certain amount of ingenuity, as there were people who analyzed teams not in their normal viewing habit.

Well done everyone! A great success all around, and something that will be difficult to emulate next year unless Cuntler wants to “50 Questions” every team. [BTW, if there aren’t “50 Questions for the Super Bowl”, I believe we have failed as a site.]

Speaking of suck…

The @NFL and @Twitter release new emojis for all 32 teams. @TwitterSports#RiseUp #DawgPound #FinsUp #FlyEaglesFly pic.twitter.com/LCKgogtfwc

— Good Morning America (@GMA) September 7, 2016

I guess this is the NFL’s response to WWE dominating social media; nice to see the Broncos, Jaguars, Chiefs and…PATRIOTS?! are the NFL version of The Social Outcasts.

This might have made more sense during the SB50 campaign. Really feel they lost out on the Chargers…

#FEASTINGUPONYOURSOULS

If you want to have a good laugh, or rage-fit, read the comments section to the Dallas Morning News editorial endorsing Hillary Clinton. It’s a well-reasoned explanation of a difficult decision to go against standard for the first time in 75 years reduced to shrieks of “RINO!” A small sample:

I don’t know what’s more scalding – the one-sentence burns or the page-long diatribes. Read it long enough, and you can smell the brimstone from all those HAWT TAEKS!

Tonight’s sports:

• Baseball:
  • US listings: (TSN2 in Canada)
    • Cardinals at Pirates – 7:00 PM | ESPN
    • Rangers at Mariners – 10:00 PM | ESPN
  • Canadian listings:
    • Blue Jays at Yankees – 7:00 | SN
    • Red Sox at Padres – 9:00 | SN1
• Rio 2016 Paralympic Games: Opening Ceremony – 7:00PM | OLN
• U.S. Open Tennis: Quarterfinals – 7:00 PM | ESPN2
• NWSL Soccer: Chicago vs. Kansas City – 7:55PM | FS1

FOOTBALL IS BACK FOR REAL TOMORROW!!!