Your Monday Night Football Double-Header Open Thread

[feels a bit icky making a baseball-related reference]

Damn, I like this 7:10 (eastern) starting time. Sometimes my extraordinarily strict post-work beer, scotch, cider, wine and martini regimen catches up to me and the world starts spinning and the games (yes, the games) lose their focus and I have to find out the score the following morning. This way I’m guaranteed to be coherent all the way into the third quarter of the first tilt. Enough about me-TO THE GAMES!

Steelers/Redacted’s-I feel as though Pittsburgh without the services of rb Bell and wr’s Bryant and Wheaton is a team playing with one arm tied behind their back but it won’t make much difference in the end. I think it has a lot to do with not being able to judge the prospects of Washington objectively because Dan Snyder has come to be the embodiment of a number of shitbags I deal with in my work setting. [takes a deep breath] Everyone is yakking about the Norman/Brown showdown but doesn’t the former play just one half of the field? I’m sure Brown will get moved around a bit and they will cross paths but I think it’s cb Breeland (with help from Hall?) that does the heavy lifting. It’ll be a tiny bit interesting to see who among Coates, Heyward-Bey and Rogers gets the majority of catches. Cousins’ pursuit of a long-term deal would benefit from a home win here.

Rams/Niners-As hc Kelly prepares for the game Jim Tomsula (“we hardly knew ya”) prepares for the coming hobopocalypse. A wasteland of discarded bindles and can-openers awaits mankind-he’ll be the first to tell you! STAY AWAY FROM THE SWITCHYARDS, PEOPLE! The game? Gurley runs roughshod on the Niners and qb’s Keenum(what?) and Gabbert(who?) try their damnedest to keep their combined giveaways below 7. Fantasy-wise, if Hyde goes for 35+ I may just squeak out a not-earned victory.

There she be. Now…LET’S WATCH THE SHIT OUT OF THIS!

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WCS

HARFDOWN

theeWeeBabySeamus

Rapey McGreyPenis with a completion over the middle foar 9.
Nicely done Rapey McGreyPenis.

King Hippo

STARTING TO MAKE A MOVE IS NOT MAKING A MOVE PPL FORGET THAT!!!!

/hail BLEERGH

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
John Difool

“I’m Love Smith and I approve this challenge..”

Kungjitsu

He should have called a timeout first.

–Andy Reid

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Who, Will?

Sill Bimmons

comment image

WCS

Alright, time to figure out if it’s a catch or not:
http://www.lonestar.edu/images/math-formula-chalkboard.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Is this a catch?
comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

You kinda fucked that up.
Just saying.

...

404: Catch would not be found.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Wow, fuck these refs. I am rooting for the Redacteds now

King Hippo

he’s just challenging to try to earn popularity with teh cool kids.

Redshirt

Oh, great. Time for another debate on what a catch is.

comment image

Sill Bimmons

BAD CHALLENGE WOO

JustStopDude

And we still have no fucking clue what a catch actually is.

I maintain that a WR should be required to file his taxes to be counted as having control of the ball.

King Hippo

IS THAT A CATCH???

Doktor Zymm

NO ONE KNOWS

King Hippo

they really should, for shits and giggles, bring in a philosophy major to debate this

Sill Bimmons

NO FOOTBAW MOVE BRAHEEMS

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow. There’s an assload of yellow pants on my TV.
da Fuq?????

LemonJello

We’ve secretly covered the ball in Vaseline and KY…let’s see if anyone notices.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Now when you say “the ball”…..?

Sharkbait

Oh boy. All of the derpatude.

...

This is some derpy football by the Stillers.

Doktor Zymm

Heath Miller : A candy bar beer endorsement waiting to happen

Kungjitsu

If Jesse James murdered his parents, I wouldn’t convict him.

WCS

HHHHHEEEEAAATTTHHHHH

..oh wait

Sill Bimmons

HATE TEH NAME LOVE TEH GAME WOO

ThursdaySkyGoddess

WHITETIGHTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEND!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons
Duchess

For a former coach Gruden seemed pretty impressed by a basic counter run.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

So why wasn’t Kerrigan ruled down by contact? He picked up the ball, got tackled and then had the ball taken out when he was on the ground

Sill Bimmons

CUZ ITS ASSHOLES AND ELBOWS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SCRUM

King Hippo

well, this appears to be quite the chucklefuck-off between Cousins and Captain HARF.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
LemonJello

I’m adding chucklefuck-off to my daily vocabulary.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“The Ben try to talk to cheerwimmins but ankle-thingy go shocky-shocky.”

WCS

Someone want to tell THE BEN that the preseason is over?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Glorious Chairman Dan

The steelworker leader has been attacked — but a weapons shipment captured by Comrade Seth McFarlane was lost. The capitalist-roader perfidy will not prevail!

Redshirt

On behalf of all Bengals fans, WHERE THE FUCK WAS THIS PITTSBURGH TEAM LAST JANUARY?!”

Sill Bimmons

They take a couple games to adjust to all the suspensions and get their shit together nowadays.

LemonJello

The Ben hit in grey-spot, Boss Todd won’t let the Ben ride in his Camaro now… the Ben sad.

Sad HARF.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

HARFSACKFUMBREWTFUCKERY!

Sill Bimmons

hell’s bells

Sharkbait

HARF HARF

Doktor Zymm

I’m supposed to have tennis in an hour, but I’ve gotten maybe 4 hours of sleep in the past couple days cause jetlag. I should maybe keep watching the game instead.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Allergy attack woke me up with adrenaline-fueled heartbeat, so I’m going on about two.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

John Difool
Glorious Chairman Dan

Captain Kirk proves the limitations of political officer appointments by the Party. The will of the Chairman will triumph with inexorable force!

Sill Bimmons

I hate that fucking Camry ad more than Chip Kelly.

...

I get the feeling Chip Kelly will get busted for some truly disgusting, shocking crime one day and we’ll be like, “Holy shit! I’m shocked that he could do that! … Well, not that shocked.”

LemonJello

And Chip REALLY hates that ad!

Sill Bimmons

HAR

Redshirt

Graphic: “Screw you, flag. Its my time to shine!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

the gifts of BLEERGH, denied

Redshirt

“No Intentional Grounding. #86 was in the area, and we have been assured that he has a 240 inch vertical leap.”

Doktor Zymm

I figured they were just assuming that Cousins was inaccurate enough tonight that he could have been legitimately aiming that far away…

Sill Bimmons

And a 0.5 second 20-yard-dash.

ArmedandHammered

Well, they did not define “area”. Could be same zip code? Or hectare?

King Hippo

Lucky Pierre #2 is still in the league??

King Hippo

I’mma put some Tussin on the 2nd half, so I’mma have some coffee now.

/fuck you, internal organs

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
litre_cola

Purple Drank?

King Hippo

it’s more yellow, but still CHUH CHUH

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Don’t forget to put water in it to make more Tussin!

King Hippo

OH YEAH. Daddy ain’t waste no precious crusty Tussin solids!!!

Glorious Chairman Dan

Bleergh’s interference in our affairs is futile imperialism! All glory to Chairman Dan!

Sill Bimmons

y u no grounding?

...

Has Gruden gotten chubbier? I thought we were only allowed a single chubby Gruden.

Doktor Zymm

He isn’t talking as frantically as normal either. Maybe he lays off the amphetamines during the off season?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He certainly has a chub.

Redshirt

What have I missed so far?

Sill Bimmons

HAIL BLEERGH

Glorious Chairman Dan

Comrade Breeland has intercepted a weapons shipment to the rebellious steelworkers. Now Red Army Captain Kirk must crush their defensive forces.

Sill Bimmons
...

Well, I definitely can believe he would outlaw sarcasm.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“The Ben just want to watch cheerwimmins bounce, so he throw to other team.”