Your Monday Night Football Double-Header Open Thread

[feels a bit icky making a baseball-related reference]

Damn, I like this 7:10 (eastern) starting time. Sometimes my extraordinarily strict post-work beer, scotch, cider, wine and martini regimen catches up to me and the world starts spinning and the games (yes, the games) lose their focus and I have to find out the score the following morning. This way I’m guaranteed to be coherent all the way into the third quarter of the first tilt. Enough about me-TO THE GAMES!

Steelers/Redacted’s-I feel as though Pittsburgh without the services of rb Bell and wr’s Bryant and Wheaton is a team playing with one arm tied behind their back but it won’t make much difference in the end. I think it has a lot to do with not being able to judge the prospects of Washington objectively because Dan Snyder has come to be the embodiment of a number of shitbags I deal with in my work setting. [takes a deep breath] Everyone is yakking about the Norman/Brown showdown but doesn’t the former play just one half of the field? I’m sure Brown will get moved around a bit and they will cross paths but I think it’s cb Breeland (with help from Hall?) that does the heavy lifting. It’ll be a tiny bit interesting to see who among Coates, Heyward-Bey and Rogers gets the majority of catches. Cousins’ pursuit of a long-term deal would benefit from a home win here.

Rams/Niners-As hc Kelly prepares for the game Jim Tomsula (“we hardly knew ya”) prepares for the coming hobopocalypse. A wasteland of discarded bindles and can-openers awaits mankind-he’ll be the first to tell you! STAY AWAY FROM THE SWITCHYARDS, PEOPLE! The game? Gurley runs roughshod on the Niners and qb’s Keenum(what?) and Gabbert(who?) try their damnedest to keep their combined giveaways below 7. Fantasy-wise, if Hyde goes for 35+ I may just squeak out a not-earned victory.

There she be. Now…LET’S WATCH THE SHIT OUT OF THIS!

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Trevor Semen

I like this new NFL, where teams go for two point conversions and don’t punt on 4th and 1

JustStopDude

GOd I detest these ESPN World Cup of Hockey commercials.

I don’t get it if the point is to mock hockey players, the fans, or both.

LemonJello

Yes.

Sill Bimmons

oh hai suze

Spanky Datass

i un-muted the tv just to listen to her

LemonJello

THIS GUY ELI ROGERS, I CALL RILEY REID BECAUSE HE’S NOT FLUSTERED WHEN BALLS BOUNCE IN HIS FACE!

Glorious Chairman Dan

Most [*Redacted] s thing possible. We’re fucked.

Doktor Zymm

As far as I’m concerned, the most [*Redacted] s thing possible would be being up 5 scores at the half and totally blowing it in the third. This isn’t that bad yet. Kirk just needs to keep his shit together and not Kirk out.

Glorious Chairman Dan

Not Kirk out? oh nooooooooooooooooooo 😛

John Difool

Was it over when the Germans torpedoed the Kobayashi Maru?

...

Kirk: “I don’t believe in no-win situations.”

Glorious Chairman Dan: “Oh. Well, the [*Redacted] s–”

Kirk: “Wait. The [*Redacted] s? Shit. Well, I do believe in no-win teams.”

litre_cola

1-4-3 touchdown.

Doktor Zymm

Damn, the time that dude spent shoving a horseshoe up his ass pre-game just paid off.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Must. Not. Make. Joke.

Sill Bimmons
ThursdaySkyGoddess

I’ll take it! Other Eli and Rodgers down!

theeWeeBabySeamus

What just happened? Endzone pinball or something?

ArmedandHammered

Pinball touchdown.

WCS

HARFLUCKDOWN

King Hippo

DOINKDOWN

...

Well that was an odd fucking touchdown pass.

Col. Duke LaCross

Holy shit!

King Hippo

Pittsburgh certainly understands probability analysis and going against the book. Paying off in spades, no?

theeWeeBabySeamus

That Rapey McGreyPenis is pertty good at teh footballing.
Just don’t turn your back on him.

Glorious Chairman Dan

Because they go for it on 4th and 1 like smart people rather than 4th and 6 like noted moron Jay Gruden

...

I’d say at this point Jay’s gotten his moron certification.

John Difool

“NOBODY COMES INTO THIS HOUSE, NOT HERE NOW…WITHOUT PAYING A PRICE”

http://i.imgur.com/PtU4p9U.jpg

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shiiiiiit, I got drunker quicker than planned

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
King Hippo

Jesus, that’s ALL on The Ben, not De.

Sill Bimmons
Duchess

Ah really not hiding those HGH rumors there Clay

...

OH GOD A CLOSE UP OF BERMAN’S WRINKLED POTATO ROLL OF A HEAD

Doktor Zymm

DeAngelo Williams’s middle name is Chondon? Huh.

...

Weird middle names are weird.

Glorious Chairman Dan

The vanguard of the proletariat continues the struggle against the ground attack of the steelworkers. The officials who have failed to achieve victory will face the Chairman’s wrath!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I feel as if I’ve read this somewhere before.
😉

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Hey, could someone tell me how old DeAngelo Williams is, because I don’t have a clue.

herodotus450

Since he has been considered the washed up old man of the league for about 16 months now, I’d put him at 31

WCS

928, I think.

Sill Bimmons
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

33

Sill Bimmons
Glorious Chairman Dan

The vanguard of the proletariat continues the struggle against the ground game of the steelworkers. The officials who have failed to achieve victory will face the Chairman’s wrath!

litre_cola

Heyward Bey is still in the league? Colour me surprised.

Redshirt

Aw, hell. Who told the [*Redacted] s they were the [*Redacted] s?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

The Beastmode make the half-time special! HARF!

...

Broadcast Gruden is definitely chubbier. He needs to go back on whatever potent stimulant that allowed me to start at film nonstop for 12 hours without blinking.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

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JustStopDude
Beerguyrob

HARF HARF!! YELLING TV MAN’S BROTHER MADE BAD COACH CHOICE! BEN GET BALL! THROW TO ANTONIO AGAIN – GET CHOCO TACO!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate the Red Sox.
Because I hate Red Sox.

WCS

FACK YOU YOU FACKIN FACK

Sill Bimmons

I think this is the default position of the vast majority of people here.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

7-1 and still only in the 3rd.
comment image

Glorious Chairman Dan

General Gruden clearly affected by capitalist propaganda and perfidy, causing him to make a decision detrimental to the cause of revolution.

Glorious Chairman Dan

in other words, WHAT THE FUCK JAY YOU GODDAMN RETARD

Sill Bimmons

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Duchess

ok Cheetos chicken fries sound like a 15 yr old me delight which means i am doomed to try them and regret it… like Dorito tacos.

Sill Bimmons

Try them…FOAR MURKA

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...

I kind of like the Burger King is the sarcastic teenager of fast food chains.

Sill Bimmons

The YouTube Challenge of the quick-service burger establishment.

...

Snapchat in edible, drive-thru-served form.

Sill Bimmons

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Kungjitsu

I’m going to try them, but I’m going to chase them with a pound of spinach because there is no way Cheetos Chicken Fries are going through my colon solo.

Sill Bimmons

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Sill Bimmons
theeWeeBabySeamus

So if I’m reading the room correctly, it is currently the wrong to time to screw around with Dok…no?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
herodotus450

comment image?w=361&h=318&crop=1

Sill Bimmons

Chicken salad on rye, untoasted, and a cup of tea!

http://seinfeldism.com/images/opposite-of-tuna.jpg

Doktor Zymm

Okay, I think I see how this game is gonna go. I should install some of those exploding Takata airbags in my living room.

litre_cola

Hhahahahaha RG3 is done, thanks for Wentz fuckwits.

Sill Bimmons

When your fantasy score won’t update…

http://i.giphy.com/LAPgyvIKblMyY.gif

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I went for a cig and Sill seems happy now. What did I miss?

Sill Bimmons

Antonio Brown doing Antonio Brown things.

Doktor Zymm

So, if I understand catches correctly, that was a catch because it wasn’t Megatron in the end zone?

Shogun Marcus

I cannot watch, but based on your description, yes.

King Hippo

what an adjustment to catch that shitty, shitty pass

theeWeeBabySeamus

Rapey McGreyPenis with the TD strike!!!!!!
(harder to type Rapey McGreyPenis than I thought, even sober)

ThursdaySkyGoddess

ANTOOOOOOOOOOOOOONIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sill Bimmons

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

JustStopDude

Quality fucking defense there…

Beerguyrob

Mike Tomlin: “No flag for late hit? Joey – get out there!”

Beerguyrob

South Asian Eli Manning sure doesn’t look like I expected.