/Inside DFO Headquarters Monday Morning
Me: Guys, I’m at a loss here. The Bears and Eagles played just last night and now they’re playing again tonight! How do I spin this? How comes no one is talking about this?
Hippo: [shakes his goddamn head] What are you talking about?
Me: The game. Tonight. It’s the exact same tilt as last night.
OSZ: You screwed up.
Me:[rolls eyes] Thanks for the input, Oldie-but I’ve been doing this for over a year now. I think I’ve got a handle on it. Seriously, any ideas? The NFL has sunk to a new low.
Horatio: Scotch, the Bears and Eagles didn’t play last night. Are you okay?
Me: What is with you guys? Just check last night’s preview post. It’s right there! They played!
Low Commander: Did you watch the game?
Me: Of course not! I’m wayyyyy too hammered by that time. Just like all you guys. Am I right? [raises hand looking for a high five] Nobody? What is wrong with you guys?
Everybody– YOU FUCKED UP!
Me: Ohhhh, I get it-this is some sort of, “Let’s pick on the Canadian guy” thing. They never give us a break, right Beer Guy?
BeerGuyRob: [looks the other way, whistles]
Me: Fine. Whatever. Not funny, guys. Not. Funny. I bet Magary never had to put up with this sort of lack of respect. I’m out of here. I’ll be back when I’m not taken for granted! [slams door of conference room/broom closet]
DTZM: Guh. Let’s take a vote-everyone that wants Scotchnaut barred, raise your hand.
Dok Zymm: Can I vote with both hands? It’s twice as many as one!
FIN
Enjoy the game [spits on ground] “Friends”.
“Wentz is 9 for 11.”
“That’s good!”
“For less than 5 yards an attempt.”
“That’s bad.”
“He’s showing a lot of poise.”
“That’s good!”
“Poise is a bullshit word used by announcers that means nothing.”
“That’s bad.”
“The poise also contains potassium benzoate.”
“Can I go now?”
Still looking for that hold
I feel like I’ve been seeing trailers for “Masterminds” in front of every comedy I’ve seen in the theater for the last three years. Can’t be a good sign.
WENTZ IS 9-11! WAKE UP SHEEPLE
Wait, he’s not Wentzghazi? I’m so confused.
I know I should be happy about the TD, I am. I am still annoyed at Gruden for the idiocy of claiming it should have just been a defensive holding on the play before the touchdown. It happened AS he was receiving the pass you fucking idiot
http://s.quickmeme.com/img/b5/b59efe7a7181e69fe0faeb0b287ad8f6ba5c3d8f3d5c49c42da480745d76157e.jpg
YOU GET IT? BECAUSE THE BLACK GUY’S NAME IS ICE-T!
Actually it’s Tracy.
I don’t know which childhood hero of mine selling out has fucked with me more…
Ice Tea playing a clueless cop on tv or Flavor Flav turning into a fucking human minstrel show.
What about Ice Cube turning into a roofie-less Bill Cosby?
Chuck D still a’ight
Ice-T can decide to be that guy and still live in the world. Flav thinks he IS that guy and we’re in his world.
This ref sounds like a pissed off gym teacher.
Run in from the I Formation. All those 1985 Bears just came in their hoverounds.
http://sportsmockery.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/jaybears.jpg
I clicked so fast to save this picture that I pulled a bradford
I hope the Bearfs figure out the running game is crap tonight. Just keep hucking the ball.
Hey, the Bears did a good.
Aaaand then they did that.
Aaaand then they get bailed out with a shitty PI flag.
FUCK YEAH CUTLER
That play was all Jeffrey, cutler just threw it – Packers Fans
You just know Catler’s going to leave a disemboweled chipmunk on Alshon Jeffrey’s locker tomorrow morning.
http://www.dvdactive.com/images/reviews/screenshot/2010/4/vlcsnap3209442.jpg
No, Gruden, White didn’t miss last season with a foot injury. Snort some more coke.
Didn’t he have microfracture surgery?
I thought it was a hip thing?
Rikki was right, broken bone in his leg, microfracture surgery.
Herniated vagina?
If MURKA loses to the Canadovians tomorry they’re out of the World Cup.
http://memesvault.com/wp-content/uploads/Hysterical-Laughing-Gif-15.gif
Goddamn it, he’s gone to Favre.
Gruden just called him Cody Whiteheadhair.
“So, Philadelphia will punt for the first time tonight…”
Umm, it’s their second possession of the game. Is that so unusual, so worth remark, that on their first possession they didn’t punt?
What are the fucking qualifications to do NFL play-by-play on TV? No gag reflex?
Be able to talk for two hours without saying something racist or equally offensive.
Honestly…I suspect its incredibly difficult.
ALso…they kicked a field goal on their first possession.
NARRATIVE
The gas grill thing reminds me of an uncle I had. He would mix lighter fluid into his hamburger meat whenever he had a cookout. Why…I have no fucking idea.
Imagine a black burnt puck…that was raw and tasted like kerosene in the middle. It was the most surreal thing in the world to see…
Green-Beckham: how England’s favorite soccer star looked when he found out the truth about his bride.
at first, I asked myself “the fuck are you watching this” then upon further reflection I added “sober”
Both are easily solved
I’m solving one as we speak.
Game is still on, btw.
Tune in for half time to see Sutherland introduce his new show…
http://i43.tinypic.com/2ij6wcz.jpg
By showing up violently intoxicated and taking out the ESPN set.
I hope an intern goes “beep…beep…beep” the whole time he’s on, and it drives him completely insane
http://i44.tinypic.com/bessjp.jpg
A great “What the fuck can I find to watch at 1 am on a Wednesday?” movie.
For the life of me, I cannot remember the title and now it is driving me nuts.
Freeway
Drink for Poise.
I love how Gruden stresses the word “passes” in explaining what Wentz threw. As if Wentz might have thrown “high percentage, underneath… spitballs”?
Good evening internet friends.
Fuck Jordan Matthews this evening
A bit late but…
http://iwatchstuff.com/2009/07/24/les-lye-barth.jpg
“This James Corden guy has a funny accent. That makes him funny!”
– America, apparently
“This Tony Blair guy has an intelligent accent. That makes him intelligent!”
– America, apparently
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/11/25/article-1230824-075CFD49000005DC-984_468x555.jpg
Alright, just fucking go for it on every 4th down for the rest of the game and find a new kicker tomorrow.
Kickers should be banned from NFL play
http://www.chicagonow.com/chicago-sports-media-watch/files/2013/04/jay-cutler-kristin-cavallari.jpg
Party on, Barth.
womp womp
/keep that one on “favourites” Bears fans
//also remember that a short series in el beisbol is really a crapshoot FOAR the non-Satan aligned
Robbie Gould wouldn’t have hit the upright.
He would’ve shanked it to the other side.
OH SNAP BEARS JUST GOT KICKER SHADED
DOINK
He was cut because he missed so many kicks last year.
Fuck off with the fiscal narrative
Very Bearsy.
BARTH!
Oh yes.
BONK
doink
YAY
Wow, Catler really “injected” his offense with a fierce sense of purpose. It’s almost like they’re “immune” to the defense.
THis has to be Cutler’s locker room, get pump song, that he blasts on the head phones…while smoking a cig…
https://youtu.be/UxxajLWwzqY?t=1
The Eagles only dressed 3 healthy CBs tonight? (How many sick/injured ones dressed?)
Start slinging that gun, Catler.
Catler rocking the Enzo Amore in that profile pic.
http://17r1l63fshd52dy9yakdizhkog.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Enzo-Amore-645×370.jpg
Yet another “athlete” doing his best to take down the stereotype of Italian Americans. Fucking hate that guy.
Fun fact: “Triplette” is what Andy Reid says when a McDonald’s worker asks him if he wants to Super Size his order.
I could go for a frisbee full of french fries right now.