JV NFL and Hurricane Matthew Say HAI to October Proper

We have yet another dumb-assed international break (right after Spurs beat City to finally create some intrigue at the top of the table), so it’s JV and JV alone this Saturday. Plus, of course, lots of ridiculous, faux-solemn requests for prayers and donations by your favourite ESPN/Fox/CBS teevee foofs. Try doing a shot each time, and see if’n you die.

drunk

Notre Dame at NC State (Noon, ABC)

This one could be fun, because of wind and rain. Plus, the Irish are shhiiiiiittttt right now (as the wolven sort are pretty much always), so this could be ridiculous in the elements. Plus, I have to watch, so fuck you, so should you. MAYBE.

Auburn at Mississippi State (Noon, ESPN)

Since LSU/Florida done got postponed, this is your bestest noon alternate viewing. Survival death match for continued relevancy in the still-brutal SEC West.

Tennessee at Texas A&M (3:30, CBS)

OK, so you escaped the clutches of UGA and the Dawg Pound, Butch Jones. Get out of College Station alive and I will believe your balls have really dropped. Clear fixture of the day, for the neutral fan.

Alabama at Arkansas (7:00, ESPN)

Pig Sooey is a tough draw for Roll Damn Tide, as they love a mudder game, and Bama usually can’t just pass them out of one. I think this Nick Saban squad is too good to get trapped here, but I wouldn’t bet my life on it.

Washington at Oregon (7:30, Fox)

Oregon is pretty terrible, but the Huskies will no doubt come out flat, thinking they have already accomplished their mission (did Shrub teach you nothing??!!). Could be interesting, could be a shitshow. Either way, 100 points will be scored, that’s always fun with Gus Johnson in the house.

Florida State at Miami (8:00, ABC)

The game itself has little luster, it’s all about the carnage! Anyway, I’m far from convinced it will actually end up happening.

Washington State at Stanford (10:30, ESPN)

Do any of you late night tweaker game aficianados huff compuster dusters? That seems like a Mike Leach/Eastern Washington kind of thing to me. Anyway, GO COUGS!!

wazzu

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Senor Weaselo

Costas is on his soapbox, I repeat, Costas is on his soapbox!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Someone break his soapbox and hope he falls and hurts himself, he is tiny so the fall wouldn’t do anything anyways

LemonJello

Pack him in that soapbox and either 1) launch said soapbox into the sun or x) tie PK to it and sink it in the Marianas Trench.

Do it for the children.

litre_cola

How does he keep getting work?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wooooo relief pitcher home run!

Senor Weaselo

Did the relief pitcher just hit a homer? That’s just…

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Doktor Zymm needs a Samson to her Delilahs!

I’ll send Small Man on Campus.

litre_cola

2 math questions today to sign in? Is DTZM trying to make us smarter?

Doktor Zymm

I can go to Delilah’s! It may be a Bills bar, but it’s admirably punk rock and fuck everything the rest of the time. Also, best whiskey selection on the north side. I’ll bring cash. This is the sort of evening where I’ll close out because I still remember my name, but will grab another drink and probably a cab the 1.5 miles home.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuuuuck, Hendricks better be ok.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

RIP Kyle Hendricks

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Doktor Zymm

Damn. I can’t even go to old people bars cause old people love baseball.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

As I said below, go to Diversey Rock and Bowl (if it’s still around, I’ve been gone a long time)

Doktor Zymm

I think that’s the same block as Delilahs. Cheers, you thinking right.

Doktor Zymm

Bra, underwear, shirt achieved. Now all I need is some sort of bottom garment that somewhat matches. Then I can go out and read somewhere people keep yelling about juvenile bears! Maybe I’ll pretend to drop my bowls for baseball. Go NATS.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Diversey Rock and Bowl?

Unsurprised

No!

DFO membership demands pantslessness

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I can’t say I approve of making anyone wear pants, but have a good night

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I don’t consider those first three achievements.

theeWeeBabySeamus

‘Sup Dicknuts? Rain is slowing, water in house is (mostly) neutralized.
It’s time for freezer vodka.
Life is….good? No. But totes acceptable comparatively speaking.

Unsurprised

?????

@KailiJoy
Obviously, at this late stage, the GOP should be required to carry its nominee to term.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ugh I hate Bob Costas

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Everyone asked their opinion about him does, he still gets all the jobs

Unsurprised

The power of corporate nepotism

Shogun Marcus

NY Large People fans don’t travel as well as other fanbases. It is surprisingly quiet tonight.

Senor Weaselo

Gregor Blanco is squirrel handed, you say?
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Doktor Zymm

I kind of want to put on clothes and go to my nearby bar, but it’s all going to be fucking immature bears. I should be happy or excited or something, but this is not my city. Fuck all this.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

They prefer diminutive Bears. And is everything ok? You seem to really be hating on your living situation today

Unsurprised

Do it.

Even I left he house finally and am posting from lunch I had after walking a mile. Which is way more work than I’ve done in days if not a week.

Senor Weaselo
BrettFavresColonoscopy

WOOOOOOOOO

Shogun Marcus

Marcus, why are we half-mindedly watching Stranger Things? Are we in the “it” crowd instead of the IT crowd. Are we not hipster?
No Jerry, we are devo. Also thine loving provider of love, dinner, and nookie wishes it so. As she sayeth, so we do-eth.
K, makes sense.

Senor Weaselo

Breaking news: Jason Heyward did a good. Minor apocalypse nigh.

herodotus450

5’2″ 215; that’s like, not good right?
http://i.imgur.com/xOL2gi8.jpg?1

herodotus450

shit.

LemonJello

Does she have a nice personality?

herodotus450

Delay of game on the kickoff? Never seen that before.

Sill Bimmons

On the train to the weed shop??????

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I hate you so much now. Just want it on the record.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Welp, back from a weird Oktoberfest party, glad to see the Cubbies are up early and there’s Lagunitas Sucks in the fridge. Sup around here?

WCS

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Doktor Zymm

I need to move. I don’t really give two shits about anything Chicago. I can’t believe I’ve lived here for 8 years. What a fucking waste. Nice place to visit, wish I didn’t live here.

herodotus450

But what about the proximity to the namesake of Linkin Park?

Shogun Marcus

In the end, it doesn’t even matter.

Brick Meathook

I went to boot camp north of Chicago many years ago. Except for changing planes at O’Hare, I’ve never been back.

JustStopDude

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herodotus450

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Lothar of the Hill People

Careful, that’s a load-bearing poster.

Senor Weaselo

I’m guessing I’m the only one watching Small Bears vs. Large Men?

WCS

You’re probably the only one who gets MLBN.

Senor Weaselo

We don’t normally, so I don’t know why we do currently! Maybe because playoffs?

WCS

Holy piss on a stick, this game is wacky.

Shogun Marcus

Marcus, is your hatred of Oregon based solely on the obscene amount of obscene outfits the team plays sprots in?
Yes Jerry, yes it is.
K, carry on.

Shogun Marcus

Hello…hello…ello…lo…

yeah right

I wouldn’t do this if this wasn’t for one of my good friends.

Buddy of mine has stage 4 cancer and has set up a gofundme page. He’s a great guy and has been in my legacy fantasy football league for years. He survived Hurricane Katrina while living in New Orleans and he took DJ Taj and I on a tour of the Lower 9th Ward a couple of years after the hurricane.

Don’t be guilty if you can’t help but I would be remiss if I didn’t share his story.

He’s a really cool cat and I would just like to have him around a bit longer.

Thanks and all my love.

Get well soon Mr. Burns!

https://www.gofundme.com/2sgnv7w

WCS

Sorry to see that, friend. Here’s hoping for the best for your buddy.

Senor Weaselo

Friends, Romans, countrymen… how goes it? And what the hell helmets are Indiana wearing?

Unsurprised

Gravy buckets?

Sill Bimmons

I’m almost always going to be in the top three biggest guys on a plane and invariably at least one of the other two will be next to me FUUUUUUUUUUUU

Gratliff

It’s amazing hearing Charlie Dent bitch about Trump’s sexual statements with the whole “(R)-PA | State College, PA” thing on the TV there.

Lothar of the Hill People

I hope the first question Tom Brady gets asked after the game tomorrow is “Do you still support Donald Trump?”

herodotus450

It’s an old fashioned AAC barn burner between Houston and Navy, now shong in CBS sports network, whatever that is.

JustStopDude

The ND faithful’s hot taeks are so hot…

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WCS
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
herodotus450
Sill Bimmons

He get suspended for gambling again?

Sill Bimmons

Sean Hannity goes biblical to defend Trump: “King David had 500 concubines for crying out loud” pic.twitter.com/IoKXNFtQ9j

— BuzzFeed News (@BuzzFeedNews) October 8, 2016

First of all, did you really expect anything less? Nothing fundagelical fucktards like more than heading to the Old Testament to explain some horrible thing “in bliblical terms.”

Problem with Hannity is that he’s so fucking stupid that he can’t even remember the details of ONE FUCKING BOOK

The most concubines David was ever credited with having at one time was ten. Ol’ Onehead was probably thinking of Solomon, and even he only had 300. He had 700 wives though, so at least he made “honest women” out of some of his sexual slaves.

Watching the Religious Right implode over their support of a thrice-divorced plutocrat is the most fun I’ve had in a long time. It won’t last long because MURKA LUVS GAWD, but at least they’re going to need to dredge up a new crop of charlatans to lead the SHEEPLE because this bunch has about as much credibility left as $3 bill.

Lothar of the Hill People

Not to mention the hubris of comparing Trump to Solomon or David.

herodotus450

Solomon did cut that baby in half, so he’s not too dissimilar to trump

Lothar of the Hill People

Yeah, but did he grab the baby’s pussy first?

Sill Bimmons

Neither of whom existed, so I’m okay with that part.

Doktor Zymm

And there’s that whole thing where all the rules of the old testament don’t apply anymore. It’s up to you, bacon, or concubines?

Doktor Zymm

Also, i’m reading an actual physical book for the first time in a while and I keep forgetting that it won’t automatically turn off if I leave it for a few minutes

Lothar of the Hill People

I get weirded out reading real books now. If there’s a word I want to double-check the meaning of, I try to touch the word to bring up the dictionary.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Ironically most people that deal with computers always want to have it on paper back-up so they have a quick resource before going to a google search

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am reading more Trump stuff. It literally is making me want to puke. People use that term loosely I mean literally I gagged and almost threw up twice. Why is he not just in jail? Oh yeah, money

Doktor Zymm

I saw some lone Giants fans holding hands as they walked to Wrigley. I hope they’ve been to the stadium before. Cubs fans are nice enough to away fans, but there’s a certain atmosphere of long suppressed hope bursting free that’s a bit…intense. It’s like a hundred year old virgin that’s hopped up on Viagra and flirting with a seemingly appreciative lady that probably isn’t a tease this time!

Lothar of the Hill People

Certainly has been an interesting 24 hours!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 8, 2016

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Is this real?

herodotus450

Probably from his staff. There was an article a while back analyzing his tweets, and they hypothesized that about half are from him and half from his staff; the non-antagonistic ones not from him

herodotus450
Sill Bimmons

NJ just increased the gas tax to eliminate the estate tax.

Pretty sure the legislature doesn’t know the definition of “regressive taxation.”

Lothar of the Hill People

Sure they do, Sill. They just don’t give a fuck.

herodotus450

Yeah, it’s the voters who don’t understand that definition, so the legislature knows they are in no danger of being replaced any time soon.

Sill Bimmons

No, I’m pretty sure no one at all knows anymore.

herodotus450

This site is actually pretty interesting, if true and if they are calculating things as expected.
http://www.winsipedia.com/ohio-state/vs/indiana
The fact that Indiana is 44th with 0 weeks ranked at number 1 means that only 43 out of 129 1-A teams have ever been number 1. And similarly only 38 schools have ever won a national championship.

Lothar of the Hill People

So that means only 5 teams that have been ranked #1 have never won the national championship.

Sill Bimmons