The internets are telling me that NFL viewership is down. How much? Enough to worry some wonks, that’s how much. My solution to this problem of team owners only making hundreds of millions instead of billions involves razor blades and butterflies. Now hear me out!-it goes like this. Uh…umm… Okay I’ll be honest, this is a sort of reverse-engineering thingy whereby I come up with an answer and then try to figure out a way that makes sense of that answer. The reverse-engineering analogy is weak but none of you outside JustStopDude could give a damn. TO THE GAME!
Den/SD-The Broncs are down their HC so it’s “Next Coach Up!” The fella that isn’t being held back by The Migraine Protocol is one Joe DeCamillis. He’s the Special Teams Coordinator that smirks at Wade Phillips every time they pass in the hallway and says, “I wonder why they didn’t make YOU the head guy tonight!” Speaking of coaching changes, it’s a bad sign when you come across more than one article that itemises who the interim coach of the Chargers will be come Monday. I’m guessing it won’t be the personification of failure that is the Chargers DC. Them Bolts give up 28 points and nearly 300 yds. passing on a weekly basis. That’s added up to 17 TDs so far. I guess it’s up to de Bosa to stop the 10 game-strong division losing streak that the other teams out west AFC-wise currently enjoy. In limited play last week he put together 2 sacks and 5 tackles. As far as quick starts by de’s are concerned, he’s got nothing on the Bronc’s Von Miller. The best defensive end in football (suck it, JJ Watts) has 6.5 sacks and will no doubt add to his total ce soir. It looks like Trevor Siemian backers are strutting around after qb Lynch’s play last week. That QBR of 11.7 last week against the Falcons speaks volumes about where he is in his development.
They say that the sincerest form of flattery is typing-SO TYPE!
Kubes just lost consciousness.
Too Soon?
hoo boy
And I’m not even surprised.
OMGlolSD
hey-oh!!!!
This game is hilarious.
It’s entirely possible for the Bolts to blow this too.
THEY WHO DERPS LEAST DERPS LEAST
The bassed ball sport game is becoming very, very intriguing.
That pass was not….good.
It stopped the clock, but otherwise that was atrocious.
So the wheels appear to have come off the Donks repeat bid a little bit.
just a TAD!
kick the FG, dumbasses
my weird Trappist style beer was messing with my stomach so I’m not even drunk for this atrocity.
TIL about the history behind Trappist beer, but I’m still curious as to what sort of beer it is. Is it hoppy/malty/other?
very very malty
No, for the love of monkeyfuck, don’t take any chances with so much goddamned time left on the clock, you mongoloid halfwit.
Very special teams.
Ralph Wiggum special teams?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlG0L28NNXQ
Short bus teams.
Now that was some imaginative play calling on 3rd and 1.
NC State Shit-worthy type of shit.
smgdh.
SONG THREE:
Send your mom-ma back to jail!
/even I don’t feel good I thought of that one
/calls Wake County law enforcement for a well check visit for Hippo IMMEDIATELY.
Like anybody’s gonna get bent outta shape about a WHITE man with a gun ,, this is still America!
An appropriately woke response for someone representing Wake County.
Joe DiCammilis is the same dude that ruined a pretty good Bears Special Teams unit a few years ago.
Three minutes left, an eleven point lead and the ball…the Chargers are going to REALLY have to outdo themselves to blow this one.
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/6c/6cb4139649ea5d23bbecf23043f7576b5b6fcec9b5fdf2f96f28c2f1f805b8af.jpg
Challenge accepted?
Just started watching the game. Did some crayola markers get put in the wash with the teams’ uniforms?
The Broncos are dedicating this game to Kubiak’s bitchin’ ’78 El Camino.
TNF
http://sadmoment.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Girl-Being-Chased-By-An-Ostrich-Falls-Off-Tries-Crawling-Away-From-The-Danger-Zone-In-Hilarious-Farm-Video.gif
Hey interim Kubes, have you met our OL? Yeah, you’re gonna hate those fuckers all by name AND number before the night’s over.
http://2damnfunny.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Sloth-Tenderizing-The-Roofied-Kitty.gif
so is it happening?
http://sadmoment.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Cat-Walks-Around-With-a-Balloon-Stuck-To-Its-Leg.gif
my sympathy stroke? MOS DEF!
Hey, more pitcher carousel tonight!
Dusty set a record for most pitchers used in an inning.
Somewhere Mark Prior is PISSED.
I imagine much like Cousin Eddie and the microwave, everytime MP sees Dusty, he pisses his pants and forgets who he is for half an hour.
http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9yc7jvGWh1qg39ewo1_500.gif
FG-onside kick-TD-missed 2pt-onside kick-FG??
Calls SD law enforcement to do a well check visit for LCSS later.
Sid is a Donks fan?
http://66.media.tumblr.com/34cdddd31c9cb4cfcb45d65e339ad5c8/tumblr_oajbthshXB1teg1fmo4_250.gif
*checks ESPN app*
THESE WASHINGTON NATIONALS, I CALL THEM THE ORIGINAL CAST OF SNL BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT READY FOR PRIME TIME PLAYERS.
Mostest favorite Hippo special teams play upcoming?
nah, they already onside punted after a safety. my life only gets so good
Tell me about it.
smgdh
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbam60m1dJ1qlax6f.gif
that was NOT a great pass, but rather an INCREDIBLE CATCH, Simms. Look at that fucker again.
knife at the ready…
If Denver kicks a short FG here, I just way get the seppuku out the way.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/78d3290be891910010e007d599fdc522/tumblr_ne8844ZVYJ1qmqg8ko1_500.jpg
I’ll vote for Trump if he’ll promise to put Schofield in jail.
hey, at least they left Sambrailo and Heuerman inactive. Just no room for the 3rd turnstile amigo, sadly.
I wouldn’t chat shit down 18 to goddamned San Diego, Manny.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/90e2201bbf06c244fb9031d72b9fbfbe/tumblr_oeqt42gTdH1ric2iqo1_400.jpg
Oops!
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/simpsons/images/5/56/Wiggum_drops_Ralph_on_his_head.png
and it was an onside punt!
I have waited all my life to see a successful onside kick after safety. Now I can die content.
Did I just see a safety punt get muffed? So what’s left?
Nothing like seeing a safety muff get punted, though!
Weeeelp, we’re boned.
BUT WAIT!!! ………yeah prolly.
When did the Bolts learn how to football n junk?
(and also…WordPress can stop telling how much time their saving me logging back in if they’re gonna keep making me do fucking math…that shit’s getting annoying goddammit)
They are just setting things up for their greatest meltdown yet.
Bolts? Or WordPress?
Both? Both.
WordPress or SD?
I became a Buddy Cole clone so gradually I hardly noticed.
This is the first time in as long as I can remember that the announcers reacted correctly to this situation instead of castigating the receiving team player who tried to pick it up.
Fuck this. I’m going to bed, I need to lose like 4 pounds by 7 pm tomorrow, anyways.
Laxatives, laxatives, laxatives, laxatives.
(one for each pound)
Whenever I take laxatives cutting weight they usually kick in 5 minutes after I’ve already weighed in. Anyways I’ve lost 2 more pounds during the 90 minutes I managed to sleep. It’s less losing the weight and more having enough willpower not to go near a water faucet for the next 18 hours.
Making weight sucks. Be smart.
Welp.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/338ad16da956a80ab9bd34b11eba124a/tumblr_nvnijnY1Ns1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfUnaOtgcrI
Howdy, Doodies.
https://s.mlkshk.com/r/UKXQ
Not sure how long I can hang out (terrible back spasms from antique shopping and moving furniture…but found a beautiful vanity with a marble top, and a gorgeous painting that….damn…I sound gay…not that there’s anything wrong with that).
Happy to see ya’s. I thought I heard a screech owl outside, and then realized it was a Hippo about 30 miles away.
(sorry dude, sincerely)
http://24.media.tumblr.com/9363cdd76fbc54f214b0539c91f88c4d/tumblr_mwlpzsb88P1ry0jmro1_500.gif
A vanity with a marble top? Hon, Liberace thinks you are too tacky to be gay!
It actually is gorgeous, honest. But that fucker was heavy as fuck.
But this is what happens when one let’s their mother drag them antique shopping.
Now I get to drive into Appalachia tomorrow with crippling back spasms.
You’ll fit in with the locals then.
I’m expecting a Deliverance sequel.
/has astroglide packed and ready
😉
If you can smell banjos…you run.
After Denver scores on this drive, King Laserface will throw a pick-six, right?
No, it’s too early.
“That would fit our approved narrative, but the goddamn donks keep fucking it up.” -nfl
4th quarter, time to finally give up plays over 10 yards! Also apparently Dirt RAMIT just tied the Dirt Redacteds at 1.