Your “Not Tonight Denver, I’ve Got A Headache” Thursday Night NFL Open Thread

The internets are telling me that NFL viewership is down. How much? Enough to worry some wonks, that’s how much. My solution to this problem of team owners only making hundreds of millions instead of billions involves razor blades and butterflies. Now hear me out!-it goes like this. Uh…umm… Okay I’ll be honest, this is a sort of reverse-engineering thingy whereby I come up with an answer and then try to figure out a way that makes sense of that answer. The reverse-engineering analogy is weak but none of you outside JustStopDude could give a damn. TO THE GAME!

Den/SD-The Broncs are down their HC so it’s “Next Coach Up!” The fella that isn’t being held back by The Migraine Protocol is one Joe DeCamillis. He’s the Special Teams Coordinator that smirks at Wade Phillips every time they pass in the hallway and says, “I wonder why they didn’t make YOU the head guy tonight!” Speaking of coaching changes, it’s a bad sign when you come across more than one article that itemises who the interim coach of the Chargers will be come Monday. I’m guessing it won’t be the personification of failure that is the Chargers DC. Them Bolts give up 28 points and nearly 300 yds. passing on a weekly basis. That’s added up to 17 TDs so far. I guess it’s up to de Bosa to stop the 10 game-strong division losing streak that the other teams out west AFC-wise currently enjoy. In limited play last week he put together 2 sacks and 5 tackles. As far as quick starts by de’s are concerned, he’s got nothing on the Bronc’s Von Miller. The best defensive end in football (suck it, JJ Watts) has 6.5 sacks and will no doubt add to his total ce soir. It looks like Trevor Siemian backers are strutting around after qb Lynch’s play last week. That QBR of 11.7 last week against the Falcons speaks volumes about where he is in his development.

They say that the sincerest form of flattery is typing-SO TYPE!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Kubes just lost consciousness.
Too Soon?

Sill Bimmons

hoo boy

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And I’m not even surprised.

Mr. Ayo

OMGlolSD

King Hippo

hey-oh!!!!

Old School Zero

This game is hilarious.

Sill Bimmons

It’s entirely possible for the Bolts to blow this too.

THEY WHO DERPS LEAST DERPS LEAST

WCS

The bassed ball sport game is becoming very, very intriguing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That pass was not….good.
It stopped the clock, but otherwise that was atrocious.

Sill Bimmons

So the wheels appear to have come off the Donks repeat bid a little bit.

King Hippo

just a TAD!

King Hippo

kick the FG, dumbasses

King Hippo

my weird Trappist style beer was messing with my stomach so I’m not even drunk for this atrocity.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

TIL about the history behind Trappist beer, but I’m still curious as to what sort of beer it is. Is it hoppy/malty/other?

King Hippo

very very malty

King Hippo

No, for the love of monkeyfuck, don’t take any chances with so much goddamned time left on the clock, you mongoloid halfwit.

makeitsnowondem

Very special teams.

Senor Weaselo

Ralph Wiggum special teams?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlG0L28NNXQ

theeWeeBabySeamus

Short bus teams.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Now that was some imaginative play calling on 3rd and 1.
NC State Shit-worthy type of shit.
smgdh.

King Hippo

SONG THREE:

Send your mom-ma back to jail!

/even I don’t feel good I thought of that one

theeWeeBabySeamus

/calls Wake County law enforcement for a well check visit for Hippo IMMEDIATELY.

King Hippo

Like anybody’s gonna get bent outta shape about a WHITE man with a gun ,, this is still America!

the Alpha and the Amoeba

An appropriately woke response for someone representing Wake County.

Col. Duke LaCross

Joe DiCammilis is the same dude that ruined a pretty good Bears Special Teams unit a few years ago.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Three minutes left, an eleven point lead and the ball…the Chargers are going to REALLY have to outdo themselves to blow this one.

Senor Weaselo

Challenge accepted?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Just started watching the game. Did some crayola markers get put in the wash with the teams’ uniforms?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

The Broncos are dedicating this game to Kubiak’s bitchin’ ’78 El Camino.

King Hippo

Hey interim Kubes, have you met our OL? Yeah, you’re gonna hate those fuckers all by name AND number before the night’s over.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brocky

so is it happening?

King Hippo

my sympathy stroke? MOS DEF!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Hey, more pitcher carousel tonight!

Senor Weaselo

Dusty set a record for most pitchers used in an inning.

...

Somewhere Mark Prior is PISSED.

King Hippo

I imagine much like Cousin Eddie and the microwave, everytime MP sees Dusty, he pisses his pants and forgets who he is for half an hour.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

FG-onside kick-TD-missed 2pt-onside kick-FG??

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image
Calls SD law enforcement to do a well check visit for LCSS later.

WCS

comment image

King Hippo

Sid is a Donks fan?

Senor Weaselo

*checks ESPN app*
THESE WASHINGTON NATIONALS, I CALL THEM THE ORIGINAL CAST OF SNL BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT READY FOR PRIME TIME PLAYERS.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Mostest favorite Hippo special teams play upcoming?

King Hippo

nah, they already onside punted after a safety. my life only gets so good

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tell me about it.
smgdh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

that was NOT a great pass, but rather an INCREDIBLE CATCH, Simms. Look at that fucker again.

King Hippo

knife at the ready…

King Hippo

If Denver kicks a short FG here, I just way get the seppuku out the way.

makeitsnowondem

I’ll vote for Trump if he’ll promise to put Schofield in jail.

King Hippo

hey, at least they left Sambrailo and Heuerman inactive. Just no room for the 3rd turnstile amigo, sadly.

King Hippo

I wouldn’t chat shit down 18 to goddamned San Diego, Manny.

King Hippo

and it was an onside punt!

King Hippo

I have waited all my life to see a successful onside kick after safety. Now I can die content.

Senor Weaselo

Did I just see a safety punt get muffed? So what’s left?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Nothing like seeing a safety muff get punted, though!

makeitsnowondem

Weeeelp, we’re boned.

Shogun Marcus

BUT WAIT!!! ………yeah prolly.

theeWeeBabySeamus

When did the Bolts learn how to football n junk?

(and also…WordPress can stop telling how much time their saving me logging back in if they’re gonna keep making me do fucking math…that shit’s getting annoying goddammit)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They are just setting things up for their greatest meltdown yet.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bolts? Or WordPress?
Both? Both.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

WordPress or SD?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I became a Buddy Cole clone so gradually I hardly noticed.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is the first time in as long as I can remember that the announcers reacted correctly to this situation instead of castigating the receiving team player who tried to pick it up.

Trevor Semen

Fuck this. I’m going to bed, I need to lose like 4 pounds by 7 pm tomorrow, anyways.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Laxatives, laxatives, laxatives, laxatives.

(one for each pound)

Trevor Semen

Whenever I take laxatives cutting weight they usually kick in 5 minutes after I’ve already weighed in. Anyways I’ve lost 2 more pounds during the 90 minutes I managed to sleep. It’s less losing the weight and more having enough willpower not to go near a water faucet for the next 18 hours.

Shogun Marcus

Making weight sucks. Be smart.

ALXMAC
theeWeeBabySeamus

Howdy, Doodies.
https://s.mlkshk.com/r/UKXQ
Not sure how long I can hang out (terrible back spasms from antique shopping and moving furniture…but found a beautiful vanity with a marble top, and a gorgeous painting that….damn…I sound gay…not that there’s anything wrong with that).
Happy to see ya’s. I thought I heard a screech owl outside, and then realized it was a Hippo about 30 miles away.
(sorry dude, sincerely)

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

A vanity with a marble top? Hon, Liberace thinks you are too tacky to be gay!

theeWeeBabySeamus

It actually is gorgeous, honest. But that fucker was heavy as fuck.
But this is what happens when one let’s their mother drag them antique shopping.

Now I get to drive into Appalachia tomorrow with crippling back spasms.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

You’ll fit in with the locals then.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m expecting a Deliverance sequel.
/has astroglide packed and ready
😉

Shogun Marcus

If you can smell banjos…you run.

WCS

After Denver scores on this drive, King Laserface will throw a pick-six, right?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, it’s too early.

Shogun Marcus

“That would fit our approved narrative, but the goddamn donks keep fucking it up.” -nfl

Senor Weaselo

4th quarter, time to finally give up plays over 10 yards! Also apparently Dirt RAMIT just tied the Dirt Redacteds at 1.