TGISF…aka Your “Praise Joe Pesci” Sexy Friday Open Thread

[Door Flies Open]

tWBS stumbles into the [DFO] clubhouse, mildly drunk (yeah right…mildly).  He is wearing no pants.   He’s holding a nearly empty fifth bottle of Grey Goose.  There are cuts and bruising above his left eye.  And he smells at least mildly (yeah right…mildly) of vodka, beer and shame.  He struggles to force the lock on the clubhouse liquor cabinet, then trips over his own feet.  As he lies on the floor, you stare, judgmentally.  And before you avert your gaze, he notices your look of contempt, even in his impaired state.  And immediately decides to dish some truth.  At least truth as he sees it.

/this could get ugly

OK sports fans.  Here’s the thing.  When last we spoke, or spake, or talked….or whatever….I was still mostly in a good mood.  Which for me is remarkable these days.  I felt an unusual feeling of hope for the future, something which hadn’t been true in years.  One week later…nope.

We’ll see how next week goes.

At that time, just one damned week ago, things were good and I was mostly just concerned about easing into things with this reboot of the Sexy Friday weekly feature.  Making it comfortable and happy for everyone.  Making the Sexy Friday reboot something we could all enjoy.  Something we could have fun with.  Well just guess what that earned me?  Let’s review….

  • A hurricane flooded my house and might have ruined my new boat dock and my dead father’s lighthouse.
  • My cat puked on me in the middle of the night.  Twice.
  • Two different sets of relatives decided now was a good time to decide their stupidity was something which was my responsibility (it wasn’t).
  • Three different retail companies proved that they don’t know how to deal with….well, being retail companies.  Though one of them is sending me a new hard drive FOC because THEY COULDN’T BE BOTHERED TO BOLT THE FIRST ONE DOWN FIRST BEFORE SHIPPING A POORLY PACKED ALLEGEDLY NEW COMPUTER TO ME!!!!!
  • I scared the bejesus out of my mother when I collected all of my dead father’s firearms in the house to get rid of (most) of them.  Worried Mom’s think the worst.  Not her fault.
  • I tried to cook chicken piccata, one of my favorite things to cook and eat.  And normally I’m good at it.  Good comfort food.  Capers…mmmm.  But this time I fouled it up so badly that even a stray dog wouldn’t eat it.  Seriously, I tried to feed it to one.  No Joy.
  • I played golf and literally, I am not exaggerating, lost all but two of a new dozen of Titlest ProV1’s.  Three of them on one freaking hole.  And FFS, it was a gotdanged par 3.  Those balls are like 4 bucks per.  Jeebus.
  • I busted the drum head on my new snare.  smgdh.  Sure, Guitar Center, have a little more of my $$$$$

And trust me when I tell you, that list is not complete.

So yes, I’m kinda looking at the world from a different perspective this week.  Which is nothing new.  I’m used to that.  But you good people might not be.  So listen when I tell you….this week’s Sexy Friday MIGHT be a bit more edgy.  Which is akin to saying that Pringle’s BBQ chips MIGHT be fricking awesome.  Damn, they really are.  Holy shit, it’s so fricking obvious.  I’m eating them right now as I type, in fact.  Plus, they remind me of the old tennis ball cannons we used to make when I was a kid.

Those things were really cool, btw.  You could fire a tennis ball a good 300 yds, easy peasy.  When I was a kid, we even had battles, my friends and I.  And isn’t that the mark of a good childhood?

Actual paraphrased transcript of 12 yr old tWBS’s group of friends:  Let’s learn how to construct three tennis ball cans, and one soda can, some duct tape, add some tennis balls and some lighter fluid, some fire (because how else is a pre-teen supposed to ignite the lighter fluid in his tennis ball cannon????  Right?), and find a way to fire tennis balls at each other dangerously.  What’s the worst that could happen?

NOW THAT’S FRIENDSHIP, GOTDANGIT!!!!

Image result for tennis ball cannon
I know some of you think I’m joking. Trust me…I’m not.

And you all wonder why I am the way I am?  smgdh

OK, before I ramble too far off line, let’s reel this back in.  It is not my intention for any of the previous or following material to offend anyone’s sensibilities.  Specifically regarding the “religion issue”.  If you have your beliefs, and you’re committed to them, and they help you deal with how messed up the world is….then I really do see that as a good thing.  We all have our crutches we need.  I’m no different.  Mine happens to be vodka and my unwavering inability to feel shame.  And occasionally pain pills when I can get them.  Meh, it works for me.

But no matter what you believe or don’t, this is funny.  And Joe Pesci deserves your worship anyway.  As does the sun.  NO ONE DENIES THIS!!!!!

(this is EXTREMELY NSFW, btw)

Fricking Ice Capades, man.

 

OK, so what’s going on in the world?

Dusty Baker proved last night that in the post season, he’s nearly as incompetent as Buck Showalter.  But that’s nothing we didn’t already know (and I totally have NOT been stalking Buck, no matter what you might have heard).  But now we’re forced to choose between the Dodgers and the Cubs.  Not even someone on death row should be dealt that fate.

The Cleveland Indians are still throwing shit against the wall to see what sticks.  So far it’s worked for them.  But I’m not complaining, because if they can take down the Jays, then I can die happy.

Was there football last night?  Well that’s debatable, probably.  The Donks didn’t do too well for 75% of the game.  In fact, they were shitty.  But the Bolts being who they are, couldn’t just put their foot on the throat and let their fans have nice things.  So they did their best to piss the game away with less than a quarter to play.  And they almost did.  If it weren’t for Trevor Siemian being unable to throw a damned football as well or as far as my dead grandmother….?  Jeebus.  At the moment of this writing, Mike McCoy is still employed.  Next week, probably not so much.

mccoycantlook

There’s real live NHL type pucking finally.  Though to be honest, the little bit I’ve had time to watch has looked like the players still have their minds on hunting bear in Saskatchewan.  But I can’t really blame them.  But of course the Pens are already stealing the Caps’ lunch money….AGAIN!!!!

Tiger Woods wussed out and decided grocery shopping at Safeway was not so important after all.  He must gotz a hella garden n junk.  But honestly, it was the right choice.  Dude needs to go back to what he still does well these days….hookers and blow.  Not judging, though.

But there is a dude who none of you has ever heard of, who sadly is probably going to miss the cut at the Safeway Open this week.  Jeebus, I can’t even type that without smirking….Safeway Open…that sounds like the order instructions that Safeway would send to the sign makers.  On one side, “Safeway Open”…on the other side, “Safeway Closed”.

But I digress…

There is a golfer whom I’d never heard of before yesterday.  Naturally, he’s from Ireland (wait for it).  And his name is SEAMUS POWER.  Seriously, click the link…I am not shitting you.  Now that’s a name I can get behind.  This guy has mostly kinda sucked according to the lazy research I’ve bothered to do.  But the dude is on tour.  And he’s getting better.  And that’s more than I ever accomplished in golf.  So my hat’s off to Seamus Power.  As I said, making the cut this week at Safeway (*snicker*) ain’t looking good, but this guy is my new favorite golfer.  Because….holy damn hell.  The NAME!!!

Yeah, I rambled on long enough that you perverts probably thought I forgot to give you the SEXAY.  You know me better than that.

So what should our SEXAY theme be this week?  Last week it was getting to know you, models or photographers I knew personally.  But this week….hmmmm.

How about “Not Now Kato!!!!!!”

For reference….

(we call this Wednesday at my house, btw)

And feel free to blame King Hippo for this.  I didn’t even know this luscious tender morsel existed until he thrust her upon me (lol…thrust) a year or so ago.  And of course then I got accused of compromising the morals of the 9 yr old son of one of mine and Hippo’s mutual friends when I posted some of the photos on mine and Hippo’s other blog.  I think Hippo had planned it out.  Bitch set me up.  But so far I haven’t gathered enough evidence to be sure.

But I’m not complaining.  ‘Dat Hippo do know what’s what about luscious morsels.

Cosplay, as BabyDoll from the feature film, Sucker Punch. Nice. Yes I enjoy that film.  Shut up. No, it probably has almost mostly nothing to do with half nekkid, yet empowered wimmins efffing up dickhead mens.

More BabyDoll?  Why the hell not?

Is that a Katana in your pocket or are you glad to see m…..OW dammit. Where’s my penis?

 

Love the socks, but you do realize we’re gonna have to rent a steam cleaner after this….right?

Sorry dear, that has never happened before. Wait here, I’ll get you a towel.

A little steampunk sexy?  Why not.  Complicated to get into, but appears worth the effort.

Wait, I can work these buttons and zipper. Buckles too? And what the hell is this thing???? FFS woman!!!!

Ummmmm….OK.

OK, you’ve lost it.  FWIW, that makes two of us.  What is this pose supposed to be you crazy but lovely girl? But nice boots and hair. We can work with this.

Oh my….just….oh my.

Young lady, you’ve been naughty. You are required to stay after class. This could take a while.  Oops, wait…didn’t take as long as I thought.  Sorry again dear, but glad we still have the steam cleaner for the weekend.

Even as a ginger instead of platinum….yes, have some.

1126
Maybe there is a god after all. Jeebus effing Christmas.

No wonder the proletariat put up with J. Stalin as long as they did if these were the benefits to the Bolsheviks.  Totally worth standing in line for potato vodka and condoms.

1069
I just went and got another log. No I mean for the fire. I don’t have a log, not in the sense that you think I said I did.

And to bring up the rear…giggity.

img_7386
Great googly moogly. That is all.

Your equal time for the ladies segment to follow…

At least this guy isn’t so proud of his pubic hair as last week’s equal time participant.  But he does seem to have an unhealthy attraction to his own nips.

And also, Happy Trails….get it?

OK, so it’s time for your moment of relaxation, courtesy of your good buddy, and totally emotionally balanced, tWBS.  This is another original of my own capturing.  This one came about quite by accident last summer.  I hope you like it.

This happens to be my niece. She’s holding an immature maple leaf. This photo was her idea, though the framing etc was my doing. It’s called “Eye of the Beholder”. I hope you enjoy it.

Have a good weekend, shitmonkeys.  Be kind to one another.  In the end, that’s really all that counts.  And find happiness wherever you can.

 

(And when I return from my hopefully not Deliverance weekend in Appalachia, I’m gonna read every damn comment you buttmunches make tonight.  If any of you badmouth or make fun of me, it will not be pretty)

😉

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theeWeeBabySeamus
An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Instead of commenting on a new-ish TV show I am up watching I will make fun of myself. I went full Urlacher in my buzzcut this time. It would look good if I did a better job or had a tanned head. I am going into winter with this

/ I actually look much better, still giving it a second (well 4th) try tomorrow.

yeah right

Bobby Big Wheel has always been awesome.

yeah right

I’m thinking I should go “hard charging rhino” and fuck that good night.

At least for 45 minutes.

Who’s with me!

Mr. Ayo

I don’t know what that means, but I’m totally in. Oook!

yeah right

Let’s smoke and drink things!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOiuh2Upa8s

Mr. Ayo

Indeed good sir. To more tipples and vapors!

yeah right

So. I have to ask.

Are you cooking this weekend?

If so, please elaborate.

I gots to know.

Mr. Ayo

Woah dude, my meth years are far behind me.

yeah right

Dammit.

You got me.

I’m doing a heat seared roast chicken.
Minimally seasoned with just some salt.

Cook that fucker hot. Like 450 hot for 45 minutes.

Drop some fresh, or dry, thyme in the chicken juices and let the bird rest for about 15 minutes.
Don’t go running up there and tear off that crispy skin you bastard. I’ve seen you do that before.

Maybe a nice baked potato and a small spinach salad.

Then just when you’re feeling satisfied that you ate healthy?

Break out the bourbon.

WCS

MORMON BROTHERHOOD SURVIVES IN DOUBLE OT

So much milk will be chugged in Provo to celebrate.

http://photo.byui.edu/img/s12/v185/p727720253-3.jpg

yeah right

Have they switched to non dairy milk yet?

It’s so hard to keep track of these days.

yeah right

/ tap tap

//is this thing on?

Hello New York!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLmIlVJYEtw

Mr. Ayo
yeah right
yeah right
WCS

ROCK ‘N ROLL

blaxabbath

Man, Sheryl Crow sucks.

Mr. Ayo

Lance agrees. But how well is the real question.

WCS

Prick. Beat me to it. PHRASING.

Unsurprised

Obviously not well enough to keep him

Mr. Ayo

She works better with a balanced diet

WCS

CLANGA CLANGA CLANGA @ Mormon Brotherhood has been a very fun, entertaining JV NFL sportsball match.

Mr. Ayo

Still is!

Beerguyrob

comment image

Mr. Ayo

Is that his name?

Unsurprised

That’s Michelle Jenneke, you savage.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*idiot.

Unsurprised

Between her and yeah right, yeah right can fuck right off.

comment image

Gratliff

Goal waved off for goalie interference against Simmonds, but no penalty for goaltender interference. I wonder about you sometimes, hockey rules.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Hey, the HRTN poster’s almost done! It’s true! Really!!!

Next up: HRTN underwear, I’m guessing. That seems to be the most requested thing. Because you guys are weird.

Mr. Ayo

ook!

Unsurprised

We need something to wear out in public since pants are verboten

ballsofsteelandfury

I must insist on room in the front. Please.

Unsurprised

Braggart

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Suuuuuuuure. We believe you.

ballsofsteelandfury

Is actually for my balls, not my dick.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Well, that actually makes total sense.

http://i.giftrunk.com/bvd2qt.gif

yeah right

We’re totally missing the sock phenomenon here.

Fuck it.

Give me 3 boxer briefs with the extra pocket.

I think we should call this the “Balls” pocket in our upcoming underwear sales literature.

We can make a million!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Legit song and then I’m probably peacing out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OD-I_CU2eU8

BrettFavresColonoscopy
WCS

They’re all douchebag, old men at this point. But, they can still absolutely crush when they want to.

WCS

BFC says it’s too quiet. Let’s wake up the neighbors.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

WCS

Well, let’s go ahead and remedy that right now.

WCS

Gratliff

It may be late as fuck, but at least I get to see LA sports fans getting shut the fuck up.

Beerguyrob

Always a good thing.

Trevor Semen

I made weight… then I ate enough food to kill most normal humans and straight up drank some vegetable oil that had a bunch of weed absorbed in it. It’s still kicking in, I’ll probably be high asf when I wrestle tomorrow

Beerguyrob

Forgive my ignorance, but won’t that throw off your piss test?

Trevor Semen

I’m in high school. If I had no integrity I could take steroids and not get caught. The only time they ever use our piss is a hydration test at the beginning of the season (This tournament is an “Offseason” national tournament) to make sure we’re not killing ourselves trying to get to the weight we’re wrestling at.

Beerguyrob

Gotcha. Mazel tov!

Senor Weaselo

Remember that time Steve Martin was Ins—
*gets clonked over the head*
What was I saying again?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Daya from OITNB?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sean Connery, Claudine Auger / production still from Terence Young’s Thunderball (1965)

http://67.media.tumblr.com/d4f78b5912a7d081e1f8581fd314933e/tumblr_oewncj98HA1rhp4nco1_1280.jpg

Gratliff

My dad was 1.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s OK, his dad prolly has a foot fetish too.

Gratliff

I don’t know. Do piles of ashes have feet?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, maybe he DID have a foot fetish.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gratliff

A little super glue later and Ghost is already back in.

comment image

Mr. Ayo

Lucky dude.

Brick Meathook

Fun at DINSEYLAND, the cheap knock-off theme park:

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h

ttp://66.media.tumblr.com/cc4d3ef7d0665420ed631f16da71013a/tumblr_of0kd9VHDN1v3ivsio1_1280.jpg

Stella enjoying the pool.

Gratliff

https://vine.co/v/5HaKK5K0BaY

Jesus. That’s an inch and a half away from going from top 5 NHL defenseman to collecting disability.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“OH GEHEE!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Underboob as develop for a plot device.

http://68.media.tumblr.com/5fc0d1e549e3f65630a9de96205752e3/tumblr_of2aoyqb5E1rhp4nco1_1280.jpg

Mary Ann Mobley / production still from Don Weis’s The King’s Pirate (1967)

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Brick Meathook

The cat’s just too lazy to kill the bunny right now

comment image

entropy

Is that the apartment from Three’s Company?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Something something spirt animal

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Mary and Madeleine Collinson / publicity photo for John Hough’s Twins of Evil (1971)

http://68.media.tumblr.com/b42f3fda42e2c267051bd9793c28dcaa/tumblr_o5tal2CM2s1rhp4nco1_1280.jpg

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Snakes On A Plane just came on tv. Guess I’m not going to sleep for a while.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ellen Page | Whip It (2009)

One of my favorite little lesbians.

http://66.media.tumblr.com/13597baefe4fd1ad06f7bf9d7e9e5d4a/tumblr_o67o3p2hfy1tlrqi3o4_r1_500.gif

Brick Meathook

I urge you all to vote YES on Proposition 94, which would place a tiny 1/100th of one cent tax on all purchases. These funds will be transferred directly to me. The economic benefits of this are clear and obvious.

Vote YES on Prop 94 if you love America and oxygen.

I’m Brick Meathook and I approve of this message.