Your “Please, Can I Have Only One Travesty Aired To Me Live This Week?” Monday Night Football Open Thread

I’m not the biggest fan of this evening but I recognize that it does have its merits. Folks love to get jazzed up for this and there are little if any consequences down the road unless you end up punching a cop. (If at all possible, please don’t punch a cop) Compare this day to Christmas-the other big hullabaloo day that folks get all wigged out over. For one thing, you aren’t required to spend it with relatives. Two-no gift buying for “loved ones”. Three-there’s no chance whatsoever that you feel the need to call out your racist aunt/uncle/sister/brother/mother/dad/cousin over the dinner table. Four-there’s no big pressure to attend a “LET’S GO PARTY!!!” event a mere seven days after that first get-together. Five-while there are those of you that have had Xmas hookups, I’ll bet my last Anne Coulter skeleton outfit that many more of you have had a post-All Hallow’s Eve romp in the hay. TO THE GAME!

Minny/Chi-Much like Andy Reid borrowing Micheal Phelps’ Speedo for his Halloween costume, this game might be gag-worthy. The Vikes D is nuts-they’re #1 in takeaways, they give up a mere 279 yards each game and only 14 points on average. The Bears O has scored over 20 points only once so far and Minny has allowed that total only the one time. The churlish cat that is qb Cutler has his work cut out for him. The Bears situation is so bad that outside consultants have been brought in by the McCaskeys to spell out to them just exactly how this isn’t their fault. Though it’s relatively early, I’ve no doubt that of all the cell phones that Belichick has instructed his minions to bug, the Vikes coaching staff is the top priority. I say the Berserkers take this one handily.

That’s it-GO GET ‘EM, COMMENTERS!!!

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JustStopDude

3-13…the half time score…or the Bears final record by the end of the season?

Duchess

It is odd listening to Gruden actually say things about Cutler that are not backhanded compliments.

LemonJello

Bears doing a good?
http://replygif.net/i/1483.gif

JustStopDude

I seriously detest that guy. I have no fucking clue how he gets shows.

LemonJello

Blackmail on the head(s) of Food Network?

Duchess

ok Chicago I will happily take the Bears losing out for a Cubs World Series victory

...

Yes that is a win-win.

JustStopDude

Funny thing…if Cleveland wins both MLB and NBA…they will still be catatonic because the Browns suck.

Beerguyrob

Why is John Fox trying to kill Howard before halftime?

Lothar of the Hill People

Akiem Hicks, University of Vagina?

Lothar of the Hill People

Wow. A half of Bears football that doesn’t make me shame-drink!

Brick Meathook

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Beerguyrob

If the Bears could make a Super Bowl, they’d catch that.

WCS

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Lothar of the Hill People

Insert John Madden “doink!” sound effect.

Spanky Datass

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Beerguyrob

The Bears are at war with Asiata, and have always been at war with Asiata.

Lothar of the Hill People

Normally you’d think a ground war with Asiata would be a grave mistake.

King Hippo

WE ARE ALWAYS AT WAR…

King Hippo

was a shitty spot

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What, John Fox thinks he’s Lady MacBeth all of a sudden?

...

Jay Cutler: COORDINATOR KILLER

LemonJello

I figured he was more of a “bat the coordinator around, maybe cripple him, but leave him lying there by the bedroom door for you to find in the morning”-type of quarterback.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t really want the Chicago sports karma to be used up tonight…

hippofant

Minny’s getting outcoached right now, it feels like. Bears got a read on their defense.

JustStopDude

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There are a few states shown here that need to be bombed by orbit. Seriously…who the fuck likes candy corn?!? Amish children don’t even like candy corn!

King Hippo

Minny-sota is goddamned right re candy. I’m gonna have the worst headache tomorrow as a result of their irresistability.

JustStopDude

I like that NJ is sour patch…pretty much every smack head, myself included, always had sour patch candies when getting high.

Lothar of the Hill People

Iowa knows their candy.

Shogun Marcus

Who the fuck gives or got toblerone?!

Senor Weaselo

Italian Christmas?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Fuckin’ Tex-Ass, man…

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Eww, I don’t like Almond Joy; but my birth state has it right: Reese’s Pieces are the tits. Although I would totally trick-or-treat in Arizona for some fucking Toblerones.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This Bears running back nobody has ever heard of that is suddenly ripping off huge gains? I am playing against him in fantasy, of course.

King Hippo

I had been starting him in my money league, but he had been universally benched after getting his snap count cut drastically last 2 weeks.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I had read that, and was thinking maybe I had a chance tonight. Now I need him to fumble five straight times.

King Hippo

Any RB snaps given to not-Jordan Howard are absolute lunacy

hippofant

BONK!

King Hippo

well, he certainly HIT his receiver, didn’t he??

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So…seven punts for the first quarter?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My bad, only 6.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bears D looking shockingly cromulent

Spur

I understand why they put this game on for Halloween now. This is some horrifying football to watch.

LemonJello
BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS CHARLES LENO I CALL HIM JAY BECAUSE HIS PERFORMANCE IS NOT FUNNY IN THE SLIGHTEST

Spur

So does officiating get worse or better now they’re down one?

entropy

Obviously worse…. they have to make up for their lost manpower.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I was thinking better…that the first ref down was just a warning…

JustStopDude

I’m gonna go off on a bit of a rant here with a slew of what I suspect are unpopular opinions…

The officials get a fucking bullshit, crappy deal. First of all, every time they have tried to use scabs, its been a shitshow. Anyone trying to act like any shithead off the street could officiate the modern NFL game is on crack. Second, the officials don’t make these bullshit rules. The rule book is forced upon them. Its not their fault that the NFL keeps changing the rules, often times making things to be far more arbitrary than they need. Third, the officials would be the first to admit that there needs to be more people on the field. Their issue with the NFL is that the NFL wants to use new officials as a way to destroy their union. And its not like the NFL really wants more officials, even though the officials cause next to nothing compared to what the teams bring in…the owners are cheap mother fuckers.

Bitching at officials is like making a scene and screaming at the person behind the counter at the DMV for not having more lines open and better hours. Your bitching to the wrong people.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No disagreement. As always, it’s Roger’s fault. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but he’s a national disgrace.

JustStopDude

Roger is exactly the commissioner that the NFL owners want. He gets all the heat and he has zero fucking power. He is the pinata that people can direct their hate and anger at so people don’t focus on shit like $750 million in public financing are going to the fucking Raiders.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yup. Doesn’t make him right, just an asshole.

Shogun Marcus

Sweet Jebus Bleergh logging in was a beeotch. Pretty sure the next test will demand blood. For the machine. To prove I’m not one. I’m on to you skynet!

LemonJello
Spur

I hope no one had that Zebra on their fantasy football team

JustStopDude

Stripe Lives Matter!

Col. Duke LaCross

And now our shitty turf murders a referee.

King Hippo

Ref got whacked this really is Chicago ,, smgdh

LemonJello

We have a referee down! We have a referee down!

...

Not sure if watching Ursa Major fuck up on the field tonight will make watching Ursa Minor tomorrow any better or worse, so let’s just see what happens.

Senor Weaselo

It’s nearly 9, we’ve had one trick or treater, can I delve into the Butterfingers yet?

LemonJello

Always yes. They’ll spoil otherwise.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not until you mail some to the DFO clubhouse.

entropy

The fact that you haven’t already shows great self-control on your part.

Senor Weaselo

Upon further investigation, we don’t have Butterfingers, but we have FOUR types of Snickers. I didn’t even know they made four kinds of Snickers!

LemonJello

I know of 2; Original recipe and Peanut Butter – what are the others?

Senor Weaselo

There’s apparently also Crisper and all peanuts and caramel. And I think they used to make triple chocolate for a second.

entropy

Peanut Butter Snickers may be the best candy invention of the past decade.

LemonJello

There’s the derp we’re all expecting from the Mature Cubs. smgdh.

Beerguyrob

TIME TO LOAD UP AND HAND OUT CANDY!

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LemonJello

That’s just great.

Now I’m thirsty.

King Hippo

Has nobody seriously tried running right down the Vikes’ gullet?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Yeah Right: Woo! We finally get a Vikings game on MNF!
Teddy’s BOTW: Nrrf.
Yeah Right: Hey, we’re having a great year! I think we’re gonna win the NFC North and then…maybe even on to the Super Bowl!
Teddy’s BOTW: Grarf.
Yeah Right: You’ve got that right. Nothing is gonna stop us this year!
Covalent Blonde (walking up to the couch): Again? I thought I told you guys…you’re in my spot.

Yeah Right and Teddy’ BOTW retreat from CB’s wrath.

Teddy’s BOTW: Hrf.
Yeah Right: Right? But if I was a Niners fan, I’d be in a bad mood, too.

entropy

Woooooooo bonus HRTN content!

JustStopDude

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LemonJello
King Hippo

wait, did someone say Berserker??

Col. Duke LaCross

“SKELNIK!”

LemonJello

Good evening dellow felegates!

Can I take a moment to give a laurel, and hearty handshake to the absolute murderers row of authors for todays #content?

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Ass slaps all around!

King Hippo

I gave them much GET HYPE in Hippo Thoughts, and they certainly DID NOT disappoint. Unlike me, those fellows are earning every last cent of they $12 large.

King Hippo

something to read FOAR when this game gets unwatchable (ie, 15 minutes from now) AND you have already finished all the EXCELLENT Commentist Party creative scarefest work:

http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/10/veteran-spy-gave-fbi-info-alleging-russian-operation-cultivate-donald-trump

Fuck your Republican Uncle at Thanksgiving, these Trump fuckwits are TRAITORS. Not using that word lightly nor metaphorically.

JustStopDude

Considering the greatest president ever (according to conservatives) and his people committed treason by actively working against the sitting president and extending the length of captivity of US people in Iran…methinks no republican will give a shit.

entropy

Hey, let’s all remember those people who think Ronnie Ray-Gun was The Greatest President Ever all admit he had zero knowledge of those acts, which would condemn any Democratic official in a similar capacity to a lifetime of being called incompetent and out of touch, but somehow this absolves Ronnie of any wrong-doing whatsoever.

Croooow

Fuck Trump. Just wanted to get that in there.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

They mentioned something I actually care about. Dude on the far right has to be Laurens/Phillip.

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JustStopDude

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King Hippo

Fuck, was replying to Col. below

Col. Duke LaCross

Great. The Bears get to be embarrassed in prime time yet again. I wish we could just suffer in anonymity like Titans fans.

King Hippo

Hey now, buck up. You fuckers win tonight, my Survivor Pool is down to 2, and the other dude done already used the Packers. MONEY FOAR HIPPO

Spur

Bears have more primetime games than Chiefs, Raiders and Falcons.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

As always, Bears fans do not deserve Jay Cutler. He is going to have a spite fueled awesome game, we’ll still lose, and he’ll leave town and find more success elsewhere.

entropy

He’s at just the right junction of his career for New York to make a big play for him, so I wouldn’t worry too much about him finding success elsewhere.

JustStopDude

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entropy

I love the grease stain on the wall from where his head slams into it before he falls forward. Hilarious.

Spur

Folks.

So no promotion for Spur and i had a bit of a hangover today from the Dallas game last night.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sorry dude. Fuck em all. Keep drinking.

King Hippo

Start a fire or series of small fires. You know this is the right thing.

Senor Weaselo

Did someone say Berserkers? LEEROOOOOOOYYYYYY JEEEENKINSSSSS!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hooKVstzbz0

JustStopDude

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