88 Questions about the Viagra commercial protagonists

For the young’uns so they get the shitty pop culture reference:

Let’s get started

1 Why is the blue-eyed blondie with the matching dress shown fully but Limpy McDick can’t have his face shown?

2 What kind of stupid double-standard is that?

3 Are we meant to imply that it’s all her fault?

4 That’s pretty sexist, isn’t it?

5 Why are these couples always on vacation?

6 Why doesn’t the airport x-ray machine pick up her Hitachi Magic Wand?

7 Do the terrorists know that airport x-ray machines can’t see Magic Wands?

8 Will this lead to a ban on Magic Wands?

9 If so, we’re pretty fucked, aren’t we?

10 Are we supposed to believe that sex only happens on vacation?

11 Isn’t that part of the problem here?

12 Do you think your guy resents you for over-packing?

13 I mean, I get that most girls over-pack, but this is a little silly for a weekend getaway, don’t you think?

14 Did your man really only pack one carry-on and that’s it?

15 Are you really carrying drugs in those bags and making a “drop” in the city?

16 Is that racist?

17 Why is the bellboy white?

18  Is that New York City that you are visiting with your ten tons of weed?

19  Did you tip the bellboy a dollar a bag (at least)?

20 Is it racist that I asked if you tipped the white bellboy?

21 It’s a lot of bags, is what I’m saying; isn’t that a tough job that should be rewarded with a handsome tip?

22 Who goes to NYC for a weekend getaway?  Don’t people usually head the other way?

23 How come Kelly Hu is making Viagra commercials now?

24 Isn’t Kelly Hu more famous than this?

25 Why is Kelly Hu on vacation in the countryside without a man?

26 Does this mean that she’s given up on men and has now gone with ladies and is only doing this commercial to help the men so that they can please women like she does?

27  Have you noticed that all the women in the Viagra commercials are barefoot?

28  The director has to have a foot fetish, doesn’t he?

29  Holy Shit, does this mean that Quentin Tarantino directs the Viagra commercials?!?!?

30 If that is the case, shouldn’t Kelly Hu be kicking some martial arts ass at some point?

31  Shit, was THAT racist or simply an observation of Quentin Tarantino’s cinematic influences and choices?

32 Did you notice that Kelly Hu is wearing a wedding band?

33  Guys, am I wrong in thinking that Kelly Hu murdered her Viagra husband, dumped him in the lake, and is now doing a Viagra commercial to get another husband?

34  Is Kelly Hu a succubus?

35 Do you think I’m racist because the title of the video is Black Viagra Lady (BVL)?

36 Why doesn’t BVL have a man with her?

37  Is BVL Kelly Hu’s secret Viagra lesbian girlfriend?

38  Have you noticed that all the girls in these commercials are wearing blue dresses?

39  There is no way that’s a coincidence, right?

40  Is that a political statement against the democratic party?

41  Wasn’t there another famous blue dress associated with a famous democrat?

42  Do you think that Viagra is now using blue dresses exclusively as a ploy to “clean up” the reputation of blue dresses?

43  I mean, if you need Viagra, you ain’t cuming on no blue dresses, amirite?

44 Am I now on an FBI watchlist because I referenced a decades-old presidential sexual scandal?

45 Does anyone else think that Jacqueline Onassis look is as dead as she is?

46 Is Julie Anderson famous and should I know who she is?

47  How did Julie get her hands on an autonomous driving convertible?

48  Would you trust a car on autopilot on a cliffside ocean road?

49 Is that a West Coast road and she’s heading south or is that an East Coast road and she’s heading north?

50 Does it make me gay that I think she has a cool scarf?

51 Julie has the crazy eyes, doesn’t she?

52  Since crazy eyes usually = great sex, isn’t the lack of guy in this commercial telling?

53  Is it me, or does Julie’s enunciation make it seem like she’s a sexbot?

54  Honestly, would you have sex with a sexbot?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_ETKkt2r80

55  How the fuck is it possible for a man to not get an erection with this girl speaking in a sexy English accent?

56  Is it just me or does everyone else have a semi going?

57 Why is this poor sexy gorgeous British girl on a Caribbean island by herself?

58 Have you guys ever tried doing it on one of those outdoor day beds?

59  It’s probably better than Sex on the Beach, isn’t it?

60  Isn’t Sex on the Beach over-rated, both as a sexual adventure and an alcoholic cocktail?

61 Doesn’t the same thing apply to the Fuzzy Navel?

62 Since there is no man around, AGAIN, and these girls are in exotic locales, does this mean that these sexy Viagra girls are a team of highly-trained secret service killers?

62  Is that why their men can’t get erections?

63  Are they afraid that, if they disappoint their ladies, they will get killed just like the poor saps their ladies kill on their work assignments?

64 Does that mean the term “fear-boner” is misleading and wrong?

65 Would you, like me, take your chances for the opportunity to disappoint Sexy Viagra Secret Killer British Girl for 20 seconds?

66  That would be a great way to go, wouldn’t it?’

67  Isn’t it about time that we saw a little bit more of the guy?

68  Honestly, if I was her, I’d need the female version of Viagra, don’t you think?

69  Isn’t this just the best number?

70 Isn’t it super weird that EVERYONE is on vacation on these commercials?

71  If you expect super sex on vacation, aren’t you setting yourself up for disappointment like if you were expecting super sex on your wedding night?

72  Do you know the number of people that have told me wedding night sex is highly disappointing?

73 How is it that this couple packs one carry-on per person for what has to be at least a multiple-day cruise while New York weekend couple brought half their house?

74  It really has to be weed, doesn’t it?

75 Can anyone recognize the port here?

76 How much money do you think Limpy dropped on that cabin?

77 Isn’t it nice that we did NOT get to see Limpy’s feet?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YtOOeDEJ6Y

78 Quentin Tarantino came during the filming of this commercial, didn’t he?

79  Do you think Rex is reading this article and thinking up a business opportunity for his wife?

80 That’s a weird angle for the bed to be in the room, isn’t it?

81 Is that Fung-shui?

82  That’s gotta be a reason for the lack of boners, don’t you think?

83  Isn’t it sad that even the moon is at half mast?

84 Did she get that bed at IKEA?

85  Can everyone that has broken a bed made in IKEA please raise their hands?

86  Now, can everyone that broke their bed actually having sex with another person keep their hands raised?

87  Why are there so few of us?

88  IKEA beds can’t be that sturdy, can they?

And now, for something completely different:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lu9zfoMEgw8

I’m sorry, ladies, I do apologize.