MILLENIALS ARE PIGS AND SHOULD BE IMPRISONED

If you’re a millennial, you are a douche-pussy. And I fucking hate you. If you’re a millennial and reading this article, or a regular visitor to DFO, congrats. You are not a flimsy little snowflake who was raised by gigantic, helicoptering pussies. You realize that life in the grown up world is a daily kick in the balls, followed by a gigantic pile of diarrhea falling on your head – and all of this occurs before you hit the snooze button.

Jesus Christ, let’s kill this entire generation, or drive them crazy by telling them jokes that haven’t been sanitized of any mention of race, creed, sex, religion, gender, sexual preference, politics, and the farmer’s daughter.

Seriously, this is fucking over the edge. A safe space? Fuck you, you fucking pathetic little bitch – this applies to both men and women because when I insult someone, I want to make sure that it applies to everyone.

Safe space? When I was in college, a safe space was a place where I could pass out and NOT wake up with shit scribbled over my entire body with an industrial sized black Sharpie. Honest to god, this happened way too much, along with having my zipper glued shut with Krazy Glue so I couldn’t take that cruical morning whizz.

Want to know how bad it’s gotten? Tufts University has passed a law that allows students to CALL THE MOTHERFUCKING COPS if they see a Halloween costume that is OFFENSIVE OR NON-PC. Like my grandmother used to say, “I shit you not.”

Drink this in for a second, or gulp it like low grade bourble. Halloween costumes. Offensive. Calling the cops. Each and every person who does this should be locked into a room and forced to watch Blazing Saddles until they fucking get it. Or stroke out. Whichever comes first. Fucking sensitive douche guzzling cunts.

Now, I understand that some costumes go over the line. Blackface is one of them. Slitted eyes is another. In my book that’s about it. Fuck. It’s fucking Halloween. Go dress like a slut so I can get a great look at your funbags.

(Hey wait a minute, that guy is dressed like a gangster, and I’m an Italian American and THAT FUCKING OFFENDS ME I’M CALLING THE COPS. Oh wait a minute, there were a lot of paisans involved with organized crime, so maybe I should move the fuck on. Chug a few Mickey’s Big Mouths and chase it with a tureen of Old Grand Dad bourbon. Yes, that’s what I’ll do.)

And millennials are fucking lazy and self-centered. Yes, that’s a cliché and stereotype, cause it’s true. They are fucking little turds who want the world to revolve around them, like every other generation, but somehow, they’re more annoying. They’re also vegan, and for that they should be force fed raw squirrel meat.

Another note to you dickswags, I could give a bloody booger about your beliefs. I don’t care. Go ahead, have them. It’s your right. Don’t share them, because maybe you should be out working or drinking. I’m sure your drink of choice is something that is expensive and pretentious. You need to have a pint of Old Crow forced down your throat.

Finally, you all dress like pretentious shitbirds. I want to take those stupid fucking wool hats and pull them down over your eyes, and beat you like a fucking gong. Your beards are ratty and smelly. Ron Jeremy would laugh at your feeble attempts, then he’d sweet talk your girlfriend into a threesome with Jim Tomsula in an abandoned Motel 8 in Wichita.

Am I acting like an old man? Fucking don’t care. Gen X was my generation, and we were a pack of obnoxious, coke snorting assholes. We coveted wealth and social status and we probably read Trump’s books. But when Halloween came around, we dressed like we fucking wanted to, and didn’t call the cops, unless our cocaine was on fire. That was a true emergency. When the cops got there, we’d put out the fire, and do a line or two with them.

Get fucked, millennials. (PS – all of your blogs and social media postings don’t mean a goddamn thing to anyone. You are all vapid shit pussies.)

This made me smile:

A little girl, Kendall Brockenbrough, who was shot on the streets of Baltimore by a piece of shit that should be shoveled slowly into a wood chipper, was moved from Shock Trauma to a rehabilitation facility. This story broke the fuck out of my heart, and I donated to her GoFundMe page. So there, I’m not a drunken sot with a piece of concrete for a heart.