Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 9, 2016

I am not having a good year. Everything after Superb Owl L has been a slip and slide made of bile and vomitus. So on that note, congratulations to your AFC West champion Oakland Raiders. And kudos to JDR for a fantastic gameplan, well-executed. So much for that Sunday Night Football showdown to remember. JEEBUS. That Week 11 bye can’t get here fast enough. Changes are needed.

I got to the final two in my Survivor Pool, and lost thanks to Green Bay shitting themselves at home to the mighty Humps. Making sense of the NFC North is a fool’s errand, but Aaron Rodgers is back to being a hot mess.

Don’t look now, but fucking DETROIT is 5-4 after winning at Minny in OT. Yeah, that surprised pretty much everyone. The Vikes seemed to have it won with a very late TD score, but the Lions completed one long pass down the seam and spiked the ball with 2 seconds to play, setting up Prater from 58 (which he drilled). Strange days, indeed, as Minnesota looks shaky on both sides of the ball now, and perhaps in freefall. A missed Blair Walsh extra point would also prove crucial, and one has to assume he will show up buried under one of those 10,000 frozen lakes come spring thaw.

The guy who beat me in Survivor won with the Chefs, and that pisses me off. Those lucky fucks got luckier than usual, with BORT doing his usual bumblefuck shit, punt returners fumbling, etc. These Jaguras need to sign their DNRs already, FFS. Kansas City is an uber-fraudulent 6-2.

San Diego finally closed one out, doing it with two defensive TDs and Beast Mode…Melvin Gordon?? in a 43-35 shootout win over the Titans. One thing for sure, the Chargers won’t leave you bored in your late game window RedZone watching.

The Giants also closed one out…but I would hardly give them much credit for it. The Iggles shot themselves in the foot like it was offseason in a nightclub. Elisha in particular was just brutal late. But then again, he’s Elisha, ya know?

The other New Jack club lost when they had to re-kick due to being offside on a fucking kickoff (with about 5 minutes to play), and the 2nd one was run back for a LOLfin TD. This might have been the worst-QB’d non-scab, non-weather influenced game one could ever see.

DAK! and Zeke toured The Factory and it went about like one would expect, other than Dez having merely one catch. Again, chasing the Detroit perfecto is a very real pursuit.

The less anyone says about Ram It!/Panthers, the better. At one point, RedZone showed like 5 straight minutes worth and it was fucking harrowing. 13-10 in favor of the team not saddled with Case Fucking Keenum, that’s all one need know.

Road Saints are pretty awful, but still more than 2 TDs better than anywhere, anytime Fightin’ Tomsulas. Not sure that Chip Kelly is gonna last even one full season, and gee whillikers, my heart will just fucking break for him.

Lastly, The Ben tried YET AGAIN to come back from injury way too fast, and The Ratbirds beat The Monkeyshit out of him. Garbage time made his statline and the 21-14 final score look way more respectable than the true reality. Pittsburgh continues to be able to run the ball not one damned bit, which is the story of their disappoint season.