A Correction is Made. A Promise is Kept.

Int: A very dark and damp room. The only sounds are a steady drip of water and quiet sobs and moans.

Victim #3: “Hello? Please. Anybody? Hello?”

/more sobs and sniffling sounds are heard.

V3: ” I know someone is here. I’ve heard things moving about. Why are you doing this?”

/suddenly a bare light bulb is lit creating a blinding illumination.

lightbulb

V3: /screams. “Ahhh! Turn out that light! It’s burning my eyes!”

/light goes dark and once again Victim #3 is plunged into complete darkness.

V3: “Please! Just talk to me! Why are you doing this? Can we at least have a conversation?” The light returns only to show a bucket directly at Victim 3’s feet.

blood_bucket

V3: “Oh god, oh god oh god! Is that blood? Somebody help me! HELP!!”

/the light goes off and again the room goes dark. In the distance there is a faint, tiny sound of something clinking together. As the sound approaches it gets louder and begins to sound like a rhythmic clashing of small cymbals. 

V3: “What now? What is that? What is this horror!”

/the room is illuminated again.

gp-lgs-monkey-cymbals

V3: “OH SHIT! What the fuck, man?! WHAT THE FUCK?”

/the light is turned off and darkness returns.

V3: [sobbing] “I can’t! I can’t do this. I can’t take this! What are you doing? Please talk to me.”

/in the pitch darkness a scrambling skittering sound approaches. It approaches very fast as if tiny clawed feet are scrambling across the floor.

V3: “What the hell is that? What in the name of God is that? AHHHH! Get that out of my ear! GET THAT OUT OF MY EAR!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!”

A piercingly loud sound is screeched directly into V3’s face: “EEEEK!  EEEKKK!!! EEEEKKKKK!!!!” Then the scrambling, scratching sounds resume as the unseen horror skitters away.

V3: In utter tears: “Please! Stop! STOP! I’ll do anything you ask just talk to me, PLEASE!”

A click is heard followed by the whine of feedback as a speaker system has been turned on. A muffled voice that has been electronically altered to disguise the speaker is suddenly heard:

Unknown voice: “Do you know why you’re here.”

V3: “No. NO I don’t. I have no idea! Why are you doing this? Please help me! I’m hurt and I can’t move. Please help.”

Unknown voice: “Do you know who you are?”

V3: “I… I’m…No, I don’t. I can’t remember! It feels like I’ve been here forever and I don’t. I FORGOT WHO I AM!”

Unknown voice: ” What are you feeling right now.”

V3: [sniffles] “Just, just pain. I hurt all over! And confusion! I don’t understand why this is happening to me! And I’m scared! So scared. I’m terrified and I just want this to stop!”

Unknown voice: “Pain, confusion and fear? Is that correct? These are the emotions you are experiencing?”

V3: [Sobbing uncontrollably]: “Yes! Yes! Exactly.”

Unknown voice: “What if I told you that the reason you are here is because you inflicted those exact emotions on millions of people. People who were loyal to you and wanted nothing more than to see you succeed? Would that be an answer to why you are here?”

V3: “I what? I have no idea what you mean. How could I have hurt so many people. I’ve always tried to be a good person. What did I do?”

Unknown voice: “You know exactly what you did. BLAIR!”

V3: “Did you just call me Blair? Is that my name? I can’t remember. Am I named Blair?”

Unknown voice: “Do you know why you’re here?”

The room illuminates showing a video screen. There is a single image on it.

walsh-miss-1

V3: “Wait? Is that? That looks familiar. I remember being very cold.”

Unknown voice: “Do you know why you are here?”

V3: “Oh God! That was me wasn’t it? That was me and we missed a chance to move on in the playoffs. That…Holy shit! I’m Blair Walsh and that was me missing that kick.”

Unknown voice: “What if I told you that you didn’t learn from this mistake and you continued to miss? What if I told you that you cost us another critical win in the division just last week?”

V3: “That’s right! Against Detroit. Oh God! I didn’t do it on purpose. I just choked.”

/Suddenly the room is illuminated once more showing someone chained to a table with barbed wire.

blair-walsh-tied

V3: “Wait! Wait! Let’s just talk this through! I swear if you just let me explain.”

Unknown voice: “Now that your memory is returning, I want you to remember one more thing. A promise that was made.”

V3: “I made a promise?”

Unknown voice: “Not you. Someone else made a promise.”

V3: “You don’t mean the promise that Coach made? NOO! NOOOOO!!!!!!!”

/The speakers are switched off and the voice of a soft spoken man with just a little bit of a high pitch resumes.

Coach Zimmer: “Good to see your memory is back you little shit-stained bag of kudu dung.”

coach-z

V3: “Coach! Coach, I swear to God and all that is holy…”

Coach: “Stow that shit you quivering fuckbasket! You just cost us another game! Not only did you fuck up an extra point, AN EXTRA POINT! but you also fucked up a field goal that would have won the game for us.”

V3: ” Coach! Coach!! Stop! I love my teammates! I didn’t do it on purpose.”

Jeff Locke sticks his head in the room for a second:

Minnesota Vikings punter Jeff Locke catches a snap during Vikings training camp in Mankato on Thursday, August 14, 2014. (Pioneer Press: Ben Garvin)

 

Locke: “That hold was perfect you asshole!”

/Locke leaves the room.

Coach: “Well, you finally said something that made sense. Didn’t do it on purpose. You know why I accept that statement? Because you have no purpose you diseased cock sore! You’re a goddamn waste of precious oxygen and I’m going to correct that shit right now!”

V3: “No Coach NO!!!!!”

/Coach leaves the room only to return a couple of minutes later.

Coach: “Now I know you didn’t forget my very good buddy Mr. Winkles did you?”

You don't want to be on the front end of that

Mr Winkles: “SNARLSNARLGNASHCHOMPGNASHRENDTEARSNARL!”

V3: “OH JESUS NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

/Coach reaches into a pocket and removes a very small set of goggles and he places them over Mr. Winkles’ eyes.

Coach: “You’re gonna need these goggles where you’re going little buddy!”

/coach then grabs both of V3’s ankles and pulls them apart.

Coach: “One Wild Kingdom Special coming up!”

[Incoherant snarls, chomps and screams ensue]

V3: “NOOOOOO!!!!”

blood_dripping_off_wall-1024x575

 

Awesome photoshop as always by Mr. Low Commander.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
laserguru
yeah right is a lifelong Vikings fan. He is into self denial and still harbors hope. Loves to cook, read and drink. But he doesn't plate.
Subscribe
Notify of
10 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

[…] Blair and brought him out to the woods. Some say it was right around here. Coach was supposed to do some pretty bad and unspeakable things to Blair. I don’t know. Coach seems like such a good guy. Some folks say that Blair Walsh is fine and […]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We know it wasn’t either of the two O-tackles; they’d have let ANYBODY past.

http://68.media.tumblr.com/380cc88899b2b58ebb6b4bfb666f4d05/tumblr_n1yx2mapph1qklgy5o3_250.gif

Good stuff.

entropy

Agreed on the cathartic nature of this post.

Can the Jets borrow Mr Winkles for a bit? I’d like to use him on some of the more… prominent members of the team.

(I would have said “shittier,” but that’s damn near everyone right now)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I needed this. Badly.

Thank you.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is awesome!

So, let’s say we wanted a Wild Kingdom Special from certain Asian masseuses. How much would that run?

LemonJello

Past their elbow? Just a guess.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I see someone got into the good absinthe

blaxabbath

I do enjoy Mike Zimmer.