Your Wednesday Champions League Semifinal Vuelta Open Thread

Roma – Liverpool (2-5)

Balls: Those two goals are what make this match intriguing.  In the previous round against Barcelona,  Roma lost the first game away 1-4 and everyone had written them off.

Then,  the return leg in Rome happened and they got the 3-0 result they needed.  The away goal scored in garbage time in Barcelona proved decisive.

Can they possibly do it again?

Predicción: 

I think that if Barcelona can collapse in Rome,  so can the English. A 3-0 home win that AGAIN makes garbage time goals crucially important.

King Hippo: Nothing like that is ever gonna go my way when the Shite are involved, I assure you.  Roma will score an early goal, the crowd will get energized…then Klopp’s fuckface army will equalize and that will be that.

Predicción: 2-2 (Shite 7-4 on aggregate)

 

Don T: [Wipes concealer from libidinous nose]

We in the KFA [Klopp’s Fuckface Army] are jubilant to see the progress of the squad through the season and look forward to a difficult game with a hungry opponent. Or some other balderdash about vigilance and keeping a competitive outlook. But, you know, effusively and shit.

This will not be another Barcelona debacle. Unlike Barça, Liverpool players can defend. However, the LIV goalieS are shakier than a Parkinson hello. But the Reds press, effectively, often scoring on a counter. Teams like that don’t panic if they get down 2-0 in the first half. Barcelona could, and their Messidependencia was neutralized. Imagine the weight of letting slide a comfortable aggregate lead AT ROMA and not even getting into the Champions semis, while still carrying a season-long unbeaten streak in La Liga. LIV wouldn’t crumble under Klopp.

In 2016, Klopp’s Liverpool was in the Europa League knockouts against his former team, Borussia Dortmund–coached by his protégé: Thomas Tuchel, a fine patron saint of nerds as any, IMO. Here he is, in an animated state:

                          (Via fourfourtwo.com, captioned: “Tuchel is said to lack emotion (most of the time)”

The second leg was at LIV and the Reds were down 2-0 in the first half, needing three goals in 45 minutes. But the mento did not become the manatee: Liverpool won 4-3, by not changing much of what they did during the first half. Knowing some of ya fine folks find off-putting Klopp’s staggering awesomeness, I’ll just link a story of his composed halftime talk.

Roma will fight to the death. I won’t be mad if they win. Get through? Tch, please.

Predicción: AS Roma 2 – 2 Liverpool (Liverpool goes to the final 7-4 in aggregate). And Eusebio Di Francesco coaches Wolverhampton to win 2023 Mall of the Emirates FA Cup (pictured).

                                              Via zimbio.com

 

Litre_Cola: The two road goals make this somewhat intriguing as look what happened last round against Barca. I see the futbol Gods making me choose between Real Madrid and Liverpool. Apologies Hippo but I will get behind Klopp and Salah, he has been a great story this year. The xenophobic Reds supporters have even sung nawt raycess things about him! I just can’t see Klopp parking the bus in this one, at least in the 1st half. If it is still tied at halftime then Klopp will have every man behind the ball.

Prediction: Roma 2-1  because why not?

In European news, did you see this guy in Turkey? This is some super fandom right there. He is crazy and rich enough to have people killed I reckon. Or I believe in my mind. Whatever.

 

***

BONUS FÚTBOL!!

We here at DFO will be going balls deep in our World Cup 2018 coverage to the dismay of North Carolina rednecks everywhere.

We will be previewing EVERY team in the tournament.  Some previews,  however, will probably not involve as much fútbol as they will instead be opportunities to reflect on a particular country’s features.

Translation: Expect a lot of pics of girls with big butts in the Colombia preview.

Hence,  we are looking for someone to tell us their tale of how they hooked up with a Swedish foreign exchange student in high school.  There’s your Sweden preview.

See? They practically write themselves!

If you want a particular country,  here is the list of countries and the posting schedule:

Posting Schedule (All times 1 PM DFO):
5/13 – Egypt – TBD
5/14 – Russia – TBD
5/15 – Saudi Arabia – TBD
5/16 – Uruguay – @don_t
5/17 – Iran – TBD
5/18 – Morocco – TBD
5/19 – Portugal – TBD
5/20 – Spain – @ballsofsteel
5/21 – Australia – @ballsofsteel
5/22 – Denmark – TBD
5/23 – France – @litre_cola
5/24 – Peru – TBD
5/25 – Argentina – @don_t
5/26 – Croatia – TBD
5/27 – Iceland – TBD
5/28 – Nigeria – @sonofspam
5/29 – Brazil – TBD
5/30 – Costa Rica – TBD
5/31 – Switzerland – TBD
6/1 – Serbia – TBD
6/2 – Germany – TBD
6/3 – South Korea – TBD
6/4 – Mexico – @ballsofsteel
6/5 – Sweden – TBD
6/6 – Belgium – TBD
6/7 – England – @themaestro
6/8 – Panama – TBD
6/9 – Tunisia – @blaxabbath
6/10 – Colombia – TBD
6/11 – Japan – TBD
6/12 – Poland – TBD
6/13 – Senegal – @litre_cola

Countries will be assigned on a first come first served basis.  Even if you’re not a current author,  we’ll figure out a way to give your drunken ramblings the love and attention they deserve!

Please make your selections in the comments.

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
ballsofsteelandfury

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BrettFavresColonoscopyballsofsteelandfurytheeWeeBabySeamusKing Hipposcotchnaut Recent comment authors
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Anyone else sweating bullets?

theeWeeBabySeamus

If I wanted someone to clean me up, I’d find myself a maid…
If I wanted someone to spend my money, I wouldn’t need to get paid…
If I wanted someone to cut me down, I’d have handed you the blade.

King Hippo

King Hippo

Would this be a great Heath Ledgering song? YES Other Hippo, it sure would!!

scotchnaut

Finally finished all my paperwork! Oh. The game is over. Huh.

King Hippo

you missed the square root of fuckall

King Hippo

garbage time penalty after not calling multiple, stonewall penalties earlier in the match. JUST FUCK RIGHT OFF

King Hippo

well, that garbage time goal cost me 4 bills but also the Redshite’s bullshit unbeaten streak so…call it a wash

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dude.

King Hippo

I bet $100 on each semifinal ending in a draw. The lines were +300, very reasonable bets. One cashed, one was gonna until the 88th minute. Very reasonable. I didn’t bet $400 on the match, FFS!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, I can’t say much either way.
Vegas winning in OT bailed me out of a total loss a coupla nights ago.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Shit, have they been in the Liverpool side this second half at all? Or is Liverpool playing the futboll version of the prevent defense?

King Hippo

pretty full-on prevent

King Hippo

just a frighteningly dull match

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

comment image

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Hmmm, I wonder how accurate she can be with that landing……

King Hippo

/would risk it

//consolation prize is opiates

King Hippo

WOO!!!!! There’s the 2-2 I predicted and will pay me moneys. Everybody just grab your balls now (unless you plan on scoring 4 MOAR, Roma).

nomonkeyfun

“I want to write the post for the greatest team in the world. USA! USA! USA!”

/confers quietly on side with non-American

“Dafuq, we lost… to Trinidad. Thanks Obama.”

comment image

King Hippo

that match made this Ugly American very, very happy

litre_cola

I smiled.

scotchnaut

Why can’t some of these club teams put their names on the front of their shirts? Us newbies are forced to yell “GO EMIRATES!” or some such like the dinks that we are. smgh.

scotchnaut

Who’s doing the what now?

King Hippo

Inspiration, at least draw in front of your home fans. Jive-ass, swarthy turkeys.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

2-1 Liverpool, with all goals scored by Liverpool.

King Hippo

hey, lookie loo, another clear handball ignored. Some fucker should try just picking the ball up and running with it. Revolutionize the game!

King Hippo

#BFIB beating a struggling rookie pitcher and the 8-19 White Sox 1-nil in the bottom of the 7th, El Gallo having to spin a shutout and supply all the offensing with his first career HR. The rest of the team has combined for one lousy fucking single (Yadi).

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

What the fuck?

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

That own goal, the Pope must have called in a favor from his boss.

King Hippo

I wasn’t even paying attention. Sound on the el beisbol. I have moneys on the Draw (again), so…temporary WOO?

King Hippo

WOMP WOMP

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

That looked a bit easy, but then what I know about futboll would fill a thimble and still leave room for Donald Trump’s hands.

King Hippo

Sometimes looks can be deceiving. But not today.

Game Time Decision

I select none of the above.

King Hippo

Hippo selects Belgium and Costa Rica. When is my fookin’ #TeamChechnya post scheduled??

litre_cola

Eto’o played in Grozny.