Your “Can I Have Some Sweet, Sweet Release?” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Oh hello there folks. Have you been weighed down by the Bottomless Shitfire of the last few days, weeks or months? Yeah, myself as well. I sure could go for a distraction right about now. Are you up for it, NFL? You see, despite what your marketing department tried to convey to me, I never thought that you were some sort of “lifestyle” or “family” or even that you *really* cared about women’s health issues or people that chose to serve in the military. That stuff plays well to the ad guys and is a “safe space”. No, your institution is a distraction, a vehicle by which myself and my brethren here on this site and in countless other places on-line and off can forget about other things for a while. What say you, NFL-are you up for it? I hope you are…. TO THE GAMES!

GB/Ten-Two teams with talent that are Yertle The Turtle-ing their way thru the sked. This one should end up with qb’s Rodgers and Mariota flinging the ball because neither can get its running game going for differing reasons. Advantage: Rodgers.

Min/Was-Streak-happy Minny will try to put up a W once again after losing 3 straight. Despite those losses they only give up a paltry 15.8 points per game on average-that’s #1 in the league. Lt Williams of the Redacteds, one of the best, is lost for 4 games due to the old “banned substances” thing. Qb Cousins was the player that benefited most from Williams’ play and now he’ll have to do without. He might be okay though-he’s on a pace to throw for over 4,900 yds. which would blast the record that he set last year of 4,166.

Chi/TB-The Bears ambushed the Vikes just before their bye week for their second win and are beginning to get healthy-they’ll now get starting guards Sitton and Long back in the mix. Tampa finally has rb Martin back at practice though it’s not clear if he’s ready to go. Nice timing on his part as the Bucs only have James and rb Barber to run with the ball. No such concerns for the Bears-rook rb Howard is playing lights-out. Something has to break here-Chicago has yet to win on the road and Tampa doesn’t have a home win yet. So…a tie?

KC/Car-The 6-2 Chiefs quietly continue along their “best team no one talks about/takes seriously” path. Qb Smith keeps doing his thing, rb Ware steps into Charles’ huge shoes and discovers they fit fine and te Kelce maintains his ascent up the te rankings towards second-best in the league. (Although his opposite number in this game might say something about that) The Panthers have cobbled together two straight wins including an ugly-as-hell 13-10 snoozer vs. the Rams last week.

Atl/Phi-The Falcons “Balls-To-The-Wall” O keeps rolling along. No matter if they win or lose they’re going to score at least 20, more likely 30, or even 40 points as Tampa found out last week. I’d say that qb Ryan should grab 2nd place in mid-season MVP honours behind Brady. The Eagles blasted out of the gate in surprising style but in 4 of their last 5 have re-discovered their inner-Phillyness.

LA/NYJ-“JUST START GOFF AND PETTY AND GET IT OVER WITH!”-The Gods of Bleerg

Den/NO-Denver and its care-taker qb lead the league in 3-and-outs. I think that might put a wee bit more pressure on Denver’s Talib-less secondary but they should be up to it. Brees will counter with his strategy of too many Cooks, Sneads and Thomaii. (?) It’s the run D that has some Broncs fans a bit worried-they rank 14th and gave up 5.1 to the Raiders last week. Luckily for them, the Saints can only counter with the ever-disappointing Mark Ingram.

Hou/Jax-The Texicans are looking for their first road win and outside of Cleveland, Jacksonville looks like the best place to find one. Not earn, “find”. One tends to think of the defensive side of the field when Houston is mentioned but their turnover stats are atrocious. They’ve but 6 to date this year. That averages out to just under “Jesus Christ-That’s Pathetic!” per game. The only team with less (5) is the Jags. If you need him, wr Hurns has passed his concussion test.

There you have it-a bunch of wee tidbits that serve as an excuse to talk about football. (Man, am I ever cynical today!) NOW, GO GET ‘EM, GO-GETTERS!!!

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entropy

So the Jets defense is apparently on milk cartons throughout the tri-state area.

fleshwound_NPG

If Chris Conte pick sixes you, retire.

Retire, Jay. Please.

fleshwound_NPG

CATLERCEPTIONPICKSIX

ThursdaySkyGoddess

LOL! Catlerceptiondown!

Shogun Marcus

Ejection! No hitting the refs.

Gratliff

Maybe the NFC East is just really good this year

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, weird isn’t it?

fleshwound_NPG

two year anniversary of this masterpiece

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entropy

Rams challenge the spot early.

fleshwound_NPG

CATLERCEPTION already

entropy

Southwest, if I have to come the fucking counter to get my seat assignment, and some asshole launches into song, I am BURNING DOWN THE AIRPORT.

Shogun Marcus

Messy counter. Though singing would be the kindest response.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve been saying Kirk was gonna get someone hurt with his off-target throws. I didn’t anticipate it would be players from the opposition.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I finally got my dual monitors back this week. Not used to this trying to keep up with Redzone and still watch the Bears game

entropy

Darrell Revis: well past his prime.

Gratliff

Week 10 vs. an already dead DTZM team. Can Broken Grat Hardy get one fucking win this season?

Shogun Marcus

Demarcodown. First play. Welp.

Doktor Zymm

Hey, [*Redacted] s throwback unis, where the colors actually are burgundy and gold!

entropy

You have a large number of avatar images of cats with long-range weapons, don’t you?

Doktor Zymm

I find a theme I like, I stick with it.

entropy

No, no, not a complaint, just impressed.

entropy

Case Keenum is well, not exactly “marching” down the field. Prancing, perhaps? Skipping?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Trudging?

entropy

Sulking.

Trevor Semen
fleshwound_NPG

Catty is almost a perfect .500 (51-49) in his career

Even his record doonnnttt caaaarrrreee

Shogun Marcus

Onside kickoff? Oh christ.

Gratliff

God damn it, Michigan. I don’t want to see GB-Tennessee. RedZone, it is.

fleshwound_NPG

who makes the big fucking US flags

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

China

entropy

Every descendant of Betsy Ross.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ahh, NFL RedZone. Eases the pain.

JustStopDude

I got Chiefs vs Panthers and Vikings vs Foreskins…

I don’t give a shit about either of these games.

Back to watching the F1 red flag delay…

litre_cola

I kicked that habit years ago. Cannot stand the talking heads.

litre_cola

Morning gents, and ladies? How are we today?

fleshwound_NPG

hitting the whiskey in 5…

entropy

It’s been mostly shitty today, and tonight will be even shittier. There’s a 30% chance tomorrow will also be shitty and the long range forecast is shitty, really shitty, and then Total Shit.

But…

http://i.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/rex-manning-day-empire-records.gif

entropy

I have a feeling tonight’s Last Week Tonight will be pretty fucking epic.

ThursdaySkyGoddess
entropy

That always kills me.

fleshwound_NPG

can’t be the only one that thinks wendi nix is super fine

(but she no matron saint, tho)

entropy

Nope, you’re not alone.

entropy

I think I have to find a stream to watch the Petty Era Begins.

JustStopDude

On NBCSports Chanel or whatever the fuck…F1 was is determined that the world’s best drivers, in the world’s most expensive cars, all die competitively in the middle of a downpour.

The radio chatter has been pretty funny. A one point, NBC accidentally let throug
“Are they trying to fucking kill us?!?” from Nico.

Oh now its red flagged …

Spur

These morning games seem to be lacking in excitement
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Spur
entropy
Spur

Folks.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Greetings!

If you want to fix your avatar image (Zymm, yours is doing it too) just head into your profile page and re-upload the images so they are hosted on DFO’s server (instead of via gravatar, which is what is causing them to be jumbo sized).

Spur

My image is Jumbo Sized?

entropy

Hey yo.

laserguru

So yesterday I told a horrifying tale of my best friend and his wife and her kids, the last part of the tale ended with my buddy’s wife crashing the car and being concussed.

Her first official response today was something about watching election coverage and then changing the channel to watch “Chopped” and in her still concussed mind she was waiting for The Donald and Hillary to decide the election in the dessert round.

She’s gonna be OK.

Doktor Zymm

You know, I’m really not sure which of them would make a lighter, fluffier, sponge cake.

laserguru

Yeah they’re both pretty fucking dense.

entropy

Man, now I want head trauma so I can forget yesterday.

Fronkenshteen

Swapped Davante Adams out for Kendall Wright last night. I may regret this.

Horatio Cornblower

Odell Beckham was at the UFC fights until 2 am this morning. I look forward to the criticism he’ll get for a bad game tonight, even if it doesn’t start until 8:30 pm.

entropy

Giants are tomorrow night, no?

entropy

Somebody gave Luc Besson a shit ton of money again, and it looks like he’s decided to make a mash-up of The Fifth Element and Jupiter Ascending:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5o2XWgjCTjc

Spur

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Fronkenshteen

Paula Deen looks like shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Looks?

Is.

ballsofsteelandfury

The title of this post was great and then I saw the featured image.

Great fucking job!

entropy

Ah shit. Excitement tempered by actually *reading* the article about Petty’s start, wherein he says that he “can tell he is developing because he is now able to read defenses in Madden 17.”

This is going to be like sending the best Modern Warfare players to fight ISIS, isn’t it?

entropy

Follow-up to earlier comment:

I am now genuinely excited for a Jets game for nearly the first time this season. That may be a problem with the product the team puts on the field.

Doktor Zymm

Seriously undecided about going to 5 hours of opera today. It’s Les Troyens, which should be pretty spectacular, but it’s also French, which is not my favorite major opera language. (It goes Italian, German and English (tie), French, with other languages being evaluated on a case by case basis)

I picked a matinee because it’s 5 hours, but I did this during the summer when Sundays didn’t mean football. Also, it means I have to go downtown on a weekend. It would be kind of nice to stay home, do some cooking, and watch the games. It would also be kind of nice to see a giant operatic wooden horse. Decisions, decisions.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Fronkenshteen

The blonde looks like Vince Neil.

Kungjitsu
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
entropy

Hmm high vs low culture is a difficult choice, although I find such choices are usually a lot easier after about six beers and some whiskey.

Doktor Zymm

Having to wait for intermission to pee is unpleasant….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Or I could go the astronaut route and diaper up.

ballsofsteelandfury

Les Troyens one gagné hier leur match contre les chiens du Washington. Tu dois aller a l’opéra pour les supporter.

Doktor Zymm

I suspect I already know how the opera ends.

ballsofsteelandfury

True, but do you really want to sit through Chicago/Tampa?

Doktor Zymm

I certainly would not be selecting that particular game to watch. Sunday Ticket would be earning it’s keep.

entropy

Oh, I got yer distraction right here:

According to CBS Sports, the Bryce Petty Era begins today in the Meadowlands.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Does he have a strong enough arm?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Remember these types of movies? Good times.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089839/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_83

ballsofsteelandfury

Good God yes. They really don’t make them like that anymore.

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