Your “Cowboys/Redacteds ‘Showdown’ Just Doesn’t Have The Same Ring To It” Thanksgiving NFL Football Open Thread

Have I ever told you the story of how I discovered Thanksgiving football? I have? Shut up. Who asked you, anyway? Me? I don’t know that guy. Okay-I was a young puppy that went by the name of chocolatemilknaut and I was sick as sick can be. Mommynaut propped me up on the couch in front of the tube and I dreaded watching the usual diet of game shows and soap operas that constituted day-time TV as I drifted in and out of sleep. Lo and behold! What to my wondrous eyes did appear? Football. Football most dear. It may have been Lawrence Taylor (I called him LTnaut) dismantling the Lions, I’m not sure. But a football fan was born that day, my friends. TO THE GAME!

Was/Dal-The ‘Dacteds need this game really bad. This is an assessment of the level of their alkalinity or acidity-a litmus test if you will. Can the D deal with DAK! and rb Zeke? Will The Beeze out-catch The Dez yet again? When will Old Man Witten kick everyone off his lawn? Why does cb Norman play so rough? Who is qb Cousins, really? How will wr Jackson embarrass himself this week? Will rb Kelley pile up another 100-yarder? For the answer to these and many other unasked questions, watch the freaking game! A Giants backer would have reasons to cheer for both a Cowboys or Redacteds win but myself is just looking forward to a good game. After all, it’s up to the G-Men to win and damn the other team’s results.

I’m done-SPEAK TO ME! (AND OTHERS!)

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Bortleback

So how many injuries do you think Romo would end up with if they had him running on read-option plays?

entropy

The minute he snubs PK for an interview, he’s fair game.

Duchess

Collarbone in 3 places

Shogun Marcus

Nawt dez, is catch.

Doktor Zymm

The Cowboys are evil and horrible, but damn that’s a beautiful catch.

Doktor Zymm

So, are the refs gonna let people hit Dak like Cam gets hit, or does that only happen once he starts dancing after TDs?

JustStopDude

That looks shit-tastic….at this point, does anyone even attempt to make a good movie anymore?

entropy

Hell or High water was great.

ThePirateSloth

It was a great movie.

entropy

3 yr old niece just decided she wanted to sit with me, just long enough to rip a fart an adult male would be proud of, giggle like a maniac, and run off.

This kid is gonna be awesome.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

So far, so good.

Redacteds could be playing better though.

Spur

Refs must have been blinded by the sun

Romonobyl

Double J is making some phone calls to keep the sun where it is until the half.

WCS

YOU TELL THAT SUMBITCH RA TO KEEP THE GODDAMNED SUN WHERE IT IS HE OWES THE OL’ DOUBLE J A FEW FAVORS ANYWAY YYYYEEEEEEEHHHHAAAWWWWW

Spur

Do we know for sure it’s not The Eye of Sauron?

Kungjitsu

The Redacteds never should have given out Mark Mosely’s number.

Spur
JustStopDude

If your stadium is indoors and the sun affects the playing conditions…you are an idiot.

Romonobyl

Apparently Jerry ran out of money for miniblinds.

Spur

Icarus kick

WCS

HAIL SHANK’HOR

Spur

Confirmed, Kirk is not a vampire

Duchess

Does Kirk know this is the last year he gets paid like a starting QB?

Duchess

Am I the only one who finds it funny that Brad Pitts and Angelina Jolie’s relationship seems to be bookened by movies about married spy’s?

Spur

Just like their agents planned it.

Spur

Do any of those Clipper players want to play tight-end today?

Kungjitsu

Do people in real life use Viagra/Cialis as an actual marriage aid. Porn actors don’t count and neither do ld men using it for hookers, lady boys, little boys, little girls, etc.

...

I have heard of it being used as a recreational drug for hours-long boners.

Redshirt

My thoughts while listening to a family member drone on and on and on and on and on and on…

i.makeagif.com/media/6-23-2015/qO0sBs.gif

JustStopDude

If you purchase cars as Christmas presents….fuck you.

Duchess

So is Romo more likely to be a Bear or Skin next year?

WCS

Aaron Rodgers prefers the bears.

JustStopDude

Is this an NFL question or a gay sex pun?

Spur

I hope Denver.

entropy

Older niece has just boticed, for the first time, that 1, I have a beard, and 2, it is very grey and white.

She’s ten. I’m concerned she won’t be very bright.

...

My former boss had a very lush beard when his son was born and had to deal with the little one grabbing on and trying to hang/swing from said facial hair. So at least you don’t have to deal with that.

Spur

Ooof. Refs letting the corners be very physical today. So be it, just call that for both teams.

Duchess

Happy Thanksgiving you filthy animals

JustStopDude

That 3rd and long throw….goddamned Dak just fucking man….

Dude is legit.

Romonobyl

Grotesquely overeating like a good capitalist at my daughter in law’s and fam. Prob have to wait for the night game to join in on the shenanigans. Please try to enjoy the game regardless.

Doktor Zymm

The worst thing about Dak being a good QB, I’ve been waiting weeks to make a “Dakety Sax” pun and haven’t had a chance.

entropy

I am now being used as a magazine stand by my youngest niece.

Spur

I kinda miss those days from my niece.

entropy

This kid has given me the “I am going to kick your ass” look since tr day she was born. I just pushed the catalog she was flipping through off of me and she said, “knock that off” in the exact same tones as my late mother.

It was hilarious and kinda sad.

Spur

Washington’s Best TE and best WR getting hurt on the same play?!?
That’s efficiency.

Shogun Marcus

Efficiency and Washington
Two words that have NEVAR gone together.

Spur

Pumpkin and pecan pie?

WCS

What in the flying piss was that Frankenstein commercial even for?

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know. Something something heartwarming?

entropy

No wonder none of us understand it

Romonobyl

That was decidedly moronic.

ThePirateSloth

A new ABC Family show, starring Ray Romanos brother

entropy

Obviously just to piss us off, because each time I see it I get really fucking annoyed.

JustStopDude

Apple…because fuck you that’s why I guess.

Spur

What in the fuck does Frankenstein’s monster have to do with Christmas or iPhones?

Redshirt

My brother has said he wants to leave. Now me and my sister are playing Family Dinner Chicken, trying not to be the first to leave so we don’t have to give the freeloader a ride.

entropy

Who brought him?

Redshirt

Enabler parents. He just volunteered himself.

Spur

I think that was Sean Lee who snapped Jorden like a reed.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Huh, my cousin is a ‘Skins fan. Whoda thunk?

We can root for Fat Rob together!

Doktor Zymm

Hooray!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Looks like they’re gonna need a new Reed. Maestro and Weaselo, get on that.

Doktor Zymm

Crap. That kid is awesome at the football, but his brain has gotta just be jelly at this point.

JustStopDude

New crazy controversy of the night.

My father, grandpa, tends to lose his keys. My mother, grandma, took his keys to teach him a lesson, only now she cannot remember where she hid them.

So yeah….everything has completely stopped while we look for keys and stop the old people from fighting….

entropy

That’s gonna be a hallmark movie of the week in less than six months

JustStopDude

It’s going to turn into a fucking dateline special about a massive family murder suicide if these fucking people keep pushing my buttons.

Doktor Zymm

You can get him one of those annoying “find your keys” alarms for Christmas!

Redshirt

I got one for my Dad. He lost the thing you push to find the key.

entropy

Baby sister brought homemade pumpkin roll!

Spur

Vernon Davis is alive??

Bortleback

Only if you count playing for the redacteds as being alive

WCS

Track Suits squeak by Illinois, 89-57, in the semi-finals of the NIT Tip-off. Nice start to the sportsballs matches today.

Doktor Zymm

I really shoulda started Cousins and Crowder. So hard to pull the trigger on that though. I have no faith, I’m a bad, bad, pessimistic fan. They’re looking good though.

Doktor Zymm

On to tea and pie is in the oven. Mmmmm. And my parents brought TWO types of ice cream!

ThePirateSloth

Mousse in the fridge, turkey cooking away, potatoes bout to be whipped into goodness… time for a relaxing 30 mins of beer and foosball. My jobs are done at the moment.

/pours scotch

So how are you fine mentlegens and ladyfolk doing?

ThePirateSloth

I hope Moose survives my fridge. Sorry buddy

Redshirt

“Dumb refs!”
– 5 year old cousin-once-removed

Even kids are smarter than the NFL officials

Unsurprised

Given the lawyers here and lawyer-refs, this sort of feels like every discussion about judges.

Spur

I thought Eco-Drive was powered by Eli Manning?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No more contact than in Elliott’s college dorm.

entropy

Bleeeerrgh in a tryptophan coma, apparently

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

All jokes aside, and I say this mostly because I’m selfish and about to get on the road for 75+ minutes, but don’t drink and drive.

Spur

Every young hipster group needs at least one Asian. This is the law.