Have I ever told you the story of how I discovered Thanksgiving football? I have? Shut up. Who asked you, anyway? Me? I don’t know that guy. Okay-I was a young puppy that went by the name of chocolatemilknaut and I was sick as sick can be. Mommynaut propped me up on the couch in front of the tube and I dreaded watching the usual diet of game shows and soap operas that constituted day-time TV as I drifted in and out of sleep. Lo and behold! What to my wondrous eyes did appear? Football. Football most dear. It may have been Lawrence Taylor (I called him LTnaut) dismantling the Lions, I’m not sure. But a football fan was born that day, my friends. TO THE GAME!
Was/Dal-The ‘Dacteds need this game really bad. This is an assessment of the level of their alkalinity or acidity-a litmus test if you will. Can the D deal with DAK! and rb Zeke? Will The Beeze out-catch The Dez yet again? When will Old Man Witten kick everyone off his lawn? Why does cb Norman play so rough? Who is qb Cousins, really? How will wr Jackson embarrass himself this week? Will rb Kelley pile up another 100-yarder? For the answer to these and many other unasked questions, watch the freaking game! A Giants backer would have reasons to cheer for both a Cowboys or Redacteds win but myself is just looking forward to a good game. After all, it’s up to the G-Men to win and damn the other team’s results.
I’m done-SPEAK TO ME! (AND OTHERS!)
Helluva game.
http://i.imgur.com/u6H0GHG.gif
Dammit Beasly!
Cousins is the new Brees. Throw it 60 times, still losing.
Brees at least has the one Super Bowl though.
I can’t top that Jay Gruden strip club comment from earlier but he honestly looks like someone just woke him up and told him he had to coach the ‘Skins and to get out there immediately, and before that moment he had no idea he even worked in football.
He’s seriously pissed about having to miss dinner.
He has a real “roadie doing mic check on the main stage” vibe…
Given how Americans still drives cars into lakes on the orders of unupdated GPS devices, how many deaths are these three D idiot goggles going to do?
Not enough.
JINX
Not nearly enough?
Yes.
I was roommates/coworkers with a guy who was terrified of the idea of driving without a GPS and always used it driving to and from work even after a couple years of driving the route.
I WANT MY DAKASHIMA DISASTER!
Ooh. Based on that schedule you might be waiting a while sadly.
How can the Slurs be penalized for the ball going out of bounds when the Cowboys knocked it out of bounds?
Doesn’t matter on a kick.
No shit? If I were a returner I’d just work on my “slapping the ball out of bounds skills” and my team would start on the 45 every time.
Now, if it were Romo in, he would throw a pick six here. I miss that narrative.
Oddly enough, so do I.
Have they belaboured the missed field goals = Washington lead yet?
In the honor of the holiday, chew the shit outta that clock Dallas.
I need them to feed Zeke here for purely selfish reasons.
I need Fat Rob to recover a fumble and return it for a TD, but I think that’s about as likely as me not making a turkey and stuffing sandwich and grabbing another two beers for the Steelers game.
Here comes the onside
Look at you NFL, bringing the good on-field product!
ONSIDE KICK TIME!
Quote of the night: “[Senor’s] so handsome, he can’t be Asian.” Grandma wins!
http://113.imagebam.com/download/ukYEGHal1KBK8I7p-ewRlA/46884/468833273/giphy.gif
Washington used a lot of time to move this far with no points yet.
There you go.
That sideways shuffle sneak Kurt does seems like a horrible idea, yet it works.
Joke’s on all of us. There’s no such thing as a “catch.”
It wouldn’t be thanksgiving without Cousins fucking everything up.
Banner material
This line also works for the Romanov dynasty.
Sorry NFL. That was a catch. You got it wrong again.
Thats a catch kids
Knee was down though.
Tick…tick…tick…
Eat a severed, roasted dick, Zales.
Ow…
Puny human you can’t arm tackle Zeke
I love this game.
Dez walking like Vince McMahon
Jesus, Joe, PHRASING
Bleeergh’s Holy rites have finally begun.
Jay Gruden just looks like the kind of guy that drags everyone to a strip club, even though no one in the group really wants to go. He disappears like 30 minutes after y’all show up only to finally show back with a massive bill from the champagne room and drunk off his ass even though he agreed to be the DD…so everyone has to take a taxis back….which he pukes in five minutes into a 30 minute ride.
4 flags, impressive
HAIL BLEERGH
What a terrible penalty for the Skins
Cam just threw a remote through his TV
Do I just knock back the last of the whiskey or enjoy a lovely dessert style Jameson and ginger to finish things up with the family? I should let you all know I walked here and will be walking back carrying a large carving knife
C’mon, Detroit won, you can totally do it Warshington!
Someone fucked up their coverage
The DERP was strong with that one.
That was way too easy.
Hey assholes, would you stop showing us Dez and Norman yelling at each other, and instead show us Norman yanking Dez’s leg up for no reason after the tackle? They’re not equally at fault here; this isn’t some, both sides are caught up in the passion of the game bullshit here. Norman was being an asshole, and Dez objected to his being an asshole. There is a person in the wrong here and a person in the right. Fuck this balanced, teach the controversy bullshit.
I see Romo as a horsey within 2 years.
Nothing like watching Viagra commercials with the family.
“Daddy…what’s an eraction?”
Well, with the Cowboys winning, we need to root really hard for the Raiders to remain good to prevent the Eastern Front Super Bowl we’ll all kill ourselves to avoid watching.
I do not know if I can watch the Pats v Cowboys no matter what drugs I procure.
Bleach is always an option.
http://65.media.tumblr.com/bad449a34925b06af1c8336f18bcc480/tumblr_inline_nogq8cdXJM1sjxesa_500.gif
“Do I look like Odell to you, motherfucker?” – Dez to Norman
Apple Cup tomorrow is gonna be fun.
WHY ARE THERE HOMOSEXUALS IN MY ZALES ADS!? DID MY VOTE COUNT FOR NOTHING!?
-Middle America
Seemed like Lee forgot he could return that
Sean Lee…not good at the offense.
No, he looked very confused about what he was supposed to be doing while holding the ball
Although the Washington offense looked equally confused about tackling
Celebrating both my and Padre Weaselo’s birthday means we have a chocolate cake and a Dobos torte. Life is good.
This little girl just did the most violent “itsy bitsy spider” I have ever been forced to watch. If rain behaved the way she describes, we’d all die immediately.
Isn’t there some planet that has metal rain? Jupiter or Venus or some shit?
TO THE INTERNETS!!!
Survey says VENUS!!!
http://www.popularmechanics.com/space/deep-space/a11506/heavy-metal-rain-venus-17349212/
Metal rain, yes, itsy bitsy spiders, no. Jesus. The face she made about the sun drying things was pure evil. I love this kid.
Everyone finally left…except cousin Carl. He wants to stay and help look for my dad’s keys. Finally my parents just pretended they found then to get him to leave.
He’s like 33 years old.
Joke’s on you guys; Carl had the keys the whole time and now he’s got your Dad’s car.