Christ, the Denver game sucked. Turns out you can’t really play without a right tackle. Or sentient special teamers. You can only fuck yourself in the ass so many times without permanent damage. Eventually, even the Chefs will take advantage.
The Ravens beat the ded Bungles today, matching the Yinzers at 6-5. Totally unremarkable game, except that it ended on an 11-second elapsing intentional safety, with EVERY non-punter Ratbird blatantly holding. HAIL MAXIMUM BLEERGH.
In other Ohio failure news, Factory Factoried. At least they got to see Odell Beckham, Jr. in the flesh!!
It doesn’t seem right, but TannyFanny’s LOLfins are 7-4, after stopping Kaep on the 1 yard line as time expired. I mean, they almost surrendered all of a 17-point lead in the last 8 minutes to the goddamned 49ers, but there they are, on the precipice of the playoffs. BLECH.
Of course, the Jest Jested. You didn’t actually watch and get hopeful, did you??
Oh, and it also don’t seem right, but King Footsie’s Bills are 6-5 after bumbling through yet another win, over what is presumably still the bestest ever 2-win team in Greater Footy history, London’s proud but inept Jaguras. BORT ran around a lot today! Bully for you if you started him in Insanity League!!
The “please don’t let Indy or YOOOOOOOOOUSTON win the AFC South” Titans get to 6-6 (bye still pending), with a late escape from Soldier Field. Somehow, they almost blew 24-7 and 27-14 leads in the 4th quarter, and needed two “and goal” drops by 7th string Bear WRs not to lose to Matt Fucking Barkley. DO BETTER, TENNESSEE.
Hey, what the Texans do? Well, they bumblefucked around to a 21-10 deficit, until garbage time got them in field goal range. They converted, then recovered a long, bouncy onside kick with 12 seconds on the clock. They chose to take two Hail Mary shots, as Bolt faithful shat their pants. All was well, as San Diego intercepted the second one. Brock Lobster really is a fucking walking abortion out there.
I owe Jared Goff an apology. He looked MUCH better this week, with a looser gameplan. Of course, it WAS against the fucking Saints (though that didn’t help Trevor Siemian much). And in the 2nd half, he barely saw the ball as Breesus Christ spread His forgiveness and stigmata all over the field. 49-21 was the final (21-0 in 2nd half).
Oakland and the Panthers was just bananas, and I really only saw the end of it. Cliffs Notes – Raiders rushed out to a 24-7 lead, Carr breaks left pinky, Panthers run off 25 points straight, Carr comes back in and gets 8 to tie it up, “Riverboat Ron” punts on 4th and a foot from his 40. Naturally, that turned the game, as Oakland took it inside the Carolina 10 at the 2-minute warning. The Panthers held ’em to a FG, but Khalil Mack did his thing just in time, aided by a Greg Olsen drop. Poor fucking Cam. But Mr. Carr is turning into quite the leader of men.
Seattle got a safety by replay challenge on WHERE the holding call occurred. Isn’t that fun? Also fun – the league’s only 14-5 final other than a 1984 SF/ATL tilt. But I don’t think Charmslinger had much fun, all things considered. Could have been MUCH worse of a day for us SeaTruther fantasy D/ST owners, as those 14 came, like, prom night after-party INSTANTLY.
Oh, lest I forget, Atlanta beat the shit out of Arizona. Nobody believes the former is any good, and I am still sad that David Johnson won’t be around to beast mode January. He needs to be on a cold weather team, too. Even though Arians is finally riding him like he should have from jump street. Sorry for the mental imagery.
To call The Game a classic is like calling the peanuty dump I took this morning a classic.
Now that I think about it, carry on.
The irony of the argument that dude uses, the a larger playoff would invalidate the meaning of that game, ignores the fact that the current system completely invalidates the result of, you know, the actual championship game and it’s result. The Big 10 and SEC championship games basically mean nothing and the PAC 12 and ACC games might matter if UW or Clemson lose. Only the proverbial cousin fuckers than run these leagues could conceive of a system that renders the term “championship” meaningless.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/4a002d0c413db924faf1c114591f7619/tumblr_og4e527XWM1qarjnpo5_500.jpg
Well, it looks like Ohio State just shot up into the CFB Final Four.
Speaking of college football hot takes, I dare you to click the link to this on ESPN’s home page:
ESPN’s #content is too disputable. I prefer the alternative:
http://cdn1.thecomeback.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/94/2016/09/skip-and-shannon-undisputed-podcast.jpg
That’s a hostage situation in a single picture.
Dear Santa, for Christmas I would like you to reincarnate Andre the Giant. Yes, I said it. You’re a magical motherfucking saint or elf or some shit – call Jesus and see if you can swing a favor.
So once Andre is back, could you then have him track down Skip Bayless, and reach down his throat, and then debone him like you would debone a trout?
This will make up for the Christmas when your dumb ass brought me the wrong Aurora race track set. You numbskull.
Lose a few pounds, fattie.
Love
JJ Fozz
“Lose a few pounds, fattie.”
The signature says JJ Fozz but the sentiment is pure JJ Watt #riseandgrind
It was a butt-ugly game with a bullshit ending. The playoffs should be 16, so the B1G teams could all drop out by the round of 4. THAT would be fucking perfect.
# BRING BACK THE BCS!
-fuck it, let our future Skynet Overlords decide this
The absurdity of the current system lies in that a group of 14 or whatever people *choose* who plays. If you went to any other league on this planet and proposed that championship participants be chosen by a group of people, you’d be told you’re a fucking idiot because that’s a terrible idea that potentially invalidates actual results. It’s an inbred system designed to please everyone but that pleases no one.
There should be no subjective selection, period. We don’t need people voting on rankings because TV exist now. This would apply regardless of the number of teams. Personall, I’d put in all ten conference champions and fill in 2-6 extra spots with teams based on an objective, transparent ranking system that the majority of teams agree on.
I don’t know if the rest of you had it but Fox aired their CFB blowhards doing like a mock conversation of the playoff rankings. It took about 8 seconds for them to agree on the top four teams with nearly no debate. Then the show just went on and on (I was doing stuff around the house and figured it was just a segment that was due to end any minute) while they debated made up scenarios and the importance of #brand in the selection process because, you know, it’s human nature to continue to push established narratives like Penn State is about football, not just football child rape.
It’s mostly circular reasoning. Which teams are good? The ones ranked highest. Why do we rank them high? Because they’re good. (That being said, Football Outsiders’ rankings go Alabama, Michigan, Ohio State, Clemson, Washington, so…)
The real reason for these subjective rankings is to push the established power programs so they remain relevant and profitable, not to crown any true champion.
That sounds like a god-damned nightmare. Are you being held against your will? Do you need to be rescued? Blink twice if yes on the proof of life/captor’s demands video.
Oh god. And THIS GUY…
https://twitter.com/slmandel?lang=en
hijacked like the entire thing. It is unwatchable television. Of course, now that means I’ll find out it pulled 7 million viewers.
I do see why they do this. “Debate” culture draws views and this gives Joe Dipshit a fuzzy feeling of confidence that he too may be as smart as the important people who make decisions even though he isn’t.
I get Kubiak’s decision. It was a long-shot, but if you punt there you’re giving up any chance of winning and just hoping for a tie.
Rivera, on the other hand, that was a bullshit decision to punt. Verily did Greggggg write “game over” in his notebook.
He had to either go for it or punt. My issue with the FG is if he was going to do that, he needed to run or throw safe passes on 2nd and 3rd down to get a little more yardage and burn 55 more seconds and KC’s last time out. It’s too cold at night to kick one that far, and you could tell from McManus’ body language there was just no fucking way.
When they got to the 4th down, I didn’t see how anything other than punting (which virtually guaranteed a tie) was an option. If you kick the field goal you’ll PROBABLY miss, and the other team will PROBABLY be able to get enough yardage for a good chance at a kick.
Missing a 62-yarder would mean without doing anything it would be a 65-yarder on the other side. Actually, fuck it, that’s the new OT tiebreaker, first to hit from 65 wins, problem solved.
Raiders lock up first winning season since 2002. So I’m a pretty happy camper this morning. I kind of shut off emotionally yesterday after the Panthers put up 25 in a row – I kept reminding myself not to get too upset, which ended up keeping me from bouncing back so much when the Raiders turned it around.
Here’s a picture of Brett Hart at the game. Dig it
Stroke of luck to get that photo.
Fuck that is good.
The Hitman deserves better seats.
Those seem more like Owen Hart seats.
Spoke too soon; that’s good commentings.
Shouldn’t he have been at the Grey Cup?
How bad is Patriot hate in my house? My sons and I were doing the J-E-Ts cheer. We are Ravens fans and we LOST to the Jets this year.
Tom Brady hanging out there was like when a goalie leaves the crease in lacrosse – you get on him like Rosie O’Donnell at a buffet dinner to benefit Autism Awareness
I like it when we hit the theme of the day early…. today, it’s obviously “GODDAM JETS YOU MURDER THAT MOTHERFUCKER NEXT TIME.” We can only hope every time I print and mail the comments to the Jets someone actually reads them.
I prefer the Dementor’s Kiss, but I don’t know if Dreamboat has a soul anymore. Probably devoured by Grumblelord.
/Gets bottle thrown at him while the faint sound of “NERRRRRRRRRD” is heard in the distance
Considering we already know one can exist without their soul, I’d imagine the Patriots organization is simply not sensed by any dementors.
Buffet is sponsored by GlaxoSmithKline.
I hope I’m not exacerbating Rikki’s priapism by saying this, but the Raiders seem to be the real deal.
It’s cool, I’ve got an appointment to get it drained at 10.
Holy shit. Brady is upfield AS A LEAD BLOCKER and, not only do the Jets not murder him, they don’t even fucking touch him! Fuck the Jets. They must want to lose that division every fucking year. You know what, I’m just gonna go ahead and say what we all already know.
New Yorkers are all talk but, in reality, they’re a bunch of pussies.
http://i.giphy.com/5TgX7gIixflhS.gif
Yeah, that play made me irrationally angry. He’s a blocker; lay him the fuck out! And even worse, the announcers were saying Brady went out of HIS way to avoid contact, but not one Jets player even attempted to block him.
Fucking unbelievable. How was that not item #1 on the pregame list? Fuck turnovers, fuck penalties (because they’re coming either way this season). If Brady motions out on cutesy wildcat bullshit or you get a pick or he ends up downfield accidentally — fucking level him. Blow him up. Jill Stein will pay for your legal fees. You just nail that mother fucker so hard that TB12 PEDs are leaking out his fucking nose while his body lies seizing on the field.
Instead, you’re 3-8 and deserve to be fucking relegated.
I actually LOL’d at the Jill Stein line.
Paging Marty Lyons?
You KNOW that any physical contact on Dreamboat would have offerings to BLEERGH littering the field like all the Natural Light tallboys in the stadium parking lot.
Though the Jets felt the eyes of BLEERGH upon them, they still should have murderdeathkilled Brady on that play.
Yeah, but no amount of intervention from BLEERGH is going to put Tom Brady’s spleen back into his body.
Titans nickel package:
http://www.bophillips.com/bophillips/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/JBC-cone-group-2015.jpg
Serves me right for comparing Matt Barkley to the cute Bimbo bear.
Damn it! We had him on the roster too! Gave up a 7th (I think) for that talent! We could have him instead of Carson Palmer!
What is worse for a Cards fan:
-Getting to ’14 playoffs with Ryan Lindley;
-MVP Carson P in the regular, shaky in ’15 playoffs; or,
-This season?
Maybe ask after the Christmas Eve game in Seattle.
This season. Expectations were tapered in ’14 and we knew they couldn’t win a playoff game with Lindley. 2015 hurt, no doubt, but that’s how the postseason goes even when you’re good.
This year is a disaster. Fans began the season looking forward to seeding for January and now the season is over in November. Worse yet, ARI has a ton of roster issues to address with contracts coming up this offseason and went from having an abundance of good WRs to having an aging Fitzgerald and bunch of question marks (basically every ARI roster since 2010). Even if the staff thinks Palmer has one more year in him (I won’t venture into that area other than to say, ‘Nope’) they’ve got no future QB on the roster. Additionally, Mathieu appears ready to earn that big contract playing 7 healthy games a year, the special teams unit is an absolute disgrace, and the offensive line is, once again, as patchwork as the AIDS Quilt.
If any of Palmer/Fitz/BA/Keim (it won’t be Keim) decide to call it a career, the rest will likely follow as it will mean an early return to the dark days of Buzzsaw football and, when that happens, I can only hope the Jags hop to London so ARI can join the AFC South.
Agreed; unmet high expectations are the gonad kick to the spirit.
The Bills and Dolphins have winning records for the same reason the Giants are 8-3.
Voodoo.
Counterpoint: Aliens
Hey, that chicken wasn’t going to rip off it’s own head!
[surreptitiously blows out numerous candles]