Your “Which Crappy Bowl Game Is Tonight?” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Answer:

BOCA RATON BOWL
FAU Stadium | Boca Raton, Fla.
Dec. 20, 7:00 p.m. ET | ESPN

 
Memphis vs. Western Kentucky

Do with that what you will.

NFL Notes:

  • I’m not sure how, but the Packers are now the six seed.
    • Or, as Aaron Rodgers prefers to refer, the Packers are now the power bottom of the NFC playoff bracket.
  • It is still amazing and hilarious that Cam got a taunting call on the hit to his head. At worst, it should have been offsetting penalties. Look at this:

  • On that note, I’m sure Dan Snyder sure enjoyed hearing “We were flat out-coached”, especially with the playoffs on the line. “There’s no question about that.”
    • Sounds like someone’s hoping to challenge Jeff Fisher’s record.
  • One final Panthers – [Redacteds] note: I’m guessing she did not like that, Kirk.

  • Odell Beckham Jr. is going on about double standards, claiming he’d surely be fined for doing what Ezekiel Elliott did. To be fair, probably.
    • To be honest, we don’t know yet if Zeke is as big a baby.
    • Le’Veon Bell hopped on board that train as well, noting how he and Antonio Brown got fined for a handshake.
      • Sure, but was the handshake in front of a charity bucket that would have gotten the League good PR?
        • No? Carry on, then.
  • The Giants were fined $150,000 and the downgrading of their fourth round draft pick in 2017 for their use of a walkie talkie during their game against the Cowboys. Coach McAdoo also found himself $50000 lighter.
    • Even though they won, OBJ wonders if Jason Garrett & the Cowboys would be treated the same way.
    • Somewhere beneath Gillette Stadium, a silent smile emerges from beneath a dark hoodie.
  • I hope Texans fan is ready for a miracle run, because seventy-two thousand dollar man Tom Savage is leading the team into Week 16.
    • I’d be more interested if it was Dan Savage. I’d be thrilled if it was Randy Savage.

Filling out your non-game coverage of the Patriots this week, a witness identified Aaron Hernandez as the shooter in a double homicide in July 2012. The eyewitness, who was in the car with victims Daniel de Abreu, 29, and Safiro Furtado, 28, on July 16, 2012,  stated at the preliminary hearing that he spotted Hernandez as the person who pulled the trigger at a stoplight. He allegedly got their attention by asking, “what’s up Negro?” This was in response to an incident and perceived disrespect at a club earlier in the evening.

Meanwhile, in attempts to mount some sort of “Twinkie” defense, Hernandez’ lawyer actually proposed in court that “Russian Hackers Might Have Tapped His Phone”. There was an apparent leak of phone data from the Suffolk County jail in 2014 when Hernandez was there during the Odin Lloyd trial. His lawyer alleges that this might be a way that the prosecution was able to get their hands on supposed attorney-client conversations, and may try to have all evidence arising from this supposition excluded at trial.

In more realistic applications, Hernandez’s lawyers are trying to exclude all ballistic evidence from trial. They argue that a presidential commission has raised questions about the scientific validity of ballistic studies routinely used in criminal cases around the country.

Trial is expected to begin sometime in February 2017.

In tangentially related news, an eyewitness from the first Hernandez trial pleaded guilty to shooting up a Hartford bar in 2014. He pleaded no contest to criminal possession of a firearm, first-degree reckless endangerment and third-degree criminal mischief. Under the terms of the plea agreement, he’ll serve five years; my reading of the law & charges says he could have faced 20 if convicted by a jury. BTW, “eyewitness” is a double entendre, because Hernandez alleged shot out one of the guy’s eyes during the Lloyd murder.


Tonight’s other sports:

Hope you like roundball! It’s like we’re slowly being prepared for life after football.

  • NBA:
    • Brooklyn at Toronto – 7:30 PM | Sportsnet
    • Utah at Golden State – 10:30 | Sportsnet
  • College Basketball:
    • Charlotte vs. Maryland – 6:00 PM | ESPN2
    • Georgia at Georgia Tech – 6:00 PM | ESPNU
    • Maine at Providence – 7:30 PM | FS1
    • Creighton at Arizona State – 8:00 PM | ESPN2

I don’t trust the NFL, so why would I trust the NCAA? MORE CORRUPT; LOWER PAY!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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SharkbaitBrockylaserguruMarc Trestmans Windowless VanMoose -The End Is Well Nigh Recent comment authors
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laserguru

I had one of my most punk moments in a long time today.
We have had negative percent humidity if that’s possible and I took my 5 miles this morning much to the dismay of knees and lungs and other noisily bodily parts and I got a nose bleed while walking and when I got home the entire right side of my mouth was covered in blood.
Like I had just come from a Gwar concert.

It was metal as fuck.

Then I went home and applied some emollients and I was better.

laserguru

Just to get a feel:

Does anyone else have family coming over for New Year’s dinner?

Need a recipe?

I’ve got a little mojo working for you good folks to serve on New Year’s Eve.

Sharkbait

No but I’m intrigued to see what you’ve got.

Brocky

Random thought: while it’s cool that iu is going to back to back bowl games, how did they get matched up with utah?

I know the rose bowl has officially been reducing to a “rotating semifinal game”, but itshe not part of it this year, and with usc already facing Penn state in the rose bowl, shouldn’t there be a clause preventing conference overlap?

I know the actual answer is “money”, But damn does it feel like iu is getting screwed on this one.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Unless I am missing something you are asking why a 6-6 team got passed over for a Rose Bowl game, with 7 teams with a better record than them in the Big Ten

laserguru

But SC would smack the hell out of all of them.

It’s like the latent maybe the B1G shouldn’t have this many teams in consideration bowl.

Brocky

No, the day I think that IU deserves to go to the rose bowl is the day I admit that trump supporters were right about benghazi

what I was asking is with there already being a long established game between the big 10 and the pac 12, why are there 2 more pac 12/big 10 bowl games?

isn’t the whole point of conference commitments to avoid such a thing?

Besides the rose bowl and the playoff, pac 12 has only 4 more bowl games: colorado vs okst and stanford vs unc, which is big 12 and acc, but then wsu vs minn and utah vs IU.

Big ten obviously sending 10 teams to bowl games is complicated, but shouldn’t there be a big 12/big 10 match up in there or something? like a little variety maybe? (i’m just a amateur college football watcher)

No one is going to want to watch Utah slaughter IU other than the Ute faithful and possibly alex smith. Just because I can imagine him doing something that pointless.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JerBear50
JerBear50

Rex approves.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sharkbait

Twenty seven dozen now. I swear we give these out as gifts. My wife and I do not gorge ourselves on 324 cookies every December.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well some of those should “go missing” along with the milk.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsq6qrDNcc1qabk52o1_500.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sharkbait

Who the fuck taught her to eat a taco?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She’ll learn the right way when, in college, she goes through her “experimental phase.”

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

At least she’s not using a god damn fork.

comment image

Sharkbait

comment image

Herr Trump Approved.

Senor Weaselo

YOU’RE A NEW YORKER YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW TO EAT YOUR GODDAMN PIZZA. (Famiglia’s is allowed in terms of “pizza chains,” as it’s a damn sight better than *shudders* Sbarro. Famous/Original/Original Famous/Famous Original’s/The Real Famous Original For Sure Ray’s doesn’t count because we can’t keep track of which one’s which anymore, they need to cut all that shit out. I’d say take an outsider/tourist to a real place but let’s be honest this guy doesn’t have a fucking clue about a good pizzeria if it hit him in the hair.)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JerBear50
JerBear50

I know it’s a chain, but we had a Grimaldis pop up down here a few years ago and it’s damn good. It’s the first time I had NY style that I realized why anyone thinks it’s worth a shit.

Senor Weaselo

The original in DUMBO’s too crowded nowadays, but they own the place next door which is the same exact thing under a different name and it doesn’t take three hours to get a pie. And there’s one by me out in Queens too.

JerBear50
JerBear50

They put one in the mall down here in Clearwater and they impressed me. Still prefer Chicago thin because that’s what I grew up on, but it’s damn good. And you get a free pie for your birthday if you join their email list.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Maybe you are really fatigued by your depression, but hey; at least you can’t sleep because of your anxiety!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sharkbait

The cookie count in my house is now 15 dozen. Granted the cookies are about an inch wide but still.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I was told it’s not the size that counts.

And then laughter followed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
LemonJello
LemonJello

Aight, west coasters, time for bed here outside ground zero…I mean the nation’s capital. Last one turn out the lights and leave a note for the milkman: NO MORE CHEESE!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

It’s been an extremely long day, but I was able to effectively get all of my remaining work done for the year, to the point where my boss is letting me take a “sick” day tomorrow to get my last Xmas shopping in, before we close down on Thursday for the year.

I should be happy about all this, but I’m not. I’m finding myself once again dwelling on the looming Chargers move, and how I fear it’s going to change my life. Being a fan has led me to some of my best friendships, brought me closer to my family and well, to all of you. I’m worried I’ll be too bitter towards football in general that it will push me away from my home here, and that’s the last thing I want, because I truly love you guys.

In short, fuck Dean Spanos and his blind greed, Roger Goodell is a national disgrace and I need a god damn beer or five.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Look at the bright side; at least there will be professionals in the White House again.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

Wait, we’re not all at least partially bitter about something?

ballsofsteelandfury

You always have places to stay here in LA to watch games!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Shogun Marcus

GUYS!!! GUYS!!! Pro bowl! …yup that’s all the enthusiasm I got, hitting caps lock.
http://www.espn.com/blog/nflnation/post/_/id/225530/2017-nfl-pro-bowl-selections

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Aw, no Bears!? That’s…exactly right.

LemonJello
LemonJello

“No bears? Then I’m not going!”

-A. Rodgers

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Aaron Rodgers just pulled out.

LemonJello
LemonJello

I’ll take “Phrases Olivia Munn has never said” for $300, Alex.

JerBear50
JerBear50

And for all their hard work and achievement they’ll be rewarded with a trip to… Orlando? Is this some kind of Razzball Pro bowl?

JerBear50
JerBear50

Those were all fine suggestions for Savages, but I’d like to nominate Fred. I’m hopeful that Daniel Stern’s narration will help drown out Phil and Jeeeem.

ballsofsteelandfury

Rick, Herschel, Alessa, Becky, and Angie would like a word.

JerBear50
JerBear50

Shit. Those were not good names to google at work.

LemonJello
LemonJello
LemonJello
LemonJello

The tens of fans in the stands really says a lot about this bowl game.

ballsofsteelandfury

Bowl games like this remind me of the storefronts you pass on the street that make you think, “Who the fuck goes there?” and then you figure out it’s just a mafia front.

LemonJello
LemonJello

I think it’s just family of the players at this game.

Senor Weaselo

I’m trying to rile up my two best friends to go to the Pinstripe Bowl because one went to Northwestern and the other’s parents went to Pitt. I still don’t think it’s going to work.

Senor Weaselo

Oh, the joke is they can kill each other if they want because I’ll be in China so fuck it I want to see blood or at least cheesy prop bets when I get back.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Desmond Howard; terrible play-by-play, or drunk?

Senor Weaselo

Yes? I’m gonna go with yes.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes

ballsofsteelandfury

I am drinking Anchor Christmas Ale and a Guinness at Pasadena’s favorite watering hole. That was a Big Bang Theory reference. I clearly give no fucks.

JerBear50
JerBear50

That’s it. Back to uproxx with you.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s tough but fair.

JerBear50
JerBear50

Guh. I feel dirty even typing that. And not the good way.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

The well rested and home-standing Ice Cowboys are tied at 1 with the road weary Ice Relocateds after one period. I expect a third period surge from the former. Also streaming Top Chef … … NO! YOU’RE GAY!!!!!1!!!

monty this seems strange to me

HOT TAEK INCOMING: Jennifer Garner just isn’t all that.

ballsofsteelandfury

I support this.

LemonJello
LemonJello

I think it’s her adam’s apple that causes that reaction.

Sharkbait

Evening all. Ice Giants getting stomped by ice Steelers, so that sucks. But the wife is making molasses cookies, so I’ve got that going for me.

Senor Weaselo

I saw the score and I thought “Boo Raanta God Mode ended,” then I saw he still made 40 saves and now I’m just asking “What the hell skater-types?”

LemonJello
LemonJello

Great Odin’s Raven! TV tonight is a wind-swept moonscape. Guess I’m watching this bowl game after all.

monty this seems strange to me

After a while you get used to the shame.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

*Buzz* What are “Things Melania Tells Her Friends”?

Senor Weaselo

Don’t 15-yard penalties take precedence over non-15? Cam’s hit to the head would only get 9.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Jerry Richardson’s jowls quiver with mirth at this.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Where did that uppity +3/5ths button disappear to?

litre_cola

So have been caught in a doco kick lately watching docs on Eritrea, Saudi, and DPRK. This world is fucked. Deep, I know, but its all I got.

ballsofsteelandfury

Which ones? Youtube?

litre_cola

Youtube were quite a few on Eritrea and DPRK, just watched on on Netflix about Saudi.

monty this seems strange to me

Part of the problem with the crappy bowl games is that we get announcers commensurate with the level of the game.*

*Yeah, I’m watching, don’t judge me.

Senor Weaselo

Soon there will be enough bowl games that they have to get people from the stands to announce. And that’s when we pounce.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

“WELCOME TO THE ASTROGLIDE PERSONAL LUBRICANT DFO BOWL, MOTHERFUCKERS!”

Oh that’s totally going to be a post….

blaxabbath

http://a2.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=%2Fphoto%2F2016%2F1220%2Fr164758_1296x729_16-9.jpg

Protip: When trying to stroke your imaginary beard to look interested in the details of your murder trial, as if this is the first you’re being made aware of the murder witnesses pinpoint you at, best not to do said stroking with your inked up knuckles covered in gang tattoos.

Shogun Marcus

There’s a two-hour retrospective of 2016 tonight. So after the In Memoriam section that leaves what, 10 minutes for the election?

LemonJello
LemonJello

Just need 30 seconds of toilets flushing, then fade to black.

Spur
Spur
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

It’ll be in this week’s CrimeBeat!, a column which is rapidly just becoming a series of public masturbation stories

blaxabbath

” Elite has employed thousands of people over the past 21 years, insists on the highest moral standards from our employees and regrets this isolated incident.”

You don’t employ thousands of people (part time) and insist on the highest moral standards.

monty this seems strange to me

…a presidential commission has raised questions about the scientific validity…

That’s funny because a certain President-Elect seems to disregard the validity of science completely.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Remember when W formed a Presidential Commission to find out how many licks it actually took to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Ah, for those innocent days…

Kungjitsu
Kungjitsu

Remember when Bill Clinton asked Laura Bush if she wanted to help find out how many licks it took to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop… Oval Office style?