Your “Oh My, Such Big D’s You Have There!” Xmas Night NFL Open Thread

Den/KC-The O’s of both these teams have a lot to answer for and Alex Smith is doing his best. Pressed on his unit’s failure to score he blurfed up this mighty gem-“We’ve got to play better.” I wonder if he emphasized the “We”, the “Got”, the “Play” or the “Better”? It really makes a difference you know. KC has scored a microscopic nine  points in the the 3rd and 4th quarters of their last three games. Laughing are we Broncos?-not so fast. Just pick any offensive category, go ahead. Well, they’re like 21st, 24th, 29th or 30th-ranked-doesn’t matter which one you opted for. That said, the Broncs get into the playoffs (they won’t) if and only if all these things happen. If they beat the Chiefs, Ravens beat Steelers and then the Bengals, the Pats beat the Fins and the Chiefs beat the Chargers it’s a done deal. They’ll have to do it without lb Marshall, te’s Derby and Green, safety Ward and possibly de Wolfe tonight though. That’s a heck of an uphill climb. I’m rooting for them because an Andy Reid team without Jamaal Charles is a boring team meant to put small children to sleep. “Ethan, it’s 8:30. Quit running around and watch this game with me”. [carries child off to bed 15 minutes later]

No Monday Nighter tomorrow-this is all you’ve got until Saturday so make it count. COMMENTERS…COMMENT!!!

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King Hippo

This song is so good. Even if from France:

King Hippo

I’m kinda glad we might all be dead before the playoffs play out. Because things look…awful shitty

ballsofsteelandfury

Kevin Harlan is a National Treasure

King Hippo

worthless bunch of chucklefucks

ballsofsteelandfury

¡The Aristocrats!

JerBear50

Alright man, what’s up with the Spanish punctuation on your comments tonight?

Mr. Ayo

*¿

ballsofsteelandfury

I discovered that my phone had a Spanish keyboard. It’s identical to the English one plus it has the ñ and the ¡ and ¿.

I’m having fun with it.

JerBear50

Gotcha.

Dunstan

I see we’re at the point in the evening where NBC can just start playing “Yakity Sax” as the soundtrack

Horatio Cornblower

Go home Denver; you’re drunk.

ALXMAC

Got back to my folks house a few hours ago after watching Rogue One with my Dad and uncle; my Mom greets us with “Did you know George Michael died?”
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Shogun Marcus

But who will operate the sports machine?!

King Hippo

are they really making them finish this shit to the end??

JerBear50

Good god, it’s like German porn.

Horatio Cornblower

“They’ve really held Thomas and Sanders in check tonight”

To be fair they’ve had a lot of help from Siemian.

Redshirt

Did John Elway get spliced with a frog, what happened?

Horatio Cornblower

This ad for Bud Light where the fan risks losing fingers to frostbite just for one more can of terrible, terrible beer in a vain effort to get himself drunk enough to forget that he lives in Buffalo is so accurate it should be nominated for an Oscar in the Best Documentary category.

Redshirt

Yeah. Use your keys or a quarter to open the can.

Curse of Marino

Would Siemien be a starter on the Browns?

JerBear50

For three quarters until he dies.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Mr. Ayo

I’d fill those shitters

ballsofsteelandfury

I really wish i could make that the banner quote.

King Hippo

Unsurprised

This is life-sized on my laptop

Horatio Cornblower

Gonna need to frisk her to make sure she didn’t take any of my silverware.

Unsurprised

Reindeer boobs? Reindeer boobs.

h
ttps://pbs.twimg.com/media/C0j9n66UoAAURGh.jpg

ballsofsteelandfury

I did not know that was a thing.

It’s pretty hilarious.

ALXMAC

Oy!! Cheers bitches and Happy Holidays!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_q8ufM1YsU

Brocky

Merry Christmas everyone!

Did you all get the toasters I sent you?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

We watched this today during my mom’s Xmas. I am gonna be late on my required rewatches of Sunny and Die Hard

Unsurprised

The only good thing about Gotham was that they cast her as the Penguin’s batshit crazy mother

Curse of Marino

Matt Moore is the 3rd Best QB in the AFC playoff picture.

King Hippo

King Hippo

all’s I know is….we better lie down like this for Matt McGloin and at least get a better draft slot. AND NOT HELP THE CHEFS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

One of my favorites; hugely weird, which is perfect.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I meant it in a totally complimentary way you silly bitch. Her bizarre characters remind me of Johnathon Winters, who was also brilliant.

Unsurprised

That’s my reason for living

Curse of Marino

HERP FOR THE DERP GODS

Horatio Cornblower

Ok, let’s see how Denver goes 3 and out THIS drive!

Horatio Cornblower

Welp, Denver certainly showed me.

King Hippo

yeah, TAKE THAT!!!1111

Horatio Cornblower

“Ok, let’s keep going”
/reads two words
“Do whales sleep?”
“DO YOU WANNA HEAR THE FUCKING STORY OR NOT!?”

Curse of Marino

FIELD GOAL FOR THE SHITTY FOOTBALL GODS

Horatio Cornblower

I’m always stunned whenever Reid is shown holding sheets of laminated paper and yelling into a headset and the paper isn’t a menu.

King Hippo

fuck you 84, even your mother can’t love you now

Unsurprised

“… with a history of high speed passes over five air control towers, and one admiral’s daughter!”

Spur

Am out. See you all for the Cowboys game.

Curse of Marino

And some say Dee ford is still playing the piano to this day

Redshirt

New Rule: If a fan runs out on the field, security can shoot to kill.*

* If its a hot busty chick who streaks, she’s get off with a warning.

King Hippo

they can shoot to kill, but ONLY if’n we gets to watch

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, I think they’re missing a key point by switching away. if other drunks see the fan getting the absolute piss (literally) knocked out of him they make think twice*.

*Does not apply in Buffalo.

...

Now this is absolutely a needed qualifier.

...

“Can” implies the shooter is allowed to use his bust-loving judgment, so the extra qualifier probably isn’t needed.

King Hippo

ratings definitely go up if we might get to see a head explode like a ripe springtime melon

Shogun Marcus

Unlike me.
/should probably see a doctor

Recovery Whiskey

S/warning/spanking

Curse of Marino

This Chiefs team is like a better version of the Sparano-Henne teams

Horatio Cornblower

I’m holding a slim lead over Cuntler, who has Ware, (I have D. Thomas), going tonight. Gonna have to hope Stafford shits the bed against Dallas tomorrow.

Anyone know Stafford’s address so I can have some strychnine-laced doughnuts rushed delivered?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

WTF Yahoo. I don’t want to change my password. I don’t care your shitty fucking servers got hacked again and my password is possibly stolen. I use my account only for FF football and changing it will not stop them from what they actually do and use my password they stole on other sites guessing I use the same password on there.

King Hippo

Alexa, does Lucky Charms go with red wine??

Horatio Cornblower

Given that the mascot is a Leprechaun I’d recommend Jameson’s.

And a lot of it.

Horatio Cornblower

You can’t commit pass interference against Denver because 75% of Siemian’s passes are uncatchable.

King Hippo

this is a fair retort to what I yelled at the teevee box

Horatio Cornblower

If Trump passes a law preventing M. Night from making any more movies I will seriously considering voting for him in 2020.

Curse of Marino

Shitty Playcalling? Yep thats an Andy Reid coached team.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I just got back from family stuff and haven’t read any comments yet. How pissed/depressed/anxiety ridden is Hippo?

King Hippo

7-7.5. the alkeehawl is helping

Unsurprised

That’s an impressive BAC

Curse of Marino

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand of course I didnt start Kelce.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m curious as hell as to why you would ever not start him. Alex Smith has to occasionally throw to someone and he sure as hell can’t reach his WR.

Curse of Marino

I thought Denver’s defense wouldnt shit the bed.

Recovery Whiskey

Its not really the defense’s fault when the offense cant string 3 first downs together

JerBear50

Especially with Marshall and Ward out.

...

I think I’m beginning to like her.

King Hippo

I think John Elway may come down from the owner’s box and bludgeon Siemian to death.

Unsurprised

That would be awesome

Redshirt

Don’t you mean “buck”.

King Hippo

neigh

Curse of Marino

Elways half time botox shot has to settle first.

Unsurprised

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Redshirt

Watching the uncut version of “National Lampoon’s Vacation” for the first time. I didn’t realize Beverly D’Angelo had a nude scene. Thanks Santa!

Unsurprised

And again in European Vacation

Recovery Whiskey

The VHS tape always got mangled because people paused it there so much

King Hippo

her tits are pretty fabulous ,, ppl forget that

Unsurprised

Then she had two kids with Al Pacino

JerBear50

http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/simpsons/images/d/d5/Lurleen_Lumpkin_Tapped_Out.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/200?cb=20151223041019
Jesus, googling “lurleen simpsons” images returned a startling amount of cartoon porn pics. Like, seriously startling.

Redshirt

Lightweight. Try searching for “my little pony” with the safe search off. There was only small side effect.:

http://data.whicdn.com/images/84502052/large.jpg

JerBear50

I think I’ll pass. There was no part of me that needed to see naked Simpsons, the whole “brony” thing really creeps me out.