Your “What The Hell Are These?!” Afternoon Bowl Games Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Seriously, there’s too many of these. Anyone who watched last night’s Foster Farms Bowl saw a near-empty stadium

and a meh football game. Actual attendance wasn’t announced, but they did tarp off the 18000-seat upper deck. As always, let’s blame Jed York for this failure.

I doubt this many fans will attend Sunday’s Niners-Seahawks game, and those that do will probably be outnumbered by travelling 12s. They might have well had that game as a doubleheader, given how poorly they scraped off the Niners logos in the endzone.

So, with that in mind, let us see what’s on the agenda for this afternoon. All game information is from tvguide.com. All random observations are from the perspective of an ignorant Canadian with insomnia.


Birmingham Bowl: South Florida vs. South Carolina – 2:00PM | ESPN

South Florida (10-2) vs. South Carolina (6-6) at Legion Field. The Bulls have a versatile QB in junior Quinton Flowers, who amassed nearly 4,000 yards of offense this season. South Carolina overcame a 2-4 start and gelled behind freshman QB Jake Bentley.

The Birmingham Bowl has been around since 2006. It was previously the Papa John’s Bowl (2006-2010) and the BBVA Compass Bowl (2011-14). They have had no corporate sponsor since then. (wikipedia)

  • South Florida are the Bulls.
    • They come from Tampa, so I assume they all have MRSA.
    • Tampa & Tempe share the same word structure, so I assume both are safety schools for regional residents.
  • Their cheerleaders are called the “Sun Dolls”

  • South Carolina are the Gamecocks.
    • Steve Spurrier quit being head Cock back in October.
      • I bet he wishes he’d had Tebow.
  • Sadly, the cheerleaders are not the Cockettes” or “Coquettes”
    • They have three sets of “Spirit” squads: All-Girl, Co-ed, Dance
      • Here is the All-Girl team


Belk Bowl: Arkansas vs. Virginia Tech – 5:30PM | ESPN

Arkansas (7-5) vs. Virginia Tech (9-4) in Charlotte. ACC Coastal champ Virginia Tech makes its 24th straight bowl appearance, while Bret Bielema’s Razorbacks go for their third bowl win in as many years. Junior QBs Austin Allen and Jerod Evans duel.

Belk is a Charlotte-based department store chain, and has sponsored the game since 2011. The game was certified by the NCAA as the Queen City Bowl and was previously known as the Continental Tire Bowl (2002–2004) and the Meineke Car Care Bowl (2005–2010). (wikipedia)

  • Arkansas are the Razorbacks
    • I believe Jerry Jones & Jimmy Johnson went here, and were roommates or lovers.
      • This explains their acrimony.
    • Is there a Texarkana, Arkansas?
  • The “Spirit Squad” is comprised of a “Cheer Squad” and a “Pom Squad”
    • Here is some of the Pom Squad

  • Virginia Tech are the Hokies
    • Did Michael Vick fight dogs here too, or was that his brother?
    • Did they call the school “Tech” because “Blech!” was already copyrighted by Don Martin & MAD?
  • Virginia Tech run a co-ed “Spirit Squad”
    • so I had my work cut out for me

If nothing else, there will soon be another Free Ballin Football podcast available for your enjoyment, so you’ll have that going for you. Which is nice.

HAVE AT IT!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS
Member

Leave it to BERT to go full BELK.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

hahahaha

King Hippo
Member

Looking at him in his Pig Sooey mumu, one wonders if he’s ever been confronted with the term “full” before…

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Deadspin has a headline: Are you ready to hate Lane Kiffin again?

I, for one, never stopped.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Man… I can’t imagine why this guy’s wife left him:

“There’s this age thing about me being so young, and I think there was something about Layla being so attractive,” he says. “There was something in there to where it became, O.K., we don’t like him.”

He pauses for a minute. He’s been trying to be boring, reimagined and remastered. He thinks out loud. “Should I tell my joke?”

He can’t help himself, a classic Kiffin trait, and proceeds: “I used to say there’s a constantly daily battle between who can take more of my money between Layla and Obama.”

He continues with a bit of fuzzy math: “I figured it out. I really don’t make any money. I pay around 52% in taxes. Layla gets 34.5% in the divorce, and [agent Jimmy Sexton] gets 3%. I make [about] 9% and I’m living in Tuscaloosa.”

WCS
Member

This game has reached Peak BELK.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

4 pts game with 7 minutes left. hey oh!

King Hippo
Member

the sofas are definitely on the front lawn…

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Never forget!

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King Hippo
Member

without the inside info, Beamer and Son clearly would have been at around -7

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

quick Jeopardy question: “It’s the only Pac-12 school that does not contain the name of a state.”
Anyone?

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Stanford

rockingdog
Member
Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Ha!

WCS
Member

Stanford

WCS
Member
King Hippo
Member

I mean, he should have just bullied one of the walk-ons into giving him they gift card problem solved ,, smgdh

WCS
Member

The Ryan Tannehill Method

King Hippo
Member

TannyFanny!!!!

/playoff edition

Recovery Whiskey
Member
Recovery Whiskey

We have hit the coveted “tale of two halves” in the Belk Bowl.

Also, in case anybody cares there is a Texarkana Ark. Its divided from Texarkana TX by Stateline Rd. They sell hard liquor on the Arkansas side.

King Hippo
Member

everybody take a moment of silence for our poor Commentist brother who is BOTH a Charger AND a Razorback fan…

King Hippo
Member

Blackrose, that’s the name!!

rockingdog
Member
King Hippo
Member

Hokie Hokie Hokie?? HAI!!

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

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JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I would normally love watching Vatech (all one word) shit the bed like usual…but instead I am watching shitastic movies and drinking/doing laundry.

Up currently is the 1983 classic “I predatori di Atlantide” or “Invaders of Atlantis”…well it depends.

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Made in Italy on a shoe string budget, it features all the usual from that era…a goofy nonsensical plot, terrible voice dubbing, over the top violence, and great miniatures being destroyed.

The movie…the Island of Atlantis rises up and then bikers from Atlantis show up and terrorize the local people on another island.

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It manages to be more awesome then I am describing….if you can believe that. Its available on amazon prime.

King Hippo
Member

another dumb motherfucker who JUST HAS TO stretch to the pylon…

Spur
Member
Spur

The Mountain vs Red Viper episode is on HBO right now.

Spur
Member
Spur

I wonder what Upstate Underdog is doing?

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

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Spur
Member
Spur

I need to drive back to Reno tomorrow, there’s a storm and I have no chains. Which means no heavy drinking.

Recovery Whiskey
Member
Recovery Whiskey

Bring you gun. Just in case

litre_cola
Member

Is that a double negative?

Spur
Member
Spur

Folks.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

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litre_cola
Member

Gday. How you livin?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

I’m making Nutella booze balls for the last holiday party of the year. They’re as healthy and delicious as they sound.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Samurai Cop…your ways are out of line!

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But damnit…you get RESULTS!

Don T
Member

Damn. Even ISIS has some due process.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

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JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

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JustStopDude
Member
litre_cola
Member

Bottle and a half deep of wine, caught in a chef’s table hole on netflix. Damn you shitty bowl season!

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I’ve wasted my life

Don T
Member

Get thrills. If they don’t make you sick or guilty, ¡great! Arrested, you get professional experience.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Might I suggest “Samurai Cop”

It changed my life.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6OoZNdAQuA&w=560&h=315%5D

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Stop that shit right now, even if only in jest.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

blaxabbath
Member

We still got Bears fans around here? Because JFF’s former QB Coach is coming back for 2017!

http://chicago.suntimes.com/sports/bears-john-fox-expects-coordinator-dowell-loggains-to-return/

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

You can’t feel the suicidal tendencies in the air? Of course there are Bears fans around.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

I’m not convinced that “Dowell Loggains” and “Vic Fangio” are real names and not some anagram-concealed message about the identity of the anti-christ.

Spanky Datass
Member
theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Oh South Carolina….you’re the most South Carolina-ey.
Never change.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

That was nice of Arkansas to let someone’s mom be a cheerleader

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I thought that too.
Now I don’t feel so badly.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Tact? Decency? Fuck that.

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

Arkansas: it’s all in the family.

WCS
Member

S. Florida is full-blown FUCK YOU mode.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Go Gamecocks!
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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

That’s just mean.
Poor Doggy.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

just wondering has anyone scene the movie “Everybody Wants Some!” by Richard Linklater about college baseball?
Did you like it?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Yes, i fucking adored it. It was great.

WCS
Member

Belk Belk Belk Belk Belk

WVU beat UNC in the Meineke Car Care Bowl in 2009, 31-30. One of the best games I’ve ever seen live. It was Pat White’s last game, and he became the first quarterback to start and win four bowl games (’06 Sugar, ’07 Gator, ’08 Fiesta). It was awesome.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Go fuck yourself, Teddy Bridgewater…..

blaxabbath
Member

MIN should have known then that Bridgewater was injury prone, smgdh.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Hippo….didn’t we beat USF like 14-7 in a bowl game a decade-ish ago? Shittiest bowl game ever…hmmm, I think it was them….stand by…..

Haha, found it……12/31/05….14-0 in what was then the Meineke Car Care (Now the Belk).
fuck that game sucked.

King Hippo
Member

yeah. One of the scores was off a blocked punt, IIRC. The most painful game I ever recall watching start to finish (at least that ended in a win).

I had been offered free tix to that game, but declined…and thank fuck I did.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Fortunately, I was still living multi thousands of miles away.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

“Belk Bowl” sounds like something I set aside to puke in.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

True story: As a kid, my parents kept a bowl set aside specifically for puking in. We did not call it the Belk Bowl, though.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

We did too.
Also not called the Belk Bowl, however.

King Hippo
Member

wow, South Cakalaky is even shittier than I thought they were. 29 points to goddamned USF??

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

You know who could fix this team? Steve Spurrier….
No…wait…

litre_cola
Member

The answer is Lou Holtzschhh

WCS
Member

USF: inspired team, or is South Carolina butt?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Butt

King Hippo
Member

me thinky the latter

litre_cola
Member

Bowl games, or Netflix?

Sadly Netflix up here is not even close to Americalands.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

This is my problem with the University of SOUTH Florida:

http://www.justflorida.org/tampa/images/tampa-map.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I actually heard once why they chose that name, but right now I’m too hammered to remember.
It was something really stupid, as I recall, because at that point I think UCF wasn’t even yet a thing.
Wow, I’m drunk.

King Hippo
Member

well, it IS South of UCF, so there’s that at least.

blaxabbath
Member

The Gulf side of Florida really gets ripped on a lot. Granted, my only FL experience was a short trip to Miami but is the state that bad? I mean, we’re all good people, right?

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JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

It’s actually really beautiful over here. If you like the beach and the outdoors, it’s pretty goddamn amazing. June through September is stupidly hot and humid, but I got to stand outside in shorts and grill on Christmas, so it’s a tradeoff.

blaxabbath
Member

That’s the attitude! It’s about pride, not prejudice!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

My experiences have been multiple in Florida, and have always been positive…IN florida.
My experiences with Floridians OUTSIDE of Florida have not always been positive.

I dunno if that answers your question.

King Hippo
Member

all my experiences within FL have been shite, I have just found the residents standoffish and rude. Plus the climate is pure swampass.

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Keep in mind that 50% of our residents are NYers, or Jerseyites claiming NY.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

That is a very over-complimentary photo of VT’s cheerleaders.
Trust me on this. At least as of a few years ago.
Woof.

blaxabbath
Member

I regret never landing a cheerleader in college. If I could do it all over again, I’d make this a goal if for no other reason than to say I got one. Hell, I’ve done plenty of ‘ugly ones’ who weren’t cheerleaders. At least that way I’d have a story.

But that’s not how it is and now I’m pissed and Trump is going to make you all pay for my life!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Did ya hear about my 2-3 month cheerleader way?
Or were you too busy getting married and being responsible and shit?

blaxabbath
Member

Getting married was about the least responsible move (financially) I’ve ever made. And I’m a Green Bay Packers stock holder!

Just leave the Cliff Notes.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Meh….the short version is that I dated a former NCSU cheerleader for about a year while I was in grad school. for about the last 2-3 months of our relationship, we added one of her former NCSU cheerleader friends to the daily mix. It was fun….but ended up causing friction between the ladies within a couple months, so I got the fuck out.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

If there ain’t friction, are you even doing it right?

HEEEYYYOOOOOO!

blaxabbath
Member

Nicceeeeee.

Maybe grad school is my true calling.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

#oversharing

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Yeah, it’s in there.
*sigh*

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Shit…
….cheerleader THREE way.

Did I mention I’m drunk?

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Not related to college football but the brain trusts in Buffalo are fucking insane.

I really hope that Tyrod Taylor lands on the right team and destroys the Bills every time he plays against them.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

My only real experience with Arkansas is driving through from a Steel Mill in Northeast Arkansas, down to an oil site in Texas.

With a car radio on, you will know right away you are in Arkansas because every third commercial is from the state begging people not to just throw their garbage in their truck bed to then scatter it down the road as they drive drunk to their…wherever the fuck unemployed people go in Arkansas.

It is un-fucking-real when you hit the Texas/Arkansas line because you don’t need a road sign at all. The border is clearly marked by how in Arkansas, every road has shitloads of trash on the shoulder and in the grass…and then Texas…its fucking spotless.

Say what you will about Texas…but littering from the highways is about as socially acceptable and equally as punished by the court system, as sodomizing a dog in public.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I think you just hit the nail on the head as to how to build up more interest for these bowl games: Moar cheerleader photos!

blaxabbath
Member

As always, I’m just rooting for these games to have career-ending injuries. In this case, however, my rooting is just and noble as I want to see more and more stars pull out of bowl games in the future; hopefully leading to the end of the bowl system and the NCAA.

Also, go Sun Dolls.

http://www.gousfbulls.com/pics32/800/VI/VIQZMRZBUXKNGTV.20120820015513.jpg

wpDiscuz