Oak/Hou– If you’re a fan of defenses making signal-callers look silly, have I got a game for you. The Raiders rook Connor Cook doesn’t have much of a CV pro-wise-in his only game he threw at a 66.7% rate with one TD and one INT. That one score was to Amari Copper though. Looking back on his career at Michigan State he seems to be a pocket guy with a fair amount of accuracy. If said pocket collapses, don’t expect him to gallivant down the field. As a junior he had his highest rushing avg. which was a paltry 1.5. His strength (aside from a massive arm) appears to be his ability to go through his reads and prevent the old “happy feet” from manifesting themselves. Recently-named All-Pros lb McKinney, lb Mercilus and combo lb/de Clowney should be able to get to Cook. Mercilus and Clowney between them had an astounding 60 pressures. The Houston D ranked 2nd in the league in pass defense and of the guys mentioned above, the oldest is 26. Further good news for them is that lt Donald Penn “Protector of the Blind Side”, has been ruled out of the game.
On t’udder side of the field is the 72 million dollar throwing disaster Brock Osweiler. Looking at the many and varied stats available for the qb position I couldn’t find Brocky occupying a position any better than 27th. I found a few that had him ranked 33rd and 34th as well. You made the right choice, Elway. Houston’s O-such as it is-scored a meager 23 TD’s all year long-that’s dead last for those that can count. Hopefully rb Miller hit the weight room hard during his two game injury absence because he’s gonna have to carry the O on his shoulders and legs-I’m sure he gets 25+ carries today. If Osweiler must go to the air he’ll be dealing with a Raiders secondary (none of whom I recognize, okay maybe Demps) that has held Stafford, Rivers, Rogers and Luck to 235 yards or less. They should get at least two picks during this tilt.
It sure looks like an old-timey ‘possession is everything-win with D-heavy on the run game-don’t turn the ball over’ sort of footballing game. Sure they’ll be some play-action heaving of the ball downfield here and there but not much.
This is our first playoff game of the new year-HAVE AT IT, BOYS AND GIRLS!!!
I just had to open two bags to get to my chips, and they weren’t even that good. That’s it, I’m ordering pizza!
GAIN OF SIX INCHES!
“That’s huge!”
-Brett Favre
Winner gonna get slayed like fuck by New England next week.
At least they get to see Pamela Gardner beforehand
So, Trump said “Only stupid people think having a good relationship with Russia is a bad idea”
It’s gonna be fun watching him be the bottom in an abusive relationship for once.
SOMEONE BANNER THIS, FFS
Exciting clock killing action in the 3rd quarter in a playoff game…
I for on, cannot fathom why NFL ratings are down…
I love how not-Mike Tirico is talking about the Texans killing the clock in the third fucking quarter.
Bill O’Brien is 9-7 in three straight years
A slightly better Jeff Fisher
like an evil twin
/the buttchin subs FOAR the moustache
Nawt enough tenure. Yet.
An coach named Goatse would fit right in on Belichick’s staff.
Grumble grumble your mom fits on my staff grumble grumble
I figure skated as a kid, and I kinda wanted to play hockey. Mostly because I thought hockey skates were badASS, and you could probably cut off someone’s toes if you accidentally stepped on their foot
Hockey, one of the very few sports that you can hit another player with a stick, and if you do it right it is legal.
I went to Filipino stick fighting for my hitting people with sticks urges
So I kinda want to hit up some weird European holidays. Thinking Guy Fawkes and Bastille Day to start.
RI-SHARD? Does he hang out with Garcon?
This Houston Texans playbook is more conservative than Hillary Clinton’s list of sex moves.
When I think of “conservative sex moves” I lean more towards things like “hanging out in the men’s room of a Minnesota airport with a wide stance”.
fuck that ref, toyota
for a change, it was the right side of the line being swiss cheese this time
3rd and short
[holds ball for 6 seconds]
if this imaginary team had any fans, they’d be getting ahead of theyselves, being all like “if Miami can only go into Yinzburgh and win in sub-freezing temperatures, then we can avoid the P*ts another week and just play at the team that beat us 30-0 in the playoffs last season instead!!”
In THEIR house this time!
And that’s the better of the two scenarios!
I would very much enjoy the chaos that would ensue in mass-of-two-shits if Brock Lobster beat Dreamboat in the house that Kraft built next week.
“Hey, that screen picked up 10 yards! Why don’t they just run that play every time?!?!”
–Drunk Raiders fan sitting behind us in Vegas
“ASS HERPES!”
-Drunk me in Vegas
God Bless those seat pissing Cowboys.
What’s he pointing at?
Is Rich Gannon busy?
I prefer Bill.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8jqizbt7E1rtjum5o1_500.jpg
I prefer the universitu
http://www.gannon.edu/
I prefer the boss
http://www.zeldadungeon.net/Zelda03/Walkthrough/13/079.png
Are we sure these are Texans and not Hawaiians? Because they’re killing Cook.
So curious, why isn’t McGloin starting? I mean, besides the obvious.
TV is on mute, can’t tell if the 2nd half started or these incomplete passes are still highlights from the shitty frist half.
random question: what ever happened to the KCF Double Down?
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSuWHOY2Hdm2IBhTkItgwNdNHBwyLKk2t2RCfUETZ7TeYxaze3J
http://www.normaltivity.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/2010-06-26-double-down.jpg
I think all the people who bought it died.
i’ve been moderated!
Fixed
The cheese and the sausage are back in the fridge. The wine is almost done. I think it’s on to the toffee and gin in a moment. And maybe another pear.
Can someone check in on Rikki?
/realizes he lives closest to RTD
Damn!
The Oak Land is not showing up against the Hugh Stan
(the alcohol, as you can tell, is starting to flow here to get through this shitstain of a game)
Shouldn’t it be pronouned HOWSTON?
Who-ston?
Brady as a Raider, you say?
Montana at KC was not bad
Yesterday: Finished putting away Christmas crap, cleaned up baby’s room, completely rearranged the living room into a fresh, new setup, and got a new washing machine
Today: Went grocery shopping and filled up both vehicles with gas
Me RN:
Me RN:
The Lions play in the NFC North. They play two games a year at Packers and Bears. They can play in shitty outdoor stadiums, even if they play in a dome. Or at least as well as they normally play.
But, but, the narrative…
Play? Yes. Play well? History says not so much.
plus a little thing called DESTINY!!
Today I learned that superglue doesn’t really work on plaster, but plastic welds totally do
Plaster? I hardly know-
/gets shot in head
How I roll son…
I normally feel bad watching a dude die, but not in this case
Does Jadeveon Clowney have It?
My local affiliate went to local news during the half. They went to a TEN BOX for snow coverage. Its the northeast you fuckers. This shit is nothing!
Atlanta had a FOURTEEN box.
My feed stuck around with Berman and friends so quick your bitching…
“Well thankfully that game is over…”
/Listens to ear piece
“Oh Christ.”
Matron saint sighting!
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/node-gallery-display/2013/08/Suzy_Kolber_a_p.jpg
this will be the framed pic by where we take our ritual suicide Kool Aid
When?
as soon as the NE/DAL Superb Owl is finalized, I think we start mixing…
Half-time? But what we will do for fifteen minutes without this game to entertain us?
So coach…halftime adjustments?
Well we got some bondo and duct tape from our ese’s back home. We’ll be alright.
Berman…you have ONE FUCKING GAME TO COVER….slow the fuck down.
Connor Cook, Four for Fourteen, SO MUCH ALLITERATION
Yards? FORTY-ONE!
Seems like that hit was anything but
/kills self
Edward.
//oh crap.
See you again in 14 years, Raiders
“THIS HOUSTON TEAM I CALL THEM THE TEXAS ARMADILLOS, BECAUSE THEY PLAY DEAD AT HOME AND GET KILLED ON THE ROAD!”
I like that CGI of the Texans quarterbacks because it shows the the people off the street who are filling out the team’s depth chart.
Wow…even the Factory thinks that’s a lot of qbs.
/jest kidding, they have no idea what a qb is.
It’s the guy who gets carted off the field each week
They call him a “quarter” back because that’s how long he lasts before getting injured.
The owner? Wait, that’s Indy.
So….the Texans are maybe an indication that overpaying backups that successful teams are getting rid of is maybe not the way to go?
Shhhhh!
–Jimmy Garoppolo